chrcarlson

I've been unemployed, made ave. money and for several years made over 200K. So sometimes I was high functioning. Never lost a job from drinking. When I quit 46 days ago. I still had enough money to go to Thailand and drink myself to death on the slow plan. I did/do have legal problems from drinking-I can still deal with them. Mainly I quit because the booze dulled me and degraded my life. I became more aware of this after I quit. I also look much better-says something about what it was doing to my health. Although I've never had a bad report from a doctor the difference in my appearance is very telling.

You know you have a problem with drinking. If can't can't moderate (tough went you need the escape) then you need to quit. You are high functioning. There are high bottom alcoholics-they quit before the real damage is done.

Nonsensical

I did that, too. I knew my drinking was a problem for 24 years before I did something about it. By then it was a really big problem. In retrospect, it was pretty dumb to wait.


I thought the same thing for many years, but it turns out it wasn't exactly true. It wasn't me I was trying to convince, it was the alcohol addict living in my head. I never was able to convince him that drinking was a bad idea. I gave up trying. I know it's a bad idea, and that is enough.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

SobrieTee

I agree with a lot of what has been written. I too was "high functioning" (or so I thought) until suddenly I wasn't. I also believe high functioning isn't a type of alcoholic - it's a stage of alcoholism. If you keep drinking you will inevitably get to the next stage. I view my alcoholism like a snowball rolling down a hill - it only got bigger, faster, and more difficult to stop over time.

Additionally, looking back, I wasn't "high functioning" at all because I couldn't do life without drinking. You're not really functioning if you need to drink your way through, are you?

I read the book "Under the Influence" and it really helped me to understand the disease of alcoholism and the stages we go through. You may want to check it out.

ecm76

Right now I'm not sure where to start. I'm in my loop, and I don't know how to get out of it. I can wake up and say "today I'm not going to drink," but at 5:00 I don't give a crap what I decided in the morning. That's where I am.

Nonsensical

I always gave a crap, but I almost always drank anyways. I'd have this silent war in my head.

We said we wouldn't drink today
Yeah, but it's Thursday, no one quits on a Thursday Just drink this weekend and quit on Sunday.
You said that last week. And the week before.
Well, this time I mean it. We'll have a few this weekend and then we'll quit on Sunday.
Promise?
Yeah, Sunday. Or maybe Monday. Let's see how we feel Sunday.
This seems wrong (again) but OK.

'Normal' people don't have that voice in their head, ya know? That's the voice of my addiction. It's still there, but I don't listen to it anymore. My life got a lot better after I quit listening to it.

Be well!

Soberwolf

That struck a chord with me, can you see you how drinking is controlling you rather than you controlling it ?

I say this as I remember doing the exact same thing wake up in the morning and say I'm not drinking today (btw its a massive red flag to say something like this) then by early afternoon 4-5pm I'd be drinking

It got a lot worse for me after that stage 4-5 pm would go down to 12pm lunchtime drinking then finally drinking in the morning as soon as I woke

I want to encourage you to realise no one has to have a rock bottom you can stop this now and another thing is why is alcohol allowed to have such a impact on your life & your decision making anyway you know ?

Your going to have support doing this no one is going to judge you we have all been there

In this together

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Fly N Buy

This was my cycle for many years, the insidious insanity of drinking - the never ending cycle of promises made to myself and others. This time will be different! Then I drank........

I started going to meetings and engaging in a program of recovery - that broke the cycle.

Additionally, I recently read a book entitled Under The Influence by Ketcham and Milam. The book explains the physiological aspects of alcoholism including how an alcoholics body metabolizes alcohol differently than a "normal" drinker. I want to know the why's at times and this was extremely enlightening. I was sober over a year when it came on my radar here on SR on a thread which is actually a sticky -

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Ecm!!

uncorked

That's where I was for way too many years. It took divorce papers and my husband taking custody of our son for me to stop. I tried various approaches over the years in a halfhearted attempt to quit drinking, but I really just couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. I was too scared, even though alcohol was ruining my relationships. (I'm not sure I buy the "alcohol is a progressive disease" model, though. I drank the same amount for over 10 years. It was a ritual.) When alcohol creates more problems than it solves, maybe you'll be ready to quit. But it's all up to you and what YOU want from your life.

Weatherman77

I was an evening drinker and also viewed myself as high functioning because I'd been promoted rapidly and was well respected at work. I'd even convinced myself that drinking in the evening made it easier to write the reports that are a large part of my job. Then I got sick and stopped drinking suddenly. Well, I went through withdrawals the morning of a presentation that I was giving (thank God it was a teleconference) and had to give up after 5 minutes because I couldn't even complete a sentence. I went to the hospital that evening.

I was able to reschedule the speech for two weeks down the line and delivered it sober. But it terrifies me to think how quickly a reputation I'd built over 15 years could be ruined in a matter of minutes. That night in the hospital, a nurse told me that every time your mind tries to tell you that you can go back to drinking - "I never drove drunk, lost a job, etc." - just add "yet." Turns out that she was in recovery too.

It's over a year later now, and can see with a clear head how tenuous my "high functionality" really was.