teatreeoil007

Why is it so many people will do almost anything to avoid unpleasant feelings? I'm not saying folks should go around and embrace negative feelings and wallow in them, but there is this line of thinking/mentality that "bad" feelings need to be avoided and it they do crop up: bury them (hurry, quick, before anybody notices...) And, it's not just unpleasant feelings, it's anything that makes a person feel uncomfortable.

While some of this avoidance is just a mechanism within sort of like responding to painful sensations and has it's place, I guess it's how negative feelings are avoided that makes all the difference.

Case in point: I think one of the biggest reasons people lie about something is to AVOID the fall-out should the truth be made known. Thus dishonesty becomes a trait of avoidance.

But, (more pertaining to substance abuse/addiction). people discover they can " numb" some negative feelings through drug/alcohol use....and they sort of like it. They like the escape-thereby avoiding (again) and it turns into: again and again and again.

All sorts of ways to avoid. I've tried several of them myself: distraction, busyness, a new exciting project, the next thrill, running away, quitting, giving up, ignoring.

Anyway, I am just getting to know more and more that I have to take life on life's terms, which means I have to stop AVOIDING certain things.

PurpleKnight

Definitely something I had to learn to do again, live in real time, with all the feelings, emotions, thoughts that came with that.

For so long I'd been coasting through life on autopilot, and there were many things that had happened in my life that I had simply drank away, but in Sobriety those things needed to dealt with.

On the whole though it's a healthier way of dealing with life, in the here and now!!

keeppushing

My therapist calls that low discomfort tolerance. Personally I just stopped feeling anything, good and bad. I too am trying to reconnect, via mindfulness. Painful but I feel it is ultimately useful.

KP

BixBees505

Helpful thread.

C23

I agree with KP. My therapist and i worked on mindfulness a lot. Once i realized that experiences, whether good or bad were just part of life and not to be drowned out with alcohol, it made it much easier to stick with the plan.

Incontrol15

Yeah...I'm the poster child for avoidance.

Real bad. When I was drinking, it was out of control. Everything was piling up and getting worse.

I never connected lying to avoidance till just now. Makes perfect sense. I was a big time liar too. I still suffer from that today, but not nearly as bad. I have a new resolve to fix that this year.

The rest of the issues I avoided in my life, I now attack head on. Not with the sense of urgency I'd like however. I need to review where I am with things once a week and plan out what I need to do on a daily basis.

Thanks for the post. Got me thinking. I will work to no longer avoid difficult conversations. I will work to be truthful right away. And I will continue to deal with the issues that need to be resolved.

I know, without a doubt, that if I keep making myself so these things, that eventually they will become natural.

DG0409

Perhaps it has something to do with evolution. In nature avoiding things that make us uncomfortable, say a bear or a lion, is a positive thing.

FormerWineGirl

Well said, tea. I think that we get so accustomed to numbing negative feelings that when we finally have to face them unaided, we don't know how. Maybe the desire to numb ourselves is one of the similarities those with addictive personalities share?

fantail

"Low discomfort tolerance" totally resonates with me on one level. I definitely drank because I didn't know how to feel my feelings, process them and let them pass.

On the other hand, I had a painful family situation growing up and as a result I tend to let people (boyfriends, bosses, etc) treat me really badly for much longer than I should.

I also have a tendency to push myself pretty much as far as I can. I usually take on about as much as I can take, emotionally and stress-wise.

So... I don't know whether I pathologically avoid discomfort, or if I'm a discomfort junky. I think maybe I'm both. I sure as hell don't know how to be comfortable. Any time I get comfortable I get bored.

fantail

Oops... look at me using the past tense like I know what to do with feelings now!

teatreeoil007

Indeed...is it possible those who are "more sensitive" just feel a whole lot more (good or bad) by their nature and therefore are more prone to feeling the negative stuff more profoundly? Substance use/abuse in a way desensitizes us....or....just living life desensitizes us too(to an extent)....going through certain experiences can bring up all sorts of emotions; some of those emotions can be overwhelming and just : "too much". So whatever method a person has used to desensitize themselves, if you take that away it's like opening up a bundle of raw nerves for exposure. Most folks will seek (once again) to desensitize by some method until those nerves have "settled down" and the feeling is more "tolerable" ....keeping in mind here that "tolerable" could just be another word for what we are " accustomed to".