I keep relapsing.......I want this to be the end of my drinking
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome! 
I used to keep relapsing too. I thought I was hopeless, but I didn't give up, I kept trying. Finally I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
The support here helped me a lot. I hope we can help you get sober for good.
I used to keep relapsing too. I thought I was hopeless, but I didn't give up, I kept trying. Finally I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. The support here helped me a lot. I hope we can help you get sober for good.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR johnny. You can absolutely make this be the end of your drinking if you really want to. What were you doing over the last 6 weeks that helped? Do you follow a formal sobriety plan of any kind?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Welcome to SR Johnny,
I relapsed for years: I drank, took a few days off, then drank again. I had no inkling that I had a problem or that I was creating the problem.
After a crisis, I woke up to what I was doing. That realisation gave me the freedom to choose not to drink. At each time point that you get that feeling you want to drink, you have a choice of either acting on it or refusing to drink. What is certain is that each time you drink, that will create the conditions for that feeling to arise even stronger again. If you choose no, that will make it easier to say no the next time.
My best wishes,
B
I relapsed for years: I drank, took a few days off, then drank again. I had no inkling that I had a problem or that I was creating the problem.
After a crisis, I woke up to what I was doing. That realisation gave me the freedom to choose not to drink. At each time point that you get that feeling you want to drink, you have a choice of either acting on it or refusing to drink. What is certain is that each time you drink, that will create the conditions for that feeling to arise even stronger again. If you choose no, that will make it easier to say no the next time.
My best wishes,
B
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
I can relate to waking up in the hospital...Happened to me too. 
Very Scary stuff...Hope you can turn this experience into a tool that will help you NOT pickup the first drink again.
I'm sure you didn't mean to end up in the hospital...Sounds like Loss of control drinking to me.
It's something that keeps me sober now...I don't have ANY idea what will happen to me (or others) if i start drinking again.
You aren't alone.
Very Scary stuff...Hope you can turn this experience into a tool that will help you NOT pickup the first drink again.
I'm sure you didn't mean to end up in the hospital...Sounds like Loss of control drinking to me.
It's something that keeps me sober now...I don't have ANY idea what will happen to me (or others) if i start drinking again.
You aren't alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I entered recovery not by my choice but
by a family intervention getting me help
I needed for my state of mind at that time
in my life.
None of us ever thought about alcohol
being an addiction or causing trouble in
our little family. It took me getting in an
accident in Feb. 1990 spending 10 days
in the hospital pretty messed up after
hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top
the ground at 2 in the morning returning
from a club less than a mile from my home.
I healed nicely with no alcohol for a
few months and once again ended up
in the same club in Aug, 1990, coming
home at the same time, to another
argument and then wanting to check
out of this world due to my inability
to control my drinking and feelings
of failure as a mom and wife.
With help from the phone directing
my family as to who to call and what
to do with me, the authorities came to
escort me to their car and take me to a
rehab hospital to be tested for my mental
state of mind.
I passed all their test and the result
was simply, I had an alcohol problem.
A drinking problem. An addiction to
alcohol. I emmediately thought to myself,
WOW, I can handle this.
It was recommended to my family
and I that I remain in the hands capable
to help me learn about my addiction
and be taught a program of recovery
to begin living my life with once I returned
home.
At 2 weeks, they could see that I wasn't
ready to return home because they felt
that if I returned to the same invoroment
I would surely drink again and that an
additional 6 week out of town in a halfway
house would be better.
I begged them to allow me to stay
where I was and complete a 28 day
instay program, just don't send me
further away from my little family
and they agreed.
I did hunker down and completed the
instay program with them attaching a
6 week aftercare outpatient program
in which I also completed.
The seed of recovery was planted and
it was up to me to use that knowledge
taught to me and the suggestions and
tools offered to incorporate in my life
each day I remained sober. And I did
and still do some 25 yrs later.
I did what I needed to do and wanted
to do to not return to the insanity and
rollercoaster that came with drinking
poison and trying to kill myself.
All those who learned themselves how
to remain sober and paved the way for
me to follow helped me all along the way on
my journey in recovery helping me, guiding
me as I listened, learned, absorbed, and
applied a program of recovery to achieve health,
happiness and honesty for a many one days
at a time sober.
Those that looked at me, judged me,
never walked in my shoes and thus
it had to be my own responsibility
to learn and live a life of recovery
for myself. It is my recovery and no
one else's and im grateful for this
wonderful gift to live each and every
day.
You can too.
by a family intervention getting me help
I needed for my state of mind at that time
in my life.
None of us ever thought about alcohol
being an addiction or causing trouble in
our little family. It took me getting in an
accident in Feb. 1990 spending 10 days
in the hospital pretty messed up after
hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top
the ground at 2 in the morning returning
from a club less than a mile from my home.
I healed nicely with no alcohol for a
few months and once again ended up
in the same club in Aug, 1990, coming
home at the same time, to another
argument and then wanting to check
out of this world due to my inability
to control my drinking and feelings
of failure as a mom and wife.
With help from the phone directing
my family as to who to call and what
to do with me, the authorities came to
escort me to their car and take me to a
rehab hospital to be tested for my mental
state of mind.
I passed all their test and the result
was simply, I had an alcohol problem.
A drinking problem. An addiction to
alcohol. I emmediately thought to myself,
WOW, I can handle this.
It was recommended to my family
and I that I remain in the hands capable
to help me learn about my addiction
and be taught a program of recovery
to begin living my life with once I returned
home.
At 2 weeks, they could see that I wasn't
ready to return home because they felt
that if I returned to the same invoroment
I would surely drink again and that an
additional 6 week out of town in a halfway
house would be better.
I begged them to allow me to stay
where I was and complete a 28 day
instay program, just don't send me
further away from my little family
and they agreed.
I did hunker down and completed the
instay program with them attaching a
6 week aftercare outpatient program
in which I also completed.
The seed of recovery was planted and
it was up to me to use that knowledge
taught to me and the suggestions and
tools offered to incorporate in my life
each day I remained sober. And I did
and still do some 25 yrs later.
I did what I needed to do and wanted
to do to not return to the insanity and
rollercoaster that came with drinking
poison and trying to kill myself.
All those who learned themselves how
to remain sober and paved the way for
me to follow helped me all along the way on
my journey in recovery helping me, guiding
me as I listened, learned, absorbed, and
applied a program of recovery to achieve health,
happiness and honesty for a many one days
at a time sober.
Those that looked at me, judged me,
never walked in my shoes and thus
it had to be my own responsibility
to learn and live a life of recovery
for myself. It is my recovery and no
one else's and im grateful for this
wonderful gift to live each and every
day.
You can too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Hi Johnny, I've been in your position and it is no fun. Have you talked to your Dr. about Campral or Naltrexone...both anti-craving drugs with little side effects. They do help out...or you could also ask about Antabuse...a drug which will make you ill if you ingest alcohol. I have been on all of them and I am currently on Antabuse. The Antabuse has been a godsend..all thoughts about drinking are gone, my AV won't even start up knowing I cannot drink without getting very ill. When the going gets tough the tough get going. Also, all of the above drugs work better in conjunction with a good recovery network. Best Wishes
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Welcome Johnny! This is a great place to come for support. You can do this! Coming here and reading a ton during my first week really helped me to solidify my resolve and keep from giving in to the cravings. Give it all you've got and don't give up.
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