Berrybean

I'm afraid it was AA and the 12-step program with a sponsor that finally got through to me as well. Instead fact I really don't like to think where I'd be now if it wasn't for that work that I did (and still do on a daily basis).

Sorry that it's not an option for you. Can I ask why that would be?

talldude

Just passed my 3-month sobriety point and am only beginning to scratch the surface of liking myself.

When I think back to the first 3 months of my "drinking career" or my "druggie career," I remember that I did not immediately jump into becoming a drunk/druggie: it took some time before I could make that transition. I suspect it's the same with becoming a sober, spiritual person.

madgirl

You won't know who you are if you remain under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol changes us.
I am curious - did you receive a diagnosis of a personality disorder while in active addiction? I realize many personality disorders coexist with alcoholism, but how can you know what you are really dealing with while your brain and spirit are drowning in drink?
Hugs - God I know this is hard.

FreeOwl

Liking... and Loving myself has become a lot easier since I have embraced sobriety and left drinking and drugging behind.

It's been a journey. Even while I was in decades of addiction, I was going to counseling, doing some group work, seeking to "find myself", doing self work.... meditation, exercise, service.....

But until I got clean and sober my efforts in those things were slow-going and short-lived.

Now, in sobriety - counseling and service work and exercise and being present and meditation and just all-around being a person I am proud of and feel good about has a deep effect that was always countered in the past by the drinking and drugging and the effects those had on my life and behavior.

I suppose it took a good part of the first year or so of sobriety to really get to the point that I felt good about ME. Nowadays, I still have my days where I get down on myself. But that doesn't last long.

Bunny211

^^^

This.

Doing the steps (I'm currently in my 9th step amends) helped me realize who I WAS. Before my 4th step I can honestly say I did not know who I was.

I've gained a lot of self acceptance through doing the steps. One of the things that popped up so much in my step work was my feeling of complete and utter worthlessness. Most of my fears boiled down to the fact that I felt worthless and was afraid others would see that too...and abandon me or leave me and that would just solidify that I was, indeed, worthless.

I rarely feel worthless today. I feel like I am here for a reason...even if only to help the next drunk!

Do the steps. They work!

KiKi0615

Hi Sam,

You got some great advice here. Just wanted to give you a cyber (((hug))).

maimaitreya

I hated myself forever. Really my whole life I've always felt worthless and a failure. I realized through reading that I was suffering from emotional/physical abuse stemming from childhood. My self esteem was crushed never to return. It was a hard pill to swallow. Someone once said "alcoholics are ego maniacs with low self esteem." That's me. I could tell you how to solve all world problems but couldn't get through my own day without drinking or drugging.
After reading about EA I realized I'd become a victim and was living accordingly. Always pointing the finger, people pleasing, then resenting,anger and depression/suicidal thoughts. Really mixed up. I also realized after reading up on EA that I was committing this heinous crime myself by drinking and getting wasted in front of my young daughter. It broke my heart. Now I was looking at myself and I was hurting this innocent child whom I love. With nothing left and no more excuses or fight in me I knew had to change and change everything.
I felt that in my heart I must learn to love myself if I was ever going to have a chance. I listened to a talk given by a buddist monk in Tibet and he said, "I have taken refuge in the Mai Maitreya, the love of self and through this have come to know compassion and love for all living things. For only through loving ourselves can we come to know god and true happiness arises." I wanted that! I wanted to take refuge in the Mai Maitreya. I wanted to love myself. I looked deep into my heart and asked myself who I really was. Was I a piece of self center s*** by nature? or was I a kind and compassionate man who could feel true sorrow and empathy for all who suffered and for all living things. The answer that came to me through the fog was that I was in fact a good person with much love in my heart, and I was courageous and had to start living that reality. That was god in my tiny mind. Since then I have taken steps toward the Mai Maitreya everyday. I pray and meditate, reciting mantras and singing Ohm....I ask for god to enter my life and guide me. I study up on eastern spiritual beliefs. Everyday. I talk less and listen more. I don't let that demon voice in my mind get the upper hand. I recite specific prayer to remove this voice. Everyday. I exercise and try to eat healthy to take care of myself. Everyday. I feed my spiritual energy without embarrassment or shame. I have given myself over to god, the supreme being.
I quit drinking and asked for help.
I've had a spiritual awakening.
I have taken refuge in the Mai Maitreya.

Mountainmanbob

I had run such a muck with my drinking that I did not like myself for a few months after I stopped drinking. I was in much trouble with everyone around me including the judge.

Once I started making the right decisions and working them out in my life I noticed I started to like myself more and more and the people around me also enjoyed me more sober.

It all takes time and doing the right things for a change.

MM

thomas11

When I got some sober time under my belt and I could look people in the eye and in the mirror and know that I was living a good, quality life. Everything was built upon not letting alcohol drag me down.