James90

As good as some of my friends are,and obviously many good times were had when alcohol was flowing. Many of them understand my situation and would never encourage or offer me a drink as they know how hard it would be for me to turn it down. But I feel I am Isolating myself a bit more than I should be , just because I don't want to put myself or them in that situation, and its getting to the stage where I'm almost cutting people off and that's making me upset in a way, which won't do me any good either. Anyone else have this kind of problem? I really want to be social and get back to having fun , but I don't no how I'm going to react to that first encounter back with friends where alcohol is present. I know I'm going to have to face it some time though as I can't hide forever, I'm not quite sure what to do. Any ideas guys?

madgirl

How long have you been sober James?

Did you and your friends ever hang out together without alcohol being front and center?

entropy1964

I would suggest hanging out with the friends that support you in an environment that doesn't involve alcohol. Whether its something like golf, or hiking, or a movie. You'll find out who your real friends are this way.

If you want to make new friends there are always recovery groups or meet ups. Meetups have groups where alcohol is present, but tons of groups where it isn't.

Anna

This is one of the tough parts of recovery. I think we often have to change activities and friends in order to support our recovery. For me, I couldn't be comfortable around alcohol for many months.

James90

Nope, alcohol was always present in most social activities and I'm 5 months.

frankster

I've had to cut myself off. I'm resigned to starting over. I tried to hold onto drinking buddy friendships and it didn't work. They basically ditched me and when I sought them out I eventually started drinking with them again. I had a conversation last night with one of them and spelled it out where I was. That I'd never drink with him again and if he wanted to be my friend we couldn't drink together. We had a long chat about our drinking and friendship and by the end of it he had decided he was going to quit drinking as well. I hope he does. I'll be guarded until I see he has. I'm seeking new friends that don't drink or do drugs. I'm willing to be by myself until that happens. My life is changing, I have to protect my sobriety. Mind you I'm not as young as I used to be when I first tried to get sober. Socializing was a lot more important then, and it seemed like everyone I knew was a boozer. I had a hard time letting go. I stayed in my social circle and paid the price. Lots of my old drinking friends are real sick now. One will likely die soon. None have stopped. Stay the coarse. Look at your friendships objectively. Walk away from any that involve or revolve around using, would be my advice. Some don't have to go this route. I do. I have to stay sober. My life is on the line.

madgirl

obviously many good times were had when alcohol was flowing
I really want to be social and get back to having fun

Think all the way through the snippets your brain is offering up for your review - those scenarios where the alcohol was flowing. Obviously the scenarios turned dark, turned on you, or you probably wouldn't be here

madgirl

And listen, I am not trying to sound like some kind of killjoy. I really REALLY get how strange this is - and heck, you are farther down the sober trail than me at 5 months I am MARRIED to a drinking buddy, so yeah, it is strange territory to commit to sobriety.

If they truly care for you, they'll want to spend time with you doing new things in which alcohol isn't front and center. If you find they don't care to do those things, than it really wasn't that you they cared for - just a mutual love of being drunk.

LadyBlue0527

Definitely one of the hardest parts of being sober. I quickly found out what the term real friend means. Those who like you as a drinking buddy will make themselves scarce. This who are real will support you and have your back. It hurts. Finding out that some of the people you hung with weren't as close as you thought.

There will come a day when you can be around it without white knuckling. Only you know when that is.

Regardless, I've not ever been under the circumstance where I'm comfortable if their goal was to get annihilated. Why would I?

Again, your call but do you really see yourself hanging out with a bunch of people getting drunk and feeling ok with it?

biminiblue

I think it can be both, madgirl. I'm certain that your husband and James's friends care about you both. It is just a very large leap for most people to give up alcohol - for a whole lot of reasons. I hope you don't take it personally if your husband continues to drink. It's not about you in any way. If he has a problem with alcohol, it's going to need to be sorted, but give yourself time to get your legs. I wouldn't make any statements that I couldn't take back in early days. Give yourself at least six months of working on your own sobriety before you get into arguments about it. You're going to be able to observe him from a different angle in these next few months.

In my case I put boundaries around my presence where alcohol was being used to excess. When people were drinking I quietly left or stayed clear of the heavy drinkers. It changes them into people who are difficult to talk with so it was better for me not to try, but it is unrealistic to think I'll never be around it.

Camery03

I too am in the early stages of sobriety, but have made the decision to steer clear of my "drinking friends and family". Most or all were in the same boat I was just over a week ago-- drinking everyday to oblivion all day everyday.
I have distanced myself from situations where I know where there will be any sort of drinking, which this time of year, is most every situation.
I have a few friends who don't drink, and have never drank, so I have surrounded myself with them, versus putting myself in an uncomfortable situation, as much as I miss all things Milwaukee! ( which equals beer everywhere)

chrcarlson

I'm a bit over 5 months sober. I occasional go around friends that drink but I avoid it if I've been thinking about drinking myself. A little advice from my sponsor: As yourself why you are going and be honest about it. The friends that I do see are very supportive and complement me on not drinking. Others have tired to push a drink on me, I'll never see any of them again.

thomas11

Welcome James, you pose a good question and one that is brought up regularly here. Many good responses already. I do believe age is a significant factor, the younger you are, the more social you likely are, and that makes it more difficult. Speaking for myself, you must accept that your life will be different sober. It just is. Unfortunately one of those things that is different is your social life. It's not realistic to think that you are going to go out and party with your friends and its going to be just like it was, except no drinking. Now, how you navigate through these challenges is up to you. Life can still be fun, its just different that it used to be. Again, that is just my assessment.

madgirl

Sorry - my response was harsh.

I haven't said anything to husband at all about his drinking. I am keeping my head down and mouth shut 🙂

James - bimini is right - I am sure they care for you. It may be up to you to organize sober friendly events though if your former experiences revolved around alcohol.

MIRecovery

I found a very easy test to weed out drinking buddies from friends. Invite people to things where they know up front there will be no alcohol. Friends will come drinking buddies won't. Unfortunately don't be surprised if no one shows up.

Soberwolf

so many social activities revolve around not drinking