What is wrong with me??
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Question: Are you an adult or a teenager? I think you live on your own, but your thought and behavioral patterns are not those of an adult.
If you're a minor, that changes the whole conversation. I've been following your posts as if you were an adult.
If you're an adult, I believe the only "help" for you would be for you to turn over all control of your treatment to someone else. You're not committed or cooperative. If you're an adult, I predict you'll walk right out the front door of rehab after about three hours. Out of respect for your parents, make sure they understand that risk.
If you're a minor, that changes the whole conversation. I've been following your posts as if you were an adult.
If you're an adult, I believe the only "help" for you would be for you to turn over all control of your treatment to someone else. You're not committed or cooperative. If you're an adult, I predict you'll walk right out the front door of rehab after about three hours. Out of respect for your parents, make sure they understand that risk.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse 
Question: Are you an adult or a teenager? I think you live on your own, but your thought and behavioral patterns are not those of an adult.
If you're a minor, that changes the whole conversation. I've been following your posts as if you were an adult.
If you're an adult, I believe the only "help" for you would be for you to turn over all control of your treatment to someone else. You're not committed or cooperative. If you're an adult, I predict you'll walk right out the front door of rehab after about three hours. Out of respect for your parents, make sure they understand that risk.
If you're a minor, that changes the whole conversation. I've been following your posts as if you were an adult.
If you're an adult, I believe the only "help" for you would be for you to turn over all control of your treatment to someone else. You're not committed or cooperative. If you're an adult, I predict you'll walk right out the front door of rehab after about three hours. Out of respect for your parents, make sure they understand that risk.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Update: my parents couldn't stop me drinking or going back to my place. So that's what I'm doing, drinking at my place. I would go on tomorrow, but they've actually found a treatment plan for me. Somewhere in my country, with the added help of a hypnotherapist.
So tomorrow I will actually go there. It's a good perspective, though my mind hates the idea of not being able to drink as well.
Hope to come back better.
So tomorrow I will actually go there. It's a good perspective, though my mind hates the idea of not being able to drink as well.
Hope to come back better.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
mike, earlier post you mentioned your brother coming to stay with you (2:46am)...it seemed not five minutes later you said that won't work and you were off to your parents (3:31am). now you have "snuck out" and are drinking again (9:37am).
you post here about heading off to bed and then two hours later post about being drunk again. and yet you write from each of these "states" quite lucidly and coherently. i know for myself when black out drunk i can barely get my LIPS to form words, much less be able to manipulate a computer and keyboard in any way that doesn't resemble dkjfiehbhbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa.
so what gives?
you post here about heading off to bed and then two hours later post about being drunk again. and yet you write from each of these "states" quite lucidly and coherently. i know for myself when black out drunk i can barely get my LIPS to form words, much less be able to manipulate a computer and keyboard in any way that doesn't resemble dkjfiehbhbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa.
so what gives?
About writing coherently. It's just something I can do. I can be extremely drunk and make people wonder if I maybe had a drink or two. Same with writing. It comes easy to me.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by ScrewdUpInDe
Mike
You have to decide that you want to be sober more than you want to be drunk. Until you make that decision no program is going to keep you sober.
If you want to focus on Eminem lyrics try:
"Not Afraid"
[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you're not alone
Holler if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)
[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there
You have to decide that you want to be sober more than you want to be drunk. Until you make that decision no program is going to keep you sober.
If you want to focus on Eminem lyrics try:
"Not Afraid"
[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you're not alone
Holler if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)
[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
What's wrong with you? You're addicted to alcohol and it's messing up your head so that it can keep an extremely firm grasp on your nether regions. And it's winning.
You're its slave. You have all this rebelliousness inside you...maybe try directing it toward booze?
P.S. You know Eminem has been sucessfully sober for several years, right?
You're its slave. You have all this rebelliousness inside you...maybe try directing it toward booze?
P.S. You know Eminem has been sucessfully sober for several years, right?
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I don't know what's wrong with you, but when I drank I got drunk and that's what was wrong with me.
When we are on the upside down part of a bottle or six pack it's hard to imagine change is possible. Mike, look around - there are many, many examples of people just like all of us that indeed find a way out. A lot of them start with rehab.
You're fortunate to have parents that care
When we are on the upside down part of a bottle or six pack it's hard to imagine change is possible. Mike, look around - there are many, many examples of people just like all of us that indeed find a way out. A lot of them start with rehab.
You're fortunate to have parents that care
Urban Hermit
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,586
Originally Posted by Fabat50
I wonder why you tend to almost always post when you are drinking rather than posting and asking for help before you start. Why do you think that is?
Mike, you drink, then come on here and post asking for help. We try to help you, and you go away. Then you come back again after you start drinking. We can't help you until you are really ready to stop. You say you want to stop, but your actions say otherwise. Try posting before you start drinking, and maybe we can help you.
I hope you find the help you need.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MikeM
Update: my parents couldn't stop me drinking or going back to my place. So that's what I'm doing, drinking at my place. I would go on tomorrow, but they've actually found a treatment plan for me. Somewhere in my country, with the added help of a hypnotherapist.
So tomorrow I will actually go there. It's a good perspective, though my mind hates the idea of not being able to drink as well.
Hope to come back better.
So tomorrow I will actually go there. It's a good perspective, though my mind hates the idea of not being able to drink as well.
Hope to come back better.
I don't say that to discourage you from seeking treatment, but your attitude seems to be that you aren't going because you want to, more that you are going because someone is making you go. That's also not uncommon, it's happened to many of us. But you have to want to get better and do the work to get better, rehab isn't some magic place where you just sit there and get magically cured. It will involve meetings, therapy, group work and lots of other things that might not be considered "fun". It does work though if you let it...and I hope you can.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Originally Posted by MikeM
Update: my parents couldn't stop me drinking or going back to my place. So that's what I'm doing, drinking at my place. I would go on tomorrow, but they've actually found a treatment plan for me. Somewhere in my country, with the added help of a hypnotherapist.
So tomorrow I will actually go there. It's a good perspective, though my mind hates the idea of not being able to drink as well.
Hope to come back better.
So tomorrow I will actually go there. It's a good perspective, though my mind hates the idea of not being able to drink as well.
Hope to come back better.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I hope you come back better too Mike. It will take more than hope though....if you don't want to get sober no treatment plan will work. It's not uncommon for people to literally walk out the door of rehab and in the door of a liquor store and start drinking immediately.
I don't say that to discourage you from seeking treatment, but your attitude seems to be that you aren't going because you want to, more that you are going because someone is making you go. That's also not uncommon, it's happened to many of us. But you have to want to get better and do the work to get better, rehab isn't some magic place where you just sit there and get magically cured. It will involve meetings, therapy, group work and lots of other things that might not be considered "fun". It does work though if you let it...and I hope you can.
I don't say that to discourage you from seeking treatment, but your attitude seems to be that you aren't going because you want to, more that you are going because someone is making you go. That's also not uncommon, it's happened to many of us. But you have to want to get better and do the work to get better, rehab isn't some magic place where you just sit there and get magically cured. It will involve meetings, therapy, group work and lots of other things that might not be considered "fun". It does work though if you let it...and I hope you can.
One of the reasons I keep sabotaging myself is because I feel like I don't deserve happiness and that I deserve to be a miserable drunk. Which I hope will be addressed in the sessions.
There's a lot of conflict in me.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by vanaprastha
I was thinking about Mike earlier today, and wondering this very thing.
Mike, you drink, then come on here and post asking for help. We try to help you, and you go away. Then you come back again after you start drinking. We can't help you until you are really ready to stop. You say you want to stop, but your actions say otherwise. Try posting before you start drinking, and maybe we can help you.
I hope you find the help you need.
Mike, you drink, then come on here and post asking for help. We try to help you, and you go away. Then you come back again after you start drinking. We can't help you until you are really ready to stop. You say you want to stop, but your actions say otherwise. Try posting before you start drinking, and maybe we can help you.
I hope you find the help you need.
Hope that explains it.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Just so y'all know, I never take any help for granted. I might disappear because I'm blacked out drunk. But even while drunk, all your words are having an effect.
For example, normally if I knew that I was going to treatment tomorrow and I couldn't drink anymore, I'd drink a whole lot right now because it would be the last time. But now I'm slowing down. Focusing on going to bed. I'm still drinking a lot, but a lot less than usual. And part of me is looking forward to tomorrow.
That is a direct result of your help. Thank you.
I don't know if I'll choose to crawl into bed now, it does seem appealing. Should I do so, I will report back after the treatment.
For example, normally if I knew that I was going to treatment tomorrow and I couldn't drink anymore, I'd drink a whole lot right now because it would be the last time. But now I'm slowing down. Focusing on going to bed. I'm still drinking a lot, but a lot less than usual. And part of me is looking forward to tomorrow.
That is a direct result of your help. Thank you.
I don't know if I'll choose to crawl into bed now, it does seem appealing. Should I do so, I will report back after the treatment.
Urban Hermit
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,586
Originally Posted by MikeM
Hope that explains it.
Good luck with rehab. I really hope it works for you.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
To bed with you...why not start tomorrow without a horrible hangover?
As for the self-loathing...it's a side effect IMO. Like pot make people paranoid and benzos stop up intestines...it's biochemistry at work.
You don't have to hate yourself.
As for the self-loathing...it's a side effect IMO. Like pot make people paranoid and benzos stop up intestines...it's biochemistry at work.
You don't have to hate yourself.
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