The I've done" Thread
 

Lied
Cheated
Stolen
Had affairs
Driven Drunk (caught and not caught)
Fought
Lusted
Covered-up
Destroyed stuff - my own and others'
Hurt people - mostly emotionally
Endangered people - friends, family and strangers
Puked at work
Puked on loved one's floors
Gone to the bathroom in places that weren't the bathroom
Teased others
Judged others
Manipulated others
Encouraged others to harm others with their own harmful behavior
Hurt others with my words
Hurt others with my actions


Made a list of wrongs..... yes... and that list seems to reel off with new remembrances even to this day, as my sober self reviews the tapes of yesteryear. Each time, I try to figure out how to accept, self-forgive, move on....

All of us humans have baggage. Those of us who've been addicts and alcoholics maybe more than the average human....

And all of us must come to terms with those things along the way, or suffer their burden until we do.

I could list everything but it can be summed up pretty easily:

I lost my sense of self. I didn't recognize myself anymore.

yep... did that one, too...

Fallen flat on my face and busted it
Fallen downstairs and split my head open
drunken texts
passed out most nights
puked in the taxi but in my handbag n ruined bag purse fone n camera
plus most of what you wrote hun! xxx

Everything on your list except "have affairs". I'll add "died" to your list.

~Bunnez

I crossed my own boundaries and broke my own rules.

Lied- to family, to friends to work
left kids home alone to get more alcohol
drove drunk
became distant to family
siphoned money out of joint back accounts to pay for my alcohol
said and did rude things to friends and family

Just curious (nothing implied) -- Do you find it helpful to re-visit these lists? For me, it's better to rectify what I can and then re-focus my self image toward the wonderful things I am TODAY, rather than the crummy things I was in the PAST.

Again, no criticism implied. I'm just curious about how you use these memories to support your current self esteem. Thanks for sharing!

IMO, your past is there to teach you how to be different in the future. I reflect on things like this and it makes me feel proud of how different things are today and how I never want to go back to the way they were.

I think, in a nutshell, we're all different.

In the beginning these threads helped me, gave me some sort of comfort, that I'm not sure I can even articulate. Now, I'm completely neutral to them. In fact, I'm not even sure why I opened this thread, usually I don't, but I did, so here's MY thoughts on your query.

was responsable for the death of another human while i was drunk.
drank for about 14 more years.

I find it helpful to occasionally revisit these sort of lists to;

remind me over again why it's so important to me to maintain sobriety
remind me how far I've come
reconnect with my gratitude these days are behind me

I find it helpful to share these sort of lists to;

help others see that maybe they're not alone
help others see that maybe the track they're on is one they might want to think about changing

:grouphug:

FO - you're post reminded me of this quote;

“Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”

Alex Haley
Brave New World

I try not to drive down the street looking in the rearview mirror - totally agree when we get sober it's like slamming the brakes on and all the "crap in the back seat" comes flying forward.

I clean up the wreckage best I can, try not repeat and move on. When more is revealed, I make amends where possible.......

Jazz I did;
Not enough for many
Too much for some
Whatever impulsive gratification I could could find

I did a ton of stupid stuff when I was drinking. It destroyed who I was. I can say since Feb of 2013 I have done nothing I need be ashamed of. That stupid stuff seems a lifetime away.

The solution was simple. I just lowered my standards

My list is a reminder to put me off ever wanting another alcoholic drink! Im on Day 7 and as yet have no desire to drink ever again because of this list. One day I won't need it xxx

I tried that MIR. It got to the point I couldn't lower them fast enough to keep going.

I am fortunate I haven't been caught for drunk driving or hurt anyone. But if I drink it is only a matter of time those things happen. If I drink, I will drive.

Other than that the two major things that bother me are losing the trust of those around me and the fact that I've spent so long being drunk I have no accomplishments in my life. I've neglected responsibilities. Numb mind, ignore reality, repeat. Day in .. day out.

The silver lining I can see though is I believe that once I am strong in my recovery (Day 4 at the moment), I think I will have a greater appreciation for life. If I had never been to hell and come back I may not be able to develop a sense of gratitude. Work in progress .. but that's what I want once the dust settles.

Congrats on 7 days! One of the things that really helped me the first few months was gratitude. Some days NOTHING seemed good and it was so hard. I would fall back on how grateful I was not to be puking, sick, lying on the couch isolated. How grateful I was to be able to brush my teeth without gagging, shower standing up (I used to lie down in the shower - standing was too much work, eating a full meal and not puking, sleeping through the night etc. Keep on forging ahead...it gets easier and so much better!:You_Rock_

Ain't that the truth. Then the solution was to drink more because I couldn't reoncile who I wanted to be with who I was