my little man deserves better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
my little man deserves better
And so I continue to drink despite all logic, health fears, weight gain, no money etc I still drink.
The thing that's bothering me most is my little boy, he is 4. I know I'm biased but I can confidently say he is one of the funniest, friendly, sociable, happy, loving little boys I've ever met!!
I am so very proud of him, recovered from open heart surgery at just 8 weeks old so he is the barest too. It was literally life or death!!
I feel sorry for him, he deserves better than to have an alcoholic for a mum.
Last night I dragged him out to the shop for more wine, one bottle was no was enough. He was moaning about having to go but I still insisted, I feel guilty!!
I watch him chatting with his little friends and I feel sorry for him, I think to myself .... Their mums aren't alchies lime yours. He is so oblivious and innocent he has no idea what I'm doing to myself.
I haven't posted for a while. I didn't want to make more empty promises. I was worried people would get fed up of me keep popping up and disappearing again.... failing yet again!! I've been following all you newcomers though x
The thing that's bothering me most is my little boy, he is 4. I know I'm biased but I can confidently say he is one of the funniest, friendly, sociable, happy, loving little boys I've ever met!!
I am so very proud of him, recovered from open heart surgery at just 8 weeks old so he is the barest too. It was literally life or death!!
I feel sorry for him, he deserves better than to have an alcoholic for a mum.
Last night I dragged him out to the shop for more wine, one bottle was no was enough. He was moaning about having to go but I still insisted, I feel guilty!!
I watch him chatting with his little friends and I feel sorry for him, I think to myself .... Their mums aren't alchies lime yours. He is so oblivious and innocent he has no idea what I'm doing to myself.
I haven't posted for a while. I didn't want to make more empty promises. I was worried people would get fed up of me keep popping up and disappearing again.... failing yet again!! I've been following all you newcomers though x
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Adelina, I can feel the pain in your post. Are you ready to do what it takes to become the best person and best mother that you can be? We do understand how hard this is and we're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Well its tough. There is no denying that. If it was easy, we wouldnt be here.
Can you add or amend your plan to have a better chance at success?
I am starting to feel that Holiday drinking itch. Turn on the fire, make a drink, get drunk, nap... But I have fought through that the past few weeks. But each week it gets tougher.
We are here to support you when you are ready.
Can you add or amend your plan to have a better chance at success?
I am starting to feel that Holiday drinking itch. Turn on the fire, make a drink, get drunk, nap... But I have fought through that the past few weeks. But each week it gets tougher.
We are here to support you when you are ready.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
Thank you. It is hard. I yo yo between wanting to stop and believing I can't, don't want to etc I've been told you need to want to stop more than drink bur most days I want drink more. I know it's killing me and I know it's getting worse!!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
With you all the way Adelina have you tried meetings there's lots of choice
Having a plan of what you will do to stay sober will help
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Having a plan of what you will do to stay sober will help
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by adelina123 
Thank you. It is hard. I yo yo between wanting to stop and believing I can't, don't want to etc I've been told you need to want to stop more than drink bur most days I want drink more. I know it's killing me and I know it's getting worse!!
What you need to do now is commit and seek help. Have you considered seeing someone locally to help you get started?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Adelina,
It's clear that the rational part of your brain is desperate to quit, but at the moment you don't appear able to say no to that inner, primitive part of your brain that wants booze at any cost.
Would it help for you to perhaps list the ways you've tried before to quit, and work out exactly what did and didn't work? What it was that tripped you up each time? Is it always the same thing? Does your AV come up with brand new tricks each time to fool you into thinking just one drink can't hurt?
People sometimes say they've tried everything, but when you actually break it down it's clear that they haven't. The holes in their plans shine through. For example, they say they tried AA. But only went to a few meetings and stopped going after a couple of weeks. Or they tried AVRT, but didn't finish reading the Crash Course, or the book, and never made a Big Plan. Or they tried using SR for support, but didn't post before going to the shop with their kid to buy another bottle of wine
There is a method out there that will work for you. You want to quit. We know you can quit. The only question is how. And maybe that first step is to figure out exactly what you've tried before, perhaps share that with us, and let's see if we can figure out what you can do differently next time.
What I can say for certain is that getting sober will be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself and your son. And it won't mean a lifetime of self sacrifice. Your life will become dramatically better. Mine sure did. You just need to get past those first few days, weeks and months and you'll be free at last.
It's clear that the rational part of your brain is desperate to quit, but at the moment you don't appear able to say no to that inner, primitive part of your brain that wants booze at any cost.
Would it help for you to perhaps list the ways you've tried before to quit, and work out exactly what did and didn't work? What it was that tripped you up each time? Is it always the same thing? Does your AV come up with brand new tricks each time to fool you into thinking just one drink can't hurt?
People sometimes say they've tried everything, but when you actually break it down it's clear that they haven't. The holes in their plans shine through. For example, they say they tried AA. But only went to a few meetings and stopped going after a couple of weeks. Or they tried AVRT, but didn't finish reading the Crash Course, or the book, and never made a Big Plan. Or they tried using SR for support, but didn't post before going to the shop with their kid to buy another bottle of wine
There is a method out there that will work for you. You want to quit. We know you can quit. The only question is how. And maybe that first step is to figure out exactly what you've tried before, perhaps share that with us, and let's see if we can figure out what you can do differently next time.
What I can say for certain is that getting sober will be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself and your son. And it won't mean a lifetime of self sacrifice. Your life will become dramatically better. Mine sure did. You just need to get past those first few days, weeks and months and you'll be free at last.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Adelina, I feel your pain. My youngest was 4 when I went to inpatient rehab because I absolutely couldn't stop on my own.
I understand the guilt of thinking you have to quit and not wanting to. Of waking up thinking today will be different. It never is.
Start small by making a commitment to yourself to post here every day. You do have time to do that. Post before you drink.
You can quit. Don't sell yourself short.
I understand the guilt of thinking you have to quit and not wanting to. Of waking up thinking today will be different. It never is.
Start small by making a commitment to yourself to post here every day. You do have time to do that. Post before you drink.
You can quit. Don't sell yourself short.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello Adelina:
I am saddened to hear that you are still drinking and I understand how you feel. I year and nine months ago I got completely sloshed in my three-year-old's birthday party after she had gone to bed but friends and Fam were still there. I promised never to drink again, then the next weekend I proceeded to get sloshed again. That was it... I just couldn't be that person anymore. I made a plan and worked it and got really involved in sobriety.
Remember who and how you want to be. This isn't only about you anymore. You have a child that needs you and I know you want to be the best mom you can be.
We are here with you. Use us for support and you will not be doing this alone. I know that we don't know each other, but everybody here really wants each other to succeed and there's always somebody around to give you some support and feedback and talk to you . Make a commitment to always post here before you drink, that seems to help a lot of people. The thing is though, you have to commit, you have to actually do what you're saying that you're going to do...
We are with you. Don't forget!
I am saddened to hear that you are still drinking and I understand how you feel. I year and nine months ago I got completely sloshed in my three-year-old's birthday party after she had gone to bed but friends and Fam were still there. I promised never to drink again, then the next weekend I proceeded to get sloshed again. That was it... I just couldn't be that person anymore. I made a plan and worked it and got really involved in sobriety.
Remember who and how you want to be. This isn't only about you anymore. You have a child that needs you and I know you want to be the best mom you can be.
We are here with you. Use us for support and you will not be doing this alone. I know that we don't know each other, but everybody here really wants each other to succeed and there's always somebody around to give you some support and feedback and talk to you . Make a commitment to always post here before you drink, that seems to help a lot of people. The thing is though, you have to commit, you have to actually do what you're saying that you're going to do...
We are with you. Don't forget!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Dear Adelina,
You absolutely can quit. I know you can, because I did and I had the exact thoughts you write about.
I'm a mommy, too. Completely giving up alcohol has allowed me to see my young sons in the way they were meant for me to see them....full of innocence, pure joy, and wonder of the world around them. Each drink I had isolated me from them just a little more. Now every sober day brings me back a little closer.
Your sobriety will be the most priceless, unselfish gift of yourself that your little man deserves.
You will never regret not drinking! Please don't give up.
You absolutely can quit. I know you can, because I did and I had the exact thoughts you write about.
I'm a mommy, too. Completely giving up alcohol has allowed me to see my young sons in the way they were meant for me to see them....full of innocence, pure joy, and wonder of the world around them. Each drink I had isolated me from them just a little more. Now every sober day brings me back a little closer.
Your sobriety will be the most priceless, unselfish gift of yourself that your little man deserves.
You will never regret not drinking! Please don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 376
You can quit Adelina...and you have the motivation right I front of you. Same with me - I have a daughter that needs her dad there for her when she is grown up.
Here's the thing though, there is no quick fix, magic pill, or instant gratification when you quit drinking. It takes a plan and continuous hard work to stick to that plan.
You can do this!
Here's the thing though, there is no quick fix, magic pill, or instant gratification when you quit drinking. It takes a plan and continuous hard work to stick to that plan.
You can do this!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,204
Well done for posting Adelina, I agree with what Ruby said about posting here before you drink.
IMO there is no need to make promises to SR (and this applies to everyone including myself) as it puts more pressure on the person making the promise and can mean that you stop using SR out of guilt or remorse which is a real shame
IMO there is no need to make promises to SR (and this applies to everyone including myself) as it puts more pressure on the person making the promise and can mean that you stop using SR out of guilt or remorse which is a real shame
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 137
My son is 10 months and is my main motivation for quitting......If I stop now he will never have to know this version of me......even at four if you stop now he will not remember the drunk mum version of you....our kids deserve it, read the adult children of alcoholics section and have a look at just how much we could mess up our kids if we don't take decisive action now.......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
We can stop. I agree with OpenTuning. How much TIME is being put into maintaining sobriety? If you're waiting until a strong urge hits and then trying to fight it...that's a lot to ask from anyone.
Although many people say "urge surfing" helps with the strong cravings. I wanted to say a little more but gotta run.
Wishing you and your cuddle bug the best
Although many people say "urge surfing" helps with the strong cravings. I wanted to say a little more but gotta run.
Wishing you and your cuddle bug the best
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by adelina123
I was worried people would get fed up of me keep popping up and disappearing again.... learning yet again!!
No one posting on this forum is failing. We are succeeding, learning, or both. Even if all you learned was that alcohol is still a problem - you learned something.
And you knew that coming back here was a good idea.
Welcome back.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
My worst enemy is the devil sitting on my shoulder which tells me I can't do this. Whereas I CAN do this! It has been there as long as I can remember and has continually told me I can't do things. If you have one of those, flick him off your shoulder, grind him into the floor and replace it with an angel that tells you you CAN do this. This may sound weird but pat yourself on the back for taking your son with you so you kept him safe. I have known people over the years that have been that desperate they've gone out leaving little ones at home alone. So you have got him at the forefront of your mind. As you travel down the road to sobriety don't beat yourself up over things that have gone on. Kids are more resilient then we give them credit for. I'm sure your sons memories of you over the years to come will be positive.
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