Telling friends and family
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Truth is, most people truly don't care if I'm drinking today or not.
Originally Posted by least 
I'm not drinking today
I have never had anyone push the reason "why are you not drinking ?"
Truth is, most people truly don't care if I'm drinking today or not.
Many of these types of concerns are started in our own minds.
M-Bob
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
The issue for me was deeper than simply having others find out I didn't drink. That was the very least of what I was faced with.
If that's a major concern, consider yourself fortunate. Many have a lot more wreckage in our wake - when I told others I quit the response was more like - Thank God, it's about time......
I had thinking problem over and above my drinking problem. There was a lot to change in my life beside just removing alcohol. Alcohol wasn't my problem, it was my solution.
If they ask, I like Dee's last comment - I grew the hell up!
If that's a major concern, consider yourself fortunate. Many have a lot more wreckage in our wake - when I told others I quit the response was more like - Thank God, it's about time......
I had thinking problem over and above my drinking problem. There was a lot to change in my life beside just removing alcohol. Alcohol wasn't my problem, it was my solution.
If they ask, I like Dee's last comment - I grew the hell up!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
If you are ordering your drinks at a cafe, a deli, a sandwich shop, a lunch counter, a breakfast joint....why would anyone notice that you aren't drinking? Just don't hang out at bars and the problem is solved.
You are operating under the assumption that you will be going to bars and ordering coca-colas as a curious mass is looking over your shoulder. We all work in at places where people drink after work, and many of us work in places that have boozy client meetings. We just don't go out after work (at least not in the beginning) and we order water at those meetings. Nobody will say a thing.
This is why it's so important to realize that sobriety isn't about just "not drinking". It's an entire lifestyle makeover. Good luck as you continue on this path, and be prepared to change the way you view your social life. It's pretty good out here away from all that stuff!
You are operating under the assumption that you will be going to bars and ordering coca-colas as a curious mass is looking over your shoulder. We all work in at places where people drink after work, and many of us work in places that have boozy client meetings. We just don't go out after work (at least not in the beginning) and we order water at those meetings. Nobody will say a thing.
This is why it's so important to realize that sobriety isn't about just "not drinking". It's an entire lifestyle makeover. Good luck as you continue on this path, and be prepared to change the way you view your social life. It's pretty good out here away from all that stuff!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Dee74
That's an alcoholics reasoning.
My friends did care what I was drinking sure - cos they were all alcoholics too.
I'm going into my 9th year sober - most of humanity, as I said, doesn't give a toss what I drink.
The truth is I made friends and bonded with people for years before I ever took a drink, and I have again in the years since.
I've also grown more independent - my validation no longer comes from the way other people treat me.
Believe me - you're not the first to think these thoughts - but do you really think everyone who gets sober is friendless, unable to bond with others, and never has deep conversations?
That's just absurd
I don't know about you but I babbled on with a lot of nonsense as a drinker.
I've bonded more meaningfully with people since I stopped drinking.
Maybe it's time to look at your expectations of what drinking does for you and place that against the reality sourbaby?
No one would stay sober if they lost out on the deal - trust me.
You're going to have to have a little faith for a while that I and others here are not giving you the run-around
D
My friends did care what I was drinking sure - cos they were all alcoholics too.
I'm going into my 9th year sober - most of humanity, as I said, doesn't give a toss what I drink.
The truth is I made friends and bonded with people for years before I ever took a drink, and I have again in the years since.
I've also grown more independent - my validation no longer comes from the way other people treat me.
Believe me - you're not the first to think these thoughts - but do you really think everyone who gets sober is friendless, unable to bond with others, and never has deep conversations?
That's just absurd
I don't know about you but I babbled on with a lot of nonsense as a drinker.
I've bonded more meaningfully with people since I stopped drinking.
Maybe it's time to look at your expectations of what drinking does for you and place that against the reality sourbaby?
No one would stay sober if they lost out on the deal - trust me.
You're going to have to have a little faith for a while that I and others here are not giving you the run-around
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 937
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
As alcoholics WE obsess over what we think people might say, but it's just a trick your addiction plays to keep you drinking . Other people simply don't think about it for the most part.
Sourbaby, this is all new to me too.
I've had two recent "drinking situations" where I've been petrified about the topic of my abstinence coming up. It really, really was all in my head. It's only us that make a big deal of it.
The only time it's become an awkward topic of conversation was with a friend who has his own problems with drinking. My abstinence clearly threatened the way he thought of himself.
Your AV will tell you absolutely anything to keep drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
This happened to me last night. I was scheduled to go to a happy hour with my coworker friends to celebrate Christmas vacation. Everyone was drinking but me. And yes somebody did actually ask me do you drink? I said no and shook my head.
Then the conversation carried on. Nobody cared.
Then the conversation carried on. Nobody cared.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
So I went to a Christmas lunch at the weekend with about 15 people I didn't really know. It was in a French restaurant.
The guy who organised it asked me if I wanted white wine. I said, "No I don't drink."
Girl opposite: "Really? Or are you joking?"
"No, I don't drink. A third of people in London don't. A soft drink's fine."
Girl: I never meet any of them!
The subject changed. Later it turned out that the girl told a funny story about how she'd been to AA one time and drank vodka during the meeting from a baby's bottle but it was OK because she wasn't an alcoholic it was the other people who had a problem.
I didn't say anything about recovery or AA but it was a stark reminder to me of the complete madness of this disease and the denial it creates.
The guy who organised it asked me if I wanted white wine. I said, "No I don't drink."
Girl opposite: "Really? Or are you joking?"
"No, I don't drink. A third of people in London don't. A soft drink's fine."
Girl: I never meet any of them!
The subject changed. Later it turned out that the girl told a funny story about how she'd been to AA one time and drank vodka during the meeting from a baby's bottle but it was OK because she wasn't an alcoholic it was the other people who had a problem.
I didn't say anything about recovery or AA but it was a stark reminder to me of the complete madness of this disease and the denial it creates.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
I try to be quiet here because I believe I have no room to talk. I've always wanted to say this one thing. I try to relate to what so many here have to say but can't on this one issue. Drives me crazy, really. What in the Sam Hill is wrong with making changes to improve one's health? I guess I will never get that. Yeah, alcohol doesn't seem to agree with me anymore. Dang. Who cares? Well, like Dee said, other drinkers, period. IMO, it's something to be proud of.
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