Weasel's Vacation Thread
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Hello everyone!
Thought I would give a proper close out to this thread. Work returns Monday for which I am grateful and happy to go back to. I love what I do and enjoy the constant learning and opportunity it offers me. Don't they say that if you love what you do then you never work a day in your life? That was not always true but at this stage in my life I believe it to be.
I turn 50 in just a few weeks. That's weighing heavy on me. I don't see it as an oxbow that I use to carry forward the pains of my past. Rather I see it as a liberating moment. I point in time where I can see from my mountain top a full 360 degrees of my life. Nothing seems hidden any more. An honesty about myself. My weaknesses. My strengths. My needs. My wants. And most of all, my hopes.
In my liberation, the weight comes not from fear. It comes from anticipation.
True, I did not post yesterday. I did get out and about but I was quiet. I spent the afternoon shredding old cards from loves past and family... pictures of me and others in more innocent times... Yet times that brought great pain by both my own hand and by others.
I fed the shredder my old writings. Some going back to my youth when life was about surviving my step father. A time when domestic violence was a hush term and the violators seen but not held accountable. The abused had no power to save themselves. Not like today.
I shredded poems. In the prose an idealistic optimism leaped off the page. Many cries for help. Many hopes that would never materialize. The words were rather deep and cryptic but I knew where they came from so to me they rang as loud today as they did then. Only now they don't have the same power. I got to see them play out and I know how things end.
And end they must. Putting things behind me and stepping off them is way different than burying them deeper into my heart. It's a relief to feel this free. Free not because I tossed some old memories. But for the fact that the power those things had was being carried forward in my need to reflect back, read and re-read the pain. I kept that all alive for decades. Drinking never allowed anything to escape. Drugging only changed perception not reality.
I have been through this process before and each time it helps more and more. I don't spend time in yesterday mode as much. I have left behind the pain and have only taken with me the lessons.
Thanks for sharing my vacation with me. I enjoyed the time off and sharing here with you all. Have a great sober rest of your day!
Ken
Thought I would give a proper close out to this thread. Work returns Monday for which I am grateful and happy to go back to. I love what I do and enjoy the constant learning and opportunity it offers me. Don't they say that if you love what you do then you never work a day in your life? That was not always true but at this stage in my life I believe it to be.
I turn 50 in just a few weeks. That's weighing heavy on me. I don't see it as an oxbow that I use to carry forward the pains of my past. Rather I see it as a liberating moment. I point in time where I can see from my mountain top a full 360 degrees of my life. Nothing seems hidden any more. An honesty about myself. My weaknesses. My strengths. My needs. My wants. And most of all, my hopes.
In my liberation, the weight comes not from fear. It comes from anticipation.
True, I did not post yesterday. I did get out and about but I was quiet. I spent the afternoon shredding old cards from loves past and family... pictures of me and others in more innocent times... Yet times that brought great pain by both my own hand and by others.
I fed the shredder my old writings. Some going back to my youth when life was about surviving my step father. A time when domestic violence was a hush term and the violators seen but not held accountable. The abused had no power to save themselves. Not like today.
I shredded poems. In the prose an idealistic optimism leaped off the page. Many cries for help. Many hopes that would never materialize. The words were rather deep and cryptic but I knew where they came from so to me they rang as loud today as they did then. Only now they don't have the same power. I got to see them play out and I know how things end.
And end they must. Putting things behind me and stepping off them is way different than burying them deeper into my heart. It's a relief to feel this free. Free not because I tossed some old memories. But for the fact that the power those things had was being carried forward in my need to reflect back, read and re-read the pain. I kept that all alive for decades. Drinking never allowed anything to escape. Drugging only changed perception not reality.
I have been through this process before and each time it helps more and more. I don't spend time in yesterday mode as much. I have left behind the pain and have only taken with me the lessons.
Thanks for sharing my vacation with me. I enjoyed the time off and sharing here with you all. Have a great sober rest of your day!
Ken
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,633
Your attitude about the old memories was really helpful, Ken. It's a coincidence, but today I went through some old cards & photos too. Usually I get so upset that I just put everything away again without throwing anything away. Today was different - I'm so tired of being haunted by yesterday's heartache. I ripped up the things that hurt & serve no purpose. I feel so much lighter. Thanks for reinforcing my decision. 
I'm so happy you enjoy your work. Have a great Monday - and thanks for the enjoyable shared vacation.
Please let us come along again next time.
I'm so happy you enjoy your work. Have a great Monday - and thanks for the enjoyable shared vacation.
Please let us come along again next time.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Good morning Ken. I turned fifty a few years ago. It is a great time of life. Like you, put the past into the past while taking the lessons learned forward. My life has opened up immensely with age. I wouldn't change anything in my life because it has made me me but there are things that just aren't worth dwelling on and moving forward from.
Loved going on the staycation with you.
Loved going on the staycation with you.
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