What was it that clicked that made you stop for good?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
What was it that clicked that made you stop for good?
Hi all,
I am not new to SR, but changed my name because I have been on and off here for years. I have managed to quit alcohol for 8 weeks daily. But I have had 2 separate days where I've drank. I want that number to be 0. I have gone to AA, gone to IOP, gone to CR meetings, am reading daily bible devotionals, going to church.
I just want this to stop. Today is day one a g a i n. I want this to be the last day one ever. I've heard time and again how "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink". I feel like I totally do! Yesterday I woke up with no plans to drink. Then it was like something overtook me and next thing I am on my way to the store to buy a bottle of vodka.
Today I wake up with shame, guilt, embarassment, failure, disdain for myself and my weakness. I AM picking myself up, today is a new day. But for those of you who HAVE quit without any relapses. What was it that clicked in your brain? What do you do or tell yourself to keep on the right path?
Thank you for reading. I do appreciate all of your help and words of wisdom. I am just so sick of this. I have made progress (I use to drink nightly - which could stem in to days). So 2 relapses in 2 months is better. But not good enough.
I am not new to SR, but changed my name because I have been on and off here for years. I have managed to quit alcohol for 8 weeks daily. But I have had 2 separate days where I've drank. I want that number to be 0. I have gone to AA, gone to IOP, gone to CR meetings, am reading daily bible devotionals, going to church.
I just want this to stop. Today is day one a g a i n. I want this to be the last day one ever. I've heard time and again how "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink". I feel like I totally do! Yesterday I woke up with no plans to drink. Then it was like something overtook me and next thing I am on my way to the store to buy a bottle of vodka.
Today I wake up with shame, guilt, embarassment, failure, disdain for myself and my weakness. I AM picking myself up, today is a new day. But for those of you who HAVE quit without any relapses. What was it that clicked in your brain? What do you do or tell yourself to keep on the right path?
Thank you for reading. I do appreciate all of your help and words of wisdom. I am just so sick of this. I have made progress (I use to drink nightly - which could stem in to days). So 2 relapses in 2 months is better. But not good enough.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Do you know what triggered you to drink in those circumstances? I think figuring out the triggers is part of being able to find a good plan for avoiding them on dealing with them. Relapse happens before we drink so learning about the relapse ladder and reaching out before you drink might be a handy tool for you in the future.
we can do this! 
glad to see you here. Why don't you join us in the April class?
we can do this! glad to see you here. Why don't you join us in the April class?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
Thank you! I will join you in the April class!
Yes, I know what triggered it - it was dealing for the last time with my xh as he picked up the last things that were his at our home. I have been divorced for 5 years. At this point I don't know if it was a trigger or just an excuse to drink. I have used that reason a lot. Long story short - xh developed a pill problem about 10 years ago due to an rx. He later lost a very good job that he's had for 20 years. He became addicted to heroin when he could no longer afford oxy.
I was fine (or as fine as could be) until I filed for divorce and he left. Then it's as if all of the he(( that I had been through as a very codependent person came to an end and I fell apart. Counselor has labeled it as ptsd, which I agree with. That's when the drinking started. I was never a drinker before other than socially.
So in a sense, I have come full circle becoming a person that I despise (as I did his use). I started drinking to forget. It became a habit. Just like a cup of coffee in the morning. Alcohol became part of my daily life.
I just do not want another day one. No more shame, regret, humiliation and disgust that I've let this demon control me. Yes relapse happened for me yesterday before I even had a bottle in hand.
Yes, I know what triggered it - it was dealing for the last time with my xh as he picked up the last things that were his at our home. I have been divorced for 5 years. At this point I don't know if it was a trigger or just an excuse to drink. I have used that reason a lot. Long story short - xh developed a pill problem about 10 years ago due to an rx. He later lost a very good job that he's had for 20 years. He became addicted to heroin when he could no longer afford oxy.
I was fine (or as fine as could be) until I filed for divorce and he left. Then it's as if all of the he(( that I had been through as a very codependent person came to an end and I fell apart. Counselor has labeled it as ptsd, which I agree with. That's when the drinking started. I was never a drinker before other than socially.
So in a sense, I have come full circle becoming a person that I despise (as I did his use). I started drinking to forget. It became a habit. Just like a cup of coffee in the morning. Alcohol became part of my daily life.
I just do not want another day one. No more shame, regret, humiliation and disgust that I've let this demon control me. Yes relapse happened for me yesterday before I even had a bottle in hand.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Behappy1 
Yesterday I woke up with no plans to drink. Then it was like something overtook me and next thing I am on my way to the store to buy a bottle of vodka.
No one likes discomfort and your addiction can make the unsatisfied need to drink unbearable. But bear it we must.
Stay strong and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Reading and fully understanding the Doctors Opinion in AA Big Book , Psychic change was necessary in my case . My own worst enemy EGO , selfishness , self centered refusing to admit and accept my powerlessness and an unmanageable life ''all created by me and alcohol '' the ''penny finally dropped '' I cannot do this anymore I am totally beat '' 33 years in and out of AA , 2 years , then 20 years got drunk , Suffered from untreated alcoholism and was totally unteachable ''the great I am '' today clean and sober past 10 years had spiritual awakening as the result of the 12 Steps . Absolutely total surrender is essential otherwise you will continually keep repeating the same old pattern , insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results , stopping booze ? is not a ''sacrifice '' take care .
Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
You are right doggonecarl. I had to drive 20 minutes to the store. I did second guess myself along, the way. Knew it was a poor choice. Just one more time was what I was hearing. I had a ton of stuff to do that night and this was the partner to help me do it. Or so I thought.
The 6 hours that I drank before passing out in bed. I've already wasted that much time today with regret, shame, disgust etc.
The 6 hours that I drank before passing out in bed. I've already wasted that much time today with regret, shame, disgust etc.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Originally Posted by Behappy1
But for those of you who HAVE quit without any relapses. What was it that clicked in your brain? What do you do or tell yourself to keep on the right path?
That left me 2 obvious choices - I could continue to be a drunk. Or I could make a change.
I picked Door Number Two and have never looked back.
Good luck. We are pulling for you.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I agree with carl , lots of stopping off points i used to fly by …
In the end what stopped me ? my realisation that 10 years had gone by where i knew i needed to give up , where one last time won out ..
did i want another 10 years of indecision if i were lucky enough to live that long considering the effects of the drink ?
Here i am sober 4 1/2 years on and it has been worthwhile , not always a bed of roses , life still deals you rubbish sometimes …
i think i've lengthened my time on our beautiful planet , seen more places , got out more , had better relationships , found it all less of a struggle .
If not now then when ?
Maybe your 40 like me .. if i gave you 14600 cents ( one for every day till you were 80 if you are really lucky ) remembering one day drinking session will take 2 or 3c because of hangover, misery and health implications if your lucky …
how much you going to throw in the bottle ?
if your life were only 146 days more how many would you like to spend sick and hungover ?
I don't have the time to waste drinking or feeling sick when i don't need to .
Take care , m
In the end what stopped me ? my realisation that 10 years had gone by where i knew i needed to give up , where one last time won out ..
did i want another 10 years of indecision if i were lucky enough to live that long considering the effects of the drink ?
Here i am sober 4 1/2 years on and it has been worthwhile , not always a bed of roses , life still deals you rubbish sometimes …
i think i've lengthened my time on our beautiful planet , seen more places , got out more , had better relationships , found it all less of a struggle .
If not now then when ?
Maybe your 40 like me .. if i gave you 14600 cents ( one for every day till you were 80 if you are really lucky ) remembering one day drinking session will take 2 or 3c because of hangover, misery and health implications if your lucky …
how much you going to throw in the bottle ?
if your life were only 146 days more how many would you like to spend sick and hungover ?
I don't have the time to waste drinking or feeling sick when i don't need to .
Take care , m
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