Day 2 and hello.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 376
Day 2 and hello.
Hello.
I have a problem with drinking alcohol.
I am a binge drinker. I have no "off" button when it comes to drinking. I am all or nothing. I cannot have just one or two drinks. I have 7 - 8 drinks - sometimes more.
I always thought I was in control or could manage my drinking when I want. That was a lie I kept telling myself and believing.
I am that guy
The guy at the party that starts out very pleasant and engaging in conversation. But you can see the snowball start to roll as the drinks keep flowing. And it always ends with me embarrassing myself, my friends, or loved ones with some sort of asinine behavior or activity. I black out and can't remember a thing about the prior evening and usually end up apologizing profusely to people with a look of horror on my face.
I don't want to be that guy any more.
What happens after one of those binge events is a cycle of depression and self loathing. Beating myself up for days afterward. Being embarrassed. Telling myself I cannot do that ever again. Several days go by and all seems good and then the excitement of a social occasion comes back up and it is a rinse and repeat of the binge and cycle. My actions during the binges has been increasingly worse/hostile.
The problem with me is that these cycles are cumulative. So, I find myself falling deeper and deeper into the depression. All of the sudden while driving, the telephone poles don't look so bad. Maybe a head on at 80 mph would just take the pain away.
That would take my pain away but inflict pain on friends, family, and my wife and daughter. so I pull myself through the depression and put up a good front. The problem is, I know if I keep going in these cycles, I will not be able to pull myself through the depression one of these times.
I can't be that guy any more.
The only resolution is for me to quit drinking alcohol all together. No just one or two and that is it - that never works. I always find a way around that self imposed limitation. I have hit rock bottom after the last binge cycle and reached a breaking point emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am a broken man right now and I cannot "get right"
by myself. I recognize this now and if you tell yourself otherwise, that is just another lie you are talking yourself into believing.
I have called to set up depression/alcohol counseling sessions. I need to remove myself from tempting settings and situations. Friends and family will help circle the wagons and provide any support I need. We will create a plan for moving forward. I will create a life worth living.
I won't be that guy anymore
I hope to lean on this community for lot's of support as well, as it seems I am not alone in my fight.
I have a problem with drinking alcohol.
I am a binge drinker. I have no "off" button when it comes to drinking. I am all or nothing. I cannot have just one or two drinks. I have 7 - 8 drinks - sometimes more.
I always thought I was in control or could manage my drinking when I want. That was a lie I kept telling myself and believing.
I am that guy
The guy at the party that starts out very pleasant and engaging in conversation. But you can see the snowball start to roll as the drinks keep flowing. And it always ends with me embarrassing myself, my friends, or loved ones with some sort of asinine behavior or activity. I black out and can't remember a thing about the prior evening and usually end up apologizing profusely to people with a look of horror on my face.
I don't want to be that guy any more.
What happens after one of those binge events is a cycle of depression and self loathing. Beating myself up for days afterward. Being embarrassed. Telling myself I cannot do that ever again. Several days go by and all seems good and then the excitement of a social occasion comes back up and it is a rinse and repeat of the binge and cycle. My actions during the binges has been increasingly worse/hostile.
The problem with me is that these cycles are cumulative. So, I find myself falling deeper and deeper into the depression. All of the sudden while driving, the telephone poles don't look so bad. Maybe a head on at 80 mph would just take the pain away.
That would take my pain away but inflict pain on friends, family, and my wife and daughter. so I pull myself through the depression and put up a good front. The problem is, I know if I keep going in these cycles, I will not be able to pull myself through the depression one of these times.
I can't be that guy any more.
The only resolution is for me to quit drinking alcohol all together. No just one or two and that is it - that never works. I always find a way around that self imposed limitation. I have hit rock bottom after the last binge cycle and reached a breaking point emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am a broken man right now and I cannot "get right"
by myself. I recognize this now and if you tell yourself otherwise, that is just another lie you are talking yourself into believing.
I have called to set up depression/alcohol counseling sessions. I need to remove myself from tempting settings and situations. Friends and family will help circle the wagons and provide any support I need. We will create a plan for moving forward. I will create a life worth living.
I won't be that guy anymore
I hope to lean on this community for lot's of support as well, as it seems I am not alone in my fight.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Looks like me and you are in the same boat Iron Phoenix - same thoughts and feelings and also a wife and daughter to consider. I've made some pretty bad decisions and been far from the model husband and father but aim to sort myself out and make things right.
Sure we can both do it.
Sure we can both do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
You descibed my alcohol abuse perfectly Pheonix. I would have long periods of sobriety like 3 weeks or a month then the boredom and loneliness would become too much. I ruined a career already, lost many jobs, and I cant find a decent job now because I cant pass a background check (bad credit. Dui, no decent references). Depression and anxiety haunt me daily because I feel my life is ruined and I thetapy, medication dont change my circumstances.
I am not giving up though. Welvome to the forum
I am not giving up though. Welvome to the forum
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: British
Posts: 56
I have to remind myself everyday that I don't want to be a drunken bum. And that's exactly what I was, oh I managed to not vomit or make a complete tit of myself ALL of the time but when a bottle of wine is your best friend it's a sorry situation! Don't be that guy, don't be an arse - upwards and forwards. Alcohol doesn't really make anyone happy, it's a big bottle of smelly mind bending poison. Best thing ever is waking up without a hangover everyday! Seriously the best 'kick' ever....I relish not feeling the urge to puke brushing my teeth and worrying that my colleagues will take one look at me and know I was on the bottle the night before. I may as well of had two full time jobs, it's hard working being a drinker! Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Welcome IronPhoenix,
I know that feeling of no off switch very, very well. I was also a binge drinker. And being able to go a few days or more without a drink probably kept me from realising the problem I had till much, much later than it should have.
The important thing now is to make a plan for all situations. These forums cover pretty much every approach out there for quitting alcohol. AA of course, but also AVRT, SMART, you name it. I went with a combination of AVRT and Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking book. But read through the forums, see what other people have done, and find the approach that fits best with who you are.
Good luck with your journey. Believe me, being sober will transform your life for the better.
I know that feeling of no off switch very, very well. I was also a binge drinker. And being able to go a few days or more without a drink probably kept me from realising the problem I had till much, much later than it should have.
The important thing now is to make a plan for all situations. These forums cover pretty much every approach out there for quitting alcohol. AA of course, but also AVRT, SMART, you name it. I went with a combination of AVRT and Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking book. But read through the forums, see what other people have done, and find the approach that fits best with who you are.
Good luck with your journey. Believe me, being sober will transform your life for the better.
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