Sick of my morning guilt and new to the forum
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 6
Sick of my morning guilt and new to the forum
Hey guys and girls, I am new to the forum and am absolutely fed up with the way I have been living. I am 35 years old and in very good health and am hoping to keep it that way. For about the last 6 years I developed a horrible habit.
At first it started on my Friday and Saturday evenings when I was not working. I would sit down and relax and drink about 5-6 beers.
Overtime it got to the point where I found myself drinking 6-8 beers maybe 3-4 times a week.
The amount I drink usually fluctuates with how much stress I have going on in my life and how bored I am as well.
I switched to wine a few years ago and over the last year I have found myself drinking wine every single night I am not working. I will have anywhere from 1 glass to 4 glasses of wine. The longest I managed to NOT drink was 15 days and that was last year.
I do not crave alcohol during the day and can go several days without drinking and suffer no withdrawal symptoms. My routine when I am working a dayshift is to come home and eat a small meal. I usually workout very hard for around 2 hours. This takes me to about 730 pm and its at that time I make my evening meal and suddenly want to drink my wine. There are two aspects of my life that has me worried, I am in great health, I have a great job but I drink way to much out of boredom and over the last 6 years actually prefer the solitude of drinking alone at night that socializing with my friends. It is actually to the point they do not even ask me anymore. I want to fix this all and am looking for any advice.
At first it started on my Friday and Saturday evenings when I was not working. I would sit down and relax and drink about 5-6 beers.
Overtime it got to the point where I found myself drinking 6-8 beers maybe 3-4 times a week.
The amount I drink usually fluctuates with how much stress I have going on in my life and how bored I am as well.
I switched to wine a few years ago and over the last year I have found myself drinking wine every single night I am not working. I will have anywhere from 1 glass to 4 glasses of wine. The longest I managed to NOT drink was 15 days and that was last year.
I do not crave alcohol during the day and can go several days without drinking and suffer no withdrawal symptoms. My routine when I am working a dayshift is to come home and eat a small meal. I usually workout very hard for around 2 hours. This takes me to about 730 pm and its at that time I make my evening meal and suddenly want to drink my wine. There are two aspects of my life that has me worried, I am in great health, I have a great job but I drink way to much out of boredom and over the last 6 years actually prefer the solitude of drinking alone at night that socializing with my friends. It is actually to the point they do not even ask me anymore. I want to fix this all and am looking for any advice.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
Welcome to SR.
Sounds like a good time to quit drinking, before it gets any worse.
You see how the drinking has progressed in your life. It won't get any better.
So I suggest you hang out and look around this site and see what might help you out.
Sounds like a good time to quit drinking, before it gets any worse.
You see how the drinking has progressed in your life. It won't get any better.
So I suggest you hang out and look around this site and see what might help you out.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, Smash!
If you're ready to make some changes, this is a good place to start. You can absolutely get off this elevator that only goes down and have something better than you have now.
If you're ready to make some changes, this is a good place to start. You can absolutely get off this elevator that only goes down and have something better than you have now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Smash1033 
Hey guys and girls, I am new to the forum and am absolutely fed up with the way I have been living. I am 35 years old and in very good health and am hoping to keep it that way. For about the last 6 years I developed a horrible habit.
At first it started on my Friday and Saturday evenings when I was not working. I would sit down and relax and drink about 5-6 beers.
Overtime it got to the point where I found myself drinking 6-8 beers maybe 3-4 times a week.
The amount I drink usually fluctuates with how much stress I have going on in my life and how bored I am as well.
I switched to wine a few years ago and over the last year I have found myself drinking wine every single night I am not working. I will have anywhere from 1 glass to 4 glasses of wine. The longest I managed to NOT drink was 15 days and that was last year.
I do not crave alcohol during the day and can go several days without drinking and suffer no withdrawal symptoms. My routine when I am working a dayshift is to come home and eat a small meal. I usually workout very hard for around 2 hours. This takes me to about 730 pm and its at that time I make my evening meal and suddenly want to drink my wine. There are two aspects of my life that has me worried, I am in great health, I have a great job but I drink way to much out of boredom and over the last 6 years actually prefer the solitude of drinking alone at night that socializing with my friends. It is actually to the point they do not even ask me anymore. I want to fix this all and am looking for any advice.
At first it started on my Friday and Saturday evenings when I was not working. I would sit down and relax and drink about 5-6 beers.
Overtime it got to the point where I found myself drinking 6-8 beers maybe 3-4 times a week.
The amount I drink usually fluctuates with how much stress I have going on in my life and how bored I am as well.
I switched to wine a few years ago and over the last year I have found myself drinking wine every single night I am not working. I will have anywhere from 1 glass to 4 glasses of wine. The longest I managed to NOT drink was 15 days and that was last year.
I do not crave alcohol during the day and can go several days without drinking and suffer no withdrawal symptoms. My routine when I am working a dayshift is to come home and eat a small meal. I usually workout very hard for around 2 hours. This takes me to about 730 pm and its at that time I make my evening meal and suddenly want to drink my wine. There are two aspects of my life that has me worried, I am in great health, I have a great job but I drink way to much out of boredom and over the last 6 years actually prefer the solitude of drinking alone at night that socializing with my friends. It is actually to the point they do not even ask me anymore. I want to fix this all and am looking for any advice.
Of course I was more like a bottle or two of wine per night by the time I was your age - but very similar patterns otherwise.
Within the decade of 30-40 there was a marked increase and then rapid acceleration from where you are now to where I wound up; when it was a bottle of vodka a night, several nights a week. Blackouts several nights a week. A total inability to stop, despite a desire to stop the suffering, despairing cycle.
A couple of divorces. A couple of DUIs. Fortunately, no deaths or injuries.....
You have a tremendous opportunity right now; to stop this cycle while you have more control over it than you will next year, or the next, or the next.....
The double-edged sword of it is that it may not yet have gotten 'bad enough' to keep that little voice in your head from convincing you 'well... I mean... it's not THAT bad.....".
You've landed in a great place to learn and to find support. Read the stories of others. Look for the similarities - not the differences. Get SUPER honest with yourself about where you are, where you've come and where it's all headed. Ask yourself what you most truly want for your life and then make a CHOICE. A real choice. Not an "I'm going to try" or "it would be nice if..." - but a solid "I WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE .... and I'm going to embrace sobriety to get it".
In my experience (and may others), what that does is open a door to an entirely new, deeper, fuller, richer and more joyous life than you've ever thought possible.
Please don't throw away another year, another five years, another decade on "maybe if's". The "maybe if's" got many of us. The "maybe if's" turned many of us down a dark path even after we'd had the recognition you have just shared with us.
"Maybe if I only drink when I'm not stressed out".
"Maybe if I only drink on weekends"
"Maybe if I only drink beer"
"Maybe if I only drink wine"
"Maybe if I just needed a break to 'reset' myself"
"Maybe if I get therapy"
"Maybe if I can stop for a month"
"Maybe if I only drink on 'special occasions'"
"Maybe if I only drink ONE, now and again"
"Maybe if I just need to be more aware of my drinking"
"Maybe if I never drink alone"
"Maybe if I just don't go to bars"
"Maybe if I ONLY drink alone"
"Maybe if I never drink before 7pm"
"Maybe if I only drink at work functions"
"Maybe if I never drink at work functions"
"Maybe if I only drink after a workout"
"Maybe if I never drink when I'm sad"
"Maybe if I never drink when I'm mad"
"Maybe if I do more yoga"
"Maybe if I ______________________________________"
"Maybe if" is the slogan of Slick. Slick lives inside your addicted brain and whispers to you quietly. Slick wants you to quit drinking and he'll do anything to convince you it's OK.
Don't listen to Slick.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Welcome to SR!
Preferring to isolate and drink alone at night is dangerous. As you have observed the amount and frequency of your drinking has gotten worse. Alcoholism is progressive. If you continue on your current trend line, your life will likely be very different in 2 years, 5 years and 10 years. Those 2 hour workouts will be a thing of the past, and you might find yourself drinking in the morning to ease the effects of the previous nights drinking.
Stick around this place, it can really help.
Preferring to isolate and drink alone at night is dangerous. As you have observed the amount and frequency of your drinking has gotten worse. Alcoholism is progressive. If you continue on your current trend line, your life will likely be very different in 2 years, 5 years and 10 years. Those 2 hour workouts will be a thing of the past, and you might find yourself drinking in the morning to ease the effects of the previous nights drinking.
Stick around this place, it can really help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 6
Thank you !!! I am sticking around and am going to change my behavior !
This year I have felt like there are two different me's and that they are splitting further and further apart.
My daytime self is a great person that has everything figured out. I am at the pinnacle in my career, people look up to me, people respect me, people have no idea what the night time me is like.
I eat well, get plenty of exercise and then when all the dust settles for the evening out comes the booze. There have been times where I end up getting blackout drunk on a whim... because I was watching some movie and I had to keep drinking during it. The next morning I wake up and hate myself and what I did. Then the normal me returns until that evening again.
This year I have felt like there are two different me's and that they are splitting further and further apart.
My daytime self is a great person that has everything figured out. I am at the pinnacle in my career, people look up to me, people respect me, people have no idea what the night time me is like.
I eat well, get plenty of exercise and then when all the dust settles for the evening out comes the booze. There have been times where I end up getting blackout drunk on a whim... because I was watching some movie and I had to keep drinking during it. The next morning I wake up and hate myself and what I did. Then the normal me returns until that evening again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Welcome -- this is a great place.
Here is the secret they don't tell you -- you don't need to be an alcoholic or even have a huge problem to stop.
And to get huge benefits from stopping.
Based on what you say, it probably will get worse, but I can assure you it will be so much better if you stop, just cause.
Just cause drinking alcohol is stupid if you think about it.
Just cause your health is really important to you, and drinking aint healthy. period.
Just cause you decided you were worth it.
Just cause you can.
Make a choice to stop, and then never quit the decision.
Even if you can drink, why would you...
Here is the secret they don't tell you -- you don't need to be an alcoholic or even have a huge problem to stop.
And to get huge benefits from stopping.
Based on what you say, it probably will get worse, but I can assure you it will be so much better if you stop, just cause.
Just cause drinking alcohol is stupid if you think about it.
Just cause your health is really important to you, and drinking aint healthy. period.
Just cause you decided you were worth it.
Just cause you can.
Make a choice to stop, and then never quit the decision.
Even if you can drink, why would you...
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Smash,
Hi. You are where I was 20 years ago.
A binge drinker. Working out. Doing pretty great.
I would finish the day, safe in my house, and drink.
Take the edge off the day.
After a while, years, the work outs got fewer, the drinking increased.
Still i ratioanlized.... having a cold one....
I didn't know any better....
Most of the anxiety you feel...the urge to drink....the...I could use a drink...is caused by the booze.
It is deep in your cns..your brain.
Try stopping for 3 months...you will feel a crazyness...best word I got...
That is your brain freaking out because it wants the numbing...the brain gets hyper aware without the booze.
Now that I am 1 day away from 9 months poison free, I can tell you from experience it gets better.
I am in good shape and confident. Very proud of being a sober man.
I can't imagine what it will feel like for you to be torn between quitting booze and drinkng......Knowing what you know now, but feeling so strong cause you are so young...
When I was drinking...I really only knew about liver damage and birth defects....
The brain damage part is what I didn't know about. But, now you do...
Alcohol is poison. Moderation is a prison.
Hi. You are where I was 20 years ago.
A binge drinker. Working out. Doing pretty great.
I would finish the day, safe in my house, and drink.
Take the edge off the day.
After a while, years, the work outs got fewer, the drinking increased.
Still i ratioanlized.... having a cold one....
I didn't know any better....
Most of the anxiety you feel...the urge to drink....the...I could use a drink...is caused by the booze.
It is deep in your cns..your brain.
Try stopping for 3 months...you will feel a crazyness...best word I got...
That is your brain freaking out because it wants the numbing...the brain gets hyper aware without the booze.
Now that I am 1 day away from 9 months poison free, I can tell you from experience it gets better.
I am in good shape and confident. Very proud of being a sober man.
I can't imagine what it will feel like for you to be torn between quitting booze and drinkng......Knowing what you know now, but feeling so strong cause you are so young...
When I was drinking...I really only knew about liver damage and birth defects....
The brain damage part is what I didn't know about. But, now you do...
Alcohol is poison. Moderation is a prison.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by D122y
After a while, years, the work outs got fewer, the drinking increased.
Most of the anxiety you feel...the urge to drink....the...I could use a drink...is caused by the booze.
Try stopping for 3 months...you will feel a crazyness...best word I got...
That is your brain freaking out because it wants the numbing...the brain gets hyper aware without the booze.
Alcohol is poison. Moderation is a prison.
All of them.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey Smash,
I'm glad you found us and have recognized a problem. That's very wise and you should follow your smart gut (as opposed to your addictive gut) on this one.
The main thing that sticks out for me is that you've developed not only a habit, but a ritual. That's what I did/do. While the particulars may vary a bit, the core behavior is the same. For me, there is comfort in routine even when it's uncomfortable, if you know what I mean.
A couple of suggestions for your consideration:
* Seems like you work out at home. Could you maybe get a membership at a gym and work out there instead? Not sure where you are, but we have places around here that are just $10/month.
* I read that more than a couple of guys on this forum find that their cravings seem to flare up after intense exercise, but not after more moderate activity. Might you be able to do one hour of intense and then do 1/2 - 1 hour of something less taxing?
* You seem to understand that isolating is a contributing factor here; it certainly was for many of us. While I wouldn't encourage you to go out with your friends just yet (unless any of them would be game for non-alcoholic activities), can you think of some ways to interact with other people off work hours? In my opinion, you should do something every single day that gets you into community of some sort. For me, I made a commitment to myself to post here every day (actually twice daily). I'm also going to Intensive Outpatient. Both things have benefited me and they capitalize on my strength (?) of being a rather ritualistic/habit-driven person.
I hope you stick around; 35 is still quite young and you have everything to gain from getting this under control now.
I'm glad you found us and have recognized a problem. That's very wise and you should follow your smart gut (as opposed to your addictive gut) on this one.
The main thing that sticks out for me is that you've developed not only a habit, but a ritual. That's what I did/do. While the particulars may vary a bit, the core behavior is the same. For me, there is comfort in routine even when it's uncomfortable, if you know what I mean.
A couple of suggestions for your consideration:
* Seems like you work out at home. Could you maybe get a membership at a gym and work out there instead? Not sure where you are, but we have places around here that are just $10/month.
* I read that more than a couple of guys on this forum find that their cravings seem to flare up after intense exercise, but not after more moderate activity. Might you be able to do one hour of intense and then do 1/2 - 1 hour of something less taxing?
* You seem to understand that isolating is a contributing factor here; it certainly was for many of us. While I wouldn't encourage you to go out with your friends just yet (unless any of them would be game for non-alcoholic activities), can you think of some ways to interact with other people off work hours? In my opinion, you should do something every single day that gets you into community of some sort. For me, I made a commitment to myself to post here every day (actually twice daily). I'm also going to Intensive Outpatient. Both things have benefited me and they capitalize on my strength (?) of being a rather ritualistic/habit-driven person.
I hope you stick around; 35 is still quite young and you have everything to gain from getting this under control now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hey smash, sounds similar to me. Well done on recognising u have an issue. I had my last drink Oct 17th. I loved drinking alone & it even got to the stage of hiding booze from my fiance so he'd just think i was a lightweight not knowing id sank a bottle of vino already!!!! Shameful i know!!!
I too am very interested in my fitness & eat healthy 90%of the time & exercise 4 times a week. Since stopping drinking i have noticed the tone & texture of my skin has gotten better & my workouts r more committed as im not hanging from a hangover!!!!
I gave ul drinking on my own with the support of my fiance, mum & 2 very close friends & of course this amazing community, without this id be lost!!!
I sometimes log on everyday or just a few times a week depending on how im feeling. Welcome to the family!!!
I too am very interested in my fitness & eat healthy 90%of the time & exercise 4 times a week. Since stopping drinking i have noticed the tone & texture of my skin has gotten better & my workouts r more committed as im not hanging from a hangover!!!!
I gave ul drinking on my own with the support of my fiance, mum & 2 very close friends & of course this amazing community, without this id be lost!!!
I sometimes log on everyday or just a few times a week depending on how im feeling. Welcome to the family!!!
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
I was similar. Good career, friends and a social life, pull away from friends to drink off the day ... It's ended up stunting my life and damaging my relationships.
Stopping, on the other hand, while sometimes difficult emotionally, has seen richness beginning to come back into my life, getting out more and repairing the relationships I can.
It's a worthwhile cause, and I wish you success in it.
Stopping, on the other hand, while sometimes difficult emotionally, has seen richness beginning to come back into my life, getting out more and repairing the relationships I can.
It's a worthwhile cause, and I wish you success in it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 6
Thank you everyone! I appreciate the warm welcome!
Obladi, I put a huge gym in my house and agree with you it might be time for me to return to a commercial gym! When I worked out at a gym I was up at 4 am because I hated the crowds! I also think it will help get my socializing again! I had some great friends from that gym that I neglected.
I don't know if you guys feel this way but it's like the boredom drives me to drink. I can no longer just sit and relax... I can't tell you guys the last time I took a nap. Right now I'm working out which breaks the boredome up but I'm already dreading the evening !
Obladi, I put a huge gym in my house and agree with you it might be time for me to return to a commercial gym! When I worked out at a gym I was up at 4 am because I hated the crowds! I also think it will help get my socializing again! I had some great friends from that gym that I neglected.
I don't know if you guys feel this way but it's like the boredom drives me to drink. I can no longer just sit and relax... I can't tell you guys the last time I took a nap. Right now I'm working out which breaks the boredome up but I'm already dreading the evening !
I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. - Steve Vai
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 46
Welcome Smash,
I recognize the alcohol pattern and I also felt mine getting worse.
I've made it 30 days and so can you!
My life hasn't become total unicorns and rainbows since quitting but alcohol only made it seem that way for an hour or two on a good day. What I've found so far is enough energy to make a positive difference at work, an absence of shame and guilt in the morning, lower blood pressure, lower anxiety, a heightened interest in the people around me, more focus, and sometimes, (they tell me it will improve) -- better sleep.
This is a good place to lurk, contribute, whatever. You'll find a lot of shared experience and wisdom in the community.
I recognize the alcohol pattern and I also felt mine getting worse.
I've made it 30 days and so can you!
My life hasn't become total unicorns and rainbows since quitting but alcohol only made it seem that way for an hour or two on a good day. What I've found so far is enough energy to make a positive difference at work, an absence of shame and guilt in the morning, lower blood pressure, lower anxiety, a heightened interest in the people around me, more focus, and sometimes, (they tell me it will improve) -- better sleep.
This is a good place to lurk, contribute, whatever. You'll find a lot of shared experience and wisdom in the community.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Smash, I think a lot of us felt like we had a split personality when we were drinking. I sure did. On the outside, everything looked just great, but when I was alone at night, I turned into someone that I really didn't like. I also had blackouts at the end of my drinking days and they are really dangerous and scary. I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking.
What helped me to find my way in the early days was volunteering in my community. I started out thinking I might have something to give, and I realized that I was gaining so much more than I could ever give back. I met some amazing and wonderful people and made some lifelong friends.
What helped me to find my way in the early days was volunteering in my community. I started out thinking I might have something to give, and I realized that I was gaining so much more than I could ever give back. I met some amazing and wonderful people and made some lifelong friends.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Smash
some great advice here already
preferring to drink alone is a flashing warning sign it's time to quit before things progress and you start losing that great health etc...
I'm glad you found us
D
some great advice here already
preferring to drink alone is a flashing warning sign it's time to quit before things progress and you start losing that great health etc...
I'm glad you found us
D
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