How do I stop when I don't want to...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
How do I stop when I don't want to...
I have been a heavy drinker for 15yrs. At least 12 beers a night with liquor in the mix. I began to have withdrawal symptoms a year ago and went to my dr. I detoxed at home with librium after 5 very stressful,painful days. I was completely sober for 3 months or so. I started back only to get myself to the point I had just overcome. I again detoxed at home and stayed sober for another month. I then realized I couldn't drink every day but could binge drink every other day without the withdrawals. Well, I started having withdrawal symptoms after my every other night binge sessions. I have detoxed 2 more times on this schedule. I continue to drink every other day a minimum of 12-20 drinks on those nights. I'm back here again needing to go through another detox. I don't want to quit drinking but I know I need to. I have a beautiful family and another child on the way. I should be happy but instead I stress out and turn to alcohol. My question is how do I stop when my body doesn't want to? I am functional and productive and have been lucky to not be dead already. I know I need to stop for my health and my family. I want to be here for them. So, how do I convince myself to quit? I've tried to limit myself but I always build back up to the point of getting black-out drunk. I wake up feeling terrible about myself and regretting it. Then the next day...I tell myself I feel great and repeat this vicious cycle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,388
It's scary having to quit.
It's inconvenient too, in the true sense of that word - noone wants to have to change their life or be 'different'.
As you're finding tho things are getting worse. They'll get no better with further drinking.
If you've ever looked in the mirror and felt ashamed at the face looking back and looked at your wife and kids and hated yourself for drinking, then you're ready Number 3.
It's a big leap of faith, but it really will pay off.
My life started again the moment I quit alcohol. I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten and a zest for life I hadn't felt in 30 years.
If that sounds good to you the good news is you can do it too
You'll find a lot of support here
D
It's inconvenient too, in the true sense of that word - noone wants to have to change their life or be 'different'.
As you're finding tho things are getting worse. They'll get no better with further drinking.
If you've ever looked in the mirror and felt ashamed at the face looking back and looked at your wife and kids and hated yourself for drinking, then you're ready Number 3.
It's a big leap of faith, but it really will pay off.
My life started again the moment I quit alcohol. I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten and a zest for life I hadn't felt in 30 years.
If that sounds good to you the good news is you can do it too
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,037
I have tried to quit in the past several times, and had several stretches of sobriety, however, I always started to think I could just have a glass or two of wine and ended up back in the cycle.
As I was drinking champagne on NYE I decided I was done, and haven't had a drink since, 21 days isn't a huge amount of sober time but it is a solid start. In the past I have tried to stop to be more present for my kids, and at work, and these are all very important reasons not to drink. However, this time I am committed, and it is for me. I don't want the daily battle of should I just have one glass. I want to wake up feeling clear headed. I want to be healthy for me. All of these things will allow me to be a better mom and employee, but bottom line I need to be a little selfish and do this completely for me.
You will find so many wise people on this site, ready to offer their support. I have been checking in daily, and it has definitely helped. Looking forward to reading more about your journey!
❤️Delilah
As I was drinking champagne on NYE I decided I was done, and haven't had a drink since, 21 days isn't a huge amount of sober time but it is a solid start. In the past I have tried to stop to be more present for my kids, and at work, and these are all very important reasons not to drink. However, this time I am committed, and it is for me. I don't want the daily battle of should I just have one glass. I want to wake up feeling clear headed. I want to be healthy for me. All of these things will allow me to be a better mom and employee, but bottom line I need to be a little selfish and do this completely for me.
You will find so many wise people on this site, ready to offer their support. I have been checking in daily, and it has definitely helped. Looking forward to reading more about your journey!
❤️Delilah
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Glad you are here number3. As Dee said there is a good life to live free from the alcohol that I don't think any of us could have imagined....it's there for you too. You are not alone in this & you will find much support & encouragement here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
" I don't want to quit drinking but I know I need to." YOU have to want to quit. Get out pen and paper and write down all the bad things alcohol has done to you, then right down all the good things it does for you. I think there is a trend there. If you haven't suffered enough then play the trend out-how does that look? Do you want to stop digging that hole for yourself?
If you want to stop where you are headed you can't have ONE more drink. You're an alcoholic just like me. I don't kid myself about having one drink anymore. One beer and I'm "flying ticket to the barnyard."
Once someone internalizes they are an alcoholic and are making a mess of their life they usually Want to quit. Get help on here, AA or other resources. If you feel like a drink pull out that list and read it again.
I quit after 35 years, you can do it if you want. It wasn't near as hard for me once I thoroughly decided I wanted to quit. Read more on SR or PM for more specific suggestions.
Best Wishes
Chris- 43 days sober
If you want to stop where you are headed you can't have ONE more drink. You're an alcoholic just like me. I don't kid myself about having one drink anymore. One beer and I'm "flying ticket to the barnyard."
Once someone internalizes they are an alcoholic and are making a mess of their life they usually Want to quit. Get help on here, AA or other resources. If you feel like a drink pull out that list and read it again.
I quit after 35 years, you can do it if you want. It wasn't near as hard for me once I thoroughly decided I wanted to quit. Read more on SR or PM for more specific suggestions.
Best Wishes
Chris- 43 days sober
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I didn't want to quit either, and I decided I wouldn't until I had to. In other words, until I no longer had a choice. And that's what happened.
Your question is similar to that of people who ask how to go about finding the motivation to get or to stay sober. The only way I know how to do this is to stop drinking.
Your question is similar to that of people who ask how to go about finding the motivation to get or to stay sober. The only way I know how to do this is to stop drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
Welcome to the family. It's hard to get sober, but it's so worth the effort and changes it takes. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. It will only get worse, so I hope you can stop now. 
It's hard to get sober, but it's so worth the effort and changes it takes. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. It will only get worse, so I hope you can stop now. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I've been a member of SR for nearly 4 years. In all that time I've NEVER heard anyone say 'I regret getting sober'...in contrast, I've heard a million times....'I regret picking up again'
I have trust in those who have walked this path before me...those who have rebuilt lives and relationships. If they can do I so can I. And so can you.
A better future lies ahead. 😊
I have trust in those who have walked this path before me...those who have rebuilt lives and relationships. If they can do I so can I. And so can you.
A better future lies ahead. 😊
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
Hi number3 and welcome to SR. I drank heavily for 25 years and have been sober 4 weeks today. People say that alcoholism is progressive. For me the amount I drank varied over the years and in the end I was drinking a lot lass than when I started. BUT and it's a huge but BUT the damage I was doing to myself emotionally, mentally and spiritually was not stopping, and was all the time getting worse, even when I reduced the amount I drank. In that respect it was very progressive. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror again and feel ok and that's never going to happen as long as I keep doing something that I know is harming me.
As for advice. Stop repeating the, as you yourself put it, vicious cycle. Stop drinking ! It's not easy but it's the right thing to do.
I wish you strength in your journey my friend.
As for advice. Stop repeating the, as you yourself put it, vicious cycle. Stop drinking ! It's not easy but it's the right thing to do.
I wish you strength in your journey my friend.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
For myself going back to 1996 I was forced into Detox, dried up then forced into a 21 day program as an out patient that helped little to none at all, reason being I did not want to quit and people around me saw me as a heavy drinker and not an alcoholic, now that is what I wanted to hear.
In 1998 I found myself in a very high position (finance and Investor Relations) spending every other month at one of our sites in West Africa, beer flowed more than water, the daily average temp was 51 degrees C, 124F, you couldn't work so we drank in the day, worked at night and even then it only cooled to about 32c, 90f.
This is when I knew in my heart I had a problem, the shakes and withdraws started for the first time and I was scared, the base Dr. gave me some pills and I was flown home to Canada, direct to ER, spent a few days there then back to Detox, I started going to AA, went through two sponsors in two years not their fault but they relapsed and I thought what the hell, they can do it after being sober for 15+ years so can I with only a few months.
This vicious cycle continued until 2012, I had lost many great careers, a very successful excavation company, my kids turned their back and the list goes on. I went to a different detox centre that changed my life, it is modeled after SMART, had to get to the roots of why I started, for the first time I shared with professionals what happened when I was 12, plan was made and I followed it for a time, two years sober, overconfident and right back at it.
So today I am sober, have been since Dec 11 or 12th, I was still having blackouts on the 11th so I am not sure if I drank but I am certain I didn't on the 12th, plan with updates in place is being followed and I am getting a lot of help, active here as I believe in RR, getting what I can from AA in person and online and research, in short putting everything I have within me to stay sober, I have no cravings, sleep is back on track, still have some off days but I recognize them and either reach out or handle it myself based on what I have learned. I am very happy and life is falling into place beyond what I thought.
Maybe this will help you a little, I know for me I did not ever wake up in the past until I obtained a hate for what alcohol did and was doing in my life, came to admit it to myself and promised (self) to go to any length for help and to stay sober, it's working.
In 1998 I found myself in a very high position (finance and Investor Relations) spending every other month at one of our sites in West Africa, beer flowed more than water, the daily average temp was 51 degrees C, 124F, you couldn't work so we drank in the day, worked at night and even then it only cooled to about 32c, 90f.
This is when I knew in my heart I had a problem, the shakes and withdraws started for the first time and I was scared, the base Dr. gave me some pills and I was flown home to Canada, direct to ER, spent a few days there then back to Detox, I started going to AA, went through two sponsors in two years not their fault but they relapsed and I thought what the hell, they can do it after being sober for 15+ years so can I with only a few months.
This vicious cycle continued until 2012, I had lost many great careers, a very successful excavation company, my kids turned their back and the list goes on. I went to a different detox centre that changed my life, it is modeled after SMART, had to get to the roots of why I started, for the first time I shared with professionals what happened when I was 12, plan was made and I followed it for a time, two years sober, overconfident and right back at it.
So today I am sober, have been since Dec 11 or 12th, I was still having blackouts on the 11th so I am not sure if I drank but I am certain I didn't on the 12th, plan with updates in place is being followed and I am getting a lot of help, active here as I believe in RR, getting what I can from AA in person and online and research, in short putting everything I have within me to stay sober, I have no cravings, sleep is back on track, still have some off days but I recognize them and either reach out or handle it myself based on what I have learned. I am very happy and life is falling into place beyond what I thought.
Maybe this will help you a little, I know for me I did not ever wake up in the past until I obtained a hate for what alcohol did and was doing in my life, came to admit it to myself and promised (self) to go to any length for help and to stay sober, it's working.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Usually, it's our liver lover or the law brings us into sobriety.
I came to in a drunk tank years ago and was completely demoralized.
At that point, I did want to quit and took the imitative to stop.
For a true alcoholic we come to the point of sobering up, getting locked up or covered up. That's the harsh reality for alcoholics.
I came to in a drunk tank years ago and was completely demoralized.
At that point, I did want to quit and took the imitative to stop.
For a true alcoholic we come to the point of sobering up, getting locked up or covered up. That's the harsh reality for alcoholics.
just keep swimming
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 502
Number3 you've basically just recanted my exact life story. Moderating isn't working for you.
If you do some reading on recovery methods (lots of great stuff here) you'll find one that will help you with the "I don't want to give up" voice in your head. In a nutshell, that voice is NOT YOU. You'll realise that YOU do want to give up and it's only that voice telling you you don't want to. If you can get that voice under control, then you will be able to give up.
Good luck pal, we're here to help and support you through this.
If you do some reading on recovery methods (lots of great stuff here) you'll find one that will help you with the "I don't want to give up" voice in your head. In a nutshell, that voice is NOT YOU. You'll realise that YOU do want to give up and it's only that voice telling you you don't want to. If you can get that voice under control, then you will be able to give up.
Good luck pal, we're here to help and support you through this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Thats a tricky one....
You can start by opening your mind to the stories of others and getting very honest with yourself about your similarities and where you are headed.
That might help you see what you really want in life and what you want to avoid....
But the truth is, for most of us - we had to beat ourselves with the painful negative consequences of our own stubborn addictive behavior until the pain became so great that we really wanted sobriety.
You can start by opening your mind to the stories of others and getting very honest with yourself about your similarities and where you are headed.
That might help you see what you really want in life and what you want to avoid....
But the truth is, for most of us - we had to beat ourselves with the painful negative consequences of our own stubborn addictive behavior until the pain became so great that we really wanted sobriety.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I want to drink and I want to not drink.
This is crazy-making if you don't understand what's going on.
But like MAV says, it's not YOU that wants to drink: it's your addiction.
Your addiction will try any angle it has to convince you to keep feeding it. "I feel great, I have a lot of stress, I should be grateful and I'm not, I am helpless, I am functional, blah blah blah."
I guarantee you CAN stop - you just need to find the kind of support that will be best for you.
This is crazy-making if you don't understand what's going on.
But like MAV says, it's not YOU that wants to drink: it's your addiction.
Your addiction will try any angle it has to convince you to keep feeding it. "I feel great, I have a lot of stress, I should be grateful and I'm not, I am helpless, I am functional, blah blah blah."
I guarantee you CAN stop - you just need to find the kind of support that will be best for you.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Quitting is inevitable for all of us. The only question is when, if you catch my drift.
You can quit while you have your family and all the trappings of a good life...or not.
You can quit under your own volition...or not.
You can quit while you're in good health...or not.
Somehow, you'll need to find a strong internal motivation to quit. Maybe if you ask yourself some tough questions about what lies ahead if you continue drinking, will help you find the "want to" you need.
You can quit while you have your family and all the trappings of a good life...or not.
You can quit under your own volition...or not.
You can quit while you're in good health...or not.
Somehow, you'll need to find a strong internal motivation to quit. Maybe if you ask yourself some tough questions about what lies ahead if you continue drinking, will help you find the "want to" you need.
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