Today I don't feel good
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Originally Posted by MissPerfumado 
Please don't feel like you're annoying anyone by posting - we are all helping each other through sobriety here and to achieve a happier, stronger sobriety too.
I've followed your story and can see you have been actively trying to adopt a positive and proactive stance towards the challenges you're facing but can't help having feelings of self pity or worry for the future. That's all understandable to a degree.
However I think the underlying reason for your resentment at your current situation is that you feel it was bad luck more than anything that you are facing your legal issues now. If you hadn't been caught you would be on your merry way to the career you'd been pursuing and that would be that. It was just that one night and why did you have to be caught that one night ... and now have your brilliant career in jeopardy before it's even properly started.
I am also a professional but a few years older than you, in my forties. I underperformed throughout my career due to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind that the trajectory of my career with drinking vs what it could have been sober shows a substantial gap between the two. The problem worsened as my alcoholism progressed. I'm only now catching up again to my potential but I have fewer years left to do this. You on the other hand may have obstacles to face now but have the chance to make strong steady gains for all the years to come.
There are many opportunities that come up through a person's career that can take you places if you seize them ... and then make the most of them. It's the latter that ultimately counts. Your history is not going to stop those opportunities from coming your way. It wouldn't have stopped those that I had. But alcoholism will prevent you from really capitalising on them. It did for me.
Having said all that, a successful career is not the most important ingredient for a happy life. I'm really happy now even if I didn't kick all of the big goals in my career. And sobriety makes me the happiest I've ever been.
However if your career is what you're concerned about then believe me when I say that getting and heeding a wake up call about drinking now is the best career boost you will have in the long run.
I've followed your story and can see you have been actively trying to adopt a positive and proactive stance towards the challenges you're facing but can't help having feelings of self pity or worry for the future. That's all understandable to a degree.
However I think the underlying reason for your resentment at your current situation is that you feel it was bad luck more than anything that you are facing your legal issues now. If you hadn't been caught you would be on your merry way to the career you'd been pursuing and that would be that. It was just that one night and why did you have to be caught that one night ... and now have your brilliant career in jeopardy before it's even properly started.
I am also a professional but a few years older than you, in my forties. I underperformed throughout my career due to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind that the trajectory of my career with drinking vs what it could have been sober shows a substantial gap between the two. The problem worsened as my alcoholism progressed. I'm only now catching up again to my potential but I have fewer years left to do this. You on the other hand may have obstacles to face now but have the chance to make strong steady gains for all the years to come.
There are many opportunities that come up through a person's career that can take you places if you seize them ... and then make the most of them. It's the latter that ultimately counts. Your history is not going to stop those opportunities from coming your way. It wouldn't have stopped those that I had. But alcoholism will prevent you from really capitalising on them. It did for me.
Having said all that, a successful career is not the most important ingredient for a happy life. I'm really happy now even if I didn't kick all of the big goals in my career. And sobriety makes me the happiest I've ever been.
However if your career is what you're concerned about then believe me when I say that getting and heeding a wake up call about drinking now is the best career boost you will have in the long run.
I really do hope my life will turn around sooner rather than later, and I hope that this isn't the end of my story or career. Everyone tells me one day at a time, and that alone is driving me crazy. How can I live one day at a time when I am at someone elses mercy? I cant even make decisions for myself right now, it angers me. I just want it to be over with now, I want my life back now, I want my future back now...but its in someone elses hands. Sometimes I wish I wouldnt get up the next day. I dont live for myself right now. I live for my family because if I end, it hurts them more than me. Even if it means suffering each and everyday...
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Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Poor appetite is common in early sobriety... But you really need to eat something.... Not eating could make you feel worse... Is there someone to help you get something to eat if you can't do it?
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Originally Posted by Anna
I think that you have to dig deep right now and search for things that make you feel good about yourself.
Try getting involved in some kind of volunteer work. Get outside of your head, get involved in something you care about and give back to your community. Volunteer work saved my life when all I could think about was how badly I had messed up my life.
Try getting involved in some kind of volunteer work. Get outside of your head, get involved in something you care about and give back to your community. Volunteer work saved my life when all I could think about was how badly I had messed up my life.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
we live our lives one day at a time SA. We rebuild it the same way. I know it is hard to let go of what happened when you have legal matters over your head, but try to accept that what';s done is done - there's nothing you can do to change any of that.
There's a lot you can do with your today tho. Anna's volunteering idea is brilliant - it really helped me get out of my own head and my own self pity.
Take it easy on yourself. You're much more than the things you did as a drinker
D
There's a lot you can do with your today tho. Anna's volunteering idea is brilliant - it really helped me get out of my own head and my own self pity.
Take it easy on yourself. You're much more than the things you did as a drinker
D
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Today I have been trying to make myself feel better and no so worried about everything. I know I am worried about things that I absolutely have no control over at this point. I am scared how I am going to get through these next several days before my next trial date. I am afraid of how hard things are going to be for me. I don't know how I am going to be able to find a job and get around without a license for a year. I am trying to believe in supernatural favor that such a thing won't happen, but I am in a lot of fear and theres nothing I can do about it. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. I hate these circumstances and worse of all I hate myself and the miserable failure I have become.
I just want to get through this already and its so frustrating that there is absolutely nothing I can do now to make the situation better. I will keep following everyones advice and keep trying to take this one day at a time but I am going absolutely crazy. My stomach hurts and I just cant seem to focus on anything.
I hope you're all having a better day than I am. I am sorry for venting and annoying everyone.
I just want to get through this already and its so frustrating that there is absolutely nothing I can do now to make the situation better. I will keep following everyones advice and keep trying to take this one day at a time but I am going absolutely crazy. My stomach hurts and I just cant seem to focus on anything.
I hope you're all having a better day than I am. I am sorry for venting and annoying everyone.
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You are not annoying at all, post as much as you want. Im sorry for the circumstances you are in. I relate a lot to you, I worry and stress A LOT about people and things I cannot control. I have a lot of anxiety and I feel like you are projecting the worst into the future. Things are not as bad as you think. Check out this link: http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-commo...e-distortions/ These are common cognitive distortions that people suffering from anxiety tend to have. Try to distract yourself to take your mind off of your upcoming trial date. Watch a movie or a tv show, prepare yourself some calming herbal tea like peppermint tea or camomile tea, things are not as bad as they seem to you right now. Hope you feel better!!!!
I hope you can soon find some peace of mind. 
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Soberaccountant, you have not become a miserable failure. You made a mistake, and yes it has caused upset in your life, but it doesn't make you a failure. In fact, dealing with the issues at hand will show you that you are not a failure. You are not going to give up.
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Originally Posted by soberaccountant
I do but I get tired and fed up of having to ask for a ride to places. I am supposed to be a man and be able to handle my own things and responsibilities. Now I am just some scumbag sucking off of my family, burdening them with my problems. I wasnt supposed to be a burden, I was supposed to be a supporter. I dont know what I am now. I just want things to be better.
There are three "supposed to's" in your brief post above. I'm gonna challenge you to ponder about what "supposed to" really means. I think the most important "supposed to" is to just "be"...be yourself ... accept yourself at your essence, even if you are not where you want to end up being/doing...
It's the "supposed-to's" that can get us really hung up and not empowered to take action and do what little we can do to feel better. You feel you're a burden, therefore don't want to ask for help. You feel you are supposed to be a man and take care of everything, so you don't like the idea of others taking care of you even if that is what you need right now.
You are supposed to be a supporter? Says who? Sometimes you are not in a position to be supportive and that's okay ! Hang in there and likely there will come a time when can you be a supporter. There are no expectations here, and even in face to face life- sure there are perhaps folks who expect to be supported, but if you can't support them right now, you can't and there's maybe not a darn thing anyone can do about that, beside ride it out and see what the future brings.
I'm challenging you to drop the "supposed to's" right now and just BE. Or: CONVERT those supposed-to's... The "supposed-to's" can really be a road block to doing what you CAN do ( even if it feels small). And sometimes you just have to concentrate on doing the most important things (like EAT). Another thing to think about is that there are many people who actually love to help others...they have a need to be needed, I guess...so by letting them help you you really are in a way helping them, even if you don't feel like you are helping them. Just something to think about.
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Originally Posted by Saskia
I'm sorry you don't feel very good today. It sounds like having something healthy to eat would be a good thing to do in any case. If you can get out of your own head and help someone else, that might leave you feeling better. Have you ever tried a gratitude list? I know that can sound silly when you are feeling down but there is a chance it might help a bit.
Hope you feel better soon .
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Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Hmmm. let's see....
There are three "supposed to's" in your brief post above. I'm gonna challenge you to ponder about what "supposed to" really means. I think the most important "supposed to" is to just "be"...be yourself ... accept yourself at your essence, even if you are not where you want to end up being/doing...
It's the "supposed-to's" that can get us really hung up and not empowered to take action and do what little we can do to feel better. You feel you're a burden, therefore don't want to ask for help. You feel you are supposed to be a man and take care of everything, so you don't like the idea of others taking care of you even if that is what you need right now.
You are supposed to be a supporter? Says who? Sometimes you are not in a position to be supportive and that's okay ! Hang in there and likely there will come a time when can you be a supporter. There are no expectations here, and even in face to face life- sure there are perhaps folks who expect to be supported, but if you can't support them right now, you can't and there's maybe not a darn thing anyone can do about that, beside ride it out and see what the future brings.
I'm challenging you to drop the "supposed to's" right now and just BE. Or: CONVERT those supposed-to's... The "supposed-to's" can really be a road block to doing what you CAN do ( even if it feels small). And sometimes you just have to concentrate on doing the most important things (like EAT). Another thing to think about is that there are many people who actually love to help others...they have a need to be needed, I guess...so by letting them help you you really are in a way helping them, even if you don't feel like you are helping them. Just something to think about.
There are three "supposed to's" in your brief post above. I'm gonna challenge you to ponder about what "supposed to" really means. I think the most important "supposed to" is to just "be"...be yourself ... accept yourself at your essence, even if you are not where you want to end up being/doing...
It's the "supposed-to's" that can get us really hung up and not empowered to take action and do what little we can do to feel better. You feel you're a burden, therefore don't want to ask for help. You feel you are supposed to be a man and take care of everything, so you don't like the idea of others taking care of you even if that is what you need right now.
You are supposed to be a supporter? Says who? Sometimes you are not in a position to be supportive and that's okay ! Hang in there and likely there will come a time when can you be a supporter. There are no expectations here, and even in face to face life- sure there are perhaps folks who expect to be supported, but if you can't support them right now, you can't and there's maybe not a darn thing anyone can do about that, beside ride it out and see what the future brings.
I'm challenging you to drop the "supposed to's" right now and just BE. Or: CONVERT those supposed-to's... The "supposed-to's" can really be a road block to doing what you CAN do ( even if it feels small). And sometimes you just have to concentrate on doing the most important things (like EAT). Another thing to think about is that there are many people who actually love to help others...they have a need to be needed, I guess...so by letting them help you you really are in a way helping them, even if you don't feel like you are helping them. Just something to think about.
i want you to feel better ,I feel for your deeply
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yesterday i was just plain ole tired. i schlepped around in my jammies, didn't bother to shower, and mustered the bare minimum of housework.
and the world did not slow down one moment because i was not fully present. my entire future did not hang on the fact that i didn't sweep or mop. it was a just a DAY.
try to cut yourself some slack. don't FORCE what just isn't there. do ONE good thing for you.....have a small snack, take a nap, call a friend. ALLOW yourself to not feel so hot and know it will pass.
and the world did not slow down one moment because i was not fully present. my entire future did not hang on the fact that i didn't sweep or mop. it was a just a DAY.
try to cut yourself some slack. don't FORCE what just isn't there. do ONE good thing for you.....have a small snack, take a nap, call a friend. ALLOW yourself to not feel so hot and know it will pass.
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I have the unmistakeable feeling that you will be fine, SA. I think this is because you have a clear-eyed way of viewing and assessing your situation. I also know you're close to your family and your sense of responsibility to them should be a source of strength.
At this juncture in your life, you are being tested. It's a time to show your mettle. All those inspirational quotes one might read about the real measure of a person being demonstrated in tough times not easy ones, now's that sort of time for you.
The main thing is to prepare for and get to your next trial date and then assess the situation once you know what's what about the licence. A friend I regarded as my mentor used to say to me: don't worry about the things you can't control; spend your energy doing something about the things you can.
At this juncture in your life, you are being tested. It's a time to show your mettle. All those inspirational quotes one might read about the real measure of a person being demonstrated in tough times not easy ones, now's that sort of time for you.
The main thing is to prepare for and get to your next trial date and then assess the situation once you know what's what about the licence. A friend I regarded as my mentor used to say to me: don't worry about the things you can't control; spend your energy doing something about the things you can.
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teatreeoil007, I get what you mean and are saying, but part of me is still so angry at myself because this is not supposed to be my life. I guess I am just obsessing on that point so much that it brings me down and puts my emotions in a spiral. I never wanted to have to be dependent upon others, even if that is possibly what I need right now. I just want to get to the point in my life where the wrongs I have committed are righted so I can get back to moving forward with my goals. This whole experience upsets me so much because I am at someone elses mercy and I have virtually no control over my circumstance. I know you're going to come up with a point to counter that, but prior to all this I had a choice in where I wanted to go in life and now I don't. For the next year or however long this is going to last I am at someone elses mercy...and it bothers me and upsets me beyond belief. I cannot seem to accept that. I want to get beyond that and believe otherwise but right now thats what my mind keeps telling me and I dont know how to stop it.
I want these stupid alcohol classes to be over, I want this license ordeal to be over, I want to be able to walk back into court and request my release from probation and expungement of my record...but it brings me down when I realize I have 12-18 months until I am able to do that...and thats if my case doesnt once again get continued next week. I just want the conviction or whatever it is they are going to do to me to happen already so I can just get back to what I was doing.
My days feel so lonely, I can hardly do much anymore. I know I had my gripes about life before but this whole experience makes me realize it wasnt as bad as I thought it was, because what I am going through now is absolute hell from where things were at before.
I wouldnt wish this experience or feelings on anyone. Everyday I go to sleep wishing I wont have to wake up the next day. Everyday I wake up I muster whatever strength I have in me to merely exist. This is no way to live, I dont know how to change it. I just want it to end sometimes.
I am sorry for saying all this, but its the truth and I dont know how to change my mindset right now. This whole one day at a time thing is the source of my misery. I dont know how much I have left in me to go on like this.
I want these stupid alcohol classes to be over, I want this license ordeal to be over, I want to be able to walk back into court and request my release from probation and expungement of my record...but it brings me down when I realize I have 12-18 months until I am able to do that...and thats if my case doesnt once again get continued next week. I just want the conviction or whatever it is they are going to do to me to happen already so I can just get back to what I was doing.
My days feel so lonely, I can hardly do much anymore. I know I had my gripes about life before but this whole experience makes me realize it wasnt as bad as I thought it was, because what I am going through now is absolute hell from where things were at before.
I wouldnt wish this experience or feelings on anyone. Everyday I go to sleep wishing I wont have to wake up the next day. Everyday I wake up I muster whatever strength I have in me to merely exist. This is no way to live, I dont know how to change it. I just want it to end sometimes.
I am sorry for saying all this, but its the truth and I dont know how to change my mindset right now. This whole one day at a time thing is the source of my misery. I dont know how much I have left in me to go on like this.
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Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
I have the unmistakeable feeling that you will be fine, SA. I think this is because you have a clear-eyed way of viewing and assessing your situation. I also know you're close to your family and your sense of responsibility to them should be a source of strength.
At this juncture in your life, you are being tested. It's a time to show your mettle. All those inspirational quotes one might read about the real measure of a person being demonstrated in tough times not easy ones, now's that sort of time for you.
The main thing is to prepare for and get to your next trial date and then assess the situation once you know what's what about the licence. A friend I regarded as my mentor used to say to me: don't worry about the things you can't control; spend your energy doing something about the things you can.
At this juncture in your life, you are being tested. It's a time to show your mettle. All those inspirational quotes one might read about the real measure of a person being demonstrated in tough times not easy ones, now's that sort of time for you.
The main thing is to prepare for and get to your next trial date and then assess the situation once you know what's what about the licence. A friend I regarded as my mentor used to say to me: don't worry about the things you can't control; spend your energy doing something about the things you can.
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