Update - working my plan
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Update - working my plan
Hello all:
I hope that you are all well in your respective corners of the world. Part of my plan is to stay involved here so here's and update.
I was just in a 5 day training for work I had to travel 3.5 hrs round trip every day. It was hard but doable. While at the training I say with a woman who came from very far, we had never met. When the class was over she told me that if I ever came to her city we should get together and have a drink... I just smiled and thanked her for the invitation but didn't say anything to her about not drinking...
It's probably not a big deal and I might not ever see her again, but it bothers me that I just wasn't able or just didn't reiterate that I'm sober. We spoke about it a bit at some point during the training and I had told her that I had quit drinking when my daughter was little, she said that she only drank a bit. Why would she invite me for a drink after I had told her I was sober. Do you guys think she just didn't understand me and what I meant by sober?
Im not bothered by what she said since I can't control what comes out of people's mouths but I'm upset at myself for not being more clear. I know I'm an alcoholic and I have told some people in my life who are close to me but in general I am afraid of the stigma and I really don't feel comfortable saying it to strangers...
Other than this everything is going well. My daughter has her birthday party this Sunday and I am very happy for her. We are having it at a place only for 2 hours so no booze involved. In the past when we have had her party in our house there has always been alcohol involved, not a lot but some for the normies.
The thing is that exactly 2 years ago I got sloshed at her birthday party (after she had gone to bed) and that was the beginning of my sobriety. It was actually a week after. I had sworn I would "control my drinking" but the week after I went out, got sloshed again and don't even remember the cab ride home. So SCARY!
My original sobriety date was 3/16 but I have moderated a few times in these 2 years (none on the 1st year but at 13 month and then a few times with months in between) so I have a new one even thought 3/16 will always hold a special place in my heart.
AV had been silent, but I know its tricks. Not getting me again. No way!
I hope that you are all well in your respective corners of the world. Part of my plan is to stay involved here so here's and update.
I was just in a 5 day training for work I had to travel 3.5 hrs round trip every day. It was hard but doable. While at the training I say with a woman who came from very far, we had never met. When the class was over she told me that if I ever came to her city we should get together and have a drink... I just smiled and thanked her for the invitation but didn't say anything to her about not drinking...
It's probably not a big deal and I might not ever see her again, but it bothers me that I just wasn't able or just didn't reiterate that I'm sober. We spoke about it a bit at some point during the training and I had told her that I had quit drinking when my daughter was little, she said that she only drank a bit. Why would she invite me for a drink after I had told her I was sober. Do you guys think she just didn't understand me and what I meant by sober?
Im not bothered by what she said since I can't control what comes out of people's mouths but I'm upset at myself for not being more clear. I know I'm an alcoholic and I have told some people in my life who are close to me but in general I am afraid of the stigma and I really don't feel comfortable saying it to strangers...
Other than this everything is going well. My daughter has her birthday party this Sunday and I am very happy for her. We are having it at a place only for 2 hours so no booze involved. In the past when we have had her party in our house there has always been alcohol involved, not a lot but some for the normies.
The thing is that exactly 2 years ago I got sloshed at her birthday party (after she had gone to bed) and that was the beginning of my sobriety. It was actually a week after. I had sworn I would "control my drinking" but the week after I went out, got sloshed again and don't even remember the cab ride home. So SCARY!
My original sobriety date was 3/16 but I have moderated a few times in these 2 years (none on the 1st year but at 13 month and then a few times with months in between) so I have a new one even thought 3/16 will always hold a special place in my heart.
AV had been silent, but I know its tricks. Not getting me again. No way!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Good job not giving in.
I can relate to this sense of frustration in work settings where people constantly want to "go for a drink". It's like auto-pilot.
In early sobriety, it was very uncomfortable and I would feel almost a panic about it.... what would people think? How would I get out of it? Oh, no... this is going to ruin my career? Etc.
As time went on, I began going to work gatherings where people were "going for a drink" and began to realize that just because others' choice of "a drink" might be alcohol, mine didn't have to be. And so I'd accept the offer and I'd go with a Pellegrino in mind, twist of lemon please!!
It turns out, it's entirely possible to sit with others who are drinking, enjoy a non-alcoholic drink alongside them, and have a good time. Sure, I wind up leaving earlier than others - because as the booze flows and the faces flush, the conversation invariably becomes stuff I don't have interest in or can't tolerate. But, I can go... be a part of the event, excuse myself because "I have some work to catch up on" or "I need to be prepared in the morning for that big presentation" or "I'm feeling pretty run down, this has been fun! Good night all!".
Until you have a solid foundation and are fully comfortable in recovery, avoidance of those tempting or emotional situations is probably best. As you do begin to find your foundation in recovery - always have a clear exit plan and a commitment to yourself that if you begin to feel tempted, uneasy, odd or glum - you will bail without hesitation
I promise you, you will discover that whether you drink alcohol will prove to matter far less than you have always believed in the work setting. Also - it is likely you'll find that people up the chain, important clients, even your employees will ultimately have a new kind of respect for you that you didn't realize was even a possibility.
Keep hanging in there!
I can relate to this sense of frustration in work settings where people constantly want to "go for a drink". It's like auto-pilot.
In early sobriety, it was very uncomfortable and I would feel almost a panic about it.... what would people think? How would I get out of it? Oh, no... this is going to ruin my career? Etc.
As time went on, I began going to work gatherings where people were "going for a drink" and began to realize that just because others' choice of "a drink" might be alcohol, mine didn't have to be. And so I'd accept the offer and I'd go with a Pellegrino in mind, twist of lemon please!!
It turns out, it's entirely possible to sit with others who are drinking, enjoy a non-alcoholic drink alongside them, and have a good time. Sure, I wind up leaving earlier than others - because as the booze flows and the faces flush, the conversation invariably becomes stuff I don't have interest in or can't tolerate. But, I can go... be a part of the event, excuse myself because "I have some work to catch up on" or "I need to be prepared in the morning for that big presentation" or "I'm feeling pretty run down, this has been fun! Good night all!".
Until you have a solid foundation and are fully comfortable in recovery, avoidance of those tempting or emotional situations is probably best. As you do begin to find your foundation in recovery - always have a clear exit plan and a commitment to yourself that if you begin to feel tempted, uneasy, odd or glum - you will bail without hesitation
I promise you, you will discover that whether you drink alcohol will prove to matter far less than you have always believed in the work setting. Also - it is likely you'll find that people up the chain, important clients, even your employees will ultimately have a new kind of respect for you that you didn't realize was even a possibility.
Keep hanging in there!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
She said "aguardiente" which is a popular drink where I'm originally from. But you are right, I shouldn't be letting it play with my mind. My AV is silent but I feel like it's going to use this in one way or another in the future. I should channel my inner Elsa and just let it go. I might never even see her again.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 299
Letting go of things is something I also struggle with but I am getting better at it with practice! I have to stop and mentally reason with myself. It takes time, but you will get there. Keep going and I hope your AV stays silent. And if it doesn't; don't listen!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
I don't talk about my alcoholism, except here on the boards. And, for me, I would never discuss with anyone in a work situation. There are too many ways it could come back and bite you.
However, since you have discussed you're not drinking with her, I suspect, it was just something that struck her in the moment and she didn't think it through.
However, since you have discussed you're not drinking with her, I suspect, it was just something that struck her in the moment and she didn't think it through.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think 'if you're ever in my city we'll meet for a drink' is generally one of those passing things that people say.
If it ever becomes a reality then it's time to announce you don't drink.
If it ever becomes a reality then it's time to announce you don't drink.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime 
She said "aguardiente" which is a popular drink where I'm originally from. But you are right, I shouldn't be letting it play with my mind. My AV is silent but I feel like it's going to use this in one way or another in the future. I should channel my inner Elsa and just let it go. I might never even see her again.
Hello, fellow Colombian..... I've been reading your posts for years. I had no idea. I have to concur with what others have said. I also don't tell people I work with that I"m an alcoholic. For me, it has turned out better that way. I always just say that I have a ton to get done etc etc. I think they respect me more for it, and if they don't. I don't care. I also find it very very easy to go out while others are drinking and not have the desire to drink at all. My problem is when I"m alone. Like tonight. That's why I'm on SR tonight. Just remember there is a good chance you might not ever see her again. I've found that 99% of people don't really care if I drink a tonic water with lime. There was one time though, that I was out at a bar during superbowl 2015 and I ordered a water a guy gave me crap for it. Since he was clearly drunk and a complete stranger..... I very firmly said " I'm an ALCOHOLIC" .... and he completely changed his tone and apologized profusely.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Nowsthetime I think we alcoholics put far too much meaning into expressions like 'if you're ever in my city we'll meet for a drink'. We focus on the word "drink", then our brains think "alcohol", then we think "sober" and then we go into a panic and internal dialogue.
If someone says this sort of thing you are actually being paid a compliment. They are saying that they enjoy your company and would like to meet again if the circumstances are right. Meet. Have a drink and chat, just make sure it's non-alcoholic.
If someone says this sort of thing you are actually being paid a compliment. They are saying that they enjoy your company and would like to meet again if the circumstances are right. Meet. Have a drink and chat, just make sure it's non-alcoholic.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Thanks everyone!!! And hola Serper!!!
Yes! You guys are right. I think it was just something she said as part of the exchange but it's just crazy how the AV will hold on to things and try to use them. It really bothered me that it tickled it.
I will reiterate my desire to be sober today, and do that everyday. It was great to have my daughter's birthday and to be present and NOT hungover. I am so glad!
I have been feeling fine. I volunteered at an event and there was alcohol everywhere. At 10:30pm people were getting drunk and obnoxious so I left. That was enough and to be honest it was getting to me so I made an exit and drank a probiotic drink that I like when I got home. There was a man by me that was being soooo loud. I asked my hubby if that's how I used to be and he said that in my own way, yes. Pathetic! So glad I will never be like that again.
Thanks everyone for the support! I have been reading all repel see and other threads all weekend. It really helps.
Yes! You guys are right. I think it was just something she said as part of the exchange but it's just crazy how the AV will hold on to things and try to use them. It really bothered me that it tickled it.
I will reiterate my desire to be sober today, and do that everyday. It was great to have my daughter's birthday and to be present and NOT hungover. I am so glad!
I have been feeling fine. I volunteered at an event and there was alcohol everywhere. At 10:30pm people were getting drunk and obnoxious so I left. That was enough and to be honest it was getting to me so I made an exit and drank a probiotic drink that I like when I got home. There was a man by me that was being soooo loud. I asked my hubby if that's how I used to be and he said that in my own way, yes. Pathetic! So glad I will never be like that again.
Thanks everyone for the support! I have been reading all repel see and other threads all weekend. It really helps.
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