Welcome to SR Johnny,
I relapsed for years: I drank, took a few days off, then drank again. I had no inkling that I had a problem or that I was creating the problem.
After a crisis, I woke up to what I was doing. That realisation gave me the freedom to choose not to drink. At each time point that you get that feeling you want to drink, you have a choice of either acting on it or refusing to drink. What is certain is that each time you drink, that will create the conditions for that feeling to arise even stronger again. If you choose no, that will make it easier to say no the next time.
My best wishes,
B