shortstop81

I just need to vent and get stuff off my chest. You know, feelings & stuff.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since my last drink. I’ve been in this positions dozens of times of the past 10 years. Binge and then sober up, with intention of staying that way.

To start – I don’t feel in danger of drinking. I don’t want it, and I have the Antabuse to back that up just in case.

But I’m just flipping DEPRESSED. And ANGRY. And RESENTFUL. Everything and everyone is making me upset right now. I’m reading into things that I’m sure aren’t there. I’m not normally much of a crier yet I’ve been crying every night. No, I don’t want to reach out to my therapist. No, I don’t want to reach out to friends or family (I’m already living with some of them now and it’s driving me nuts). Yet at the same time I feel lonely as all hell.

I know mood swings are to be expected at this stage, but I’m just having a really hard time with this one. I know rationally that this won’t last forever, and that it’s not really ME. It’s my messed up brain, which needs much more time to heal.

I just needed to put out into the universe how ****** I feel right now. And I don’t want to saddle anyone I know with any of my baggage right now.

biminiblue

Keep writing, keep talking.

It's gonna pass. ((hug))

doggonecarl

Depressed, angry, and resentful...about what?

SoberLeigh

Vent away, shortstop; writing it down (getting it out) helps.

OpenTuning

I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now, Shortstop. It will pass, as you say, but that isn't much comfort while you're in the middle of it.

Please do vent as much as you want or need. And I'm very happy to see you aren't seeing alcohol as a way through this. What a hugely positive step that is. A sign things are headed in the right direction, even if that's hard to see right now.

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

hpdw

Its good to get it off your chest . Everyone's different and highs / lows can be troublesome early on . Ive seen me going in a huff over the most stupid things and feeling like its a big deal at the time . This alcoholic doesn't handle criticism very well I take it too personally .
I have to remind myself that this too will pass .

PurpleKnight

If like me you drank for years, it's going to take longer than a few weeks for things to adjust, physically, emotionally, mentally, it all took time.

Sobriety is more than simple abstinence from alcohol, it's the building of a life, sorting out who we are again, a learning curve, and sorting out many things including learning to feel again in real time.

It's all going to take time, but reach out for support and lean on that support when you need it!!

Anna

It does take patience to get through the early days and it's not easy.

I hope you find some healthy outlets to express your emotions. If you don't want to talk to your therapist, maybe you could try exercise, yoga, meditation, anything that will help.

Ruby2

I hated everyone and everything in early sobriety. If one could see the anger radiating from me, I'd have been flaming red with flying sparks.

All those things Anna mentioned helped go safely release emotions. Venting helped too. Hang in there. You're not alone.

shortstop81

I've gotten to that 'happy' place before in sobriety, where I start to feel somewhat normal and content. Like a 'normal' human being. I know I'll get there again. I know it's going to take a long time to get back there, and that I just have to be patient. I've been drinking alcoholically for 15 years.

It's not even worth going into why I'm angry and resentful, because I know it's a load of you-know-what. I have wonderful family and friends, it's ME who's full of vitriol and darkness.

Exercise has been a great way for me to cope these past few weeks. It feels good to hit the gym again.

Rio97

Resentment is a big obsticale for me too. I've gotten angry and frustrated many times and used it as an excuse to drink. One thing I'm learning is that it never goes away. Drinking may provide temporary relief, but the emotions always come back. Thanks for posting.

Dee74

I really believe in 'kindling' shortstop...the idea that our withdrawal gets worse the more years we drink.

If you can wrap your head around that, know that this is a finite period...you will fell better, in a little while.

Til then you have support here 24/7.

D

Notimetoloose

In the early days my emotions were big, unpredictable and unmanageable.
I had awful mood swings...& I could get zapped with these extreme emotions at anytime.

I was way out of practice in dealing with emotions effectively because I had been ineffectively drowning them with booze.

It helped me to talk to myself and let myself know that it was going to sort itself out, not to personalize anything while my brain was healing and adjusting. That really helped , it helped me cruise a little with all the feelings.

Talking with people I trusted and coming here helped as well.

We really do a number on our bodies chemistry when we are drinking regularly...give it time to heal and does get better.

FormerWineGirl

This is a good place to vent, everyone here understands. I hope you feel better very soon! It's just around the corner

shortstop81

I'm feeling slightly better this evening. If anything, I've learned how to be mindful and recognize my emotions. I know that my emotions are transient, and they don't define me.

Dee - I've read a little bit about kindling, and I think I've become to believe it exists. I can honestly say that each period of early withdrawal that I've experienced has been longer and more acute than the last. My dizzy spells are more intense and my moods are far more out of control. The sweats still haven't completely abated.

IfYouCanDream

I'm 22 days in myself (after a relapse) and can totally relate.
Let it all out - it does help. Have you tried journalling? Good old pen to paper can be so helpful.
Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Wastinglife

I hear you shortstop! Im probably just a few subway stops away from you and just as miserable haha. Christmas sucks when you're an alcoholic, huh? I won't even be with my family over the holidays (they drink). Imma gonna order Swiss Chalet on Christmas day and wallow in self-pity....

But, at least I will be sober!

shortstop81

Wastinglife - yeah, the holidays are rough aren't they? But at least you know what you have to do. I hope your family understands?

Well all, I'm still here and I'm still sober. I've pulled through this particular rough patch. I'm definitely still feeling the effects of my last binge in other ways though. I still have lots of dizzy spells, and I still have a tremor in my hands. I was giving my girlfriend a spoonful of my pho today and she noticed it. She knows my history though, so no expertly-crafted lie needed.

Grateful to be here and on the mend.

Wastinglife

Yep, I know exactly what you mean. I was trying to cook scrambled eggs once and my girlfriend saw my hands shaking. She actually didnt know about alcohol withdrawal....