Intro and Straight Into It
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Manchester
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Intro and Straight Into It
Hello all - last Sunday night, I took what I hoped would be my last drink for a long time. Alcohol has been a problem in my life for about 25 years, which represents my entire adult life and some years before that too.
I had about 3 months off drinking roughly 15 years ago, but since then, I have consumed alcohol on most days that I have been physically able to, often to excess.
Over the last 12 months or so, I have been gradually working my way down from 12-14 cans of cider most nights to 6-8 cans, with about one 'blow-out' per week on average. However, I know that that is still too much, so I thought I should try to have a prolonged break from the dreaded drink.
In short - every night has felt like a week, without alcohol, and I don't think I will get through tonight without a drink (well, several). How do people get past this phase?
I had about 3 months off drinking roughly 15 years ago, but since then, I have consumed alcohol on most days that I have been physically able to, often to excess.
Over the last 12 months or so, I have been gradually working my way down from 12-14 cans of cider most nights to 6-8 cans, with about one 'blow-out' per week on average. However, I know that that is still too much, so I thought I should try to have a prolonged break from the dreaded drink.
In short - every night has felt like a week, without alcohol, and I don't think I will get through tonight without a drink (well, several). How do people get past this phase?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
A mindset has a lot to do with it. You get through it by deciding this is what you want for yourself. If you treat alcohol like a long-lost lover it will be hard to abstain. It isn't a good friend but a lying bastard and you have to treat it as such. It doesn't add anything good to your life but hinders any chance at having a normal one.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Manchester
Posts: 3
Thank you for your replies. I don't know if my mindset is strong enough at the moment, but I suppose that is how most addicts feel before they succeed.
I haven't tried AA for many years, but I found it hard to relate to when I went to one meeting 15 years ago, and I am very quiet in groups when I am sober. I am perhaps making excuses for myself here? I am just beginning to read through the Rational Recovery website, trying to steer my thoughts in the right direction, before I crack and drink tonight.
I haven't tried AA for many years, but I found it hard to relate to when I went to one meeting 15 years ago, and I am very quiet in groups when I am sober. I am perhaps making excuses for myself here? I am just beginning to read through the Rational Recovery website, trying to steer my thoughts in the right direction, before I crack and drink tonight.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by lonesomecowboy 
Thank you for your replies. I don't know if my mindset is strong enough at the moment, but I suppose that is how most addicts feel before they succeed.
I haven't tried AA for many years, but I found it hard to relate to when I went to one meeting 15 years ago, and I am very quiet in groups when I am sober. I am perhaps making excuses for myself here? I am just beginning to read through the Rational Recovery website, trying to steer my thoughts in the right direction, before I crack and drink tonight.
I haven't tried AA for many years, but I found it hard to relate to when I went to one meeting 15 years ago, and I am very quiet in groups when I am sober. I am perhaps making excuses for myself here? I am just beginning to read through the Rational Recovery website, trying to steer my thoughts in the right direction, before I crack and drink tonight.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by lonesomecowboy
so I thought I should try to have a prolonged break from the dreaded drink.
Commit to never drinking again. That way, when the AV starts banging on you to drink, you can say, "No, I don't drink anymore."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 153
Sorry you are struggling... there is a way out but like Frick said, nothing changes nothing changes. For me, it's taken a complete surrender to the idea that I cannot control my drinking. I have tried over and over and over - despite the consequences and the DESIRE, I have not been able to sustain abstinence because I had reservations.
What are your reservations about stopping? What is more important to you?
I have been beat down, lonely, depressed, treading water for long enough. My previous reservations are now gone (thank God).
Pertaining to AA, I am also quiet in groups so I go and listen. You don't have to share. Maybe trying again will open up a new option for you - it's been 15 years since you last went. I am not saying that is the only way. People get sober using many different strategies. AA is the only one that has kept ME clean for an extended period of time. I think the important part, no matter what avenue you choose, is that you have others to support you. Starting here is great!!
Best of luck to you. There is hope.
What are your reservations about stopping? What is more important to you?
I have been beat down, lonely, depressed, treading water for long enough. My previous reservations are now gone (thank God).
Pertaining to AA, I am also quiet in groups so I go and listen. You don't have to share. Maybe trying again will open up a new option for you - it's been 15 years since you last went. I am not saying that is the only way. People get sober using many different strategies. AA is the only one that has kept ME clean for an extended period of time. I think the important part, no matter what avenue you choose, is that you have others to support you. Starting here is great!!
Best of luck to you. There is hope.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Welcome!
Carl is absolutely right. If you leave things open-ended, your alcoholism will be talking to you constantly. The way to have peace of mind is to stop drinking. I hope you decide to make that choice.
Carl is absolutely right. If you leave things open-ended, your alcoholism will be talking to you constantly. The way to have peace of mind is to stop drinking. I hope you decide to make that choice.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
It's still worth giving AA another go. I know people who tried and went back out there, and returned a decade or two later, ready for recovery and got on great with the program the second time around. And if you give it a good go and it still isn't for you, what will you have lost. At worst it might not be your long term solution. In the meantime it will give you some support, and some ideas of how to make sobriety more bearable, and hopeful one day comfortable.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Manchester
Posts: 3
Thanks all - it is 21.22 now, and I am still sober, but really weakening. I have resisted all day, and if I make it until midnight sober, I think I'll be ok, but I don't know if I'll make it.
Reading some of the replies and some of the material on Rational Recovery, I wonder if I should let go tonight, and regather my thoughts soon, with a clear intention not to drink again, rather than taking a break?
Reading some of the replies and some of the material on Rational Recovery, I wonder if I should let go tonight, and regather my thoughts soon, with a clear intention not to drink again, rather than taking a break?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
If you wait for a day when it's going to be easy, you're in for a looooong wait.
We all have to face those restless, irritable and discontent feelings when we first put down the crutch. The cravings will ease the longer it is between the moment you're in and your last drink. Tell your AV to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, and stick to giving it a big N O answer when it begs, pleads, demands, reasons, bribes, whines, threatens, and bullies you for its alcohol fix.
We all have to face those restless, irritable and discontent feelings when we first put down the crutch. The cravings will ease the longer it is between the moment you're in and your last drink. Tell your AV to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, and stick to giving it a big N O answer when it begs, pleads, demands, reasons, bribes, whines, threatens, and bullies you for its alcohol fix.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by melki
A mindset has a lot to do with it. You get through it by deciding this is what you want for yourself. If you treat alcohol like a long-lost lover it will be hard to abstain. It isn't a good friend but a lying bastard and you have to treat it as such. It doesn't add anything good to your life but hinders any chance at having a normal one.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by lonesomecowboy
Reading some of the replies and some of the material on Rational Recovery, I wonder if I should let go tonight, and regather my thoughts soon, with a clear intention not to drink again, rather than taking a break?
Something brought you here. If you drink, you might get sweep away, and wait any of number of years to quit, if at all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome to SR. Very good advice has already been provided. Regardless of what method you choose to get sober, early days will likely be difficult. Its just part of the process. Some people are just mentally stubborn enough to do it, some reach out for help or a structured recovery program. The bottom line is not drinking, right?
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