Meraviglioso

I keep on checking in here and it is helping. I am just having a hard time and fighting really hard not to drink today. I don't know why. It came out of nowhere. I think it might be because I have been very ill with the flu the past couple of days and have not been able to eat. I don't feel hungry and I feel so sick, but I am sure my body is missing something. How insane that it would think it needs alcohol….
I'm not responding to many posts today as I just don't have the mental energy, but reading them is helping me keep it together, even if just minimally.

ScottFromWI

Posting here is a good idea Mera. Reminding yourself that alcohol will actuallly have the reverse effect is important. You know exactly the shame, guilt and physical issues that drinking guarantee you.

So think of it this way - if you don't drink, you have a good chance that the day will get better. If you drink, it's guaranteed to get worse. And it's 100% your choice as to which outcome you want to have.

Venecia

Wise counsel from Scott.

Mera, you've come a long way. We'll walk on this path with you, today and moving forward. I remember the moments when "it" seemed to come out of nowhere. You know what I also remember? "It" would grow powerless.

Meraviglioso

It is just so frustrating as I really felt like I had found some peace this time. I have been thrilled to be sober and thought I had found some magical level of sobriety where it all clicks. To get blind-sided with a day like today is disheartening. But I am fighting it. I just made some fresh squeezed orange juice, that'll have to do for now because I refuse to give in and go get wine.

Soberwolf

Hi Mera remember that link they would help you if you called its not just rehab

Meraviglioso

Thanks SW, I'm so glad to have a friend like you.

Venecia

It's so hard to have a mind that feels like it works against us. I'm a late comer to the power of meditation, but have grown to depend on it. It makes my mind work FOR me.

5 Essential Meditation Techniques

Oh, fresh-squeezed orange juice sounds heavenly. I imagine that living in Italy, you have access to some wonderful fresh produce. I've never visited your lovely adopted country (bucket list) but always think of the tomatoes as being particularly superior to ours here in the States. Am I correct?

Saskia

I know how frustrating that is but it really is early days yet, Mera. I think most of us find that drinking thoughts do creep in now and then. Over time I've found that those thoughts and urges are slowly getting weaker but that doesn't mean that we can't get hit by a bad one.

Part of the work I think we face is to truly come to terms with the idea that we cannot ever drink again if we value ourselves. It's also about learning how to deal with things consciously that we used to cope with by drinking. It takes time and effort.

I believe that you can and will do this!

Fly N Buy

There simply is no magic wand. We each have to find our way through. I will say when I get over a speed bumps the sense of " I can do this" helps my sober foundation.

Alcohol is food and provides a lot of calories with no real nutrition. When we are ill our bodies crave calories and our brain remembers the alcohol. Soup?!?

Keep trucking, you are on the road - proud of you

paddyjnr1

I think you are being given a sign to get your ass off to a meeting and go for a coffee after with a member.
Bring the body and the mind will follow.
Are you finding yourself isolating??? Up in your head a lot???? Try a little soothing meditation on you tube, live in the here and now, write a gratitude list. That always helps, ask your HP to relief you of bondage of self, go for a walk, love your self most importantly, you are sober and free to do what you want..

Meraviglioso

Thanks for the link, I'll have a look.
And yes, the tomatoes are very delicious! You should have seen my garden this summer, it was my first go at growing a garden and I didn't pay attention to the spacing.... I was overflowing with tomatoes!

2muchpain

I don't think its unusual for an alcoholic to think about drinking when a person to feel pain or discomfort. It's the go to medication for people like us. I think its hard to resist that temptation to get that temporary fix even though we know what the result will be. Finding healthy ways to deal with these feelings is tough IMO, but necessary. So, try not to be too hard on yourself for thinking about drinking. Hope you find a way to tough it out and not give in to an old and deadly way to deal with how you feel right not. That quick fix will only lead to long term consequences. Just not worth it. Hope you feel better soon. John

lunar

You can do this, Mera!
Believe us all.
Believe in YOU!!!!

Dharma33

Hi, Mera-

I recently had a day like you describe last week.....after over 6 months of sobriety it was by far the most difficult. I wanted to just throw in the towel. But really- the day did start to get better. And the next day, I felt just fine and relieved and grateful that I stayed sober. I kept telling myself that no matter what, drinking is not an option. The thought of drinking again really scares me honestly; the idea that one night of drinking may turn into months or years is a prospect I don't want to entertain. Stick close to us today!! You can do it!

Venecia

My idea of heaven!

You're going to be OK, Mera. You're not the same woman you were a few months ago. Remember that.

I'm home sick. Bleck. I will be glad to hang out with you.

biminiblue

Food (Hungry) Sick (Angry?) Home sick (Lonely?) Weak (Tired?)

I dunno, just thinking of how I feel when I'm sick. Try to eat, even if it's toast with jam or mashed potatoes. Food is going to help a lot. So will curling up under a blanket and napping.

I hope you feel better soon.

Soberpotamus

When the thrill wears off, it can be rather dull at times I think that was one of my biggest realizations getting sober. I believe I drank to escape the dullness of life, or the sadness, ugliness, ... the disappointments in general.

One thing though, once I stayed sober, and weathered through those lows (and highs), I realized there was nothing I couldn't get through sober!

Keep on, Mera And there's really no "fight" per se, because once you remove the option of drinking in order to cope, hey, the fight's over. You're free then to get on with life.

Just remind yourself you can do a million different things, you just don't drink.

SereneEdition

Mera -

Gosh, days when I feel like I'm going backwards are so frustrating. Good for you for posting.

I realized in my own recovery journey that days like these are a challenge to take it to the next level. Each time you continue to say no, alcohol has that much less power over you.

Some days it isn't easy, but you can do this. You have amazing tomatoes that taste much better than alcohol!

Meraviglioso

Thanks for your support everyone, it really helps. I am still feeling it but less so. I've got my boys home from school now, I just had a great conference with my older son's teachers, they said he is doing really well. That is always nice to hear. I'm going to make them a good dinner tonight, hopefully I can finally hold food down tonight, for two days it has been only liquids.

doggonecarl

I have over five years without a drink and this past weekend I had to wrestle with thought of drinking. And you know what? Thinking of drinking isn't deciding to drink.

Stay strong.