Dealing with drinking buddies
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
Dealing with drinking buddies
How do you deal with people who will just about do or say anything to your face, to make you drink alcohol?
Especially when these people are one of your closest friends.
The following are some of the statements that I have been faced with when saying 'no' to my best friend of several years:
"You'll ruin my night"
"I won't enjoy drinking without you doing it"
"Don't be a downer"
"You're drinking, and that's that"
"Just have one or two and you'll be fine"
Among others.
He will even sometimes go till the point of emotional blackmail sometimes, just to get me to have a drink.
I don't understand how this person, who is supposedly so close to me, is unable to understand the fact that I am an alcoholic- and if I have even one, I won't stop.
I have told him about my problem on several occasions, and he is well aware of my alcoholism.
I was 10 days sober about two weeks ago, and then he forced me to have one. And the rest is well, history.
It is a pattern that has been going on for a while now.
He is simply unable to grasp the fact that I am not like him when it comes to drinking.
I am slowly beginning to question our friendship, since this has happened one too many times.
I understand that I am also very much at fault for "giving in", but this kind of pressure to do something I don't want to- is simply unacceptable for me.
Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
Especially when these people are one of your closest friends.
The following are some of the statements that I have been faced with when saying 'no' to my best friend of several years:
"You'll ruin my night"
"I won't enjoy drinking without you doing it"
"Don't be a downer"
"You're drinking, and that's that"
"Just have one or two and you'll be fine"
Among others.
He will even sometimes go till the point of emotional blackmail sometimes, just to get me to have a drink.
I don't understand how this person, who is supposedly so close to me, is unable to understand the fact that I am an alcoholic- and if I have even one, I won't stop.
I have told him about my problem on several occasions, and he is well aware of my alcoholism.
I was 10 days sober about two weeks ago, and then he forced me to have one. And the rest is well, history.
It is a pattern that has been going on for a while now.
He is simply unable to grasp the fact that I am not like him when it comes to drinking.
I am slowly beginning to question our friendship, since this has happened one too many times.
I understand that I am also very much at fault for "giving in", but this kind of pressure to do something I don't want to- is simply unacceptable for me.
Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I know of no other way to put it. This person is trying to kill you. He is not your friend and I would end the relationship immediately. I have various drinking people in my life but they all have a deep respect for my decision to not drink. They want what is best for me because that is what good friends do
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 41
Not everybody is going to understand alcoholism, especially your non alcoholic friends. Staying away from the situations where alcohol can be offered is what you need to worry about. If you wanna continue hanging out with your friends, as hard as it can be, you can't be hanging out where there's booze readily available. If you view your friend's opinion of you in higher regard than you own sobriety then you're gonna keep on doing what you've been doing. Sobriety for us has to be a number one priority. Otherwise, we'll keep on drinking.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
It's a bond that was born out of both our love for binge drinking- back in our college days.
Five years on, he doesn't seem to have a problem limiting his drinking to once a week. But on the other hand, each time I tend to slide into a downward spiral. I guess some are more prone to others when it comes to addiction.
Besides the alcohol, we have few things in common. I guess that is why he is so insistent that I drink with him- else we would be bored out of our minds when together.
It's a tough decision. But I must move on. I cannot accept emotional blackmail, from anyone.
Five years on, he doesn't seem to have a problem limiting his drinking to once a week. But on the other hand, each time I tend to slide into a downward spiral. I guess some are more prone to others when it comes to addiction.
Besides the alcohol, we have few things in common. I guess that is why he is so insistent that I drink with him- else we would be bored out of our minds when together.
It's a tough decision. But I must move on. I cannot accept emotional blackmail, from anyone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
If he's going to such lengths, employing blackmail and such, I don't think he has your best interest at heart. Drop him and don't look back. There are nicer people in the world to have as friends.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: U.S.A
Posts: 236
The friend isn't a bad person in my opinion .. he just doesn't understand addiction. If you can't make him understand that you don't want to drink .. you'll have to avoid him. If he's a real friend he'll realize in time he hasn't hung around you for a while and think "Wow, I was wrong." and maybe stop pestering you to drink. I don't know.. all I know is a lot of people don't understand addiction.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
He is definitely not a bad person. In fact, he has helped me during some of my worst times in the past.
I really value his friendship. Although it is a shame he doesn't understand this aspect of my life.
I'm at a crossroads. I can choose to be sober, or I can risk my prospective sobriety each time by spending time in his company- which inevitably will involve alcohol more often than not.
I don't even enjoy drinking anymore, to be honest. It's a real shame that alcohol is probably the most commonly used social catalyst.
I really value his friendship. Although it is a shame he doesn't understand this aspect of my life.
I'm at a crossroads. I can choose to be sober, or I can risk my prospective sobriety each time by spending time in his company- which inevitably will involve alcohol more often than not.
I don't even enjoy drinking anymore, to be honest. It's a real shame that alcohol is probably the most commonly used social catalyst.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It all comes down to the places I found myself in, I needed not to be with certain people in a bar setting, as all of those conversations would crop up, and so by not going to the bar that protected my Sobriety.
The reality is though people will drift away, but frankly someone who doesn't respect a life changing decision in my life, why would I want those people in my life anyways? . . . some people don't get it, and it's not through any malice or anything, but when it's life and death, they need to get it eventually for a longterm relationship to survive, that was the case in my own experience!!
The reality is though people will drift away, but frankly someone who doesn't respect a life changing decision in my life, why would I want those people in my life anyways? . . . some people don't get it, and it's not through any malice or anything, but when it's life and death, they need to get it eventually for a longterm relationship to survive, that was the case in my own experience!!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 89
The feeling of going back to Day 1, after weeks of heartening sobriety, is crippling. Both psychologically, and physically.
It gets harder each time. I'm done. This friendship is done. I can't take it anymore.
It gets harder each time. I'm done. This friendship is done. I can't take it anymore.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: London
Posts: 367
Actually I have found these situations a brilliant test of friendships. If my old binge buddies can't hang out with me over a coffee and we no longer have anything to talk about it kinda answers any questions as to are they keepers or not. My friends list has dropped to a very small minority and the people who only know me as tea total don't ever think or ask twice ! But went out last week amongst 3 drinking colleagues and laughed more than I have for ages.....I think they all wanted some of what I had keep strong buddy
keep strong buddy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Folks, friends, neighbors, family, etc,
have never nor will ever walk in our
shoes as an alcoholic or addict.
Have they? Will they? For me, the
answer is no.
Just like me, I will never walk in another's
shoes and will never act, think, behave
exactly the same as them.
Taking control of my recovery, my
sobriety, incorporating a program
of recovery that works well for me
to help me remain sober, honest
and healthy in all areas of my life
has and still is my top priority in
living a sober way of life.
Over the 25 yrs of sober living, Ive
grown, matured, developed into a
functioning, caring, willing, openminded,
accepting, never perfect, person I
can truly be.
People, places and things have changed
over the years for me to match my sobriety
and recovery way of life. Everything has
and has been a positive reinforcement
to achieve a healthier way of life each
day I remain sober with Faith, hope, love
and a program of recovery taught to me
many one days sober ago.
have never nor will ever walk in our
shoes as an alcoholic or addict.
Have they? Will they? For me, the
answer is no.
Just like me, I will never walk in another's
shoes and will never act, think, behave
exactly the same as them.
Taking control of my recovery, my
sobriety, incorporating a program
of recovery that works well for me
to help me remain sober, honest
and healthy in all areas of my life
has and still is my top priority in
living a sober way of life.
Over the 25 yrs of sober living, Ive
grown, matured, developed into a
functioning, caring, willing, openminded,
accepting, never perfect, person I
can truly be.
People, places and things have changed
over the years for me to match my sobriety
and recovery way of life. Everything has
and has been a positive reinforcement
to achieve a healthier way of life each
day I remain sober with Faith, hope, love
and a program of recovery taught to me
many one days sober ago.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
It's a tough situation to be in. I have a very good friend, who said all the things you listed, as well as actually buying me drinks and putting them on the table in front of me (I gave them away). I was still enjoying going to the pub to meet friends, sticking to soft drinks, but I've noticed I've gradually stopped doing that. I'd rather stay home and play guitar, to be honest. I didn't feel my sobriety was under threat (I'm at 9 months now and feeling pretty comfortable with it), but it's just gradually fading as part of how I want to spend my time.
I still see my friend, but only for morning coffee, which suits me better.
One thing that came out at the end of the night the last time we were in the pub together, was he said "Your not drinking makes me question my own drinking". And the fact is he's an alcoholic. Actually quite a bit worse than I was. I made a deliberate decision to quit while I still could, and before hitting a rock bottom. I'm sure he'll need to hit that low, unfortunately, before he'll ever do anything about it. You said your friend only drinks once a week, but also that you can't imagine hanging out with him without booze involved, so maybe he's not as in control as you think he is. He may well not want to think about his own drinking, so would rather you just got drunk with him like you always used to.
Either way, from your description of the main thing you have in common, booze, and his refusal to respect your decision to stop, there really is only one solution, which it sounds like you've accepted. It's time to move on. I won't lie and say it's easy, or quick, but you'll start to build a new social life that doesn't revolve around alcohol.
I still see my friend, but only for morning coffee, which suits me better.
One thing that came out at the end of the night the last time we were in the pub together, was he said "Your not drinking makes me question my own drinking". And the fact is he's an alcoholic. Actually quite a bit worse than I was. I made a deliberate decision to quit while I still could, and before hitting a rock bottom. I'm sure he'll need to hit that low, unfortunately, before he'll ever do anything about it. You said your friend only drinks once a week, but also that you can't imagine hanging out with him without booze involved, so maybe he's not as in control as you think he is. He may well not want to think about his own drinking, so would rather you just got drunk with him like you always used to.
Either way, from your description of the main thing you have in common, booze, and his refusal to respect your decision to stop, there really is only one solution, which it sounds like you've accepted. It's time to move on. I won't lie and say it's easy, or quick, but you'll start to build a new social life that doesn't revolve around alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"You'll ruin my night"
"I won't enjoy drinking without you doing it"
"Don't be a downer"
"You're drinking, and that's that"
"Just have one or two and you'll be fine"
friends dont do that.
"I was 10 days sober about two weeks ago, and then he forced me to have one. And the rest is well, history.
It is a pattern that has been going on for a while now."
did he pour it down your throat?
who is allowing the pattern to continue?
"I won't enjoy drinking without you doing it"
"Don't be a downer"
"You're drinking, and that's that"
"Just have one or two and you'll be fine"
friends dont do that.
"I was 10 days sober about two weeks ago, and then he forced me to have one. And the rest is well, history.
It is a pattern that has been going on for a while now."
did he pour it down your throat?
who is allowing the pattern to continue?
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