Getting used to being around alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Getting used to being around alcohol
Ok, today I realized that realistically, I will be in situations where there's alcohol. And I refuse to run from it all my life.
My attitude towards being around cigarettes when I quit was: "I'm not going to avoid them. I'm going to be around people who smoke. I'm not going to limit myself. I'm just going to go where I want and not smoke." That was 10 years or so ago and I've never smoked again.
So I have the same attitude towards alcohol. But... this is a much heavier addiction for me, so I am working on gradually being used to being around alcohol.
Today I took the first step. I went to the alcohol section in the grocery store. Looked at the spot I'd always get my beer from. And all I felt was a hint of nausea, like my body was saying "No."
It's like when you put your hand on a table and have a hammer. The thought of smashing your hand with the hammer triggers a physical response that tells you not to do it. And you don't. And if you do, well... then you have very big problems you need to work on.
So I walked on and quickly forgot about it.
I'm going to be very careful with this. But it must be done. I refuse to let alcohol control my life from the other side either. Making it so I'm limited in my actions.
I have two questions for those who are ok being around alcohol and people who are drinking. How did you get to that point? And how do you feel in those situations?
My attitude towards being around cigarettes when I quit was: "I'm not going to avoid them. I'm going to be around people who smoke. I'm not going to limit myself. I'm just going to go where I want and not smoke." That was 10 years or so ago and I've never smoked again.
So I have the same attitude towards alcohol. But... this is a much heavier addiction for me, so I am working on gradually being used to being around alcohol.
Today I took the first step. I went to the alcohol section in the grocery store. Looked at the spot I'd always get my beer from. And all I felt was a hint of nausea, like my body was saying "No."
It's like when you put your hand on a table and have a hammer. The thought of smashing your hand with the hammer triggers a physical response that tells you not to do it. And you don't. And if you do, well... then you have very big problems you need to work on.
So I walked on and quickly forgot about it.
I'm going to be very careful with this. But it must be done. I refuse to let alcohol control my life from the other side either. Making it so I'm limited in my actions.
I have two questions for those who are ok being around alcohol and people who are drinking. How did you get to that point? And how do you feel in those situations?
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: U.S.A
Posts: 236
I find I've made the decision to drink long before I ever go into the store.. if I'm having a non drinking day that I feel strongly about .. I can walk by alcohol without putting much thought into it.
I'm back on day 1 as you know .. so really no personal experience other than that .. my father sees beer signs, the beer trucks and the beer in the store and just thinks "It is someone elses battle now"
I'm back on day 1 as you know .. so really no personal experience other than that .. my father sees beer signs, the beer trucks and the beer in the store and just thinks "It is someone elses battle now"
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
When it comes to alcohol I am neutral.
From the get go I had no problem being around moderate drinkers (like having lunch with a friend who might order one glass of wine).
I have little tolerance (and never had even when I was drinking myself) for drunken fools though.
I have also no problem being in situations where alcohol might get served. Should I feel uncomfortable I would have no qualms walking out social niceties be darned... my sobriety is much more important to me than pleasing people.
A few things though:
a) I do not keep any alcohol in my house.
b) I do not go to bars or to events where the main purpose is to get loaded.
c) I do not hang out with people who are getting intoxicated (mainly because I am also a friend and family member too and I find drunks obnoxious and/or boring).
From the get go I had no problem being around moderate drinkers (like having lunch with a friend who might order one glass of wine).
I have little tolerance (and never had even when I was drinking myself) for drunken fools though.
I have also no problem being in situations where alcohol might get served. Should I feel uncomfortable I would have no qualms walking out social niceties be darned... my sobriety is much more important to me than pleasing people.
A few things though:
a) I do not keep any alcohol in my house.
b) I do not go to bars or to events where the main purpose is to get loaded.
c) I do not hang out with people who are getting intoxicated (mainly because I am also a friend and family member too and I find drunks obnoxious and/or boring).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Yorkshire, Great Britain
Posts: 205
With the same attitude as you! I went to a pub for my nieces birthday party and all the adults were drinking. I ordered diet coke and it didn't bother me at all.
Ive got a do this sunday then wedding Saturday after so there will be plenty of peeps celebrating. Im taking my blackcurrant with me.
Just keep believing in yourself and stay focused at all times. xx
Ive got a do this sunday then wedding Saturday after so there will be plenty of peeps celebrating. Im taking my blackcurrant with me.
Just keep believing in yourself and stay focused at all times. xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
BE VERY CAREFUL!
I'm 9 months in and I avoid alcohol whenever and wherever I can. I do not go to the alcohol aisle in the supermarket. I don't go to bars. I do not sit in the bar area of a restaurant etc. Of course, I attend family parties where there is alcohol but I steer clear of it as much as I can. I am sure things will change for me but I still consider 9 months sober to be pretty new. I'm not going to stick my foot in the hornets nest...no matter how docile they might seem...because I am so very petrified of being stung!
I'm 9 months in and I avoid alcohol whenever and wherever I can. I do not go to the alcohol aisle in the supermarket. I don't go to bars. I do not sit in the bar area of a restaurant etc. Of course, I attend family parties where there is alcohol but I steer clear of it as much as I can. I am sure things will change for me but I still consider 9 months sober to be pretty new. I'm not going to stick my foot in the hornets nest...no matter how docile they might seem...because I am so very petrified of being stung!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
How?
I'd say the biggest factor is simply time. Like you I took the stance that I wasn't going to try and isolate myself from the 'world' because of 'it'.
I concentrated mostly on the interactions between my hand and mouth and making sure 'it' wasn't in the mix. Early into my quit I will say I was very conscious of 'it' , seemingly everywhere eg advertisements, stores, restuarants ect. But eventually 'it' tends to fade into the backround with all the other its in the world and only pops up/out if I decide to pay attention to 'it'. Being conscious or wary of alcohol is, I think , natural and expected given one's history with 'it', especially in the early offing. But after time , when 'it' has been relegated to a thing of least importance , 'it' just assumes its proper place ie a thing in the world , and given the awesomely tremendous amount of things in the world it gets lost in the backround like backgammon and suspenders, I'm sure it's there, but I am just not interested any more.
I'd say the biggest factor is simply time. Like you I took the stance that I wasn't going to try and isolate myself from the 'world' because of 'it'.
I concentrated mostly on the interactions between my hand and mouth and making sure 'it' wasn't in the mix
. Early into my quit I will say I was very conscious of 'it' , seemingly everywhere eg advertisements, stores, restuarants ect. But eventually 'it' tends to fade into the backround with all the other its in the world and only pops up/out if I decide to pay attention to 'it'. Being conscious or wary of alcohol is, I think , natural and expected given one's history with 'it', especially in the early offing. But after time , when 'it' has been relegated to a thing of least importance , 'it' just assumes its proper place ie a thing in the world , and given the awesomely tremendous amount of things in the world it gets lost in the backround like backgammon and suspenders, I'm sure it's there, but I am just not interested any more.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'll have three years on April 1st. I am not ok with being around people who are drinking heavily. If I'm in a restaurant, and I see drinking, I'm generally ok with that as long as they aren't getting loud and obnoxious. If they're normal drinkers and sipping, it doesn't bother me at all.
I had a situation yesterday where I inadvertently put myself into close contact with a woman who was saturated with alcohol, and I do mean saturated... I could smell her from ten feet away, easily. She averted her eyes, she slurred and made the tell-tale gestures and facial expressions of a drunk. It was ... extremely disturbing to me.
I can tolerate seeing a glass of wine on a table in a public place. I can't tolerate it in my own home, nor can I tolerate it around friends. My close friend, who drinks, will not drink in my presence. That's a good friend.
I had a situation yesterday where I inadvertently put myself into close contact with a woman who was saturated with alcohol, and I do mean saturated... I could smell her from ten feet away, easily. She averted her eyes, she slurred and made the tell-tale gestures and facial expressions of a drunk. It was ... extremely disturbing to me.
I can tolerate seeing a glass of wine on a table in a public place. I can't tolerate it in my own home, nor can I tolerate it around friends. My close friend, who drinks, will not drink in my presence. That's a good friend.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I am pretty liberal here in my approach to this. There is wine in the house and probably a couple cans of beer under the sink in the kitchen for daughters' BFs when they visit. There is no liquor however. I also feel no qualms about adding wine to stew or slow braised recipe, and there is no nervousness while eating a meal like that for me.
I rarely go into a bar or club, but I have no problem being in a restaurant where alcohol is being served.
If there is a nudge from my AV, and I still get them, it doesn't matter anymore. My urges to consume alcohol lost any power they had to control my actions years ago. When I understood that, I stopped being afraid of them. They are thoughts that come and go.
I simply have too much to do. Like Robert F Downey said, "I was going to have a beer, but then I remembered I had plans for Christmas".
I rarely go into a bar or club, but I have no problem being in a restaurant where alcohol is being served.
If there is a nudge from my AV, and I still get them, it doesn't matter anymore. My urges to consume alcohol lost any power they had to control my actions years ago. When I understood that, I stopped being afraid of them. They are thoughts that come and go.
I simply have too much to do. Like Robert F Downey said, "I was going to have a beer, but then I remembered I had plans for Christmas".
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Part of my visceral reaction to heavy drinking might be because of my mother. She was an alcoholic. When I was drinking, I was able to tolerate that kind of behavior because ... I was drinking. Now that I'm sober and have my head on straight again, it feels traumatic to me when I'm around other heavy drinkers. Could be trauma in my case that wouldn't extend to others who didn't come from the same background.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Mike, everyone handles this situation differently. It does get easier with time.
Personally, I never forced the issue. I just had / have a plan in place for how I will react when certain circumstances arise; i.e. business lunches or dinners where alcohol is present, social gatherings with alcohol, alcohol at the house since my wife still drinks, etc.
I believe you've got to give yourself the best chance at breaking this cycle. For me, I will never force myself into situations that increased my odds of drinking. The more time I have under my belt, the easier it is to be around alcohol.
With that being said, however, I will never forget or become complacent as to why I won't drink today. No matter what situation I get into, I can never let my guard down. Each time that happened in the past, I relapsed.
How ever you choose to beat this, give yourself the best chance at not drinking today.
Stay strong Mike.
Personally, I never forced the issue. I just had / have a plan in place for how I will react when certain circumstances arise; i.e. business lunches or dinners where alcohol is present, social gatherings with alcohol, alcohol at the house since my wife still drinks, etc.
I believe you've got to give yourself the best chance at breaking this cycle. For me, I will never force myself into situations that increased my odds of drinking. The more time I have under my belt, the easier it is to be around alcohol.
With that being said, however, I will never forget or become complacent as to why I won't drink today. No matter what situation I get into, I can never let my guard down. Each time that happened in the past, I relapsed.
How ever you choose to beat this, give yourself the best chance at not drinking today.
Stay strong Mike.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus 
Part of my visceral reaction to heavy drinking might be because of my mother. She was an alcoholic. When I was drinking, I was able to tolerate that kind of behavior because ... I was drinking. Now that I'm sober and have my head on straight again, it feels traumatic to me when I'm around other heavy drinkers. Could be trauma in my case that wouldn't extend to others who didn't come from the same background.
The good news is that we both have choices nowadays and we can chose not to put ourselves in those kind of situations and exit promptly when someone is loaded.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Yes, I know that feeling well, Carlotta.
Same with the phone ringing. Even after I was an adult and lived hours away, I would still cringe and feel nauseous when the phone would ring... knowing it was probably her, and knowing it was always 'something.' It was never a pleasant chat. She always wanted or needed something. Or, it was my grandmother telling me my mother was in rehab, the hospital, or jail.
I walked away from that drunk woman yesterday ... and it felt both good and yet anxiety-inducing. I felt guilt too. Now I see why I might've felt guilty -- because she triggered the trauma from my mother, and I've always lived with guilt for not doing more.
*apologies to Mike for going off on this tangent
Same with the phone ringing. Even after I was an adult and lived hours away, I would still cringe and feel nauseous when the phone would ring... knowing it was probably her, and knowing it was always 'something.' It was never a pleasant chat. She always wanted or needed something. Or, it was my grandmother telling me my mother was in rehab, the hospital, or jail.
I walked away from that drunk woman yesterday ... and it felt both good and yet anxiety-inducing. I felt guilt too. Now I see why I might've felt guilty -- because she triggered the trauma from my mother, and I've always lived with guilt for not doing more.
*apologies to Mike for going off on this tangent
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,023
Hey Mike
A lot of sense in the above posts. I sort of fall between Carlotta, Soberpotamus and Freshstart !
In the early days (first 3 months), I avoided any institution serving/selling alcohol excluding restaurants that didnt have a bar. Just being in the presence of alcohol and folks drinking made me agitated.
Gradually, I overcame these fears but it took a while before I felt confident. Having said that, I still dont frequent pubs or bars as none of my friends do either ! Nowadays, I do have alcohol at home as my partner likes a drink. I even do the serving at dinner parties. For the most part, alcohol does not solicit any emotions anymore, positive or negative. The important aspect for me is that it takes time as in years before I reached this point. So, my recommendation to you is to be patient and play safe !
A lot of sense in the above posts. I sort of fall between Carlotta, Soberpotamus and Freshstart !
In the early days (first 3 months), I avoided any institution serving/selling alcohol excluding restaurants that didnt have a bar. Just being in the presence of alcohol and folks drinking made me agitated.
Gradually, I overcame these fears but it took a while before I felt confident. Having said that, I still dont frequent pubs or bars as none of my friends do either ! Nowadays, I do have alcohol at home as my partner likes a drink. I even do the serving at dinner parties. For the most part, alcohol does not solicit any emotions anymore, positive or negative. The important aspect for me is that it takes time as in years before I reached this point. So, my recommendation to you is to be patient and play safe !
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MikeM
I have two questions for those who are ok being around alcohol and people who are drinking. How did you get to that point? And how do you feel in those situations?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
I think that everyone is different when it comes to being around alcohol. For me, I had no choice but to be around it, as my husband is a daily drinker. There is a fully-stocked bar in my house which I never asked to be removed. My husband is very supportive of my decision, but it was MY decision to quit, not his, so I didn't ask him to change anything.
That being said, Chardonnay is NOT in my house, as that was my drink of choice. I also drank copious amounts of vodka, which is in my house, but there is something about Chardonnay...
All of my friends as well "our" friends drink. I went out of my way to tell them not to change their behavior because of me. To be perfectly honest, I am a little resentful sometimes, but its really just because I can't drink anymore. Most of the time though, someone makes an a$$ out of themselves and the my resentment turns to relief that it wasn't me.
That being said, Chardonnay is NOT in my house, as that was my drink of choice. I also drank copious amounts of vodka, which is in my house, but there is something about Chardonnay...
All of my friends as well "our" friends drink. I went out of my way to tell them not to change their behavior because of me. To be perfectly honest, I am a little resentful sometimes, but its really just because I can't drink anymore. Most of the time though, someone makes an a$$ out of themselves and the my resentment turns to relief that it wasn't me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Ok, today I realized that realistically, I will be in situations where there's alcohol. And I refuse to run from it all my life.
Noone starts weight training by lifting their own body weight - you work up to it.
I think the same approach is useful in recovery and building 'sober muscles'.
Noones asking you to 'run from alcohol' - but I do think it's prudent to have a little respect for the relentless and insidiousness of your enemy, just for a while.
I've seen many people try and punch above their weight, too soon, and come undone.
Patience slow and steady wins the race, grasshopper
Today I can go anywhere with anyone and feel no tug, no pull, no pangs. But I put in the work to get there.
You have nothing to prove Mike, least of all to any of us
D
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by Carlotta
When it comes to alcohol I am neutral.
From the get go I had no problem being around moderate drinkers (like having lunch with a friend who might order one glass of wine).
I have little tolerance (and never had even when I was drinking myself) for drunken fools though.
I have also no problem being in situations where alcohol might get served. Should I feel uncomfortable I would have no qualms walking out social niceties be darned... my sobriety is much more important to me than pleasing people.
A few things though:
a) I do not keep any alcohol in my house.
b) I do not go to bars or to events where the main purpose is to get loaded.
c) I do not hang out with people who are getting intoxicated (mainly because I am also a friend and family member too and I find drunks obnoxious and/or boring).
From the get go I had no problem being around moderate drinkers (like having lunch with a friend who might order one glass of wine).
I have little tolerance (and never had even when I was drinking myself) for drunken fools though.
I have also no problem being in situations where alcohol might get served. Should I feel uncomfortable I would have no qualms walking out social niceties be darned... my sobriety is much more important to me than pleasing people.
A few things though:
a) I do not keep any alcohol in my house.
b) I do not go to bars or to events where the main purpose is to get loaded.
c) I do not hang out with people who are getting intoxicated (mainly because I am also a friend and family member too and I find drunks obnoxious and/or boring).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
How did you get to that point?
i worked the steps of aa. it removed the obsession and these promises materialized:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
that didnt happen overnight and i didnt want to go anywhere there was
alcohol being served in the first year. i walked into aa suicidal and by the grace of God i rembered a LOT of my past and the gloom,dispair and agony alcohol caused so i had absolutely no desire to go walking into temptation the first year.
And how do you feel in those situations?
before i go into any situation there is alcohol being served i have 3 qualifications:
the right motive- a legitimate reason for being there.
be in fit spiritual condition-.
have an escape route.
with those 3 very important qualifications im ok.
remove one, and especially if my motives arent right, im screwed.
i worked the steps of aa. it removed the obsession and these promises materialized:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
that didnt happen overnight and i didnt want to go anywhere there was
alcohol being served in the first year. i walked into aa suicidal and by the grace of God i rembered a LOT of my past and the gloom,dispair and agony alcohol caused so i had absolutely no desire to go walking into temptation the first year.
And how do you feel in those situations?
before i go into any situation there is alcohol being served i have 3 qualifications:
the right motive- a legitimate reason for being there.
be in fit spiritual condition-.
have an escape route.
with those 3 very important qualifications im ok.
remove one, and especially if my motives arent right, im screwed.
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