Ashamed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
Ashamed
Hey everyone. I drank today. I feel really bad. My husband is pissed. My son made me swear on our dogs heart !( so cute) that I wouldn't drink and I did anyway. Disgusted with myself. I'll write more tomorrow when I have a clear head. Feeling really embarrassed and low v
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
I haven't gone back to AA. Attended 2 or 3 meetings and then got called out to share. I'm so introverted - it freaked me out. I started crying and that made me really uncomfortable. But I feel so isolated
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
hey Beanie - beating yourself up is pretty useless.
It's only going to make you feel worthless , and that brings us that much closer to a drink.
I think maybe you need a better plan.
Try and think about more changes you could make in your life, or how you deal with problems.
Do you have enough support? are you using what you have when you need it?
If you think the problem is partially medical, what can you do about that?
Deal with those questions and you'll have a good start on a plan
This is also a great link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
It's only going to make you feel worthless , and that brings us that much closer to a drink.
I think maybe you need a better plan.
Try and think about more changes you could make in your life, or how you deal with problems.
Do you have enough support? are you using what you have when you need it?
If you think the problem is partially medical, what can you do about that?
Deal with those questions and you'll have a good start on a plan
This is also a great link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: MI
Posts: 626
Try not to beat yourself up too bad Beanie..... You know it won't help how you're feeling. Start over..... You can do that right now! Hang in there, we can't change anything we did yesterday but we can change everything we do from this point on.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Beanie,
i chaired a meeting last night. and there was a newcomer. so new you could smell the booze on him.
about 40 minutes in, i asked him if he wanted to share. 'i'm a bit nervous', he said. ' i don't know how. feel awful'.
can't be sure if it was tears or only lots of sweat running down his face.
after the meeting, he asked me if he might be allowed to come back next week.
we all hope he will. people went up to him. chatted. he needed to run, but got some phone numbers to run along with him.no-one will remember what he shared or what he didn't or if he cried or didn't, but we all knew how he felt.
and we all know that whether he comes back or not is up to him.
just as it's up to you to go back or not.
no-one is going to be surprised at a person crying at an AA meeting
and sharing is optional.
drinking again and coming back is not unheard of
if you see people there whose shares are appealing to you as those of recovered people, don't cut yourself of from being around them.
i chaired a meeting last night. and there was a newcomer. so new you could smell the booze on him.
about 40 minutes in, i asked him if he wanted to share. 'i'm a bit nervous', he said. ' i don't know how. feel awful'.
can't be sure if it was tears or only lots of sweat running down his face.
after the meeting, he asked me if he might be allowed to come back next week.
we all hope he will. people went up to him. chatted. he needed to run, but got some phone numbers to run along with him.no-one will remember what he shared or what he didn't or if he cried or didn't, but we all knew how he felt.
and we all know that whether he comes back or not is up to him.
just as it's up to you to go back or not.
no-one is going to be surprised at a person crying at an AA meeting
and sharing is optional.
drinking again and coming back is not unheard of
if you see people there whose shares are appealing to you as those of recovered people, don't cut yourself of from being around them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Dee is so right. Please don't despair. Sorry I haven't been following your accountability thread close enough.
Sounds like you've been so busy with new challenges at work; meeting them face-on, working on resolutions for family time too. So much enthusiasm. And 6 days!
My second 'slip' was the result of over-confidence: Thought I was doing so good, I could handle a drink too. Just then I didn't want to worry about all the stuff that led me to drink in the first place. But like you I felt a mess afterward. A month later, after my 4th slip, I wasn't bouncing back. And I still feel it. Those slips added up for me. Many folks say the repetition makes recovery more difficult. I just remind myself how sick I feel after, and If I'm not well I can't try to move forward. Because it's all about us getting better, seeing a bigger picture with more clarity. Right now I'm just focusing on THIS problem and THAT problem - all over the place. I need to get centered, and I'm not drinking because it I do my brain will remain scattered.
Darnit, I wish I could dive right in like you. Maybe my insomnia and injuries are giving me the chance to slow down and think about where I am.
Maybe you could "slow your roll" a little? I'm not good at advice, but I feel your frustration.
You can do this BB - so many reasons to WANT TO
Sounds like you've been so busy with new challenges at work; meeting them face-on, working on resolutions for family time too. So much enthusiasm. And 6 days!
My second 'slip' was the result of over-confidence: Thought I was doing so good, I could handle a drink too. Just then I didn't want to worry about all the stuff that led me to drink in the first place. But like you I felt a mess afterward. A month later, after my 4th slip, I wasn't bouncing back. And I still feel it. Those slips added up for me. Many folks say the repetition makes recovery more difficult. I just remind myself how sick I feel after, and If I'm not well I can't try to move forward. Because it's all about us getting better, seeing a bigger picture with more clarity. Right now I'm just focusing on THIS problem and THAT problem - all over the place. I need to get centered, and I'm not drinking because it I do my brain will remain scattered.
Darnit, I wish I could dive right in like you. Maybe my insomnia and injuries are giving me the chance to slow down and think about where I am.
Maybe you could "slow your roll" a little? I'm not good at advice, but I feel your frustration.
You can do this BB - so many reasons to WANT TO
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Start small and find the positives. Write yourself little cue cards of things you appreciate and your good qualities and what you are grateful for.
Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and tell yourself you're worth it and you love yourself no matter what.
We're always going to screw up. It doesn't mean we're failures.
Just have to find new and different ways. Keep tweaking. Don't let shame hold you down. You have so many reasons to never stop trying tIL you figure out your own path.
Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and tell yourself you're worth it and you love yourself no matter what.
We're always going to screw up. It doesn't mean we're failures.
Just have to find new and different ways. Keep tweaking. Don't let shame hold you down. You have so many reasons to never stop trying tIL you figure out your own path.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Beanie Baby,
There are lots of paths to recovery, you just need to figure out which is yours. I agree with everyone else about beating yourself up, it is only going to make the situation worse.
Tomorrow is a brand new day, start again, spend some time really focusing on what will help you in recovery. I know it seems daunting right now, but you can do this. I promise sobriety is worth it.
Check in tomorrow and let us know how you are doing.
❤️ Delilah
There are lots of paths to recovery, you just need to figure out which is yours. I agree with everyone else about beating yourself up, it is only going to make the situation worse.
Tomorrow is a brand new day, start again, spend some time really focusing on what will help you in recovery. I know it seems daunting right now, but you can do this. I promise sobriety is worth it.
Check in tomorrow and let us know how you are doing.
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by BeanieBaby 
I haven't gone back to AA. Attended 2 or 3 meetings and then got called out to share. I'm so introverted - it freaked me out. I started crying and that made me really uncomfortable. But I feel so isolated
Go back, and just say "pass" when it comes to your turn.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I didn't share for quite a while, too frightened. I actually got a lot more from listening anyway. The other thing that helped me enormously was an AA "buddy" who 12 stepped me and stcuk with me for the first few weeks, answering my questions and showing me round. I learned more from him in a few hours than I did in fifty meetings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
A New Day
Thanks everyone for your encouragement after slipping up yesterday. I still feel terrible about it but I agree that I need to just get back on the wagon and try not to beat myself up too much. That thinking definitely leads to feeling stressed out, which is usually my trigger for drinking.
I'm going to a 1 pm AA group today that has a lot of old timers who have been successful at long-time sobriety. They are an inspiration and I want what they've achieved. Thanks for the advice just to say "pass" if I am uncomfortable sharing. I think it's also important for me to spend time with my son today as I let him down.
We're going to be taking a trip to NYC starting tomorrow and that will be good family time. I need to figure out how to handle business stress, especially at the end of the day. Perhaps finding an AA meeting that's daily around 4 or 5 pm...I'm going to look into that.
For now, I'm looking forward to a sober Saturday. I so appreciate all of your support.
I'm going to a 1 pm AA group today that has a lot of old timers who have been successful at long-time sobriety. They are an inspiration and I want what they've achieved. Thanks for the advice just to say "pass" if I am uncomfortable sharing. I think it's also important for me to spend time with my son today as I let him down.
We're going to be taking a trip to NYC starting tomorrow and that will be good family time. I need to figure out how to handle business stress, especially at the end of the day. Perhaps finding an AA meeting that's daily around 4 or 5 pm...I'm going to look into that.
For now, I'm looking forward to a sober Saturday. I so appreciate all of your support.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by BeanieBaby
I haven't gone back to AA. Attended 2 or 3 meetings and then got called out to share. I'm so introverted - it freaked me out. I started crying and that made me really uncomfortable. But I feel so isolated
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
OK so if after 60 days of perfect attendance in home ec learning how to make the most perfect souffle and you ditch and miss that one day they taught you how to turn the oven off, do you throw up your hands and give up when your stove catches fire and singes your eyebrows off? No! You grabbed the souffle from the oven of the girl busy making out in the back with the guy with the mowhawk. It is not your problem she is being slutty when it was time to grade the souffles. Damn Lucky for her you were there to extinguish the fire she started in her oven. You should get extra credit.
Now hopefully you snorted out loud at that and can now look at the reality of the situation clearly and rationally without putting yourself down and feeling defeated. You had 60 days. You drank 1 day. Now even Common Core Math would agree that you were clean a whole lotta days more than you weren't. Stuff happens. It is what you do after the fact that is important. You didn't drink a glass of wine and then hit the 7'11 for a couple of cases of cheap beer and packages of slim Jims and then hole up in the Marriott by yourself for a week while guzzling your way through the mini bar did you? No? Good. Then you have no excuse but to get up, dust off your best underwear and start working your program. No more putdowns! We have all been there and done that. Some of us even have mugshots to prove it.
Bug
Now hopefully you snorted out loud at that and can now look at the reality of the situation clearly and rationally without putting yourself down and feeling defeated. You had 60 days. You drank 1 day. Now even Common Core Math would agree that you were clean a whole lotta days more than you weren't. Stuff happens. It is what you do after the fact that is important. You didn't drink a glass of wine and then hit the 7'11 for a couple of cases of cheap beer and packages of slim Jims and then hole up in the Marriott by yourself for a week while guzzling your way through the mini bar did you? No? Good. Then you have no excuse but to get up, dust off your best underwear and start working your program. No more putdowns! We have all been there and done that. Some of us even have mugshots to prove it.
Bug
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