amazingjoy

Just in comparison...

I don't eat meat and I don't decide to eat meat just because I'm out with everyone else who orders meat...

So I'm seeing that my attitude towards drinking should be no different.

It can be easier with new relationships that don't already know you as a drinker that is for sure.

With previous relationships, I have found that I have to be tenacious about saying "no"...I'm still trying to find the right reasons that work for me when I don't want to get into the more personal business...medicine has been an easy one to use so far...

amazingjoy

We were posting at the same time apparently Scott...ha ha! I'm one of those who don't eat meat :-)

thomas11

You guys make a good point regarding being vegan and not drinking. Its only a big deal if I make it a big deal. I hold professionalism in very high regard when speaking in business terms. Drinking does not need to be a part of any conversation.

Scott--To answer your question, with subs I could care less about their own drinking or non-drinking, it was purely on quality of work, professionalism and price. Regarding employees, I did look for recent DUI's or alcohol/drug related offenses.

I will share a story that has stuck with me for 14 years. My father was at the top of the food chain in commercial construction in Las Vegas, he invited me out for a NASCAR weekend. The company had access to 3 suites and seats, for the 3 day event. No restrictions, free everything. I did not drink the entire time as I was wrestling with alcohol even way back then. My father got drunk, beyond what would be considered acceptable for a man in his position. It reflected so poorly on him, I was embarrassed. That event eventually led to his demise.

dwtbd

I hear ya, I've been 'wrestling ' with alcohol from the very first time I tried it, blackout drunk as a young teen and unfortunately found the experience thrilling. Then continued to wrestle with it for 30+ yrs, the only way I ever really got a handle on it was making a Big Plan, 30 yrs too late , but at least finally.
A BP does a body(mind and soul too ) good

Anna

Thomas, this is exactly what I feel, too. They are offering you this job because they know you can do it. Entertaining clients doesn't have to be synonymous with drinking alcohol. Almost any social situation has options of water, if nothing else. Are you comfortable with the idea of being Jeff, the non-drinker?

EndGameNYC

The decision is entirely up to you.

What you might do is add to your recovery plan now instead of later. You recently commented that if you relapse again, then you will definitely go to rehab. Such statements often carry a reservation about drinking: "The next time, I'll take it very seriously."

So many people here, following a relapse, comment that they didn't have a good enough plan, that they could have done more, that they didn't take it as seriously as they might have. There is a lot of room between posting on SR and rehab, and you currently have a great deal of control over your schedule. There's outpatient treatment, alcohol counseling, therapy, and all the variety of treatments that you must have read about in the time you've been here. And there's no reason not to add something substantial to your recovery plan.

Your history demonstrates that although you're eventually willing to acknowledge your mistakes and your poor judgment following a relapse, and sometimes only after a great deal of prodding from others, you haven't done very much in the way of prevention before you pick up the drink each time.

You now have a golden opportunity to make things right for yourself in terms of getting help in order for you to recognize and acknowledge a relapse in the making, and then preventing it from running its course before it's too late.

thomas11

Hi Anna, to answer your question, I'm becoming pretty comfortable with it.

Kind of interesting you brought it up. I hinted at my family and friends that "I'm thinking about quitting drinking all together", and I don't think they took it too serious. But they see that I'm not drinking at all and its pretty quiet around here now (no stopping by, no phone calls etc...) But that's ok.

Dee74

Jeff that's a bit wishy washy don't you reckon?.
Just wondering why you weren't more definite?

D

thomas11

Yeah Dee, it is wishy washy. I have an irrational phobia of speaking in absolutes. Even early on in this process, many folks were pointing out that it is a red flag that I would not commit to saying 100%. I have a reason for it, but its long and convoluted (and boring).

The larger point being, I am not drinking and people are staying away and that kind of stinks. I've been through this before earlier in my life, so its not such a huge surprise or shock.

Dee74

I know I kept drinking for a long time because I didn't want to let my friends down, I didn't want to make other people uncomfortable and I didn't want them to have to change for me...all very noble ideals.,..but less noble when you look at the destruction those decisions caused me.

Self destruction is not a natural state of being. Self survival is.

Maybe like my 'thinking of others before myself' self-sacrifice, your 'irrational fear of absolutes' is really your addictive voice in another guise?

Many people left my life when I got sober - but many more people entered it...real strong friendships have been developed or resumed.

Don't resent the leavers...find new friends worthy of your sober self Jeff

D

buk1000

Very well put Dee. That was exactly my experience as well.

Dharma33

Nothing changes unless nothing changes; I found that certainly, things were quiet on the 'let's hang out' front for a while. It's a process finding out who your real friends are (and this includes family as well).

I have had new opportunities come to me. As time goes, I'm building new friendships. With 100% certainty, I can say that these opportunities and good people have come into my life because of the gift of sobriety.

When I finally accepted that alcohol and drugs were off the table completely, that is when everything started to turn around. It's a relief to not battle with it any longer.

This thread was about your employment opportunity, though...and I hope it works out for you. It may be a great start in setting the stage in your career that you are a non-drinker. (((((Jeff))))

frie.jpg

Nowsthetime

I'm hearing a lot of AV all over your responses. I agree with the people pleasing and expectation from others. This is your life and you make the rules.

Step out of yourself and try to look at this conversation objectively. Remember what you want. Who cares about others expectations, they don't live with the consequences of YOUR actions.

Stay strong, keep your eye on the ball. We are with you.