Liking Yourself?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Liking Yourself?
So after a very big, long horrible conversation/situation with my husband tonight I have come to honestly realize how much my self-hate and self-loathing is affecting my life.....my relationships with people and with alcohol. I honestly am at the place where I think that if I can't somehow find a way to at least like myself, true sobriety is beyond my grasp.....
How did any of you come to a place where you could honestly say you like yourself??
How did any of you come to a place where you could honestly say you like yourself??
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I worked the steps of AA with all the willingness I could muster. Amazing results!! For the first time in my life, I was comfortable in my own skin and time and more work on self and life helped me immensely!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I carry a lot of guilt and shame from my drunken transgressions and I alienated a lot of friends and family. I have been in therapy which helped but I actually find listening to other alcoholics in AA to be most beneficial to my self worth. I hate myself much less since going to AA and I'm improving every day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Actually the original Step 1 of the 6 Steps was ( complete deflation ).
No worries there as far as liking ourselves.
That will come after some time sober and doing the right things.
Mountainman
No worries there as far as liking ourselves.
That will come after some time sober and doing the right things.
Mountainman
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
I was like this too. If I could solve all my problems, I could quit drinking. But I've realized, I had to quit drinking to begin solving my problems. Self-hatred, anger, remorse, past trauma, whatever it is, you'll never get past it as long as you continue to drink. And this comes from years of trying.
I agree, working the steps provides some relief.
I agree, working the steps provides some relief.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I think it's a catch 22. When I'm active in my addiction I can't stand myself. I drink more so I don't have to feel that pain. In order to start healing I have to quit drinking....but it's tough because I have to face myself. But the bottom line is, if I continue to drink I can never heal.
So quitting requires courage to face whatever will come. It's hard at first but its the only path to findng my true self.
You can do this. Your thought of fear, guilt and shame are thoughts. You can change them with help and perseverance.
So quitting requires courage to face whatever will come. It's hard at first but its the only path to findng my true self.
You can do this. Your thought of fear, guilt and shame are thoughts. You can change them with help and perseverance.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
Strange thing about booze at least for me is that it ended up stealing my self like. Give your self some time. Alcohol damages us emotionally more deeply than we realize. I have had to learn to self love again. Don't forget too that everything feels much more intense in early sobriety. I used alcohol as a replacement for genuinely loving my self and eventually forgot how. It will come back. Keep improving yourself a little everyday and genuine self love will start to grow again. You can't drink if you want to build that capability back. Keep your head up.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
I think it's a catch 22. When I'm active in my addiction I can't stand myself. I drink more so I don't have to feel that pain. In order to start healing I have to quit drinking....but it's tough because I have to face myself. But the bottom line is, if I continue to drink I can never heal. So quitting requires courage to face whatever will come. It's hard at first but its the only path to findng my true self. You can do this. Your thought of fear, guilt and shame are thoughts. You can change them with help and perseverance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
I went through the same dilemma for a long time. How could I quit drinking when I loathed myself so much?
The key was, I didn't realize how much the alcohol itself was contributing to my feelings of self-loathing. Once I was able to remain abstinent long enough for my brain chemistry to begin to stabilize, I could begin doing meaningful work on my self-esteem. It was impossible for me to be drunk and to like myself at the same time -- both psychologically and biochemically.
The key was, I didn't realize how much the alcohol itself was contributing to my feelings of self-loathing. Once I was able to remain abstinent long enough for my brain chemistry to begin to stabilize, I could begin doing meaningful work on my self-esteem. It was impossible for me to be drunk and to like myself at the same time -- both psychologically and biochemically.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Forgot to add...
Right thinking follows right action. In recovery circles, you may hear the phrase "Do the next right thing." For me, that first meant not picking up a drink no matter how much I thought I wanted to. Then, it meant continuing to "do the next right thing" in my life each time I was confronted with a choice. After a while, I began to like myself a little bit more because I was being the kind of person I wanted to be.
Right thinking follows right action. In recovery circles, you may hear the phrase "Do the next right thing." For me, that first meant not picking up a drink no matter how much I thought I wanted to. Then, it meant continuing to "do the next right thing" in my life each time I was confronted with a choice. After a while, I began to like myself a little bit more because I was being the kind of person I wanted to be.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Originally Posted by Andante
I went through the same dilemma for a long time. How could I quit drinking when I loathed myself so much?
The key was, I didn't realize how much the alcohol itself was contributing to my feelings of self-loathing. Once I was able to remain abstinent long enough for my brain chemistry to begin to stabilize, I could begin doing meaningful work on my self-esteem. It was impossible for me to be drunk and to like myself at the same time -- both psychologically and biochemically.
The key was, I didn't realize how much the alcohol itself was contributing to my feelings of self-loathing. Once I was able to remain abstinent long enough for my brain chemistry to begin to stabilize, I could begin doing meaningful work on my self-esteem. It was impossible for me to be drunk and to like myself at the same time -- both psychologically and biochemically.
I had to be sober long enough to heal some of the emotional damage drinking had done. I had to get sober first, then the liking myself followed.I also found I started liking myself more when I was grateful for my blessings.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
As others have said, after some time sober and doing the right things you will have a whole new perspective. For me, meditation has helped enormously. It has enabled me to see that my thoughts are just thoughts, not reality. That includes opinions about myself. And I can focus on what is happening NOW in my life, and not obsess about the past or dread the future.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
i have a lot of mental health issues, including a personality disorder. i don't really like myself as i don't really know who i am.
i got sober though. i am not in the least traditionally religious; my spirituality is about the universe and the belief that i am exactly where i am supposed to be. AA saved my life. i had a sponsor and i worked the steps and i learned to live sober.
it doesn't have to be AA. there are other programs that others know more about than me. i just wanted to let you know that you can get sober, even with skewed self-perception. be your own best friend - it takes practice but know that you are worth more than booze and unhappiness.
i got sober though. i am not in the least traditionally religious; my spirituality is about the universe and the belief that i am exactly where i am supposed to be. AA saved my life. i had a sponsor and i worked the steps and i learned to live sober.
it doesn't have to be AA. there are other programs that others know more about than me. i just wanted to let you know that you can get sober, even with skewed self-perception. be your own best friend - it takes practice but know that you are worth more than booze and unhappiness.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Originally Posted by samantha14
So after a very big, long horrible conversation/situation with my husband tonight I have come to honestly realize how much my self-hate and self-loathing is affecting my life.....my relationships with people and with alcohol. I honestly am at the place where I think that if I can't somehow find a way to at least like myself, true sobriety is beyond my grasp.....
How did any of you come to a place where you could honestly say you like yourself??
How did any of you come to a place where you could honestly say you like yourself??
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi Samantha, I absolutely hated myself when I was drinking. I was disgusted by everything that I was and did. I am only 3.5 months sober now but already things are turning around. I cannot say I fully love myself, but I am not disgusted by who I am anymore. I am proud of many things I am doing. I feel more confident. I also don't beat myself up mercilessly when I make a mistake.
I don't think it is possible to come to a place of true self-love while still drinking. You need to quit drinking first. That takes something other than self-love, it takes courage. Muster it!
I don't think it is possible to come to a place of true self-love while still drinking. You need to quit drinking first. That takes something other than self-love, it takes courage. Muster it!
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