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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
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Hi everyone,
After a disaster of a holiday week (seems to be a theme around here), I am back to day one. A few thoughts on my sobriety that I hope make sense.
1. I am currently 33 and started drinking heavily when I was 20. I took six months off a couple of years ago and it was the best six months I've had in the past ten years. It was hard but worth it, and accomplished with the help of an online forum.
2. I want to quick drinking for two main reasons: the first is that I feel like my soul is out of whack. I'm drinking 3-5 drinks a day, but secretly and obsessively, and I feel perpetually angry, resentful, depressed, shameful, and weak. I used to drink until I passed out on a regular basis, but have become high functioning as I've aged. I want to feel strong inside and live honestly. The second reason is health. I feel bloated and gross all the time and motivation to exercise is drowned out by the exhilaration and exhaustion of a few drinks.
3. I hate drunk people when I'm sober. They're obnoxious and self-centered and just such a pain. And I'm tired of that being me.
4. I need daily support like I've seen in this space. I did AA for about six months and love so much about it, but also struggle with it. I'm also really scared at this point to go back after relapsing. During my second to last meeting, I was the speaker. Go figure.
5. This morning I was praying and I swear that I heard an internal voice whisper: Stop today. Not sure what that's about, but it was haunting and hopeful enough to bring me back here.
Thanks for reading.
-A
After a disaster of a holiday week (seems to be a theme around here), I am back to day one. A few thoughts on my sobriety that I hope make sense.
1. I am currently 33 and started drinking heavily when I was 20. I took six months off a couple of years ago and it was the best six months I've had in the past ten years. It was hard but worth it, and accomplished with the help of an online forum.
2. I want to quick drinking for two main reasons: the first is that I feel like my soul is out of whack. I'm drinking 3-5 drinks a day, but secretly and obsessively, and I feel perpetually angry, resentful, depressed, shameful, and weak. I used to drink until I passed out on a regular basis, but have become high functioning as I've aged. I want to feel strong inside and live honestly. The second reason is health. I feel bloated and gross all the time and motivation to exercise is drowned out by the exhilaration and exhaustion of a few drinks.
3. I hate drunk people when I'm sober. They're obnoxious and self-centered and just such a pain. And I'm tired of that being me.
4. I need daily support like I've seen in this space. I did AA for about six months and love so much about it, but also struggle with it. I'm also really scared at this point to go back after relapsing. During my second to last meeting, I was the speaker. Go figure.
5. This morning I was praying and I swear that I heard an internal voice whisper: Stop today. Not sure what that's about, but it was haunting and hopeful enough to bring me back here.
Thanks for reading.
-A
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Yeap all makes perfect sense, I also got to the point in my life when alcohol simply stopped being compatible, it wasn't working anymore and something had to give!!
You can do this, make this your turning point!!
You can do this, make this your turning point!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi and Welcome,
Good for you for listening to and hearing that internal voice that is trying to get you on the right path. It sounds like you know that you need to do this and you are ready.
You will find lots of support here.
Good for you for listening to and hearing that internal voice that is trying to get you on the right path. It sounds like you know that you need to do this and you are ready.
You will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
VDGS,
i understand about the soul being out of whack. that was the worst.
if you love so much yet struggle with AA, that might be exactly where the benefit can come from. the struggle and how you resolve it.
anyway, yes, daily contact with others has worked for so many of us...
great to see you here on day one, connecting.
i understand about the soul being out of whack. that was the worst.
if you love so much yet struggle with AA, that might be exactly where the benefit can come from. the struggle and how you resolve it.
anyway, yes, daily contact with others has worked for so many of us...
great to see you here on day one, connecting.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I'm 33 & I'm approaching Month 30 & I turn 900 days next thursday
I want you to know by logging in daily & working on your sobriety you can do this too
No matter what don't drink do whatever you have to do to beat the cravings here is a top notch excellent set of links with everything from links to cravings to SR books to hints & tips on staying sober
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
I want you to know by logging in daily & working on your sobriety you can do this too
No matter what don't drink do whatever you have to do to beat the cravings here is a top notch excellent set of links with everything from links to cravings to SR books to hints & tips on staying sober
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
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