Introducing....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 13
Introducing....
..... The human formerly known as Rob.
Hi,
Let me preface this introduction by just saying how much today SUCKED.
I have been in some form of active addiction or alcoholism on and off for the past 20 years. Despite this, I met a wonderful woman 16 years ago, got married and had two beautiful kids. The wife has been dealing with my **** on and off for ten years and has given me numerous chances to straighten out, but I've never been at bottom until now.
The last year or so I've been secretly drinking a pint of vodka + a day and trying to convince everyone around me I can have a beer a day. That beer was to explain the alcohol smell. I figure if I could prove to my wife and family (her family really. I don't have much) that I could drink normally, everything would be fine.
Being an actively regularly drinking alcoholic, I had so many behavioral and emotional problems which were expressed outwardly (no physical abuse) in tantrums, fights, paranoia and just general miserable behavior. I also found myself, and this freaking sucks to even admit, for the past year stealing from my in-laws anywhere from $20-$60 every couple of Sundays or so when my wife, kids and I went for dinner. I'm sick about this because it's not who I thought I was. Anyway, being not blind, deaf or mentally challenged, they noticed and because it was intermittent, they thought it was them. The past month or so it's been pretty regular so last Sunday, they counted money in my father in laws wallet, which sits in the drawer in the kitchen, before we came for dinner and right after. I was caught and that was it. I had to leave. Went to hotel for a few nights and then to an Aunt's house where I am now and have been since this past Tuesday 1/26.
My in laws say they are DONE. My wife initially said she's DONE but has gone back and forth between "get better, be a dad for your kids, I don't think I can get past this," and, "maybe in MONTHS, we can POSSIBLY sit with someone professional to see if there is anything that can be salvaged," and everything in between. The most encouraging thing was her recognizing that we are still married and that while she's not ready to talk now, that eventually she will talk to me with a counselor. But that's not much to hang on to.
Since I've been gone, I've been honest with the addiction specialist I have been lying to (she prescribes suboxone for me but doesn't know I drink until now) and I have been to AA meetings daily. Sometimes doubling up. I'm also welcoming outpatient treatment and I'm legit at my bottom.
I miss my kids, I miss my wife, I want to go home and I'm miserable. Praying to a HP and meetings help a little. I'm struggling with giving my wife space. I just want to go home and work on this. Make it right.
The most difficult thing right now is that with the first 4 consecutive sober days in a very long time and a really bad year, I'm waking up and losing some of the fog and I can't believe what I've done. It's like I woke up from a nightmare only to find myself in a worse nightmare.
I never was problematic while drinking too much. No driving busts. Never put kids in danger. No physical abuse of anyone. I portrayed a pretty decent guy and honestly, I'm a good dad. I love my family. The problem is the personality that is created when alcohol use is part of my life. I am the kind of guy that would chase down someone to return their wallet. Good morals. Honest. In the last year, I have turned into a surly, isolated, sad, fearful compulsive thief and I hate who my wife and in laws have come to know me to be. I know the good guy is in there.
I am very committed to recovery. I have thrown my hands up, admitted my powerlessness and made it my mission to embrace AA. Something I always thought I was smarter than. Yep... Really smart. Stealing from your in laws. I didn't even need the money. I have found a way to rectify the higher power issue. Basically, I'm ready to follow the rules of sobriety because my rules have me here, lonely, missing my family.
I just want a chance to do it right, which I never have completely tried. I've danced and bullshitted and promised and lied which my wife and in laws are saying are all the chances I've had. I'm at bottom now.
Ok... I'm rambling. Sorry
Rob
Hi,
Let me preface this introduction by just saying how much today SUCKED.
I have been in some form of active addiction or alcoholism on and off for the past 20 years. Despite this, I met a wonderful woman 16 years ago, got married and had two beautiful kids. The wife has been dealing with my **** on and off for ten years and has given me numerous chances to straighten out, but I've never been at bottom until now.
The last year or so I've been secretly drinking a pint of vodka + a day and trying to convince everyone around me I can have a beer a day. That beer was to explain the alcohol smell. I figure if I could prove to my wife and family (her family really. I don't have much) that I could drink normally, everything would be fine.
Being an actively regularly drinking alcoholic, I had so many behavioral and emotional problems which were expressed outwardly (no physical abuse) in tantrums, fights, paranoia and just general miserable behavior. I also found myself, and this freaking sucks to even admit, for the past year stealing from my in-laws anywhere from $20-$60 every couple of Sundays or so when my wife, kids and I went for dinner. I'm sick about this because it's not who I thought I was. Anyway, being not blind, deaf or mentally challenged, they noticed and because it was intermittent, they thought it was them. The past month or so it's been pretty regular so last Sunday, they counted money in my father in laws wallet, which sits in the drawer in the kitchen, before we came for dinner and right after. I was caught and that was it. I had to leave. Went to hotel for a few nights and then to an Aunt's house where I am now and have been since this past Tuesday 1/26.
My in laws say they are DONE. My wife initially said she's DONE but has gone back and forth between "get better, be a dad for your kids, I don't think I can get past this," and, "maybe in MONTHS, we can POSSIBLY sit with someone professional to see if there is anything that can be salvaged," and everything in between. The most encouraging thing was her recognizing that we are still married and that while she's not ready to talk now, that eventually she will talk to me with a counselor. But that's not much to hang on to.
Since I've been gone, I've been honest with the addiction specialist I have been lying to (she prescribes suboxone for me but doesn't know I drink until now) and I have been to AA meetings daily. Sometimes doubling up. I'm also welcoming outpatient treatment and I'm legit at my bottom.
I miss my kids, I miss my wife, I want to go home and I'm miserable. Praying to a HP and meetings help a little. I'm struggling with giving my wife space. I just want to go home and work on this. Make it right.
The most difficult thing right now is that with the first 4 consecutive sober days in a very long time and a really bad year, I'm waking up and losing some of the fog and I can't believe what I've done. It's like I woke up from a nightmare only to find myself in a worse nightmare.
I never was problematic while drinking too much. No driving busts. Never put kids in danger. No physical abuse of anyone. I portrayed a pretty decent guy and honestly, I'm a good dad. I love my family. The problem is the personality that is created when alcohol use is part of my life. I am the kind of guy that would chase down someone to return their wallet. Good morals. Honest. In the last year, I have turned into a surly, isolated, sad, fearful compulsive thief and I hate who my wife and in laws have come to know me to be. I know the good guy is in there.
I am very committed to recovery. I have thrown my hands up, admitted my powerlessness and made it my mission to embrace AA. Something I always thought I was smarter than. Yep... Really smart. Stealing from your in laws. I didn't even need the money. I have found a way to rectify the higher power issue. Basically, I'm ready to follow the rules of sobriety because my rules have me here, lonely, missing my family.
I just want a chance to do it right, which I never have completely tried. I've danced and bullshitted and promised and lied which my wife and in laws are saying are all the chances I've had. I'm at bottom now.
Ok... I'm rambling. Sorry
Rob
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. 
If you focus on your sobriety and being a better person, the rest will fall into place in time. Show by your actions that you're a better person.
I am glad you found us. You'll find lots of support here.
If you focus on your sobriety and being a better person, the rest will fall into place in time. Show by your actions that you're a better person. I am glad you found us. You'll find lots of support here.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi, Rob. Glad you're making this decision.
So, you're sober for four days now; did I read that right?
I believe you're probably thinking clearer now than you have in a long time. I think you should aggressively follow through with your plans to get plugged into AA. It helps a LOT of people.
If, for some reason, it's not a fit for you, don't give up. You'll find in this forum many people who've used many tools to get sober.
Are you able to maintain sobriety on your own? Do you think you need detox and/or rehab? No shame in the latter.
Keep talking to us and we'll do our best to help you get things set right.
So, you're sober for four days now; did I read that right?
I believe you're probably thinking clearer now than you have in a long time. I think you should aggressively follow through with your plans to get plugged into AA. It helps a LOT of people.
If, for some reason, it's not a fit for you, don't give up. You'll find in this forum many people who've used many tools to get sober.
Are you able to maintain sobriety on your own? Do you think you need detox and/or rehab? No shame in the latter.
Keep talking to us and we'll do our best to help you get things set right.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by least 
Welcome to the family. If you focus on your sobriety and being a better person, the rest will fall into place in time. Show by your actions that you're a better person.
I am glad you found us. You'll find lots of support here.
If you focus on your sobriety and being a better person, the rest will fall into place in time. Show by your actions that you're a better person. I am glad you found us. You'll find lots of support here.
Imma dooshe baeg.
Rob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse
Hi, Rob. Glad you're making this decision.
So, you're sober for four days now; did I read that right?
I believe you're probably thinking clearer now than you have in a long time. I think you should aggressively follow through with your plans to get plugged into AA. It helps a LOT of people.
If, for some reason, it's not a fit for you, don't give up. You'll find in this forum many people who've used many tools to get sober.
Are you able to maintain sobriety on your own? Do you think you need detox and/or rehab? No shame in the latter.
Keep talking to us and we'll do our best to help you get things set right.
So, you're sober for four days now; did I read that right?
I believe you're probably thinking clearer now than you have in a long time. I think you should aggressively follow through with your plans to get plugged into AA. It helps a LOT of people.
If, for some reason, it's not a fit for you, don't give up. You'll find in this forum many people who've used many tools to get sober.
Are you able to maintain sobriety on your own? Do you think you need detox and/or rehab? No shame in the latter.
Keep talking to us and we'll do our best to help you get things set right.
I'm going to be strong. Own it. Actively work AA and possibly an outpatient program and remember that drinking got me here.
I also have started to accept the disease model of addiction which I always refuted (a way to stay actively drinking and using) because nobody who wasn't sick as hell would throw their family away.
Rob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome Rob. Pull up a chair
D
D
I was going to make a dark joke about you possibly holding the chair for me while I tied the knot but thought better of it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Cornburglar
Yes. 4 glorious days. I'm not craving per se. I just want to stop feeling.
Regarding the "stop feeling" thing....that's really what got us there in the first place, right? Life is hard and most of us used alcohol to try and take the edge off. But the problem is we never stopped at just that.
Facing those feelings and reality in general is one of the toughest things we need to learn. You are already facing one now by actively seeking help for your addiction...and its a big one. Use all the help you can find and be honest, especially with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 378
Hi Rob,
You're in the right place! Make yourself at home.
You seem willing, honest and open minded. That gives me a really good feeling about your recovery.
One thing that jumps out - and it's only cause I'm exactly the same way - recovery requires a lot of patience. It sucks big time, but it is what it is.
Patience.
No more instant gratification. From now on, everything is a process. Requires time.
Give yourself one day at a time.
Give your wife one day at a time.
It will all work out. Stick with it.
Good luck on your journey!!!
You're in the right place! Make yourself at home.
You seem willing, honest and open minded. That gives me a really good feeling about your recovery.
One thing that jumps out - and it's only cause I'm exactly the same way - recovery requires a lot of patience. It sucks big time, but it is what it is.
Patience.
No more instant gratification. From now on, everything is a process. Requires time.
Give yourself one day at a time.
Give your wife one day at a time.
It will all work out. Stick with it.
Good luck on your journey!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
I understand and have felt similar when I looked at how I was living and the things I had done.
I let it get to me in a way that had me drink after a short while because I did not take any action at that point. It took me a little longer to seek help.
So you are doing something positive, and while it indeed will be a struggle with these bad emotions you are going through.
You can learn to deal with this sober and it will get better as you go.
I let it get to me in a way that had me drink after a short while because I did not take any action at that point. It took me a little longer to seek help.
So you are doing something positive, and while it indeed will be a struggle with these bad emotions you are going through.
You can learn to deal with this sober and it will get better as you go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by IfYouCanDream
Hi Rob,
You're in the right place! Make yourself at home.
You seem willing, honest and open minded. That gives me a really good feeling about your recovery.
One thing that jumps out - and it's only cause I'm exactly the same way - recovery requires a lot of patience. It sucks big time, but it is what it is.
Patience.
No more instant gratification. From now on, everything is a process. Requires time.
Give yourself one day at a time.
Give your wife one day at a time.
It will all work out. Stick with it.
Good luck on your journey!!!
You're in the right place! Make yourself at home.
You seem willing, honest and open minded. That gives me a really good feeling about your recovery.
One thing that jumps out - and it's only cause I'm exactly the same way - recovery requires a lot of patience. It sucks big time, but it is what it is.
Patience.
No more instant gratification. From now on, everything is a process. Requires time.
Give yourself one day at a time.
Give your wife one day at a time.
It will all work out. Stick with it.
Good luck on your journey!!!
I don't do process! Heh. I guess that's part of the problem though, innit?
I have sent al-anon info to my wife as well as a link to the big book online. I wish I knew if she was doing anything with it. I wonder if she's scouring the Internet looking for solutions like I have.
She's SUPER tight with her mom and, well, since I was stealing from them, they are dunzo with me.
I'm sincerely hoping that with time I can show them I'm in it to win it and maybe, if they try and get educated about this, they'll understand. I love my inlaws too! They treated me like a son and I stole from them and I can't even explain why.
They're a stubborn lot. Once my mother in law puts her mind in a certain direction, that's usually it. I mean, I devastated their daughter over years and years. Time and time again. Lies. Addiction. Pain. They're really, really pissed. Everyone is really pissed and fed up and done with me.
Yeah, but that patience thing sounds awesome.
Tell me more....
Rob
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
It takes time to earn back trust. I had ruined my relationship with my three daughters when I was drinking. It took a good bit of sober time til they came to trust me again. And now our relationship is better than ever. But it took time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Rob, you did not ramble a bit. My story is similar.
"The personality that is created when alcohol use is part of my life" - yes. I became someone I didn't even recognize. It's impossible to explain to those who don't have the problem - that's why being here is so helpful. We all understand how it is, like no one else can. The drunk me bears no resemblance to the real me - I'm sure it's the same for you. Be kind to yourself as you get free and reclaim your life. You can rise above this sad time and live the life you want.
"The personality that is created when alcohol use is part of my life" - yes. I became someone I didn't even recognize. It's impossible to explain to those who don't have the problem - that's why being here is so helpful. We all understand how it is, like no one else can. The drunk me bears no resemblance to the real me - I'm sure it's the same for you. Be kind to yourself as you get free and reclaim your life. You can rise above this sad time and live the life you want.
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