getright15

So I shouldn't have a lawyer to represent me, and just throw myself in front of the DA and judge and tell them to lock me up? You really thing I don't know my actions, and I haven't admitted them?

I can look at myself in the mirror now. I couldn't before. The weight I was carrying is no longer on my shoulders.

Dee74

Getiright - If this was some other poster here, and some other posters wife, what would you saying?

you asked for advice, man - and each of us answered honestly here.

It's not 'backlash'.

I really believe the best thing to do is to go to court with your wife and try to sort things out so that, whatever happens, you can draw a line under that night and look to a fresh start.

No matter what the advice here, in the end you gotta do what's in your heart - but...you have to live with whatever decision you make.

make sure it's the right thing - I think each of us knows what that is for ourselves.

D

getright15

And I appreciate the advice. I just don't understand why most think I don't understand what I did. If anyone knows it's me wouldnt you think?

Yep my problem and my doing. I know! I don't really think I need to be kicked while down repeatedly, but it's fine. That includes some of the private mail I've received. Being a part of AA is supposed to be nonjudgmental right? I know this isn't specifically an AA related site, but here I've been trying time and time again to get my life together, and reach out on here.

It is what it is.

Dee74

A lot of us are triggered by physical incidents.

You can use the ignore function for any private mail correspondents you don't want to hear from again.

D

getright15

Probably should have never mentioned it and kept it in house.

I guess I'm the only one on this site that has ever been involved in a situation like that it looks like.

Pixus

You wouldn't be the only one, but maybe just one of the few that's willing to admit it. I commend you for your honesty. I hope things work out ok.

Dee74

I've been involved - but I was the abused spouse.

Because of that I try very hard not to project my past onto other peoples stories cos that's not fair - but you're not making it easy for yourself with quotes like that.

Being drunk doesn't absolve us of responsibility.
Making amends doesn't mean that there aren't other prices to pay.

Part of that responsibility and that ongoing price for you, as I see it, is seeing this through and going to court.

D

Berrybean

I hope everything goes well at court today, and the best result for your family transpires.

BB

getright15

(Sarcasm) with what I said about being the only one on this site.

I never said I was absolved from anything. I know making amends isn't the end of this current situation obviously. If I felt that I had no responsibility I wouldn't have said anything in the first place and just move on with my life.

How many more times do I need to say I know what I did was wrong and I regret every moment of it?

Notimetoloose

Inside each of us is a story, our story, Your wife has a story inside her, her story.
GR, when we are truly sorry about our actions , we take action to rectify our wrong doings. We are humble.
True remorse is powerfuI .
I have limited faith in our judicial system but it is all we have....I hope you have good legal representation to tell yours and your wife's story.

Dee74

Yeah I recognised it as sarcasm.

can you see though how that might also be seen as you setting yourself up as the victim here, a martyr?

My ex used to do that.
Like I said. Triggers.

So...I'll leave this thread - but I do wish you well.

Like I said way back in the beginning I've seen guys have their recovery efforts acknowledged and taken into consideration in court.

A lot of them have walked out free men, or with suspended sentences.

I hope that happens for you too.

peace out.

D

Berrybean

I suppose the thing is, if we risk asking this kind of question, then the risk is that we might get answers that we're not keen on. What answer were you hoping to hear from the community here?

What you're experiencing isn't a backlash. It just simply people responding to your own request for people's responses. Perhaps you, like most of us, have a tendency to try to present the truth in such a way that people feel like they should (or have to ) say or do what is needed to keep you happy - often I'll even chuck in a seemingly benevolent act or two, to convince us all (myself as well as them) of what a selfless and genuinely kind person I am. I don't know you, so I can't tell if either way if you have a tendency towards this . It might be worth considering though. I know that it is something I have to watch for in myself. And I also know that when it backfires on me I can get real snarky and self-pitying about it, and the only way to find some scrapings of humility and make amends for being controlling is by getting back to basics.

Opivotal

I don't believe, I mentioned going to court without a lawyer. That would be insanity. My suggestion was meant for if/when you get to speak to the judge. Your actions after the incident are commendable, I thought your sincerity would shine through.

As far as looking in the mirror, that was in reference to breaking the law and having your wife not show up. Manipulating the situation.

I'm sorry if you felt I was judging you, my post was not intended to come across that way.

You asked for input.. I gave you mine. I've learned some important life lessons in my 6 plus years of sobriety, judging people is not one of them.

Again, I'll be thinking of you today, and wish you a positive outcome.

Anna

Until it's enough. Until your wife and family are able to get past it.

I wasn't judging you either, but trying to point out that amends won't 'end' this situation. But,I understand why you would want to believe it would. This is the HARD part recovery. This is where, if you continue to recover, you will begin to change and grow. This is the part of recovery we all have to struggle with in order to continue our journey.

Nowsthetime

Getit:

All of us care for you and our responses are because of that!

We are your SR family and we are here to support you and be honest with you. We are responding to what you write.

I hope everything goes well today. We are all thinking about you.