Concerned
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: bedminster, nj
Posts: 65
FreeOwl,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such an in-depth and powerful message to me. I appreciate you opening up and sharing your experiences. This site amazes me. I am glad that I stumbled upon it.
Developing a sense of what my own 'normal' is (in and out of the sack) has been an interesting adventure for me the last couple of months. As you, I am in love and my gal is really helping me understand myself. She inspired me to stop drinking and she recently described my sobriety and transformation as getting a new operating system. I really like her analogy. I added that we are now customizing my software. I think of my "normal" as being before my parents died 25 years ago, and ultimately before my mother was given 6 weeks to live when I was in the 6th grade (she fought hard and watched me graduate from college which I must admit wasn't exactly fast-tracked thanks to drugs and alcohol). I was a happy go lucky guy who could face life's challenges without drowning everything with booze, pills and weed.
I really like how you described your sex life on drugs, It was always more of a performance for me as well than true loving experiences. I am really loving being sober and having all types of new feelings and emotions, or at least revisiting them after blocking them out for so long. What the heck was I thinking!?!?
"And so in sobriety I faced a double-challenge; on the one hand my body trying to recalibrate and my mind and emotions on a roller coaster that in itself causes sexual volatility - on the other hand a ridiculously unreasonable expectation of what sexual experiences 'should' be." This nailed it for me!!! This is exactly what I am experiencing but I was unable to articulate it. thank you
It has been 61 days and I can feel my body improving every day. I was completely freaked out that I may have become impotent, and that my years of abuse of drugs and alcohol meant I had ruined my sexual functioning. Thanks for the reassurance that this is not the case.
I am thankful everyday to have such an amazing and understanding girlfriend. We talk about it and she doesn't give me any pressure. She is compassionate, understanding and she can joke about it as well which really helps. She also does not let me run to the ED drugs. I am just the luckiest guy to have her in my life, and like yours, she sees beyond the bedroom, and loves me at face value. "Every good man has a good woman behind him".
I just cut and pasted her your reply to her and she texted back, "I am committed to you, and we will figure this out together. This brings us closer and to a deeper level of closeness because we are being challenged like this". She is a doll!
The only supplement I tried was called, Horny Goat Weed" It was a disaster. Did What did 5-htp do for you?
I will hang in there, and appreciate you saying that is not a permanent condition. I have been obsessing over this, and I think it is just time to clear my mind, or at least try.
You are a good person and I appreciate your kind words of encouragement.
Best of luck to you, as well!
BaldDaddyO
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such an in-depth and powerful message to me. I appreciate you opening up and sharing your experiences. This site amazes me. I am glad that I stumbled upon it.
Developing a sense of what my own 'normal' is (in and out of the sack) has been an interesting adventure for me the last couple of months. As you, I am in love and my gal is really helping me understand myself. She inspired me to stop drinking and she recently described my sobriety and transformation as getting a new operating system. I really like her analogy. I added that we are now customizing my software. I think of my "normal" as being before my parents died 25 years ago, and ultimately before my mother was given 6 weeks to live when I was in the 6th grade (she fought hard and watched me graduate from college which I must admit wasn't exactly fast-tracked thanks to drugs and alcohol). I was a happy go lucky guy who could face life's challenges without drowning everything with booze, pills and weed.
I really like how you described your sex life on drugs, It was always more of a performance for me as well than true loving experiences. I am really loving being sober and having all types of new feelings and emotions, or at least revisiting them after blocking them out for so long. What the heck was I thinking!?!?
"And so in sobriety I faced a double-challenge; on the one hand my body trying to recalibrate and my mind and emotions on a roller coaster that in itself causes sexual volatility - on the other hand a ridiculously unreasonable expectation of what sexual experiences 'should' be." This nailed it for me!!! This is exactly what I am experiencing but I was unable to articulate it. thank you
It has been 61 days and I can feel my body improving every day. I was completely freaked out that I may have become impotent, and that my years of abuse of drugs and alcohol meant I had ruined my sexual functioning. Thanks for the reassurance that this is not the case.
I am thankful everyday to have such an amazing and understanding girlfriend. We talk about it and she doesn't give me any pressure. She is compassionate, understanding and she can joke about it as well which really helps. She also does not let me run to the ED drugs. I am just the luckiest guy to have her in my life, and like yours, she sees beyond the bedroom, and loves me at face value. "Every good man has a good woman behind him".
I just cut and pasted her your reply to her and she texted back, "I am committed to you, and we will figure this out together. This brings us closer and to a deeper level of closeness because we are being challenged like this". She is a doll!
The only supplement I tried was called, Horny Goat Weed" It was a disaster. Did What did 5-htp do for you?
I will hang in there, and appreciate you saying that is not a permanent condition. I have been obsessing over this, and I think it is just time to clear my mind, or at least try.
You are a good person and I appreciate your kind words of encouragement.
Best of luck to you, as well!
BaldDaddyO
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm glad to be able to share and offer some reassurance. There is surprisingly little honest and helpful information out there about this aspect of the recovery journey and it is gut wrenching to go through. Being able to offer a positive story and the goodness that has come out of it so that you can hopefully feel a bit of comfort and assuage those roaring fears is an honor and a reward.
The 5htp was a supplement that I found to help counter my depression in the winter months. I found that the root of my sexual issues wasn't physical but emotional and psychological and tied to seasonal depression that has hit me in recovery.... a phenomenon I was never aware of in addiction because I 'treated' it with drugs and alcohol.
I'm glad to have been of some help. Also, you've got yourself a loving and mature woman there..... that alone is a blessing. When those doubts start swirling at you remind yourself that she's there for you and with you because of all of you and because of the man she sees in you. All of this will just be a stage of growth and a period of deep learning - about yourself and together - in the long run. Everything's gonna be amazing. Keep up the great work.
The 5htp was a supplement that I found to help counter my depression in the winter months. I found that the root of my sexual issues wasn't physical but emotional and psychological and tied to seasonal depression that has hit me in recovery.... a phenomenon I was never aware of in addiction because I 'treated' it with drugs and alcohol.
I'm glad to have been of some help. Also, you've got yourself a loving and mature woman there..... that alone is a blessing. When those doubts start swirling at you remind yourself that she's there for you and with you because of all of you and because of the man she sees in you. All of this will just be a stage of growth and a period of deep learning - about yourself and together - in the long run. Everything's gonna be amazing. Keep up the great work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: bedminster, nj
Posts: 65
Update:
It is my intention to put this update out there for anyone who experiences sexual dysfunction during the initial stages of sobriety. I guess you would have to be a male to completely understand the concern and stress that not being able to perform sexually puts on a man, and that stress alone compounds the problem. Firstly, I have to thank my lucky stars that I have an incredible lady who stood by me during this troublesome period and was nothing but positive and unselfish. She kept me from running to the little blue pill, and ultimately this hick-up strengthened our relationship on a personal and intimate basis. She was also the inspiration for me to stop drinking, but whether you have a great gal, or not, time will take care of this problem.
My advice is not a professional opinion, as I am not a doctor, but it is from recent personal experience. The following may be sexually graphic, so please be warned before reading further, and excuse me but I will try to keep it as classy as possible.
It is now Day 75. I will spare you the details about how great I feel, and how I have not had one craving since Day 1 because I know that doesn't sit well with my fellow friends who are struggling, so let me just dive right in.
It is remarkable how much the body changes and adapts to alcohol. For 25+ years I thought I was "only" punishing my liver, but was I wrong. I am sure most of the readers of this post understand what I am referencing. Point in fact, as you will see from my original post, I was having major difficulties achieving and sustaining even a mild erection; nonetheless, a full erection during masturbation and/or sexual intercourse. It was on my mind every second of everyday. Day 30 passed, Day 60 passed, and then came Day 71...I awakened to an erection like I haven't experienced since high school. I took care of business, and I am not sure if I was showing off or just wanted to make sure that everything was back to normal, but I tested the waters again 5 times that day (sorry, TMI). But holy cow, was I relieved. So I have been testing the water everyday since then, and knock-wood (pun intended), all systems go! It was as if someone flipped a switch. My personal opinion is that my brain's chemistry was not communicating with my buddy down below, and that the alcohol had somehow effected my muscle memory, or some sort of chemical connection. It went from really having to spend extra time to get things somewhat flowing, to boom-snap, he was ready to play!
I would also like to state for the record for anyone who needs this information, that a week or so before things turned back to normal, some weird things were going on, as if my body was trying to remember how to work. For example, during sexual intercourse on days 68 & 69 (while I was actually able to keep an almost full erection), my orgasms were unusual. During the beginning of ejaculating, I just thought my orgasm was not that strong or gratifying, but then as soon as I thought it was over, I had a stronger orgasm than ever. It was like having two orgasms, a small one, and then a mind blowing one...crazy, right? I think my body was just re-calibrating. That happened twice the last time my lady and were together. I have not had sexual intercourse since then as my lady friend has been out of town, but I am very excited to see her; however, I am pretty sure that the double orgasms are over because my body has been acting normally again.
In summary, give it time and let the body heal and reconnect. Keep your head up (yes, another pun, sorry), and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Time will take care of this. As my friend, NightOwl, can attest, you are not alone. I wish there was more information about this on the web, but maybe it's a good thing because having known this may have made my decision to stop drinking a bit more difficult...but I would still take a flaccid penis over all the detrimental effects of alcohol any day.
So, to answer my big question, and in my specific case:
25+ years of hard boozing = 71 days of sobriety before my penis finally functioned normally.
Many thanks to everyone who commented, all of your comments were taken to heart. And especially, many thanks to NightOwl!!
This is a terribly sensitive issue for men, so I really hopes this helps someone as much as NightOwl helped me.
BaldDaddyO
It is my intention to put this update out there for anyone who experiences sexual dysfunction during the initial stages of sobriety. I guess you would have to be a male to completely understand the concern and stress that not being able to perform sexually puts on a man, and that stress alone compounds the problem. Firstly, I have to thank my lucky stars that I have an incredible lady who stood by me during this troublesome period and was nothing but positive and unselfish. She kept me from running to the little blue pill, and ultimately this hick-up strengthened our relationship on a personal and intimate basis. She was also the inspiration for me to stop drinking, but whether you have a great gal, or not, time will take care of this problem.
My advice is not a professional opinion, as I am not a doctor, but it is from recent personal experience. The following may be sexually graphic, so please be warned before reading further, and excuse me but I will try to keep it as classy as possible.
It is now Day 75. I will spare you the details about how great I feel, and how I have not had one craving since Day 1 because I know that doesn't sit well with my fellow friends who are struggling, so let me just dive right in.
It is remarkable how much the body changes and adapts to alcohol. For 25+ years I thought I was "only" punishing my liver, but was I wrong. I am sure most of the readers of this post understand what I am referencing. Point in fact, as you will see from my original post, I was having major difficulties achieving and sustaining even a mild erection; nonetheless, a full erection during masturbation and/or sexual intercourse. It was on my mind every second of everyday. Day 30 passed, Day 60 passed, and then came Day 71...I awakened to an erection like I haven't experienced since high school. I took care of business, and I am not sure if I was showing off or just wanted to make sure that everything was back to normal, but I tested the waters again 5 times that day (sorry, TMI). But holy cow, was I relieved. So I have been testing the water everyday since then, and knock-wood (pun intended), all systems go! It was as if someone flipped a switch. My personal opinion is that my brain's chemistry was not communicating with my buddy down below, and that the alcohol had somehow effected my muscle memory, or some sort of chemical connection. It went from really having to spend extra time to get things somewhat flowing, to boom-snap, he was ready to play!
I would also like to state for the record for anyone who needs this information, that a week or so before things turned back to normal, some weird things were going on, as if my body was trying to remember how to work. For example, during sexual intercourse on days 68 & 69 (while I was actually able to keep an almost full erection), my orgasms were unusual. During the beginning of ejaculating, I just thought my orgasm was not that strong or gratifying, but then as soon as I thought it was over, I had a stronger orgasm than ever. It was like having two orgasms, a small one, and then a mind blowing one...crazy, right? I think my body was just re-calibrating. That happened twice the last time my lady and were together. I have not had sexual intercourse since then as my lady friend has been out of town, but I am very excited to see her; however, I am pretty sure that the double orgasms are over because my body has been acting normally again.
In summary, give it time and let the body heal and reconnect. Keep your head up (yes, another pun, sorry), and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Time will take care of this. As my friend, NightOwl, can attest, you are not alone. I wish there was more information about this on the web, but maybe it's a good thing because having known this may have made my decision to stop drinking a bit more difficult...but I would still take a flaccid penis over all the detrimental effects of alcohol any day.
So, to answer my big question, and in my specific case:
25+ years of hard boozing = 71 days of sobriety before my penis finally functioned normally.
Many thanks to everyone who commented, all of your comments were taken to heart. And especially, many thanks to NightOwl!!
This is a terribly sensitive issue for men, so I really hopes this helps someone as much as NightOwl helped me.
BaldDaddyO
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Your brain is undergoing big changes...[good one's overall.]
Since "sex starts in the brain", really, it stands to reason that your sex drive and sexual performance may be impacted either way when you are first getting clean and sober. I agree with Tufty, a lot it has to do with confidence and possibly anxiety. I think perhaps a lot of folks just don't feel up to much sex and maybe don't particularly feel sexy either when they are newly sober....the body is going through changes too. But, stay on the right path and it will get better. Depression can also have a big impact on your sex life. And, if a person is feeling down about theirself, that's another thing as well as too much stress, not enough sleep.
My libido was very low for the first 6-8 weeks. This didn't alarm me too much as I had experienced similar after each baby I had and I knew it was likely a passing thing. Part of it was just plain FATIGUE; part hormones, and part not feeling my best about my looks/body. When I got back into shape and started sleeping better, IT was much better
But, something else to think about: Some peoples' sexual performance goes DOWN when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. It just depends on the person; not everyone is affected that way. Perhaps it has to do with alcohol's effect on the nerves and/or less ability to feel pleasure.
[Sorry for the somewhat clinical approach to a personal problem]
Since "sex starts in the brain", really, it stands to reason that your sex drive and sexual performance may be impacted either way when you are first getting clean and sober. I agree with Tufty, a lot it has to do with confidence and possibly anxiety. I think perhaps a lot of folks just don't feel up to much sex and maybe don't particularly feel sexy either when they are newly sober....the body is going through changes too. But, stay on the right path and it will get better. Depression can also have a big impact on your sex life. And, if a person is feeling down about theirself, that's another thing as well as too much stress, not enough sleep.
My libido was very low for the first 6-8 weeks. This didn't alarm me too much as I had experienced similar after each baby I had and I knew it was likely a passing thing. Part of it was just plain FATIGUE; part hormones, and part not feeling my best about my looks/body. When I got back into shape and started sleeping better, IT was much better
But, something else to think about: Some peoples' sexual performance goes DOWN when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. It just depends on the person; not everyone is affected that way. Perhaps it has to do with alcohol's effect on the nerves and/or less ability to feel pleasure.
[Sorry for the somewhat clinical approach to a personal problem]
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: bedminster, nj
Posts: 65
Thank you teatreeoil007! Interestingly, the problem was also occurring when "I was alone" aka masturbating...not much anxiety there as I am quite comfortable with myself :-). There seems to have been a chemical disconnect, and I just wanted to get this out there for the next poor soul to let them know there is hope. But, I totally get where you are coming from...best of luck and thanks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: bedminster, nj
Posts: 65
For anyone reading this crazy post, here is any interesting article:
CONTROLLED STUDY ON THE COMBINED EFFECT OF ALCOHOL AND TOBACCO SMOKING ON TESTOSTERONE IN ALCOHOL-DEPENDENT MEN | Alcohol and Alcoholism
Hopefully, they will do some more research on this. All I can say, is Thank God. And I mean, Thank God! Whether this issues was attributed to testosterone levels, chemistry/communication with the brain, muscle memory, or whatever, it will heal itself in time. I think the longer and more one drank, the longer it takes for sexual functions to return to normal (or better than normal!!). However, I would be shocked if anyone consumed more than I, so I'd say it shouldn't take more than 90 days. And yes, I have rebounded to an even better level than when I was drinking.
I am done. Good luck to all.
BaldDaddyO
CONTROLLED STUDY ON THE COMBINED EFFECT OF ALCOHOL AND TOBACCO SMOKING ON TESTOSTERONE IN ALCOHOL-DEPENDENT MEN | Alcohol and Alcoholism
Hopefully, they will do some more research on this. All I can say, is Thank God. And I mean, Thank God! Whether this issues was attributed to testosterone levels, chemistry/communication with the brain, muscle memory, or whatever, it will heal itself in time. I think the longer and more one drank, the longer it takes for sexual functions to return to normal (or better than normal!!). However, I would be shocked if anyone consumed more than I, so I'd say it shouldn't take more than 90 days. And yes, I have rebounded to an even better level than when I was drinking.
I am done. Good luck to all.
BaldDaddyO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: bedminster, nj
Posts: 65
UPDATE:
I have been sober for 325 days. Everything has returned to normal; actually, things are better than ever. It took 9 months or so for my body to repair, but it has done just so, and I am very thankfully.
Impotence after sobriety was very disheartening and I could not find any information about it online which is why I hope that this update may be helpful to someone who may be experiencing what I encountered. It was devastating for a healthy man to not be able to perform sexually; especially, when doing something that is supposed to be life changing. It was difficult to understand because it counter-intuitive.
So, anyone out there wondering if impotence is cause by sobriety, the answer in my case was a definite "yes". Does it correct itself? Yes! Give it 6-9 months.
As far as the sweet tooth: I just deal with it.
If you are debating whether or not to quit alcohol or drugs, all I can say is that it was the best decision I have ever made in my life, and that you'd never regret it.
Good luck to everyone on the clean and sober path.
#sobriety #impotence #recovery
I have been sober for 325 days. Everything has returned to normal; actually, things are better than ever. It took 9 months or so for my body to repair, but it has done just so, and I am very thankfully.
Impotence after sobriety was very disheartening and I could not find any information about it online which is why I hope that this update may be helpful to someone who may be experiencing what I encountered. It was devastating for a healthy man to not be able to perform sexually; especially, when doing something that is supposed to be life changing. It was difficult to understand because it counter-intuitive.
So, anyone out there wondering if impotence is cause by sobriety, the answer in my case was a definite "yes". Does it correct itself? Yes! Give it 6-9 months.
As far as the sweet tooth: I just deal with it.
If you are debating whether or not to quit alcohol or drugs, all I can say is that it was the best decision I have ever made in my life, and that you'd never regret it.
Good luck to everyone on the clean and sober path.
#sobriety #impotence #recovery
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