Getting used to being around alcohol
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I don't know...
If your putting yourself in situations associated with your past drinking in order to build up your resistance to drinking, then it seems to me that you're continuing to allow your drinking to control you.
Sometimes it's helpful to remind ourselves that our desire to drink did an does for a time control our behavior. This includes early sobriety.
I knew for about a year or so into it sobriety that, had I been able to "get away with drinking," more or less undetected, then I would drink. So I acted accordingly. The couple of times I was around booze, I was all but salivating and could think of little else but drinking, which is to say, getting drunk.
I don't know whether or not dry runs or dress rehearsals would have helped me, but I was in no condition to put it to the test. Life throws enough challenges at me, and I don't need to intentionally place myself at risk.
I'm now more or less indifferent to alcohol. Things came to be that way for me by working on living a better life.
If your putting yourself in situations associated with your past drinking in order to build up your resistance to drinking, then it seems to me that you're continuing to allow your drinking to control you.
Sometimes it's helpful to remind ourselves that our desire to drink did an does for a time control our behavior. This includes early sobriety.
I knew for about a year or so into it sobriety that, had I been able to "get away with drinking," more or less undetected, then I would drink. So I acted accordingly. The couple of times I was around booze, I was all but salivating and could think of little else but drinking, which is to say, getting drunk.
I don't know whether or not dry runs or dress rehearsals would have helped me, but I was in no condition to put it to the test. Life throws enough challenges at me, and I don't need to intentionally place myself at risk.
I'm now more or less indifferent to alcohol. Things came to be that way for me by working on living a better life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
I also believe it's a very personal thing, and possibly largely related to the type of drinker you are/were, so I wouldn't base what you do on what other people are able to do.
In my case, for example, my problem was binge drinking. I was used to going several days at a time without a drink, even if it was in the house. So now that I'm sober, seeing booze in a shop or even in my fridge (my wife still drinks moderately) doesn't cause me problems.
But that doesn't mean AV can't strike at any time. A work trip to Dublin in particular was really difficult, when I found myself in a pub there with business colleagues. Work trips, and Dublin in particular, have always been major binge drinking opportunities. Luckily one of the other people was sober, so we stuck together.
So I'd stick with Dee's advice about taking your time and being very cautious around alcohol, and avoid testing yourself too much (it reminds me of Darwin Awards stories of people deciding to check if their bullet proof vest really is bullet proof. While wearing it). Yes, it would be very hard to go through life avoiding anywhere that has alcohol present. But equally, there's no point actively putting yourself in those situations so early in your sober journey.
In my case, for example, my problem was binge drinking. I was used to going several days at a time without a drink, even if it was in the house. So now that I'm sober, seeing booze in a shop or even in my fridge (my wife still drinks moderately) doesn't cause me problems.
But that doesn't mean AV can't strike at any time. A work trip to Dublin in particular was really difficult, when I found myself in a pub there with business colleagues. Work trips, and Dublin in particular, have always been major binge drinking opportunities. Luckily one of the other people was sober, so we stuck together.
So I'd stick with Dee's advice about taking your time and being very cautious around alcohol, and avoid testing yourself too much (it reminds me of Darwin Awards stories of people deciding to check if their bullet proof vest really is bullet proof. While wearing it). Yes, it would be very hard to go through life avoiding anywhere that has alcohol present. But equally, there's no point actively putting yourself in those situations so early in your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Mike in my case it's never been a trigger, in fact I dated a lady for over a year who drank daily and I stayed sober.
My better half and I recently bought a house together on the Ocean, we were out for a walk with her mom and dad here, I have become very good friends with my new neighbor (81) and he has been sober 28 years, the four of us stopped by his garage as he always has friends in there, two of them were drinking rum and one smoking. My better half asked me later in the day if either bothered me, I said the alcohol had no effect, the smell of cigarettes made me feel sick.
My trigger is more mental, depression but that was handled today by a professional, seems I am mania Bi Polar
My better half and I recently bought a house together on the Ocean, we were out for a walk with her mom and dad here, I have become very good friends with my new neighbor (81) and he has been sober 28 years, the four of us stopped by his garage as he always has friends in there, two of them were drinking rum and one smoking. My better half asked me later in the day if either bothered me, I said the alcohol had no effect, the smell of cigarettes made me feel sick.
My trigger is more mental, depression but that was handled today by a professional, seems I am mania Bi Polar
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
Coming up on 4 years without alcohol. I honestly barely notice it anymore. In fact, I take great pride in telling people no thanks when alcohol is offered. I never would have thought it possible 4 years ago.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
I don't yet trust my nascent recovery enough to test it, and I hope by the time it's strong enough to trust, I just won't care to be around the places I used to go when i was out and drinking.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I don't like being around drinkers and alcohol for a bunch of different reasons. I see no reason to do things I dont enjoy so for the most part I don't do alcohol events.
I choose to nurture my sobriety not challenge it because every time I went toe to toe with alcohol I got the snot beat out of me
I choose to nurture my sobriety not challenge it because every time I went toe to toe with alcohol I got the snot beat out of me
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I treated/treat my sobriety with the most precious of gloves , guarded it jealously .
I was getting over something deadly.
I don't go and stand in front of the cigarette counter or in a tobacco shop since i gave up smoking .
All that carcinogenic liquid piled up , the alcohol aisle is a depressing place to be .
My sobriety is tested occasionally but usually i'm 2 or 3 steps ahead of myself ..
Testing myself is by it's nature tempting myself with failure , i don't want to go there ..
It's nice and safe over here , life is comfortable .. you test yourself if you like, it's your sobriety and you protect it however best it serves you ..
I got better things to do with my time, effort and energy than starting fights i don't need to fight yet , if ever .
m
I was getting over something deadly.
I don't go and stand in front of the cigarette counter or in a tobacco shop since i gave up smoking .
All that carcinogenic liquid piled up , the alcohol aisle is a depressing place to be .
My sobriety is tested occasionally but usually i'm 2 or 3 steps ahead of myself ..
Testing myself is by it's nature tempting myself with failure , i don't want to go there ..
It's nice and safe over here , life is comfortable .. you test yourself if you like, it's your sobriety and you protect it however best it serves you ..
I got better things to do with my time, effort and energy than starting fights i don't need to fight yet , if ever .
m
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus 
Yes, I know that feeling well, Carlotta.
Same with the phone ringing. Even after I was an adult and lived hours away, I would still cringe and feel nauseous when the phone would ring... knowing it was probably her, and knowing it was always 'something.' It was never a pleasant chat. She always wanted or needed something. Or, it was my grandmother telling me my mother was in rehab, the hospital, or jail.
I walked away from that drunk woman yesterday ... and it felt both good and yet anxiety-inducing. I felt guilt too. Now I see why I might've felt guilty -- because she triggered the trauma from my mother, and I've always lived with guilt for not doing more.
*apologies to Mike for going off on this tangent
Same with the phone ringing. Even after I was an adult and lived hours away, I would still cringe and feel nauseous when the phone would ring... knowing it was probably her, and knowing it was always 'something.' It was never a pleasant chat. She always wanted or needed something. Or, it was my grandmother telling me my mother was in rehab, the hospital, or jail.
I walked away from that drunk woman yesterday ... and it felt both good and yet anxiety-inducing. I felt guilt too. Now I see why I might've felt guilty -- because she triggered the trauma from my mother, and I've always lived with guilt for not doing more.
*apologies to Mike for going off on this tangent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Carlotta
I want to apologize Mike I had replied to Jennie then realized that I was hijacking your thread. I will pm her instead.
Keep up the good work !!!
Keep up the good work !!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Thanks for all the helpful replies. What I failed to mention was that I'm not doing this alone. My brother has kind of become my sober companion. I say "kind of" since he's not trained for it, but he does know me. Btw, he's never had any addiction problems.
So he was there with me when I did the test. And he'll be there every time I'll be around alcohol. And should I want to train more, building my sober muscle as Dee puts it, he'll always be there. Maybe in a while, I'll buy a can of beer. Open it, smell it. The pour it down the drown. And my brother will be there as well.
And he still has my wallet so I can't get alcohol.
Not taking any risks. That's just too dangerous. But with my brother's help I can train and do things I otherwise wouldn't.
And he's a great deal stronger than me, so he'll wrestle me down should I try to drink. No matter where we are. Not kidding.
But that won't be necessary I think. I simply have no desire to drink. And... it's day 23!
So he was there with me when I did the test. And he'll be there every time I'll be around alcohol. And should I want to train more, building my sober muscle as Dee puts it, he'll always be there. Maybe in a while, I'll buy a can of beer. Open it, smell it. The pour it down the drown. And my brother will be there as well.
And he still has my wallet so I can't get alcohol.
Not taking any risks. That's just too dangerous. But with my brother's help I can train and do things I otherwise wouldn't.
And he's a great deal stronger than me, so he'll wrestle me down should I try to drink. No matter where we are. Not kidding.
But that won't be necessary I think. I simply have no desire to drink. And... it's day 23!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Maybe in a while, I'll buy a can of beer. Open it, smell it. The pour it down the drown. And my brother will be there as well.
brother or not, thats 100% insane to even think of doing that.
might be time for ya to revisit your past threads and where you were a very short time ago.
brother or not, thats 100% insane to even think of doing that.
might be time for ya to revisit your past threads and where you were a very short time ago.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
"Maybe in a while, I'll buy a can of beer. Open it, smell it. The pour it down the drown. And my brother will be there as well."
That's something I do not recommend. You are only teasing yourself.
OOPS, I see I'm not the only one... TomSteve saw it before I did...
That's something I do not recommend. You are only teasing yourself.
OOPS, I see I'm not the only one... TomSteve saw it before I did...
Last edited by LBrain; 03-03-2016 at 04:22 AM. Reason: repeat post - sort of
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Mike, can I refer you to my Darwin awards analogy that I made earlier. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in deliberately testing your ability to be around alcohol. Those situations may well come up on their own whether you want them or not, and that's when to take advantage of being with your brother. Yes, you might be able to buy a beer, sniff it and pour it down the sink. And you might think, "yes, I'm cured, I did it". But it's been shown over and over again on here that it's often the delayed reaction that gets you. People get through testing experiences, then two weeks later relapse, when their guard is down. Dee's sober muscles are simply building up your sober time, getting used to being sober, taking time away from alcohol. Not some kind of gym experience where you see how far you can push yourself. 23 days is fantastic work. An absolutely brilliant start. And your attitude and positivity is terrific. But you are still very, very, very early days given the place you're coming from. You mentioned in another thread that you believe in tough love and people saying things straight. So here you go: Do. Not. Do. This.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hi Mike:
So happy so see your progress however, I can hear a little of AV in your posts. Have you looked into AVRT? Why do you think that "opening a beer and smelling it" would be a good idea? Why would you go to the beer aisle just "to look"?
It's still too early to be doing any of that and even in a while, I think that's more like taunting and that's AV. It's not showing that you "can do it" it's showing (like OP said) that alcohol still has some control, and that's AV.
I kept being around alcohol situations since early sobriety because like you I knew that I had to face it but I never felt the need to taunt myself. It's not easy to stay sober specially in the beginning so please don't make it harder than it already is.
Keep posting Mike. I'm rooting for you and I am really happy to see you participating here!
So happy so see your progress however, I can hear a little of AV in your posts. Have you looked into AVRT? Why do you think that "opening a beer and smelling it" would be a good idea? Why would you go to the beer aisle just "to look"?
It's still too early to be doing any of that and even in a while, I think that's more like taunting and that's AV. It's not showing that you "can do it" it's showing (like OP said) that alcohol still has some control, and that's AV.
I kept being around alcohol situations since early sobriety because like you I knew that I had to face it but I never felt the need to taunt myself. It's not easy to stay sober specially in the beginning so please don't make it harder than it already is.
Keep posting Mike. I'm rooting for you and I am really happy to see you participating here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Day 23 for me wasn't even a drop in a bucket
as was explained to me in early recovery. I still
had so much left to learn about my addiction
and a recovery program.
I often heard, don't think, don't drink
and go to meetings was a good way to
remain sober each day and had to be
practiced on a daily bases.
Of course this was just one of many
other ways I was taught to remain
sober and I took just about all those
useful, helpful suggestions in early
recovery as my life depended on them.
Sometimes id have this battle going
on in my head, that stinking thinking
as it is often called, trying to justify
what I should do or not do. To drink
or not to drink. Of course when I entered
recovery, those stinkin thinkin thoughts
had to be squashed emmediately.
There could be no day dreaming, no
romanticizing about how delicious one
drink would be on a hot day or anytime
of the day. All those thoughts had to be
dismissed emmediately and replaced
with healthier thoughts and prayers.
Anytime that stinkin thinkin pops in
my head and mind then im playing with
fire and I will get burned as ive experiences
in past so many times.
Am I confortable around alcohol today,
some 25 yrs of many one days at a time
sober? Not really. Alcohol has been around
for yrs and it isn't going away any time soon.
However, for me, for my recovery, for
my peace of mind, I don't have to pretend
that I like being around it because I don't.
For me, I had to learn what alcohol stood
for in my own life. It is poison and doesn't
nothing healthy for my mind, body and soul.
To go down the alcohol isle at Walmart
thinking that just because I haven't had
a drink of alcohol in 25 yrs that im cool
with it is absolutely crazy. To surround
myself with pretty bottles knowing exactly
what the contents did for me yrs ago
and what it will and can do for me today
is healthy reminder that I don't have to
go down that isle just to prove something
so crazy to myself. That I can stay sober on
the alcohol isle.
I don't have to prove nothing to myself
because I already know the facts that
alcohol never did anything good for me
yrs ago and it surely wont do any good
for me today.
Whew, all that stinkin thinkin wears
me out just thinkin about it.
Just some rambling thoughts flowing
this morning. Take what you need or
can help you and leave the rest.
as was explained to me in early recovery. I still
had so much left to learn about my addiction
and a recovery program.
I often heard, don't think, don't drink
and go to meetings was a good way to
remain sober each day and had to be
practiced on a daily bases.
Of course this was just one of many
other ways I was taught to remain
sober and I took just about all those
useful, helpful suggestions in early
recovery as my life depended on them.
Sometimes id have this battle going
on in my head, that stinking thinking
as it is often called, trying to justify
what I should do or not do. To drink
or not to drink. Of course when I entered
recovery, those stinkin thinkin thoughts
had to be squashed emmediately.
There could be no day dreaming, no
romanticizing about how delicious one
drink would be on a hot day or anytime
of the day. All those thoughts had to be
dismissed emmediately and replaced
with healthier thoughts and prayers.
Anytime that stinkin thinkin pops in
my head and mind then im playing with
fire and I will get burned as ive experiences
in past so many times.
Am I confortable around alcohol today,
some 25 yrs of many one days at a time
sober? Not really. Alcohol has been around
for yrs and it isn't going away any time soon.
However, for me, for my recovery, for
my peace of mind, I don't have to pretend
that I like being around it because I don't.
For me, I had to learn what alcohol stood
for in my own life. It is poison and doesn't
nothing healthy for my mind, body and soul.
To go down the alcohol isle at Walmart
thinking that just because I haven't had
a drink of alcohol in 25 yrs that im cool
with it is absolutely crazy. To surround
myself with pretty bottles knowing exactly
what the contents did for me yrs ago
and what it will and can do for me today
is healthy reminder that I don't have to
go down that isle just to prove something
so crazy to myself. That I can stay sober on
the alcohol isle.
I don't have to prove nothing to myself
because I already know the facts that
alcohol never did anything good for me
yrs ago and it surely wont do any good
for me today.
Whew, all that stinkin thinkin wears
me out just thinkin about it.
Just some rambling thoughts flowing
this morning. Take what you need or
can help you and leave the rest.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Mike,
Congrats on 23 days! But that is still very early sobriety.....don't tempt yourself. There is no need, everything will evolve naturally and you will find that you are able to be around alcohol with no problem.
For me it was about 9 months, when I was at a small afternoon party.
Everyone around me was drinking Tequila sunrises and I had my iced tea.
I noticed that I was having more fun with the group that I did when I was drinking because I was actually listening to people rather than worrying about my next drink.....and I wasn't even bothered by the drinking....I was laughing and having fun! Without alcohol!!!!!
It was an exciting moment for me.....and I realized that I liked being sober more than drinking!!!
It will come for you too. Don't push yourself! Enjoy the process, you are on the right path!
Congrats on 23 days! But that is still very early sobriety.....don't tempt yourself. There is no need, everything will evolve naturally and you will find that you are able to be around alcohol with no problem.
For me it was about 9 months, when I was at a small afternoon party.
Everyone around me was drinking Tequila sunrises and I had my iced tea.
I noticed that I was having more fun with the group that I did when I was drinking because I was actually listening to people rather than worrying about my next drink.....and I wasn't even bothered by the drinking....I was laughing and having fun! Without alcohol!!!!!
It was an exciting moment for me.....and I realized that I liked being sober more than drinking!!!
It will come for you too. Don't push yourself! Enjoy the process, you are on the right path!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by OpenTuning
Mike, can I refer you to my Darwin awards analogy that I made earlier. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in deliberately testing your ability to be around alcohol. Those situations may well come up on their own whether you want them or not, and that's when to take advantage of being with your brother. Yes, you might be able to buy a beer, sniff it and pour it down the sink. And you might think, "yes, I'm cured, I did it". But it's been shown over and over again on here that it's often the delayed reaction that gets you. People get through testing experiences, then two weeks later relapse, when their guard is down. Dee's sober muscles are simply building up your sober time, getting used to being sober, taking time away from alcohol. Not some kind of gym experience where you see how far you can push yourself. 23 days is fantastic work. An absolutely brilliant start. And your attitude and positivity is terrific. But you are still very, very, very early days given the place you're coming from. You mentioned in another thread that you believe in tough love and people saying things straight. So here you go: Do. Not. Do. This.
This doesn't need to be done. Early sobriety is not "testing" time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
I went to a conference last weekend and had lunch at the hotel bar. Other people were drinking around me, and the only seat available was at the bar.
For me there were no problems, since I have a fair amount of sober time under my belt. I simply ordered food, enjoyed the meal, and left. Paying first, of course...
I could see it being a trigger for some people, however. I think everyone is different and should do whatever it takes to maintain sobriety. If that means avoiding people and places associated with alcohol, then so be it. Some people will have no problem being around alcohol and people consuming it. Others will be tempted the moment they are in those situations.
For me there were no problems, since I have a fair amount of sober time under my belt. I simply ordered food, enjoyed the meal, and left. Paying first, of course...
I could see it being a trigger for some people, however. I think everyone is different and should do whatever it takes to maintain sobriety. If that means avoiding people and places associated with alcohol, then so be it. Some people will have no problem being around alcohol and people consuming it. Others will be tempted the moment they are in those situations.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I don't think there's any way to completly shelter yourself from alcohol since it everywhere! But you can limit your exposure. It is very much like quitting cigarettes, it doesn't bother me anymore when someone smokes in front of me but right after I quit it did! I had to walk away and keep my distance. I know that right now today I couldn't hang out in a bar or with friends who were drinking without being very uncomfortable and tempted. My AV would be all over me nattering away in my head. It would be unpleasant and counterproductive to my goals. I plan on doing my best to avoid situations that trigger me for awhile.
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