The I've done" Thread
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
Alienated family (parents are alcoholics)
Alienated friends (don't have many, and lost some of my best)
Divorce
'Accidental' theft
Destroyed my M3 and my memory due to brain trauma
Broken neck/back/legs/arms
Blew up both of my ACL's
Starting fights with the biggest person I could find (I am 5'10, 150lbs)
Jumped off of 50 ft. cliffs into 6ft of water
Jumped off of a 120ft cliff on skis into 2 ft of snow
Got a stranger pregnant
Bankruptcy
Fractured skull from bike accident
Had my GF buy me beer at the corner store while I was on an IV post surgery
Bad purchases
Became apathetic toward life
Lack of proper exercise
Lack of solid nutrition
Wasting this short life that can be so beautiful.
I went to the gym today and threw up my protein shake after a weekend bender. I'd always forget about all of that and relapse, but my list alone should be enough to make an obvious decision. I decided earlier in the day I wouldn't be drinking today, so I'm going to hit the hay.
Alienated friends (don't have many, and lost some of my best)
Divorce
'Accidental' theft
Destroyed my M3 and my memory due to brain trauma
Broken neck/back/legs/arms
Blew up both of my ACL's
Starting fights with the biggest person I could find (I am 5'10, 150lbs)
Jumped off of 50 ft. cliffs into 6ft of water
Jumped off of a 120ft cliff on skis into 2 ft of snow
Got a stranger pregnant
Bankruptcy
Fractured skull from bike accident
Had my GF buy me beer at the corner store while I was on an IV post surgery
Bad purchases
Became apathetic toward life
Lack of proper exercise
Lack of solid nutrition
Wasting this short life that can be so beautiful.
I went to the gym today and threw up my protein shake after a weekend bender. I'd always forget about all of that and relapse, but my list alone should be enough to make an obvious decision. I decided earlier in the day I wouldn't be drinking today, so I'm going to hit the hay.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Got taken to the hospital. Ambulance, emergency room, everything. I wasn't allowed to leave until the next day in the afternoon. They gave me a bottle of thiamine.
But that's not the bad part. To this day, I do not know how and why I ended up there. Just like two admissions into the mental institute.
All I have is a vague memory of lying in the ambulance and liking it. I was so far gone, I was just enjoying the ride without realizing the severity of the situation.
I still don't know what happened. I didn't care to ask. I just went back to drinking.
But that's not the bad part. To this day, I do not know how and why I ended up there. Just like two admissions into the mental institute.
All I have is a vague memory of lying in the ambulance and liking it. I was so far gone, I was just enjoying the ride without realizing the severity of the situation.
I still don't know what happened. I didn't care to ask. I just went back to drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Built great big tall alcoholic walls around me and reinforced them with judgements and arrogance. Hid anything of me behind them and then paraded around like I believed in the party girl I showed the world. Until she started to stumble around and fall about and generally became a fool.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Worst thing for me, besides losing my self respect and the respect of my kids, was waking up every day feeling horrible and hating myself. 
Thank God, that is no longer the case.
Thank God, that is no longer the case.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by HollyWouldnt 
Powerful posts.
Working up the guts to list mine.
Thanks for sharing.
Holly.🎋
Working up the guts to list mine.
Thanks for sharing.
Holly.🎋
It's pretty freeing to put it out there. It's a step for a reason....
Carrying our shame doesn't help us recover.
You won't be judged here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Here and There
Posts: 21
Your first paragraph is the reason I ended up here looking around on this site. I have never been caught but whenever I drink, I seem to drive. It is not even the fact that I need to. Sometimes I have places to stay when out with friends, or am even in bed already, and just feel the need to bolt and to be home. For some reason I have always been like that when drinking, where I never want to stay in one place and want to be in my own bed.
The last week is what really scared me because I ended up driving home after being blackout and do not remember more than 5 mins of the drive, or once I was home. That was a 15 mile highway and residential drive home, and I don't remember it. And the biggest problem was that I told myself on the way to my friends that I cannot drive home, had a burned out headlight (another reason not to), and on top of that even promised my mom that I would not which hurt the most because I felt so ashamed after that she had given me a heads up and I had not even listened.
Thinking back though, I wasn't at all myself, and was not even the one in my head making the decision which scared me the most. I realized that at that point, at 4am, blackout, that I had made the decision to drive and had not even been active in that decision mentally if that makes sense to you.
Sorry for that rant, your post just really reminded me of that
The last week is what really scared me because I ended up driving home after being blackout and do not remember more than 5 mins of the drive, or once I was home. That was a 15 mile highway and residential drive home, and I don't remember it. And the biggest problem was that I told myself on the way to my friends that I cannot drive home, had a burned out headlight (another reason not to), and on top of that even promised my mom that I would not which hurt the most because I felt so ashamed after that she had given me a heads up and I had not even listened.
Thinking back though, I wasn't at all myself, and was not even the one in my head making the decision which scared me the most. I realized that at that point, at 4am, blackout, that I had made the decision to drive and had not even been active in that decision mentally if that makes sense to you.
Sorry for that rant, your post just really reminded me of that
Originally Posted by Grendhar
I am fortunate I haven't been caught for drunk driving or hurt anyone. But if I drink it is only a matter of time those things happen. If I drink, I will drive.
Other than that the two major things that bother me are losing the trust of those around me and the fact that I've spent so long being drunk I have no accomplishments in my life. I've neglected responsibilities. Numb mind, ignore reality, repeat. Day in .. day out.
The silver lining I can see though is I believe that once I am strong in my recovery (Day 4 at the moment), I think I will have a greater appreciation for life. If I had never been to hell and come back I may not be able to develop a sense of gratitude. Work in progress .. but that's what I want once the dust settles.
Other than that the two major things that bother me are losing the trust of those around me and the fact that I've spent so long being drunk I have no accomplishments in my life. I've neglected responsibilities. Numb mind, ignore reality, repeat. Day in .. day out.
The silver lining I can see though is I believe that once I am strong in my recovery (Day 4 at the moment), I think I will have a greater appreciation for life. If I had never been to hell and come back I may not be able to develop a sense of gratitude. Work in progress .. but that's what I want once the dust settles.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Here and There
Posts: 21
Blacked out
been carried out in an ambulance twice for alcohol related injuries
driven drunk
ignored friends
ignored family
drank when I should have been concentrating on getting a job and working hard at life
passed out and got alcohol poisoning multiple times and was left face up by friends on the floor while I started having a reaction to it because they were all drunk also
thrown up
acted a mess in front of friends
black out every time I go out with friends anymore
so many stupid things, and these are just in the last few years.
been carried out in an ambulance twice for alcohol related injuries
driven drunk
ignored friends
ignored family
drank when I should have been concentrating on getting a job and working hard at life
passed out and got alcohol poisoning multiple times and was left face up by friends on the floor while I started having a reaction to it because they were all drunk also
thrown up
acted a mess in front of friends
black out every time I go out with friends anymore
so many stupid things, and these are just in the last few years.
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 778
Pretty much did most of the above.
Started arguments with family, friends, strangers and neighbours
Stole wine when I was short on money (and sometimes when I had money)
Driven drunk
Hit a parked car (drunk) and quickly drove off
Drank wine out of coffee mugs
Didn't keep wine in fridge whilst drinking, hid in pot cupboard
Didn't dump all my wine bottles in MY recycling bin, spread them around others bins so mine wasn't FULL of bottles, to stop the neighbours talking
Keyed somebodys car really badly who pissed me off when I was drunk
Got sacked from so many jobs because I called in 'sick', most of the time I was super tired (not sick or badly hungover)
Hounded and pestered friends on the phone ALL night and very late at night waking them up at midnight, slurring, raving, ranting, repeating myself etc
Had unprotected sexual intercourse (only a few times, but that's not the point)
Shouted at my son some days at the slightest and smallest of things because it was wine o'clock, and I didn't have any on hand, was in a rush to go out and get some
Most of this stuff happen years and years and years ago, but it still happen. I did become a somewhat more responsible drunk when I had my children, but I still did bad things until recently, nothing extreme
And this is for a light - moderate alcoholic! Never had shakes, chills, vomiting (4 times a year maybe), fever etc. Never drunk in the morning. Never needed a drink in the morning to feel 'normal'.
Makes me wonder - if I was that bad on that amount of alcohol - I would be absolutely unrecognizable most likely in a few years. So glad Ive put a stop to it now, before it progresses to a really bad level.
Really disgusted in myself. But Im not dwelling on it. Im thinking forward and positive. Whats done is done.
Started arguments with family, friends, strangers and neighbours
Stole wine when I was short on money (and sometimes when I had money)
Driven drunk
Hit a parked car (drunk) and quickly drove off
Drank wine out of coffee mugs
Didn't keep wine in fridge whilst drinking, hid in pot cupboard
Didn't dump all my wine bottles in MY recycling bin, spread them around others bins so mine wasn't FULL of bottles, to stop the neighbours talking
Keyed somebodys car really badly who pissed me off when I was drunk
Got sacked from so many jobs because I called in 'sick', most of the time I was super tired (not sick or badly hungover)
Hounded and pestered friends on the phone ALL night and very late at night waking them up at midnight, slurring, raving, ranting, repeating myself etc
Had unprotected sexual intercourse (only a few times, but that's not the point)
Shouted at my son some days at the slightest and smallest of things because it was wine o'clock, and I didn't have any on hand, was in a rush to go out and get some
Most of this stuff happen years and years and years ago, but it still happen. I did become a somewhat more responsible drunk when I had my children, but I still did bad things until recently, nothing extreme
And this is for a light - moderate alcoholic! Never had shakes, chills, vomiting (4 times a year maybe), fever etc. Never drunk in the morning. Never needed a drink in the morning to feel 'normal'.
Makes me wonder - if I was that bad on that amount of alcohol - I would be absolutely unrecognizable most likely in a few years. So glad Ive put a stop to it now, before it progresses to a really bad level.
Really disgusted in myself. But Im not dwelling on it. Im thinking forward and positive. Whats done is done.
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