Stagnant and in limbo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 103
Stagnant and in limbo
I am approaching 6 months of sobriety. Yay me! I feel over all pretty good. Some ups, downs, anxiety, some days of depression, some days of confusion, and some days of pure joy. All what seems to be normal life of early sobriety. I feel lately, mostly stagnant though. I do not feel like I am making much progress lately. Some of it is circumstances.
I am in AA, but have yet to really really commit and do step work. I had a first sponsor, but found her on the controlling side and just didn't feel comfortable around her. So I let her go (which was actually a huge deal for me because of my people pleasing and being afraid to hurt feelings). I have a new sponsor who I like very much, but she is not very eager to dig into the work. I go to 3 or 4 meetings a week but am not "feeling" it. I am not getting that "boost" I got in the beginning. Part of this I feel is me. I am moving out of state in a little over a month, so it maybe I am giving off a checked out vibe. And I AM kinda checked out. I am soooo ready for this move.
This brings me to another issue in AA. I am having trouble making connections with people. I am naturally shy until I trust and warm up to people, so no help there. The few people I have connected with have turned out to be very unhealthy and needy.... which is a pattern of mine... attracting "weirdos" for a lack of better term. Anyway, my experience in AA so far is turning me off. Its not the program, or the spirituality... its the people. I am hoping its better where I am moving to. But for now... in limbo. Im not working steps, im not making new friends, yet feel and out of place with my old crowd of drinkers (but miss their comfortable familiarity). I am lonely and unsure. Yet because of the move, dont want to really commit to anything new either.
I feel like i need a little boost. I have one month left here. A little backstory.. both my partner and I are in recovery. We have been working on ourselves seperately for the past 4 months. Next month I will be moving to join him and we will be living together again. I really want to make the most of this time I have to focus fully on me without distraction. Has anyone out there done step work on thier own? Or has anyone ever experienced this sort of plateau and have ideas to break through....besides step work (i am very open to the ideas outside if AA). Or is this just a natural part of the process? Feeling lost between my old life I am letting go of and my not yet fully formed new life?
I am in AA, but have yet to really really commit and do step work. I had a first sponsor, but found her on the controlling side and just didn't feel comfortable around her. So I let her go (which was actually a huge deal for me because of my people pleasing and being afraid to hurt feelings). I have a new sponsor who I like very much, but she is not very eager to dig into the work. I go to 3 or 4 meetings a week but am not "feeling" it. I am not getting that "boost" I got in the beginning. Part of this I feel is me. I am moving out of state in a little over a month, so it maybe I am giving off a checked out vibe. And I AM kinda checked out. I am soooo ready for this move.
This brings me to another issue in AA. I am having trouble making connections with people. I am naturally shy until I trust and warm up to people, so no help there. The few people I have connected with have turned out to be very unhealthy and needy.... which is a pattern of mine... attracting "weirdos" for a lack of better term. Anyway, my experience in AA so far is turning me off. Its not the program, or the spirituality... its the people. I am hoping its better where I am moving to. But for now... in limbo. Im not working steps, im not making new friends, yet feel and out of place with my old crowd of drinkers (but miss their comfortable familiarity). I am lonely and unsure. Yet because of the move, dont want to really commit to anything new either.
I feel like i need a little boost. I have one month left here. A little backstory.. both my partner and I are in recovery. We have been working on ourselves seperately for the past 4 months. Next month I will be moving to join him and we will be living together again. I really want to make the most of this time I have to focus fully on me without distraction. Has anyone out there done step work on thier own? Or has anyone ever experienced this sort of plateau and have ideas to break through....besides step work (i am very open to the ideas outside if AA). Or is this just a natural part of the process? Feeling lost between my old life I am letting go of and my not yet fully formed new life?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Why not insist on moving forward with the step work now? This is your sobriety. You will always have free will, so start doing something to increase your sobriety! Working the steps will help you to find a power greater than yourself and then you can work on establishing and increasing a relationship with your higher power. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Congratulations on 6 months of recovery.
I'm not an AA person, but I have had times in my recovery when things seemed stalled. Interestingly, usually when I notice that, it's followed by a breakthrough period. I always try to maintain balance in my life because that is what works for me. That means I spend time being quiet each day, spend time exercising some way, and spend time reading positive literature and spend time connecting with my family. If I maintain that balance, my subconscious seems to continue working and the result is a breakthrough. If you feel stuck, I'd recommend reading something from our Book List in the sticky section of this forum. And, good for you for working hard on your recovery.
I'm not an AA person, but I have had times in my recovery when things seemed stalled. Interestingly, usually when I notice that, it's followed by a breakthrough period. I always try to maintain balance in my life because that is what works for me. That means I spend time being quiet each day, spend time exercising some way, and spend time reading positive literature and spend time connecting with my family. If I maintain that balance, my subconscious seems to continue working and the result is a breakthrough. If you feel stuck, I'd recommend reading something from our Book List in the sticky section of this forum. And, good for you for working hard on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
What worked for me ... WORK THE STEPS ... I suggest if your sponsor is hesitant about going thru the Steps ... ask around for a Sponsor that has worked the Steps and will take you thru them, plus ask for a sponsor that will take u thru the Big Book ... from the xxx pages thru 164.
Also, check your area for Book Study meetings, or Step Study meetings. They usually have people much more committed to the Program than a lot of the 'discussion' meetings ... because the literature / step meetings are usually dedicated to Doing the Real Work, and sharing the Solution.
Also, I suggest going online and do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker messages, and listen to the messages that focus on the Steps, in order of 1 thru 12.
If you are interested, the link below has some messages that focus on Step 1.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/8lz8h66ut...cG0ZZsfka?dl=0
Please click the above Dropbox link for File(s) to Download
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE
ps - I struggled for years, face in the asphalt, gut wrenching struggling, until I actually Worked the Steps thru
Also, check your area for Book Study meetings, or Step Study meetings. They usually have people much more committed to the Program than a lot of the 'discussion' meetings ... because the literature / step meetings are usually dedicated to Doing the Real Work, and sharing the Solution.
Also, I suggest going online and do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker messages, and listen to the messages that focus on the Steps, in order of 1 thru 12.
If you are interested, the link below has some messages that focus on Step 1.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/8lz8h66ut...cG0ZZsfka?dl=0
Please click the above Dropbox link for File(s) to Download
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE
ps - I struggled for years, face in the asphalt, gut wrenching struggling, until I actually Worked the Steps thru
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Six months is awesome, Turtle, and I wish you all the best with your move.
My one piece of advice is to also try NA meetings. The Steps are the same as AA, but the literature is different and most important for you it is often a very different group of people. Some towns have other recovery meetings too--SMART, Celebrate Recovery, etc. But I am hopeful that in a new place you will find AA meetings you like.
My one piece of advice is to also try NA meetings. The Steps are the same as AA, but the literature is different and most important for you it is often a very different group of people. Some towns have other recovery meetings too--SMART, Celebrate Recovery, etc. But I am hopeful that in a new place you will find AA meetings you like.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Another suggestion, that may seem life-threatening difficult ... at the end of the meeting (any meeting) ... when most groups ask if anyone has any AA anouncements ... stick your neck out and ask .. is anyone going out for a bite to eat, or coffee, or anything?
Another suggestion ... ask about getting involved with any GSR meetings, or ask to tag along with your GSR person, or ask if there are any Service Committees that you can sit in on. Most Groups have a Website, or a District Area Website, that will list different Service Committees.
It is IMPORTANT to remember ... ANYONE is a member of AA ... if they choose to be ... however awkward it may feel, real growth comes thru walking in to an AA Group, or Function, or Committee, or ... and just being a part of it ... because You or I, am an Alcoholic ... or just KNOW we have a 'problem with Alcohol'.
We all BELONG in AA, because we CHOOSE to be in AA, not because 'others' welcome us or ignore us. Each one of us gets to BE THE SOLUTION, and working the Steps gets us there.
Another suggestion ... ask about getting involved with any GSR meetings, or ask to tag along with your GSR person, or ask if there are any Service Committees that you can sit in on. Most Groups have a Website, or a District Area Website, that will list different Service Committees.
It is IMPORTANT to remember ... ANYONE is a member of AA ... if they choose to be ... however awkward it may feel, real growth comes thru walking in to an AA Group, or Function, or Committee, or ... and just being a part of it ... because You or I, am an Alcoholic ... or just KNOW we have a 'problem with Alcohol'.
We all BELONG in AA, because we CHOOSE to be in AA, not because 'others' welcome us or ignore us. Each one of us gets to BE THE SOLUTION, and working the Steps gets us there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Like Anna, I found that my recovery didn't necessarily progress in linear lockstep with what "work" I was doing on it at the moment.
For me, "working" the steps didn't always mean intensive study or constant meetings or reliance on a sponsor to direct my activities -- a grinding, hectic approach wasn't right for me in any case.
I made my best progress in recovery when I was able to give myself fully, with all the levels of my psyche, to the spiritual principles which underlie the steps. This required my stepping back at times to contemplate and allow things to develop according to God's plan, not mine. I had better luck with letting go and allowing things to percolate and move at their own pace rather than trying to force things to happen by "working" the steps harder.
You may be right where you need to be.
I understand, however, that this is a highly individual matter and that some people who are not contemplative by nature need a more focused, directed, and intensive approach.
Just sharing what worked for me.
For me, "working" the steps didn't always mean intensive study or constant meetings or reliance on a sponsor to direct my activities -- a grinding, hectic approach wasn't right for me in any case.
I made my best progress in recovery when I was able to give myself fully, with all the levels of my psyche, to the spiritual principles which underlie the steps. This required my stepping back at times to contemplate and allow things to develop according to God's plan, not mine. I had better luck with letting go and allowing things to percolate and move at their own pace rather than trying to force things to happen by "working" the steps harder.
You may be right where you need to be.
I understand, however, that this is a highly individual matter and that some people who are not contemplative by nature need a more focused, directed, and intensive approach.
Just sharing what worked for me.
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