mecanix

Depression comes and goes with me MG ,

I've learned to deal with it sober and keep on going … before when i was drinking I just used that to blast everything away .

Drugs helped take the edge off and gave me a toe/hand hold from which to start to move .

I think there is a lot of power in dealing with resentments , including the ones we hold against ourselves .. certainly missed opportunity stomach punches me , i was very sick with drinking and other mental stuff too .

I live mostly in today now, i don't dwell in the past, replay emotions or situations .
I don't project too far into the future as i find it hard to live up to my own expectations and perfectionism .

I gave up drinking but i've also given up a whole lot more to get to a mental place where most days getting out of bed and going to work is ok.

One of the things i did was to find a job by the seaside and although it's 1/3rd of what i was on it's not too taxing .

Finding balance is important .

Go get help , go get reading and learning about it , you can heal yourself with some help

m

madgirl

I wish I could tell you I have a relationship with a primary doctor, but I don't.
Last year I tried to schedule an appointment with one - well really ob/gyn - told them I have never had a mammogram (I am 43) and that I was worried about overall health (well yeah - active alcoholic) but the receptionist said it'd be three months before I could see anyone.
I will try again. I spent alot of time last year taking my (single) girlfriend to chemo and son to orthodontist - it is hard when you work full time, but I really need some help for me.

madgirl

Who do you even call about depression? Primary care doctors? Straight to psychiatrist?

newbeginings16

good luck for sure! Get out and talk to someone. I found AA meetings very beneficial as they always asked if someone was struggling with something and they were free! God bless and I feel your pain!

tomsteve

this was just me but I started with my PC doc.

have you been working any recovery program?

fantail

In my experience it's best to go straight to a psychiatrist. The primary doctors aren't fully equipped to deal with it so they'll either just write you a prescription in 10 minutes or tell you to go to someone else. Maybe that isn't true if it's a doctor you have a relationship with but that's been my experience as someone who moves frequently and rarely sees the same doctor twice.

It's frustratingly difficult to figure out where to go for a psychiatric/psychologist appointment, so just picking someone from your insurance's list that says they can see you sometime soon is as good a place as any to start. It's best of course if you can get a recommendation, but if not just make an appointment and go in knowing that it may or may not be the right fit.

A psychiatrist will generally prescribe you something but only in the course of a few talk sessions and then follow up appointments. If you don't want medication or aren't sure if you do, then you can start with a psychologist (generally cheaper and easier to find without a waiting list).

Another way to find people is to call up a medical center and ask if they can recommend anyone who specializes in addiction.

...

Hang in there. I completely understand how bleak it can be to see the wreckage. I was kind of a non-person at 90 days. It gets better.

teatreeoil007

Hang in there madgirl... I get down on myself sometimes for not getting things done!!!! I feel like a slacker today... Then tell myself to ease up and just cool it...

teatreeoil007

A primary doctor would be a good place to start...

teatreeoil007

Madgirl-many of well most of us have been dealing with guilt-so we get it- not fun to carry around- but is tied into depression

littlefish

Absolutely try a group! It doesn't have to be AA. Among the many reasons I use AA is because it is free, available almost everywhere and you can usually find a meeting just about any time of day. But I've used lots of other things as well.
Have you checked out any outpatient services? There might be a place where you can find a therapist or a group. I used an outpatient service.
A group can be fantastic for support. What I have heard from other people in recovery has been a crucial part of my own. The support and friendships also gently coaxed me out of my deep isolation that drinking caused.

talldude

Depression was one of those things that developed as my alcoholism developed. Of course, I justified the negativity and sadness by telling myself that I was simply being a realist and that that was simply how life was. Twenty-seven years of drinking along with several years of drug abuse really did a number on my brain.

I recommend that you check out someone who is able to give you a formal psych evaluation because it's possible that your drinking not only masked your depression but other things as well, such as ADD in my case.

D122y

You hit the nail on the head for me too...

Why didn't I get clean sooner....

I didn't get clean because I was unaware of the damage I was doing to my brain.

My body is probably irreversibly damaged too, but my brain is the thing that stands out the most for now.

I didn't care to quit until I was leaning in a sink trying to stay upright as the world went into a bed spin. It was terrible. Never had that happen since I quit drinking.

Never drinking again, God help me.

LostLilly

As for relating, yes and yes!!!! I am at 90. AA is great because you can vent and hear others feeling the same thing. A therapist and s journal have helped me to. I am so angry and sad right now I can't sleep! The world needs us though. Someday our trials will help others going through the same thing. The most difficult things reap future rewards. The AA steps address a lot of resentments and help us to work through them. You are important and have a huge purpose in this world!!



Lilly

Centered3

When I stopped pouring alcohol over my feelings, my feelings came back with abandon. I spent a lifetime fearing my feelings, and being taught that I'm not worthy enough to have feelings.

I learned in AA what to do with negative feelings and that they are not real; they're just feelings. I'd turn my thoughts to something else; something small I am grateful for. It sounds like thinking about your son could help.

I also agree with the others, though, that a trip to a doctor for a depression assessment may be necessary especially if you're thinking a lot about death. That's just your mind, which isn't real, but AA or CBT can help teach you what to do with those sort of thoughts. In the meantime, though, maybe your doctor will suggest a short term antidepressant.

I found at night if I listed 5 small things I was grateful for that day, it helped change my mindset a lot. Things like a nice cup of tea; my dog wagging its tail; the birds singing out my window in the morning; a child's laughter; a nice meal. I know it sounds goofy but overtime this is what my gratitude list became about--appreciating the simple things in life.

Life became more simple for me as I lived moment to moment, instead of stuck in the past or future. That helped my depression and anxiety a lot although I am on low dose meds. too for it.

madgirl

Really amazing and thoughtful responses. Thank you so much.

madgirl

Definitely using this board as a touchstone right now

madgirl

I will have 100 days on June 26