James90

I've noticed since I've started going out alot more recently to social events etc and therefore bumping into old faces and acquaintances, I get asked the same questions asked multiple times. "Where have you been lately?" and "how come you're not drinking?" are the main ones.

I have no problem answering at first as it's just someone taking an interest but after a while of repeating the same thing in such a short space of time, it quickly becomes very tiring and somewhat irritating.
It almost feels like I'm back in a meeting , when I've all come out to do is enjoy myself with friends and build on what I've already achieved in the last 6 months. I know I shouldn't let it get to me , but it does, especially when the person who just asked is stood there guzzling down a beer or glass of wine whilst I'm explaining. It almost makes me not want to go out again to these events as it seems to just do more bad than good, but at the same time I don't want to hide away , I just want to carry on rebuilding my life.

I feel I'm at the crossroads at the moment in my recovery, as I knew the days like I just referred to were coming at some point. It almost feels like they have just snuck up on me out of no where, and caught me a bit off guard. I would say they have honestly shaken me up a bit more than I would of hoped, I just need to stay strong and remember how far I have already come on my journey so far.

James

biminiblue

There are a lot of answers to the questions, and you don't have to be 100% forthcoming.

Depending on who it is I have a few honest answers for the not drinking one:

"I don't feel like it."
"I quit for health reasons." (no elaboration given.)
"I've drank my fair share."
"I don't like how it makes me feel."
"I'm driving."

For the "Where ya been?" question, I would do the same. Come up with something true but vague, like, "I've been busy with some home repair stuff."
"I've been around, how are you?"
"Oh, you know, laundry - cooking - work - How have you been?"

Switching the focus to them always works. I don't feel a need to have exciting stuff to tell them.

Berrybean

Or " if I told you, I'd have to kill you."

JK130

Hey James, I have never "told my story", and I find that no one cares. That works for me ☺Berrybean and Biminiblue shared a couple of perfect responses. Another thought is to have a non alcoholic drink in your hand at these events - so nothing to single you out.

Have you noticed if the annoying questions come more in some settings than others? You mentioned that the others were drinking. Alcohol loosens inhibitions sometimes so people say things/ask questions that seem too personal.

You can't change them, but you are doing a wonderful job at changing you! Maybe modify your activities a bit so that alcohol is not a frontrunner topic? Many here have found that new hobbies and recreational activities are both needed and helpful. Is there something you'd like to do now that you're sober? Congrats on 6 months! That's a terrific milestone!

Anna

I think it's important to remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're not drinking. It's your choice and that's all that matters.

Dee74

I think a lot of us feel we owe an intricate and detailed explanation - in part maybe because we remember how important drinking was for us.

It's not like that for most people

Bims replies are on the money

D

FreeOwl

Mostly I just say 'I don't drink anymore and my life is better for it' and change the subject....

But just now it occurred to me that maybe a new response I might try sometime is;

'I've discovered that my life is richer without booze..... so, why are you drinking?'

Cheeky? Perhaps a bit... but why not? If others feel compelled to inquire why I'm not drinking poison, it might be an interesting turn of conversation to put their same question back to them lol.

August252015

I am pretty good at social situations and I find it easy to smoothly change the topic with people (with many things someone might ask) -
"Oh, I just haven't been around much these days [no reason given or necessary]. What have YOU been up to?" PEople love to talk about themselves. Let them.
If you aren't as comfortable with this - "I've been busy [implication that you just haven't been going out] - you know how it is with [work/kids/whatever."

I am in the camp of honesty where it is appropriate and SAFE but a full supporter of white lies, distraction and changing the subject in the common mundane conversations of life that could or do involve drinking. It is not anyone's business with whom you do not want to share your sobriety.

dun

Thanks for all of these responses, I have social anxiety, pretty bad and im already worried about this. These will help.