hello from a very lonely sad person
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome aboard Karleen. Lots of friends and people who understand you here. And lots at your local AA meeting as well. You might be surprised how many ladies are in / were in your position.
It's very hard to break out of the cycle (or, as I call it, the Vortex). But the good news is that there are lots of us standing on the life rafts of recovery waiting to reach out so you can grab a hand and hold on tight, until you find yourself sober and safely I the life raft yourself.
Maybe have a look at the meetings near you. http://aamadisonwi.org/madison/
It's very hard to break out of the cycle (or, as I call it, the Vortex). But the good news is that there are lots of us standing on the life rafts of recovery waiting to reach out so you can grab a hand and hold on tight, until you find yourself sober and safely I the life raft yourself.
Maybe have a look at the meetings near you. http://aamadisonwi.org/madison/
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi Karleen and welcome to SR. You will find a lot of company here in striving to achieve and maintain sobriety, you won't be alone here. I hope you can be inspired to quit drinking. There is plenty to read on the site and I believe you will find others you can relate to here and get some solid sober ground under your feet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by KarleenM 
Hi, I would like to join and become part of something. I seem to be mentally addicted to drinking boozy beer, don't know how to un-program myself...I'm 64, on the verge of retiring, am divorced, still living in the house I lived in when i was married (he left, and I've been here, and stuck, which I think drinking has a lot to do with being stuck)...want to change, but I feel so utterly alone.
I'm 2.5 years sober and joyful and free now. It started when I walked through the doors of AA and logged into this place.
You can live a much richer, happier life.... you need only choose it and begin to take action.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: manchester uk
Posts: 1,131
Hi Karleen
You never have to feel alone again.
I felt like you 2 months ago but now it's like WOW i have an amazing extended family.
There is always someone to talk to or even just listen . Great bunch of people. xx
You never have to feel alone again.
I felt like you 2 months ago but now it's like WOW i have an amazing extended family.
There is always someone to talk to or even just listen . Great bunch of people. xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
Stick around here, Karleen; it's a wonderful site full of support and wisdom.
I joined ten years ago. I can't count how many times I stopped and started drinking during that period, but never have I ever read a single critical or judgmental post in these forums. Only welcomes and understanding and genuine caring support. It's a true community of people who've all been where you're at!
Best hopeful wishes,
Arp
I joined ten years ago. I can't count how many times I stopped and started drinking during that period, but never have I ever read a single critical or judgmental post in these forums. Only welcomes and understanding and genuine caring support. It's a true community of people who've all been where you're at!
Best hopeful wishes,
Arp
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Welcome Karleen! My drinking "career" started right after my divorce almost 6 years ago. I too feel so lonely and depressed most of the time. What I have realized in the last few weeks is my loneliness and depression is because of my drinking. I'm so focused on the next drink that I don't try to really live.
The only way for you (and me) to have a better life is to quit drinking. That is not easy, but it is doable. You're in a great place for support.
The only way for you (and me) to have a better life is to quit drinking. That is not easy, but it is doable. You're in a great place for support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 6
Thank you to all. It brought tears to my eyes just reading them. I didn't have any beer today. I know that I have been really stuck in mud for a very long time. It has kept me from being able to sort out things, my house reflects the chaos in my mind. Sometimes I just hate being here because of all the undone things that need to be done, and my complete inertia probably has a lot to do with alcohol. I'd like to understand more. The funny thing is, or not so funny, is that day after drinking leaves me angry and hating people and hating myself and then I am lonely but at the same time ready to lash out at anyone you know? And feeling this need to get this house in order so I can get out of it is causing me terrible anxiety, reminds me of a Doors song that goes along the line of not getting out of here alive. And it is a very scary place to be. So thank you for the support. I'll try to come here everyday. I need it. And at times when I feel like going out and getting that beer, I'll come here first for a little persuasion to not do it. That acronym, HALT, that we should never be, is kind of hard when you are completely isolated all the time. I go to work, hate my job, come home to a house that makes me want to scream, and the way I deal with it is by not dealing with it. And the years of not dealing with it has taken its toll. My brother was a heavy alcoholic as was my mother, and in looking back, I wonder about things. Was my mom stuck too? We'd left New York as kids in junior high, and moved to Illinois. That was when she started drinking and maybe she wanted to go back but couldn't get unstuck, like I am feeling. And my brother cried a lot when he drank, and he lived in the past, had no friends, or present or future. I'm beginning to see similarities there too. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to live in dark days recovering from the drunk I'd put on the night before. I don't want to be angry all the time and it seems I am angry. At who? Me, I guess. I don't want to be the Rhumba vacuum that continually goes in circles and walks into walls and goes nowhere.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
What you say about your house reminds me of my bedroom right before I quit drinking. It was absolutely a reflection of my mind. I hated being there. I was afraid of it, in fact, because it was the scene of the crime... I was afraid to go home because that was where I drank and the drinking was so awful. I was so, so trapped and desperate in my life.
It is possible to get unstuck. I got sober and I moved out of that apartment. Now I live somewhere that I like to come home to because it's a place where I treat myself kindly. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I wouldn't have believed it to be possible based on where I was this time last year.
I'm really glad you didn't drink today!
It is possible to get unstuck. I got sober and I moved out of that apartment. Now I live somewhere that I like to come home to because it's a place where I treat myself kindly. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I wouldn't have believed it to be possible based on where I was this time last year.
I'm really glad you didn't drink today!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
It's never to late to make the change, Karleen, to strive towards living the life you want to live. As long as you're still on the green side of the lawn you can improve your life.
SR is such a great place! I think it will help you stay in the right frame of mind. There are folks from all over the world in every time zone so there's almost always someone around, no matter the hour.
SR is such a great place! I think it will help you stay in the right frame of mind. There are folks from all over the world in every time zone so there's almost always someone around, no matter the hour.
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