FreeOwl

What scares you about sobriety?

What stands in your way?

What do you feel may stop you?

How have you struggled?

What do YOU see when you look in the mirror?

What do you WANT to see?

What are you afraid to share?

What are you holding back?

This is a thread for you.... for you the newcomer just beginning to open to sobriety... I'd like to hear from you on these things - or whatever strikes you.

Are you just reading and have yet to sign up or post here? Well then do it now, and share in this thread.

I'm betting I will learn and be reminded of lots of things, and I'm hoping I'll be able to offer something of value in response. I know others will join me.

EBIII

What scares you about sobriety?
Failing to stay sober

What stands in your way?
Not wanting to feel depressed all the time

What do you feel may stop you?
In the end, nothing will stop me. I will prevail

How have you struggled?
My depression is amplified x1,000 when using opiates and it is a cycle I have been unable to break free of to this point.

What do YOU see when you look in the mirror?
A loser, a piece of ****. But most of all someone that wants out of the addiction lifestyle.

What do you WANT to see?
The REAL me. A guy I haven't seen in a very long time.

What are you afraid to share?
Nothing really, I'm open to sharing everything if it will help me or someone else.

What are you holding back?
Myself

This is a great topic with some great questions. Thank you.

Adenough

Scared of never drinking again

My finances are in a state but I still won't stop. I fear it will take something majorly bad to happen to make me stop.

I see in the mirror a broken man and I want to see a better husband and father.

Mattq2

I'm only on day 8. Have tried to quit many times. I'm not scared this time and know I'm the only one that stands in my way. I choose not to drink. I like who I am right now and never want to go back. On the way to work they other day a feeling of great happiness came over me. I hadn't felt like that in so long. I focused so hard on how it felt. I never want to forget it. I want to feel like that everyday. Thank you free owl and SR

LadyBlue0527

Not sure if it's appropriate to chime in on this but hope this helps someone.

That first question. we're scared that we won't stay sober and we're scared of never drinking again.

In a nutshell, if you do what it takes to stay sober, there will come a time where you're going to find out that being scared of never drinking again is a lie that alcohol tells you. It's how you're kept "in check".

Before I quit I would lament over what life would be like if I didn't drink and how booooooooooooooring everything was going to be. I was very surprised at how I find joy and comfort in even the simple things that I do now.

The key is to be active in recovery. The more you do to support your sobriety the quicker you'll see the truth.

TheadoreThiamin

What scares you about sobriety?
Relapsing and never getting another chance to be sober again.

What stands in your way?
Only myself.

What do you feel may stop you?
Irrational thoughts.

How have you struggled?
I used to have hairy arms... Hair doesn't grow on scars.

What do YOU see when you look in the mirror?
A skinny pale child who never learnt how to grow up.

What do you WANT to see?
That kid genuinely smile.

What are you afraid to share?
Everything.

What are you holding back?
Myself.

Serper2014

I answered within the quotes

FreeOwl

Wonderful sharing so far!

Thank you! I will have some responses in the morning, sorry, I got waylaid with work and chores.

Keep em coming.

KarenOskie

What scares you about sobriety? That it will be so hard to live without my only real companion, alcohol. Especially if something really bad happens, or I'm feeling sad or scared, it's hard to not have anything to go to.

What stands in your way? I'm not really sure, but it's something within my mind. Lack of willpower, I guess. I also am in an area where the AA is very poor, the people don't want to help, answer their phones, etc. So I need to find an alternate plan for help. SR is wonderful, but I probably need face to face help, too.

What do you feel may stop you? Getting complacent and not following through on my recovery plan. Fear of people keeping me from asking for help.

How have you struggled? When I start wanting to drink, it's like my mind just changes completely. Everything about sobriety just goes out the window. I have made it through the struggle many times, but up until now there always came a time when I just had to drink, or felt like I did anyway. I hope that's in the past, and I will get through it every time from now on.

What do YOU see when you look in the mirror? A hurting and terrified woman who keeps relapsing over and over again and doesn't know how to stay quit.

What do you WANT to see?
A strong and healthy woman, happy, looking forward to life, confidant.

What are you afraid to share? I don't think I can do this alone. I am okay sharing most things here, but when I go to AA (I may quit going, but for now I still am) I am afraid to tell them that I am having such a hard time, that I hate their guts for not being helpful.

What are you holding back? I'm not being consistent enough with my plan. I let things go too easily, like I didn't go to a meeting tonight. I had a good reason, but really, there is not a good reason to not do everything on my plan until I decide for sure I want to change my plan. I need to get more tough on myself about making sure I do everything I can possibly do to beat this thing.

FreeOwl

I came to realize that I have a measure of depression, once I became sober. Then I was able to come to ways to deal with it that actually help me live life more fully - rather than make depression worse. You can, too!!

I'd like to encourage you to PICTURE that 'real me'. Really define that person. Begin to speak to that REAL ME. Thank the REAL ME and let your REAL ME know that you are there. Welcome the REAL ME in, every day.

Because you ARE the real you... the real you isn't a destination to someday arrive at. Rather, it's a person you get to choose to be in every moment. BE the "real me" a little every day. Make choices that honor that "real me". List the real me's qualities and live and honor those.......

Then one day before you know it, standing in that mirror will be the shining, loving, grateful real me you've been yearning to see fully.

Keep at it. You CAN!!

FreeOwl

I understand.

I have been there.

It did indeed take some majorly bad things for me to eventually, finally, CHOOSE to stop.

But there it is.... you see, I CHOSE.

YOU don't have to wait round for things to get horrible. You own the choice and you can make it any and every day, every moment you desire.

I know that the fear of the unknown and the life without booze scares you off that choice. But please start building an image of a good, abundant, happy, honorable life without booze and aspire to that - so that you can look forward to that life, rather than to dread it.

My finances were in a state for many years. Decades. Oh, I made it through.... but debt was a constant companion and always I believed a windfall of some sort would free me.

What free'd me - after many many many thousands upon thousands of dollars thrown away - was getting sober and then watching my financial situation improve drastically as I made responsible choices and no longer threw away my money on booze.

It took some time - but I'm debt free, I have money in the bank, I don't fear with crushing horror some financial implosion.

I look in the mirror and see an honorable man I can admire. I had to build that man - but to build him I first believed in him.

You have honorable qualities right there within you, now. You're not the image that alcohol projects - you are a loving spirit of goodness and all you need to do is CHOOSE to honor that spirit and move in the direction of that better life, embracing sobriety and letting go the lies of alcohol.

I promise you.... though it feel scary, there is NOTHING to fear in a life of sobriety. Quite the contrary.

You can.

FreeOwl

WONDERFUL!!

Harness this feeling. Magnify it. Print this statement of yours out and carry it with you as a reminder against the more challenging days (and they will come).

You can do it!

FreeOwl

Thank you, LadyBlue.... this all rings true for me.

It took me so long to finally choose - in large part because of my fears of missing out, of a boring life, of not being "cool", of losing friends, of losing my crutch.

It turns out - my life in sobriety is better in every way than that life of boozing. And grows moreso every sober day.

FreeOwl

I came to understand that I had a wounded child.... who never grew up.... who was sad and scared and fearful.

My therapy work helped me dig into this.

There's a photo of me as a child... maybe six or seven.... smiling and bright. I held that photo in my mind. Still do today. I used that photo as an image to magnify. On depressed days, sad days, challenging days... I would talk to that child.

"I'm on your side, buddy. I AM HERE FOR YOU. I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU. I WILL STAND UP FOR YOU. I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN."

Returning to be my own child's ally... the kid who never felt he had one... has been really powerful.

Maybe your skinny pale child in the mirror who never grew up needs you to be there, too. Maybe your own childhood photo is out there somewhere.... that picture of you smiling that evokes a strong memory of a time in your life that was goodness.... maybe there isn't one, but you can build one.... maybe this won't resonate with you - but the mention of that skinny pale child certainly struck me. And what helped me was becoming that kid's advocate, friend, protector and learning from that child as a man.

Keep at it.... you can do it.

Adenough

Thank you so so much Freeowl I'm almost in tears reading your reply. I am going to save it and read it daily or whenever I'm struggling. I'm only on day 2 but I feel ready for the fight ahead. Again thank you it was just what I was needing to hear this morning.

FreeOwl

None of my "quits" ever "stuck".

What changed was when I quit "quitting" and started starting.

I started starting CHOOSING SOBRIETY.... instead of 'Trying to Quit'.

That may not seem like a big difference to you right now, but for me it was the critical shift.

And also.... asking for help. Reaching out. Getting help from others in recovery. Going to therapy for things beyond the drinking.... because ultimately my drinking was a symptom, a response, a coping approach - for lots of things I didn't address because of the drinking and lots of things made worse by years of booze and drugs.

You need not fear.... because you hold the choice.... you get to create your life.

And you need not do it alone.

Please summon your courage - and reach for help.

Choose - and ask for help..... there is so much power in togetherness. And it is so easy to fall alone.

You can do it.

FreeOwl

It seems to me like you may also be holding back really CHOOSING.....

AA cannot help you if you don't open to the help.

No program or person is going to save you - but yourself.

AA is a great place to be for now.... you need not be a convert, but at least be open to use it as a tool. And to do so, you will need to be willing to share, to be vulnerable, to give it a shot.

I'd like to ask a favor of you...... would you be willing to start each day for a week by looking in your mirror and saying to your own image:

"I am a strong and healthy woman, happy, looking forward to life, confidant."

Perhaps even adding "I love you".

Does this sound corny? Well... ok, maybe it will feel a little corny, too. But you deserve to be loved, to be given confidence, to be told that YOU ARE THESE THINGS.

And when we start to acknowledge those things, then we allow ourselves to grow them.

BUILD that woman by giving her your strength and your faith.

ALLOW AA to help you by giving it your energy.... on its own AA is just a construct, a system, a fellowship that you will passively witness by sitting in the rooms. But if you extend your willingness and you open yourself to seeing what can come of it FOR YOU, by sharing, being honest, taking down your defenses..... then progress begins.

If it's what you've got for now, give it a full chance to give you what it can. We get what we give.

I'm not an AA purist, but I'm headed to a meeting now.... and were it not for my including AA in my sobriety toolkit - I would not be well over two years happily sober today.

You can do it.

FreeOwl

you've got this.

KarenOskie

Thank you so much FreeOwl for starting this thread and taking so much time and energy with us in giving your answers. It was very good for me to find your answer here this morning. Your response to me really rings true. I got a lot out of your responses to the others, too. I'll be reading this thread again tonight.

It's really hard for me to open up to people, but you're right, I have to make that choice or I'm not giving AA, which is a big part of my tool kit right now, a chance. It's scary, but not as scary as the alternative, which is trying to do this without 'face to face' help. I know from reading on SR that a lot of people do it without AA, but I feel it's something I really need. So I'll stop dabbling in it and start pursuing it like it was a Margarita on the fifth of May.

I'll do the affirmation, too. It does feel silly, but I am willing to do whatever it takes. If I loved myself, I would take better care of myself, which means I would not let anything get in the way of my recovery, even me!

Thanks again, this really helped me a lot.

Serper2014

Thanks for this!