buzzbee83

Yes, definitely wanting counseling. I have no idea where to start looking, but my hubby and I talked about it this morning.
Thanks for all the positive words and encouragement. It means a lot.
Today is day 4. I felt better last night than I have in sooo long. I feel like I can look people in the eye and not feel ashamed and scared that someone would know that I was drunk. I slept much better last night. No more night sweats and no nightmares. Thank God. I tried to have a cup of coffee this morning and that was a bad idea. I got jittery, anxious and a little sweaty. Not as bad as 2 mornings ago. I couldn't even put makeup on without the sweat melting it right off.
I am a bit nervous because my hubby is leaving tomorrow to visit his brother that has colon cancer and won't be home until Saturday night. I have made a lot of plans so that I won't be home much. I also know that I have my AA friend that I can call if I need to. I feel absolutely NO urge to drink right now, but I know that it can all change in an instant. I am actually excited about how good I feel. It's almost a euphoric feeling. Is that normal? Anyone else feel that way?

buzzbee83

Awesome. That is inspiring. Hope I can too. Kudos to you!

Soberwolf

I think staying in touch with your aa friend everyday is a excellent idea as well as going meetings with said friend

Good job n day 4

Cherrybreeze

I was the same with the closet drinking. No one had any idea how much I was drinking. Opening that door and letting someone in is a HUGE and positive step.

I am glad your husband is so supportive. I talked to my brother and sister-in-law when I decided to quit, as they had gone through the same thing....her hiding her drinking, and eventually coming clean about it all. He said his response was actually huge relief, as it was something that could be dealt with/helped rather than a problem with their marriage itself. That was seven years ago, and they are stronger than ever. Keep things open and honest with him and keep moving forward!

Easy2slip

Welcome to you and glad you are here.

I am in my first weeks of sobriety and know the first days are hardest.

But you CAN do this !!

SweatyHands

Great work on your detox and sobriety! For finding counseling resources, try contacting the department head (or just any members of the faculty) of a local university's graduate program for psychology. They know who's working in your specific area of need, and can likely recommend a therapist who they personally know. And, if you are concerned about the temptations of alone time at home, why not invite your AA friend over to keep you company in the evening? It helps to reprogram ourselves to focus our normal triggers into opportunities to work on recovery.

Hevyn

So proud of you for reaching Day 4. We know how hard it is.

Meraviglioso

Wow, what a strong, brave woman you are. Congratulations for taking your life back and addressing this problem. I also have two children and they were a huge motivation for me to get sober. I hated them seeing me drunk or incapable- not to mention the danger of me being drunk while caring for them.
I also would definitely encourage counselling, you have been through so much. Just reading your story I thought "god, how does anyone survive so much?" it was painful to read and I am just a bystander on the internet, I can only imagine how you feel. Really, you are amazing to have kept putting on for in front of the other and gotten this far. Just think what you can do when you get sober! We are all here for you anytime you feel weak. Do invite your AA friend over while your husband it out. It would be nice to have some company, wouldn't it? If not, this site is active 24/7.
Sending you a huge hug!

waywardson8260

Welcome and congratulations on your first three days sober!

Buzzbee

Made it yesterday and today with hubby being out of town. Bought myself a new journal and some hair color. Gave myself a little makeover and stayed super busy. It's nice driving around and not being paranoid and scared about getting pulled over. It's also nice driving past all the places I used to stop to buy alcohol
I'm not having to hide bottles or sit on the floor in the dark, drinking just to function. Sleep has been good. I've enjoyed being around people the last couple days and not sneaking off to a bathroom to drink my stash just to get through. I forgot that I like myself. I've committed to going to AA every Monday nights for step meetings. Lucky for me my friend chairs that meeting and they're starting step one this Monday. I'm excited, willing and ready for this. There was a brief second that I thought I could easily drink and no one would know, but as soon as I thought about my last drunk and my girls, the thought was gone. Not gonna lie, I'm proud of myself and am hopeful that I can do this. I'm so lucky to have this forum to read. Very helpful to me.

Hevyn

How great is that, Buzzbee. Staying busy was key for me. Glad you are sleeping - that's often a problem early on. Things will keep getting better.

sugarbear1

Work those steps with a sponsor and see what happens!

uncorked

Wow, buzzbee, what courage and strength you have to do that all by yourself. I'm glad you made the choice to quit and that you have a loving husband who will stand by you and support you. I don't know you but I'm proud of you. :-)

ZenLifter

Wow, Buzzbee....just found this thread. Your story is terrible and amazing. So impressive that you found the strength to taper yourself after that kind of drinking history. That part about falling down in front of your kids and terrifying them reminds me of Meg Ryan in When a Man Loves a Woman. So glad you are here with us in your journey toward sobriety

Buzzbee

It was really hard to do anything at all the first few days. Especially while tapering. I was terrified to leave the house. Now I don't want to be home.

Buzzbee

I have before and was sober 2 years. That was 7 years ago. Stopped going to AA and gave up on life when I found my ex dead. That's when I should've clung to the tables.

Buzzbee

Thanks. Totally feeling the love. My life really is pretty awesome now. I have no reason to drink. The past does haunt me, which is why we are looking into counseling. There's a lot of other horrible stuff, not posted. I've had a crappy life, but I have an awesome family now. I try to never talk about my past. I have suppressed it with alcohol. :/ Time to move on and truly be happy to the core.

Buzzbee

Thank you so much. I never want my daughter to see me fall and cry because she's scared ever again. That truly was the turning point for me.
Big hugs back to you.