Dear God please help me
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Carlotta 
I am going to put my friends and family hat for a minute here and tell you that right now, if you love (or even like) someone the best thing you can do for her is to stay away.
Once you have some continuous sobriety, then you can consider finding a partner. No one can fix you but yourself.
No one can fill that horrible loneliness and emptiness you feel inside but you.
Be realistic, if it had worked out with that girl you probably would have been sober and happy for a bit then life happens.... what would you have done then?
Start drinking and drag the person you love down with you? (probably)
Just check out the F&F side of SR to see how hurtful loving an alcoholic in active addiction is.
One thing about being sober is to build coping skills so we can weather life trouble's without self medicating. No one can do it for you.
Anyway, today is a new day. You got tons of great suggestions in this thread.
Why don't you join us at the 24 hours recovery connections where we commit to stay sober the for the day?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5689259
It's a fun supportive way to hold ourselves accountable and a small step in the right direction.
Once you have some continuous sobriety, then you can consider finding a partner. No one can fix you but yourself.
No one can fill that horrible loneliness and emptiness you feel inside but you.
Be realistic, if it had worked out with that girl you probably would have been sober and happy for a bit then life happens.... what would you have done then?
Start drinking and drag the person you love down with you? (probably)
Just check out the F&F side of SR to see how hurtful loving an alcoholic in active addiction is.
One thing about being sober is to build coping skills so we can weather life trouble's without self medicating. No one can do it for you.
Anyway, today is a new day. You got tons of great suggestions in this thread.
Why don't you join us at the 24 hours recovery connections where we commit to stay sober the for the day?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5689259
It's a fun supportive way to hold ourselves accountable and a small step in the right direction.
but I'm also starting to think something different. I'm always thinking I have a hole or a void
...but....I think I have an enormous capacity to give love....and when I'm not able to express that or give that.....I don't know I feel "off"
It's like if you want to be a good public speaker.....you need to speak in public. you need to be in those situations....
It's like I have this enormous feeling.....but nowhere to express it/put it...and I'm probably fulfilling that need in false short term situations that are leaving me empty
I come from a big, disfuncional family without too much love and my mother would say "when you were a kid you were the only one who would put your arms around me and say I love you" never got that back much though...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=450p...DalMY-Nmg8w3aK
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
{hugs}}}}
I did not mean to imply that you were not incapable of loving someone (or that you were not bursting with unexpressed love).
Maybe starts with small steps? Like after 3 months sober get a dog or a cat and then if things keep going well and you start really loving who you are then start dating???
I did not mean to imply that you were not incapable of loving someone (or that you were not bursting with unexpressed love).
Maybe starts with small steps? Like after 3 months sober get a dog or a cat and then if things keep going well and you start really loving who you are then start dating???
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I would have loved her. I would have remained sober in that situation, she doesn't drink.
Internal voids do not respond to external fixes IMO.
I spent years looking for someone to complete me or fix me - that's a really heavy responsibility to put on someone, especially when it doesn't 'work'.
By contrast, working on myself - and working on not filling the bottomless void but healing it - has worked much much better for me, and those I love
D
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by Dee74
Internal voids do not respond to external fixes IMO.
I spent years looking for someone to complete me or fix me - that's a really heavy responsibility to put on someone, especially when it doesn't 'work'.
By contrast, working on myself - and working on not filling the bottomless void but healing it - has worked much much better for me, and those I love
I spent years looking for someone to complete me or fix me - that's a really heavy responsibility to put on someone, especially when it doesn't 'work'.
By contrast, working on myself - and working on not filling the bottomless void but healing it - has worked much much better for me, and those I love
Best wishes on your journey, TheRake!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Hi Rake :-) It sounds like you're not giving yourself a chance to really see if you can cope with your emotions in other ways. That old cycle of feeling crap about drinking or drugging and/or other things you may be finding difficult in your life (e.g. loneliness), and then using to cope with those feelings. Because you aren't giving yourself a chance to see if you can manage in other ways, it's impossible for you to gain evidence that you can cope, and build up your self-confidence about your ability to remain sober. There will be strength there but you just haven't had the opportunity lately to appreciate it.
It sounds like in order for you to break the cycle you have to not only stop using, but replace using with other ways of coping with your emotions. I think that probably goes for most of us, actually. What suits you best in that regard, I don't know, but SR is definitely one great place to get support. I wish you all the best and hope you stick around so we can all help in our different ways :-)
It sounds like in order for you to break the cycle you have to not only stop using, but replace using with other ways of coping with your emotions. I think that probably goes for most of us, actually. What suits you best in that regard, I don't know, but SR is definitely one great place to get support. I wish you all the best and hope you stick around so we can all help in our different ways :-)
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Physics4Life
//God will do for you what you can not do for yourself but he won't do what you can.//
I'm sorry, but this is just absurd. How is God distinguishable from actions that I take all by my big boy self to stay sober?
If I don't dump a bottle of scotch down my throat today, was that God or was that me? How can you tell?
I'm sorry, but this is just absurd. How is God distinguishable from actions that I take all by my big boy self to stay sober?
If I don't dump a bottle of scotch down my throat today, was that God or was that me? How can you tell?
No one ever said a higher power was based on logic but many can't argue with the results achieved channeling that power when all else failed.
When I gave up fighting everything and everybody I started to experience real change and real recovery.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm not projecting - I don't know you at all...but I offer the fact I drank through two relationships and destroyed them.
Internal voids do not respond to external fixes IMO.
I spent years looking for someone to complete me or fix me - that's a really heavy responsibility to put on someone, especially when it doesn't 'work'.
By contrast, working on myself - and working on not filling the bottomless void but healing it - has worked much much better for me, and those I love
D
Internal voids do not respond to external fixes IMO.
I spent years looking for someone to complete me or fix me - that's a really heavy responsibility to put on someone, especially when it doesn't 'work'.
By contrast, working on myself - and working on not filling the bottomless void but healing it - has worked much much better for me, and those I love
D
I'm well aware that I'm the only person on the planet responsible for my happiness.
I am projecting and i do see a sober and clean future.
I'm not looking for any to complete me: I don't believe in a soul mate, the one, media naranja and all that other disney nonsense.
But I do think all the facets of my charachter are not being fully utilised and........ah I'll just have to find a different outlet
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by TheRake
I am projecting and i do see a sober and clean future.
I can also pretty much guarantee you that if you make sobriety happen ( vs just projecting it in the future ) that your future will be brighter in all areas. For an alcoholic, sobriety is the platform to build a better life from. Better relationships, better physical and mental health, better work, it's all better.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by tufty13
Hey Rake,
How's things, better I hope?
Have you signed up for the 24 hr sober class here on SR?
Action!
How's things, better I hope?
Have you signed up for the 24 hr sober class here on SR?
Action!
Relatively thanks.
No, I'll have a look....pretty much in bed all day. I need to think of a solution for what I'm doing with this flat....this city.......and fast.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
That's a good first step. The good thing about sobriety is that it is something you can MAKE happen. You can seek a relationship with another person, but it can only come to fruition if both sides find a common path/bond. With sobriety, it's 100% under your control. You call the shots, you make it happen based on your actions.
I can also pretty much guarantee you that if you make sobriety happen ( vs just projecting it in the future ) that your future will be brighter in all areas. For an alcoholic, sobriety is the platform to build a better life from. Better relationships, better physical and mental health, better work, it's all better.
I can also pretty much guarantee you that if you make sobriety happen ( vs just projecting it in the future ) that your future will be brighter in all areas. For an alcoholic, sobriety is the platform to build a better life from. Better relationships, better physical and mental health, better work, it's all better.
Yeah what I asked her yesterday was pretty stupid. I was looking at her with rose tinted glasses and the reality is not all that. There's a part of me that laments what might have been as I foolishly stayed faithfull to someone who didn't deserve my faithfullness, in place of being with this one. I need to drop that lamentation and leave it in the past.....I'm probably elevating this one now as she is "unattainable" (different country, wrong cirumstances).
True about projections......they can end up always being somewhere in the future. Instead of taking action in the now
What I see that I need (call it a plan) is: Monk Mode
A self-improvement framework
Eliminating social obligations and junk activities
Introspection, isolation and improvement
actaully the future projection is probably a reason why I haven't fully commited to sobriety up until now. I have a Monk Mode plan. But I hadn't planned on fully incorporating it until Jan 2016
You're right, sobriety must be the first priority. I realise that......I wrote out goals and put "Teetotal" as the very first one. Last year going into Christmas I had about 4 months of sobriety.......then 2015......I allowed outside circumstances to affect me.......and the stopping and re-starting begun once again.....
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 108
She said I was a psychopath anyway so maybe we wouldn't be that compatable...
Lesson:
get sober
grow
focus on my goals
stay on my path
figure out if I eventually do want a relationship what do I want that person to be like
figure out what I can offer
Agundance mentality: there's plenty of fish in the sea, there's plenty of jobs, there's plenty of money, there's enough for everyone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmk7MUeI7vM
Lesson:
get sober
grow
focus on my goals
stay on my path
figure out if I eventually do want a relationship what do I want that person to be like
figure out what I can offer
Agundance mentality: there's plenty of fish in the sea, there's plenty of jobs, there's plenty of money, there's enough for everyone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmk7MUeI7vM
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Location: Ireland
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All is not lost, whilst you're still breathing there is always hope.
Time though to draw a permanent line under this period in your life, write a new chapter, a happier one moving forward!!
You can do this!!
Time though to draw a permanent line under this period in your life, write a new chapter, a happier one moving forward!!
You can do this!!
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Originally Posted by TheRake
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