Fabela's Fabulous Fantastic Freeway to Freedom!
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Re....and I don't deserve to be treated the way I have been treating myself...
This really reminded me of what Ruby Wax says about mindfulness. She said "mindfulness is noticing your thoughts and feelings without kicking your own ass while you're doing it." (Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled).
I think a lot of that inner child work can help with this stuff as well. Instead of punishing that inner child, try to treat her as you would your own child. Nurturing, praising and encouraging when the going gets tough. We don't expect other children to respond to bullying and put-put-down, disgust and contempt, but we seem to somehow think that it will work for us.
This really reminded me of what Ruby Wax says about mindfulness. She said "mindfulness is noticing your thoughts and feelings without kicking your own ass while you're doing it." (Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled).
I think a lot of that inner child work can help with this stuff as well. Instead of punishing that inner child, try to treat her as you would your own child. Nurturing, praising and encouraging when the going gets tough. We don't expect other children to respond to bullying and put-put-down, disgust and contempt, but we seem to somehow think that it will work for us.
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Hey Fab,
I hear what you're saying a little bit differently than Beccy does. Not sure if I'm on track, but what I hear is that you are anxious, you realize it's irrational to feel that way and you know why you feel that way. If I'm on target, I don't think that's a "bad" thing. You're able to identify what you're feeling, you're able to counter that with rational thought, and you're living with it. That last part is the trick, in my estimation. Not saying "Live with it, Fabela," but I'm saying "Good for you for sitting through this, Fabela. Because it's painful to face what hurts you and you're doing it."
Besides, I don't think anxiety about tomorrow is totally unwarranted. I'm sure you're right that it will turn out ok, but wouldn't anyone be anxious about meeting with "the authorities" about whether their children were in a safe environment? I can't imagine even the most well-adjusted person not getting a bit twisted about that.
You're gonna be just fine. You caught yourself early in comparison to the great majority of us and your daily life is showing the benefits. You keep on taking care of Fab in addition to the other things you're doing and I see a very bright future. You know it's not going to be easy to overcome all of that self-loathing but I firmly believe it can be done. (Now you be sure to come over to my place and tell me the same when I'm in need of a pick-me-up, because I suffer from that FUUSS thing just like you do.
)
I hear what you're saying a little bit differently than Beccy does. Not sure if I'm on track, but what I hear is that you are anxious, you realize it's irrational to feel that way and you know why you feel that way. If I'm on target, I don't think that's a "bad" thing. You're able to identify what you're feeling, you're able to counter that with rational thought, and you're living with it. That last part is the trick, in my estimation. Not saying "Live with it, Fabela," but I'm saying "Good for you for sitting through this, Fabela. Because it's painful to face what hurts you and you're doing it."
Besides, I don't think anxiety about tomorrow is totally unwarranted. I'm sure you're right that it will turn out ok, but wouldn't anyone be anxious about meeting with "the authorities" about whether their children were in a safe environment? I can't imagine even the most well-adjusted person not getting a bit twisted about that.
You're gonna be just fine. You caught yourself early in comparison to the great majority of us and your daily life is showing the benefits. You keep on taking care of Fab in addition to the other things you're doing and I see a very bright future. You know it's not going to be easy to overcome all of that self-loathing but I firmly believe it can be done. (Now you be sure to come over to my place and tell me the same when I'm in need of a pick-me-up, because I suffer from that FUUSS thing just like you do.
)
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Fabela, I didn't want to go into long winded things on her, because this thread is about you and your thoughts, but maybe this will help?
I had very similar feeling to you before I saw my therapist. I was psychological, mentally and emotionally abused as a child.
It left me with very little sense of "self" And a very very fragile ego. Ego in a psychotheraputic term is the conscious, thinking "me" part of you.
It's important, because it mediates between the impules coming from the unconscious mind, to being able to survive in "the world"
So distressing emotions are repressed into the unconscious.
But they, if not dealt with, can "rise up" and overpower a fragile ego (the "you"..part of your mind). Thats why you feel fear and depression, self loathing and helplessness, when there is nothing in your immediate world to cause it. These are OLD REPRESSED emotions from the past, that have been stored, pushed down instead of worked through and the energy they generate released.
My therapist said to me halfway through therapy, to "take that little girls hand and for me (the strong surviour, grown woman me) to walk her through the emotions she was scared of.
I was flippin horror struck!!!
I blurted out "But it's (the little girl) mad! I don't want anything to do with it. It'll drag me down and drown me"...I really thought that.
He said.."It? It? Thats a scared little girl, you are talking about. She doesn't have a friend in the world, she's living in the dark, do you want to leave her there?"
So I sarted to feel a bit ashamed of my heartlessness.
He said "We'll take a hand each and lead her through it"
And we did. And all those emotions which are making the "strong" you feel bad, the repressed terror and shame and grief, were dealt with and diffused, so they lost their power.
And I haven't had them since, because they are GONE, not lurking.
I'm sorry I've gone on a bit. I don't even know if you will understand what I'm talking about. But I thought I'd tell you anyway x
I had very similar feeling to you before I saw my therapist. I was psychological, mentally and emotionally abused as a child.
It left me with very little sense of "self" And a very very fragile ego. Ego in a psychotheraputic term is the conscious, thinking "me" part of you.
It's important, because it mediates between the impules coming from the unconscious mind, to being able to survive in "the world"
So distressing emotions are repressed into the unconscious.
But they, if not dealt with, can "rise up" and overpower a fragile ego (the "you"..part of your mind). Thats why you feel fear and depression, self loathing and helplessness, when there is nothing in your immediate world to cause it. These are OLD REPRESSED emotions from the past, that have been stored, pushed down instead of worked through and the energy they generate released.
My therapist said to me halfway through therapy, to "take that little girls hand and for me (the strong surviour, grown woman me) to walk her through the emotions she was scared of.
I was flippin horror struck!!!
I blurted out "But it's (the little girl) mad! I don't want anything to do with it. It'll drag me down and drown me"...I really thought that.
He said.."It? It? Thats a scared little girl, you are talking about. She doesn't have a friend in the world, she's living in the dark, do you want to leave her there?"
So I sarted to feel a bit ashamed of my heartlessness.
He said "We'll take a hand each and lead her through it"
And we did. And all those emotions which are making the "strong" you feel bad, the repressed terror and shame and grief, were dealt with and diffused, so they lost their power.
And I haven't had them since, because they are GONE, not lurking.
I'm sorry I've gone on a bit. I don't even know if you will understand what I'm talking about. But I thought I'd tell you anyway x
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Oh, you sweet, wise women... 
Thank you so much for responding. I'm a bit overwhelmed now and I wish that I could comment on everything that you wrote, but I am afraid that I'll dig myself into a hole again if I go into details.
Becks, I have not tried meditation in the way you describe, but I'm definitely going to give it a try. I tend to turn to sound to make thoughts go away, music, TV, radio. I should be able to be completely quiet. You wrote some very nice things about me too, and I am going to be very un-Norwegian and say thank you.
Obladi, you were on target. That's the hard part, there's this duality in me. There is a constant fight between the rational voice and the destructive/addictive voice, and I wish one of them would win. I know that my feelings are irrational, and I want to do something about them, and yet I feel that I deserve the feelings and even welcome them, because they are so familiar and safe. Makes no sense, right? You said some nice things as well, thank you.
And lein, you know me better than you think. This is the very essence of my problem. Becks, you talked about that little girl too, and I have to take care of her. I am the only one she has, and I need to treat her as I would any other child. I have asked my parents for a picture of me, and I look at it when I feel the urge to cut myself or drink, because I would never cut that little girl in the photo, or force alcohol down her throat. I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to the self loathing and the things I say to myself, but I'm slowly, slowly getting there.
Thank you once again, I am so glad you are here.
Thank you so much for responding. I'm a bit overwhelmed now and I wish that I could comment on everything that you wrote, but I am afraid that I'll dig myself into a hole again if I go into details.Becks, I have not tried meditation in the way you describe, but I'm definitely going to give it a try. I tend to turn to sound to make thoughts go away, music, TV, radio. I should be able to be completely quiet. You wrote some very nice things about me too, and I am going to be very un-Norwegian and say thank you.
Obladi, you were on target. That's the hard part, there's this duality in me. There is a constant fight between the rational voice and the destructive/addictive voice, and I wish one of them would win. I know that my feelings are irrational, and I want to do something about them, and yet I feel that I deserve the feelings and even welcome them, because they are so familiar and safe. Makes no sense, right? You said some nice things as well, thank you.
And lein, you know me better than you think. This is the very essence of my problem. Becks, you talked about that little girl too, and I have to take care of her. I am the only one she has, and I need to treat her as I would any other child. I have asked my parents for a picture of me, and I look at it when I feel the urge to cut myself or drink, because I would never cut that little girl in the photo, or force alcohol down her throat. I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to the self loathing and the things I say to myself, but I'm slowly, slowly getting there.
Thank you once again, I am so glad you are here.
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There's no one I'd rather have in my pocket than you guys. 
I am much calmer now, but we'll see how I feel tomorrow. I have to go to work first, and then I get a few hours at home before the meeting. There is a slight chance that I'll be here constantly after 5 pm Central European Time...
Dogwise I've changed tactics. I contacted the Retriever Club to see if they have dogs that need to be rehomed, and I hit the Jackpot there. They had this four year old Golden, where the owner recently went through a difficult divorce, and she had to change jobs leaving the dog alone outside from 5am to 5pm. She loves the dog to death, but she sees that this is no life for him. She almost wept when I told her that I am going to stay at home for most of the time, at least until August. And even then he won't have to be alone for twelve hours. My husband had to go to a meeting at DD1's school, so he hasn't decided what he wants to do yet, but if I get to vote, I want the dog!
I'll drive down to get him, probably nine hours each way, but I want to see him in his own environment first, and we have decided that if he doesn't settle down with us, she'll take him back and try to find someone else. That's reassuring. (Yes, Becks, I hear your voice in my head saying this is just another way of distracting myself. It might be true. But I want a dog!)
I am much calmer now, but we'll see how I feel tomorrow. I have to go to work first, and then I get a few hours at home before the meeting. There is a slight chance that I'll be here constantly after 5 pm Central European Time...
Dogwise I've changed tactics. I contacted the Retriever Club to see if they have dogs that need to be rehomed, and I hit the Jackpot there. They had this four year old Golden, where the owner recently went through a difficult divorce, and she had to change jobs leaving the dog alone outside from 5am to 5pm. She loves the dog to death, but she sees that this is no life for him. She almost wept when I told her that I am going to stay at home for most of the time, at least until August. And even then he won't have to be alone for twelve hours. My husband had to go to a meeting at DD1's school, so he hasn't decided what he wants to do yet, but if I get to vote, I want the dog!
I'll drive down to get him, probably nine hours each way, but I want to see him in his own environment first, and we have decided that if he doesn't settle down with us, she'll take him back and try to find someone else. That's reassuring. (Yes, Becks, I hear your voice in my head saying this is just another way of distracting myself. It might be true. But I want a dog!)
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Distraction schmaction, this guy sounds perfect!
Sometimes things come your way because the Universe decides you need a little reward...and you know you do.
Just think, we can complain together about how much of our stuff has been chewed on...although, honestly the 3 year old female Golden we got from a rescue was the easiest dog we ever had. Loved that sweet girl...
We're here...keep us posted.
Sometimes things come your way because the Universe decides you need a little reward...and you know you do.
Just think, we can complain together about how much of our stuff has been chewed on...although, honestly the 3 year old female Golden we got from a rescue was the easiest dog we ever had. Loved that sweet girl...
We're here...keep us posted.
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
Just think, we can complain together about how much of our stuff has been chewed on...although, honestly the 3 year old female Golden we got from a rescue was the easiest dog we ever had. Loved that sweet girl...
We're here...keep us posted.
We're here...keep us posted.
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Fabela, I have a meeting at about 5pm your time tomorrow (we are in the same time zone, but should be online at about 5:30 if you need to chat. Reach out anytime. I'll be thinking of you all day.
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Originally Posted by Beccybean
Sounds like the dog and it's current owner need you as well. When will you be going? At the weekend? That's a long old drive. If I drove that long here in the UK I'd fall off the edge!!
I'll probably be going this Friday or Saturday, I'll just have to cancel my haircut and live with grey roots.
I love driving, no problemo. I'm used to driving from Berlevåg to Trondheim, that's more than 2000 km. THAT*S a long drive!
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Great looking dog, open, happy face, tail in excited but relaxed position, off leash but checking in with human...all good!
Based on one photo, 25 years of dog ownership, five years of shelter volunteer experience, and ten years as a licensed veterinary technician...go for it!
Based on one photo, 25 years of dog ownership, five years of shelter volunteer experience, and ten years as a licensed veterinary technician...go for it!
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain
Great looking dog, open, happy face, tail in excited but relaxed position, off leash but checking in with human...all good!
Based on one photo, 25 years of dog ownership, five years of shelter volunteer experience, and ten years as a licensed veterinary technician...go for it!
Based on one photo, 25 years of dog ownership, five years of shelter volunteer experience, and ten years as a licensed veterinary technician...go for it!
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