Mia1972

I am feeling like I can drink moderately. Is this a danger? I wasn't like this when I first quit 2 years ago. I was sober for 2 yrs. Then drank for 3 and a half months with very bad consequences. I was almost swallowing handful of pills. I somehow threw them out. But don't know how I threw them out. I might have had swallow without knowing. I was so scared. This happened on April 2nd. I quit until last Saturday. I drank with friends. I was ok. I drank half glass of wine last night. I didnt want to drink. Now I am thinking I can drink moderately. I never believe I will have bad consequence again. What do you think. In my previous drinking history I had serious brown outs and towards the end I was having black outs. You think I will go up to that level again. How can I be so confident ???
Help please

ZenLifter

You quit for two years, then drank for three months with very bad consequences. So....why do you think you can drink moderately now? Your addiction is a lying, conniving, scheming con-artist that will say anything to get what it wants. Don't believe it. I say all this with a heart full of love

ScottFromWI

If you are an alcoholic, yes it's a very big danger. In fact it's a HUGE red light flashing as your addiction is trying to convince you that you aren't and addict.

Based on your past, yes - you will most likely return to the "bad consequence" drinking. You may even return more quickly than last time and the "bad" might get even worse.

Coming here to ask is a great decision - did you or do you follow any formal recovery method during your sober times?

Mia1972

I don't know . I am saying maybe the consequences changed. I am more at peace now. So I will be ok. That is why I feel panicky

JD

I think it's your AV talking. If you're like most of us, and it sounds like you are, moderation doesn't work. It may work the first few times you try but you'll be right back to where you were. Unfortunately,I never listened to people when they told me that and had to try myself. It didn't work.

Mia1972

All these times I never considered myself an alcoholic but an abuser. I never had withdrawal symptoms. To me you are an alcoholic when you have the withdrawal symptoms. Do you think I was wrong to think so. Well I am on medication for my ups and downs which also helps for the quitting period. I want to drink like normal people do and have fun...

ZenLifter

I can only say that for me personally, I could be "moderate" for long stretches. For me this still meant daily drinking, 3 or 4 at night that I REALLY looked forward to all day long. But soon enough I'd find myself on a bender for a week, or a month, and have to crawl out of that hell all over again. And the benders got worse over time. And my thinking became more distorted. You get the idea. I don't know if you're the same as me or not. But if you're panicky about the thought of drinking, you might want to ask yourself why. Because a normal drinker wouldn't be.

Mia1972

This is why I am here. Let me give a brief history. My father was an alcoholic and died because of cyrohsiss at 53. I got married to an alcoholic man. With 16 yrs old marriage. I divorced him 6 years ago. We still see each other as friends. He was almost dying due to heart failure last summer. He quit only 6 months and now back to drinking. I started to drink in year 2004. It gradually increased. In couple years I started to become very aggressive and so on. I quit 2013 december 31 I quit until december 15 2015. And the rest I told you here. And I don't know why I am so confident. Actually when I quit onApril 4 and started drinking last Saturday it happened like this:
Everybody was drinking. I said I will go with a beer. I resisted until 10.30 pm. At that time I said what the hell. And started drinking. And in short time I drank 3 glasses. So maybe if the night carried on I would be bad. Fortunately nobody wanted to do anything further. So I ended up home. I want to drink as a social drinker. Will I never be able to do that?

Mia1972

When you read about my history do you consider me as an alcoholic or someone who abuses and misuses alcohol?
Sorry I am asking this. But maybe my thoughts are wrong. And when I was quitting the last time SR helped me a lot.

Anna

I think these words express the manipulation of alcohol in your mind. If you are at peace and believe you will be okay, why do you feel panicky?

I hope you decide that moderation doesn't work.

ScottFromWI

Looking back at your first posts here, you mention drinking and being so sick the next day that you would miss work, and having that happen on a regular basis. That sounds like withdrawal to me. You also mentioned brownouts, blackouts, becoming aggressive towards others when drunk, using language you normally don't use, etc.

Those are all pretty major indicators of a big problem with alcohol, but the one that stands out the most to me is this quote

"Every day when I was getting sober I was swearing I would drink in moderate amount. Which as u guess was never able to. "

That's pretty much the textbook definition of alcoholism - drinking more than you plan to drink or not being able to control your consumption.

Here's the thread link if you'd like a reminder.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hol-abuse.html

I don't bring this up to belittle you in any way, but more to remind you of what you came here in the first place for help with. Once we have become alcoholics, we can never return to "social" or "moderated" drinking...and I think you've proven that by the results of your last return to drinking, woudln't you agree? Catching it now before it gets really bad is a great idea.

Mia1972

Hey, this was such a good thing for you to do. That link is available to me but I never thought of going back and reading it. Now I remember those times and feel very bad. I have to get it out of my head. The idea and/or plan to drink. But I have to stick here more. Here I mean the SR forums. Other wise I get lost. I think I will restart again.
It is hard to believe that I will never be a normal drinker. But I have to accept it I think. ((((

AnvilheadII

think about what you are willing to RISK for "a couple of drinks". those bad consequences from before might be child's play to how bad things CAN get. that you are on a recovery board and ASKING for opinions about drinking "normal" again says a lot about the depth of the problem.

see normal drinkers don't have to take a poll to see if it's ok to have a drink. they don't have to sketch out a detailed plan, with time limits and drink limits. they don't worry about going into a black out or who they might harm while drunk. they just............have a couple drinks, period. take it or leave it, no big deal.

Mia1972

Reality is so hard to accept isn't it. (
Couple hours ago I was telling my friend living abroad to come here so that we can drink. I was that confident . Now reality is hitting me. It has to hit me actually

ScottFromWI

That's the thing..those thoughts will always be "in our heads". Granted, after you are sober for a while and if you are working a solid recovery program/plan they are not very common - but they can pop up at any time. That's why it's so important to have a recovery network/program to come to when you need help. SR is always here and you are more than welcome to post as much as you like. Don't feel bad either - it's very normal for these thoughts to pop up again.

ZenLifter

Mia, I do not think the label is important...at all. In other words whether you call yourself "alcoholic" or "problem drinker". It's more a recognition that alcohol is a destructive influence in your life. It was for me. But somehow we are able to ignore this cause and effect relationship, to our detriment.

Midwest1981

You were really fortunate! Just ask yourself if you would have continued on if they wanted too. It's scary. It can get out of hand fast.

Mia1972

I was ready to drink more. I am sure....

sugarbear1

I wasn't physically dependent on alcohol, so I had no withdrawal symptoms, not serious ones, just the normal "what the body does when it learns to be alcohol-free" kinds of things....

You can drink again and see if it gets worse or stop and stay stopped while you are ahead of the game!

least

I used to be sad and resentful that I couldn't drink, now I'm happy as hell to be free of alcohol. I don't want to drink "socially", I'm too happy living sober.

I hope you stay sober. It's so worth it.