AnvilheadII

i HAVE to have the TV on in order to sleep. just low enough that i have to strain a bit to hear it....so my attention has a focus. something that has repetitive episodes, like Law and Order (dun dun) or Forensic Files. maybe do a bit of light exercise, work out some of the stress first?

SoberinSyracuse

Hi, NJS. Ouch!! This incident was not an unfortunate accident. It was the consequence of an informed decision. You fell for the AV lie. But the good news is you have really good insight into how this happened and are wisely looking for support to interrupt your relapse.

Whatever you do, don't get down on yourself. Seems like we all have to learn this "just one" lesson firsthand. I'm on my third try at sobriety. Relapsed twice in 2015 believing that I could have "just one."

That SoB AV sure stuck it to you, costing you the job you had just celebrated. Are you mad enough at it to never let it fool you again?

Jump right back on the horse. You know that as long as you're sober, there will be many opportunities for you ahead.

The heart pounding used to torment the heck out of me at night. It helped a little to sleep in a propped-up position, and to have soft tv/radio/music on in the background. As you know, it gets a bit better after a little while of sobriety. Just tough it out like you did the last time and you'll emerge sober, tougher, and wiser.

Chin up!

chrcarlson

Learn the Lesson and move on. If you stop drinking there will be other jobs and opportunities.

NewJourneyStart

It's difficult (by the way i'm in bed but can't sleep due to the heart pounding) cos I'm not even sure if I can quit. I love drinking, I love getting hammered, but I know that no one can advance and progress with life if they are constantly ****** up. So, as I lay here (with my girlfriend snoring in my ear haha) I'm thinking maybe this needs to be the end of the road. Drinking gets me nowhere, I need to find a way to push through and go tee-total. I need to give it up permanently.

chrcarlson

NewJourneyStart- One day i woke up in a cold sweat and quit. I went to AA that night. The pain got too much for me. I drank for 30 years-you can quit if you want. It might take a lot of effort but you can quit.

fantail

I did exactly that. Got a new job, "celebrated", lost job.

It was terrible. It was really a dream job, too.

But now it's eight months later, six of them sober, and I'm ok. I'm sad about that job, but what happened happened and I'm moving forward. When all is said and done, I traded that job for my sobriety. If I'd been able to pull off that relapse without consequences, I'd still be drinking. So it was worth it.

That heart pounding thing is awful, I always hated it. You should probably see a doctor about getting through withdrawal.

Zeebs

I agree with fantail and would see a doctor if you're able.

toby2159

Hi NJS. I feel your pain over the lost job. I was dismissed from a job I loved a few weeks ago after being suspended on 23 December for being drunk on duty. It is painful, humiliating and stressful as I need to find a job quickly for financial reasons. However, losing my job has taken me to discovering SR and a return to AA. I took my last drink on 24 December and am now on day 33 of sobriety making it my longest sober time in 2 decades. I reached my rock bottom but maybe it needed to happen in order to save my life. Already I have found friendship and support that I have never before experienced. I isolated myself from friends and within my family in order to drink alone and in secret (although it was never actually secret from my family - they always knew). Strangely, I do not feel lonely anymore as I have SR and AA. Although I am right at the beginning of my journey to sobriety, I already feel and look physically better and healthier and I am finally sleeping better than I have in years. I used to think alcohol helped me sleep. It may have helped me pass out but the sleep quality was poor and waking after 6 hours with a hangover does not make for a restful sleep. It took a few weeks for the sleeping to improver but I am now going to bed sober, reading a few pages of the Big Book and sleeping peacefully for up to 8 hours. I am waking clear headed and feeling rested. I really hope you find the strength to put the cork in the bottle and begin your journey to a better life. Check in to SR regularly and you will find amazing support and encouragement. Whenever I have felt weak I check in and the moment passes. Maybe you could try AA as well. It isn't for everyone I realise but it is working for me and I can also phone one of the amazing people I have met there during low moments. Take care NJS and let us know how you are doing.