thomas11

My surgeon at this point is kind of out of the picture. I'm primarily in the care of my GP. She advised a therapy pool and exercise bike and walking for 10 minutes (to start). I have a membership at the local YMCA that is currently inactive, but I can (and will) activate it shortly. They have a therapy pool. Sorry to say, but today kind of sucks. I'm getting that last bit of fluid out of my lungs so I'm putting off exercise for a couple more days. I will get it going though, I have to.

Meraviglioso

If you have to be immobile but need something to occupy your time an online course is a great suggestions rom Delilah. You could also volunteer online or via phone. I recently saw an article about how an old couple in the UK called 911 (or the UK equivalent) simply because they were lonely. Loneliness is a serious issue for a lot of elderly people. There are volunteer programs where you get assigned to an elderly buddy and make a commitment to call them once a day for a chat. Possibly having that chat as a commitment to someone who dearly needs you would be a good motivator to be the best you can be. There are also girls and boys clubs that look for mentors. I bet you'd make a great mentor to a teenage boy who might be looking for some direction. You could share your knowledge of health and fitness as well as offer career advice. Sometimes by helping others we help ourselves.
All of these distractions would be a great addition to your plan, but I don't think you can depend solely on being distracted as the cure-all to the deep addiction and what seems to be denial that you are in. I like the idea of going to AA or other meetings and seeking out professional help via a psychologist. There's nothing to be afraid of, only a better you to look forward to you. You put in the physical work when you could to better your body, why not put in the psychological work to better yourself mentally?

thomas11

I do not want to start another thread for this, but I have a question for anyone who stumbles across this. For awhile now when I see pictures of people on Facebook taking pictures of themselves with a group of people at happy hour or drinking in a bar, I get an immediate thought in my head that say "god no". Same thing with all the pictures I saw of people stocked up on liquor for the big snowstorm out east. The last thing I think of is jealousy and envy, instead my internal reaction is "you can't do that and you know why". I personally feel this is a good thing, but it may be nothing. Curious if anyone has an opinion.

Meraviglioso

Jeff, I have had waves of those thoughts and moments. I have even come on here and posted "you know what, I was just at a dinner and I din't drink and I didn't even crave, it was like alcohol disgusted me…." "I just wasn't interested, I said no and really just loved having my food and not having to worry about the drink…" and many other *high five*, I'm in the clear! type thoughts/feelings/posts.
Yes, recognizing that you cannot drink like your friends on Facebook is a good thing, but I found out well enough that it doesn't mean I've seen the light. Take it for what it is, but don't give it too much weight. I can't count the times I posted stuff like that only to come crawling back a few days later having shoved my face straight into the alcohol cesspool once again.

thomas11

Hi Mera, my immediate plan is to get couple weeks of exercising under my belt just so my body acclimates to activity again. I will look into online courses as well. Once I get about 15 workouts through my system, I will have the self confidence to get out again and start getting busy living. I know that some will say that BS and an excuse, but you can ask my wife, its just how I am, and always have been. In some twisted way it will provide me with the self confidence and self worth to re-engage with the world.

Lastly, I thought about this this morning. I know it feels like I've been sedentary for a long time (including myself). Its actually been a couple weeks in November, December and this month. For some reason it seems like forever, but it hasn't been.

I also know of this website in which you can develop a course to offer online, and people pay a nominal fee to take that course and have communication with the "instructor". Thought about developing a course on Landscaping and Turf Management and see if there is any interest in something like that.

Meraviglioso

No, that makes sense, you have a history of serious fitness so I am sure you realize that you can't have it all right away. I imagine you want a solid pattern of good workouts before you feel confident. That is ok and I don't think it is BS.
I think the course is a good idea, you could help a lot of people and it would give you a real sense of purpose which you seem to be missing by not working.
But remember, part of getting and staying sober is stepping out of those comfort zones. Ok to the workouts before you get back out there, ok to taking your time physically, ok for starting back to the work thing slowly, but it's time to walk the walk with the sobriety stuff. Don't just "check into" that therapist. Get out the phone book and make the call.
I can't help but think of Livia Soprano when you describe your interactions with your mother. Be like Tony, I mean for real, he got his ass to a therapist, you can too .

dwtbd

I'm not a facebooker, internet wise I 'm a forum reader/ contributor mostly just text on the screens. My wife on the other hand is quite the booker , and so by osmosis I see those kinds of posts. My reaction internally is more like " oh yeah people in the world still imbibe , either 'heathily' or not, I don't" I'd say the first year or so it was more annoying than not, but now it's just pictures.
I really believe having the mindset that 'I don't' instead of 'can't' is key. It can take work and time to fully establish it, but it is a mindset essential to develop and it can develop organically with time though embracing it can help to cement it more quickly.

EndGameNYC

You asked for it...

You continue to attempt to talk yourself and think yourself out of alcoholism and into sobriety, and then you ask for validation here. Your resistance to doing whatever is necessary to achieve sobriety is written all over this thread. A lot of planning and very little doing.

Which is what?

So you didn't get drunk the way you used to or might have. Progress means not getting drunk at all, and not having a couple of drinks every now and then.

This suggests that it might be true because you read it here, not that you believe it. Your history tells the story.

A "couple of sessions with a professional" is not therapy, and the kind and amount of help you might get would be necessarily limited in the extreme. You didn't become the person you are overnight and, despite what you've posted in the past, you don't seem to take in and then act on the help that you get. I'm at a loss to see what, if anything, you've learned from your lapses.

No one has ever gotten sober by planning or thinking about it. We get sober by what we do.

You've been at this for a while. I'd love to tell you that it sounds like you're doing great, but you just don't sound very real about everything that you're planning. A glaring and ongoing lack of both action and commitment makes it extremely difficult to think otherwise.

Marcher13

I'm so glad you asked Jeff.

Have you reinstated that YMCA membership? An hour or two there each day will help you with your strength and well being.

Structure in your days is what you (and I) are used to, build that structure in.

For those times when you are at a loose end try 50 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do

Volunteer. Yeah you've heard it before I know. You'd be ideal to teach kids practical skills, what about kids without a father figure in their lives at the local school or youth centre? What about mentoring young people who want to start out in business? Is there a local organisation that helps out the elderly in their homes? Your organisations skills would be valuable and later on your practical ones.

Check out Lifehacker.How to Find a Volunteer Gig You'll Actually Enjoy

What about taking a class at a local adult education centre? If you can't get to classes then do it online. Here are 144 possibilities.

Learn a language. Livemocha - Free Online Language Learning - Free Lessons Online

Though this one is suggested for when people are avoiding work it's a great list for any time. 29 Semi-Productive Things I Do Online When I?m Trying to Avoid Real Work

Have you taken over all the cooking at home? Are you expanding your repertoire?

That's for starters.

Marcher13

Oh and Jeff ...

Recovery is about all our behaviour. In recovery I keep meeting hurdles where I think "but that's just how I am". No it's not, it's how I was.

PennyLane76

Jeff, it seems Facebook is a trigger for you. Drinking the other day was prompted by Facebook and your mother. Now you mention people drinking on FB. Maybe time to deactivate your account for a bit?

thomas11

Hi Sadie, I don't think I worded my thoughts very well. Pictures of alcohol are giving me a genuine negative feeling. Facebook is more of a deterrent than a trigger. I don't see a party in a bottle, I see the potential for a bender and the 36 hours of pure hell that follow. The mental and emotional toll on the body is borderline cruelty. I know there are a few folks here that are going through that at the moment and I feel for them.

Regarding my mother, you are spot-on. Its oil and water and she can really get me going (triggered). But how to I do that dance? It's my mother, can't not talk to her for the rest of my life. And even though she's 70, she's a young 70. Total busy-body.

thomas11

EndGame, I respectfully disagree with some of your assertions.

letitgo

It appears your are not 100% geared for sobriety Jeff. No matter what the answer is never booze. Your posts go round and round. Your mother didn't make you drink. You made you drink.
IMO you are in a strong d e n i a l without an actual r e c o v e r y plan.
I wish you well regardless.

bigsombrero

I respect the heck out of your honesty, thomas11. It would be easy to lie on this board, but you don't.

There's a comedy bit by Louis CK where he talks about how he sometimes thinks about giving his first class airplane seat up, and letting an Army Serviceman sit there instead. He feels like he's done such a good thing by just thinking about it. He praises himself for these generous thoughts. Of course, he never does give his first class seat away.

It kinda sounds like what you're going through now. You aren't interested in your friends' beer posts on Facebook? Sorry man, that's not growth. You grow by getting sober. Not drinking. Period. Just thinking about sobriety doesn't help you a damn bit.

strategery

One of the things that would really help you, is working on your recovery, whether it be AVRT, your thinking, and going to meetings. I use the SR chat meetings and they are super awesome.