madgirl

So unsurprisingly, every single person in my life with whom I am close is a drinker, including my own spouse. I resigned from a job I cared about because of my own lack of boundaries and the very pro drinking atmosphere, so I have a lot of time on my hands.

While I can solve one of the issues with H.A.L.T - hunger, lol - I am having a really hard time with the anger, loneliness and tired aspects. Insomnia is causing the T, so maybe that's something I just have to ride out, but the anger and loneliness - what is a good strategy to tackle that?

I am blowing off a get together with a dear friend from high school this weekend because she and her new, younger 2nd husband love to paint the town red and I am NOT up for that kind of social pressure at this point.

Are we supposed to lick our wounds in a cave, basically, and hide from the world we'd created for ourselves while drinking?

Thanks and sorry for so many posts. I feel so lost.

Coldfusion

For my wife and me, AA meetings meant a lot in early recovery. Have you looked into recovery meetings in your area?

madgirl

Hi Coldfusion - ha yes I posted about recovery meetings just today. I am going to read over the sticky posted about recovery groups. I just know me, and I can see myself sitting in some room feeling goofy and awkward, and the prospect (in my present state of mind) sounds about as appealing as root canal.

Volshen

I don't think you'll feel awkward at a meeting .. maybe at first for a few minutes .. but I just feel like I am at the right place and feel a sense of hope.

But that's just my opinion .. try it out. Go to a meeting and see if you identify with them and think meetings can help you.

Anna

Yes, the insomnia usually improves with time. As far as being lonely, that's something you can change. I had to remove some people from my life, including a family member, because they were toxic to me. I decided in week 1 to get involved in volunteering and I spent almost 10 years working with women who lived in the street in my city. It was the best thing I could have done. I met so many amazing women and a couple of the other volunteers became friends and mentors. So, no you don't have to sit home and feel sad. Get out and get involved and enjoy your recovery.

amazingjoy

Hey madgirl! I'm glad you are like me with HALT...food helps a lot! :-)

Do you exercise regularly? That is super helpful for insomnia as well as just general overall well being.

Like you, most of my close friends drink to one extent or the other. I have not needed to cut them out of my life while I "got strong" but it differs for everyone. These friends are not just "social drinking friends"...they are parents of my daughters best friends and we have close personal relationships.

When I have gone out to social events with these friends there is always drinking of some kind. I have volunteered to be the designated driver, I have announced ahead of time to the women that I will not be drinking and then stuck to my choice by instantly saying "no" when pressured that just one should be OK.

I've actually asked my husband to support me...I've announced to him my intentions of not drinking (he drinks "normally").

I have also come onto SR to announce my plan/commitment and then followed up with posting about how it went.

So, I guess my main point about the socialization changes is that I found it very helpful and have had great success with creating accountability for myself.

Soberwolf

Sticking to a recovery plan is essential having a daily to do list will help you too don't try to take on too much watch out for feeling overwhelmed & most importantly reach out & strenghten your acceptance to your situation

Your not alone & you 5000% can do this

Zufrieden

Hi
What Anna said!
I've found volunteering with disenfranchised folks has helped in so many ways. I've grown from being a helper to those in need, I've met new wonderful volunteers. (Many in recovery themselves) and I've spent more time with my children who volunteer with me at times.
Places, at least in the States, that always need help:
Food banks
Homeless shelters
Job and life training centers
Schools ( I garden with my kids' class and tutor a learning disabled boy)
Etc...
And on a different note.... Lots of walking. I walk alone and also once a week with a straight and narrow friend who I never drank with. It's become something I look forward to.
It can get better for you.
Best
Jnathan

doggonecarl

For a little while, yes. It's best to refrain from the "old" life you led as a drinker, at least in the beginning while you get your sober legs under you. If that means hiding, you hide.

Then you go out and carve a new world for yourself. A sober one.

360startstoday

I had to stop talking to someone I used to talk to on a daily basis. I've been all the better for making that choice. I avoid drunk fests (including family functions). I don't go to places that there is alcohol unless I have very clear reason to be there and if I have to be around it, I have a plan in place and my back up Perrier (water lol).

I've gotten involved in things I wouldn't have done previously, social anxiety and what not. But when I got involved I realized that I didn't have the anxiety at all! I joined and am active in my church.

I try to help wherever it is needed.

Don't get complacent. Have a plan and as carl said, carve yourself a NEW life.

madgirl

Hi everyone and thanks for your words. I do exercise regularly - I have for a long time, although since I got sober I've avoided the gym and have opted for walks instead (between 4 - 7 miles a day).

I really think the insomnia is just my body craving sugar (big wine drinker) and that it's just whacked out right now. Hopefully this will pass.

I am sitting on a 26 page packet of paperwork to fill out which is the first step toward volunteering for women who are victims of domestic violence (volunteers understandably have to go through a background check, etc and even some training) - so this is part of the overall plan.

Just really struggling today with the isolation - my world shrank considerably from traveling all over the U.S. to only leaving the house to go buy groceries in the past 30 days ha.