MikeM

I went to my parents. Snuck out. Went back to my place. Got drunk.

What on earth is wrong with me??

They're busy arranging things for me. They're here and can are trying, but they can't literally take the beer away from me. I'm pretty blacked out, but last thing I heard, they were talking with someone about top clinics. Sweden is the last country I heard in passing. I'm not caring at the moment. I just don't believe I can be helped where ever I go.

These lyrics by Eminem have been in my mind all the time:

"My head hits the pillow, a weeping willow
I can't sleep, a pain so deep it bellows
But these cellos, help just to keep me mellow
Hands on my head, touch knees to elbows
I'm hunched over emotion just flows over
These cold shoulders are both frozen."

https://youtu.be/9O-bdFLlg4g?t=80

The rest of the song doesn't resonate with me, but that bit hits me like a sledgehammer. A sledgehammer of recognition.

Ok, apparently the plan is to let me sleep it off and send me some place I don't even care about at the moment. The reason those lyrics hit me so hard is because there is so much pain inside of me.

Gotta run. Not sure what will happen and when I come back, but plans have been made.

Nowsthetime

Hi Mike:

What happened to your promise from another of your threads?

It is very nice of your parents of trying to help you but you know very well that this is up to you not to them .

How do you want your life to be?

tufty13

Parents have been the saviour of many an addict.

May I ask how old you are Mike?

Ariesagain

What's wrong with you? You're addicted to alcohol and it's messing up your head so that it can keep an extremely firm grasp on your nether regions. And it's winning.

You're its slave. You have all this rebelliousness inside you...maybe try directing it toward booze?

P.S. You know Eminem has been sucessfully sober for several years, right?

Nonsensical

My addiction told me the same thing. I was hopeless. I could never be sober.

It was wrong. So is yours.

Fabat50

I wonder why you tend to almost always post when you are drinking rather than posting and asking for help before you start. Why do you think that is?

chrcarlson

Mike, there is nothing wrong with you. You are a perfectly normal alcoholic. Not to say you're a perfectly normal person, that's going to take some work on your part.

You are blessed to have parents that will help you, I mean Very blessed. Eventually all help will fade and you will be left to do this alone. Alcoholics have only two choices, death or sobriety. You might get lucky and avoid death by a long prison term but that's pretty much it for the future. It's really not a difficult choice. Every alcoholic makes it, the folks on here choose life/sobriety.

The next time you see alcohol chose wisely.

All the Best

PS, I drank for over 30 years and managed to quit.

leviathan

Like nonsensical said, the voice telling you it can't be done isn't your own voice.

teatreeoil007

I am sorry there is so much pain inside you, Mike. Is that the MAIN REASON you drink ? It was for me, for sure...I had so much pain inside me that needed healing it isn't even funny. My husband was dead set against drinking, so when he was around I didn't drink. But he travels for business 6-7 times a year. When he was gone I felt free to drink because he wasn't there. But I felt lonely. The problem is I would drink and discovered for first time in my life I didn't seem to have an off switch. I was indeed drinking because of pain inside me...so I understand.

But there came a time when I realized I needed healing for that pain and I also realized that drinking was not the answer for that pain. I needed to deal with the pain and I needed to do it sober & stop trying to anesthitize myself.

Anyways, don't know if this helps, but hope so...

emme99

Mike, I am glad your parents are helping. Please make the most of this opportunity. Best wishes.

Dyl71

Mike,

Please do yourself a favor and get into a detox/rehab program.

I feel things will not go well for you if you do not take advantage of this opportunity to turn your situation around.

It wont be easy, and you'll really have to work at it - but it's better than alternative outcome if you don't give it a try.

Choose life.

RallyAly

I second Emme's comment and am glad you turned to your parents for support (or went to them to avoid a drinking context and ended up with them seeing your current reality and seeking support to help you).

least

What's wrong may be that you still want to drink more than you want to be sober.

sleepie

A family that cares... rehab... in Sweden.

Unfathomable to some.

Hope you will take advantage of all that.

teatreeoil007

Rehab in Sweden....? Hey-I think you should jump at the chance if it is possible!

Upward2Enlightenment

Mike

You have to decide that you want to be sober more than you want to be drunk. Until you make that decision no program is going to keep you sober.
If you want to focus on Eminem lyrics try:
"Not Afraid"

[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you're not alone
Holler if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

AnvilheadII

mike, earlier post you mentioned your brother coming to stay with you (2:46am)...it seemed not five minutes later you said that won't work and you were off to your parents (3:31am). now you have "snuck out" and are drinking again (9:37am).

you post here about heading off to bed and then two hours later post about being drunk again. and yet you write from each of these "states" quite lucidly and coherently. i know for myself when black out drunk i can barely get my LIPS to form words, much less be able to manipulate a computer and keyboard in any way that doesn't resemble dkjfiehbhbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa.

so what gives?

chrcarlson

Mike, You have great parents. I think most of your pain is self inflicted. There are people that cut themselves as a habit. Every wonder why, I mean it's soooo crazy. Maybe you are beginning to have an understanding of such behaviors.

You cut your self and inflict your pain with alcohol. Alcoholism is the only disease that's tells us we don't have it.

ccam1973

You've got to step outside of today, Mike. Look at yourself and what you want out of your tomorrow. Where do you want to end up in the future. It all starts with the decisions you will make now.

Don't do what plenty of us here have done and waste decades drinking, lucky to be alive, etc, etc, etc... I can't tell you how many times I have told myself how I wish I would have quit many years ago. All of those 21+years are gone, I will never get them back.

I'm not wasting another minute on letting alcohol steal my life.

Mike, like the others have said, you have to want and do this for yourself. You are VERY fortunate to have parents that are willing to help. But you have to make the decision on what you want, no one can force that decision on you. Until you commit to not drinking, there isn't a program out there that will keep you sober.

Trust me, you will NEVER regret not drinking.

You might not think so, but you are strong enough to turn your life around and make this change happen. I never thought it possible either, until I made up my mind that alcohol wasn't going to control my life anymore.

tomsteve

welp, a few good lessons from this.
geographical relocation doesnt help.
having people around doesnt help.

i posted this is another of your threads,mike
wherever you go
there you are.

the problem?
could very well be as simple as ya havent surrendered