C23

So my wife comes to me yesterday and presents two books to me. They are "parental advice" books. I immediately jump to the conclusion that my wife is telling me that I am not a good parent to our four children and that I need improvement in that department. She could see that I was not pleased and tells me that she has bought the same books for herself to read and that she wants to be a better parent for our children. That didn't help quench the anger. I told her I would read the books, but needless to say, the conversation ended abruptly and I went about my day.

Fast forward to later in the evening and I start reading one of the books. After about 50 pages, something dawns on me. The entire premise of the book is that to be a better parent, you need to love yourself first. You need to be clear headed. You need to be able to control your emotions. You cannot be anxious all the time. You need to be present and thinking rationally. You need to find better outlets to deal with your everyday stresses or you will take things out on your kids that really have nothing to do with them. As I read this book, I realized that it was telling me everything I had been struggling with when interacting with my children because I was drinking.

Now that I am about to hit 30 days sober, I realized my wife had seen enough a change in me that she felt I could understand, embrace, and succeed in the suggestions from this book. I went from being pissed and feeling slighted to feeling proud of the fact that my wife had seen a big enough improvement in my attitude, demeanor, and overall mental health that she was confident that I could now be the man and father that I have told her so many times I wanted to be.

It is amazing how fast I got upset, only to realize that there was nothing to be upset about. Quite the contrary, this is a was a good thing. I had been telling my wife that I needed to start filling my life with other activities, goals, etc. She obviously had been waiting for me to get my act together to through this in the mix. I am happy that she saw enough progress in me over the last month to believe that now was that time. This just gives me something positive to focus on other than booze and the journey of sobriety.

Just felt like sharing and I hope you all are doing well.

Chris

JD

That's great to hear. Keep up the good work Chris!

EndGameNYC

Anxious, angry and depressed parents make for anxious, angry and depressed children.

What separates you from a lot of other people is that, despite feeling slighted and angry, you went ahead and read the book anyway, and apparently not out of spite or defiance. An invaluable dynamic in being a good parent and a good person.

Anna

That's a great post, Chris.

I think that being a parent is the toughest job ever and some extra advice might be helpful. I think it's great that you were able to step back and see the situation as a positive one.

tursiops999

That's great Chris!

One of the things I love about sobriety is that my defensiveness has come down ... over time, my mind has become more open, and I can hear suggestions now.

Good for you for reading with an open mind!

Jsbodhi

Awww! Like endgame said- even though you were angry you read the book anyway, thats really adorable and awesome
Xo

Inchworm

I love this!

dwtbd

Great and goodonya, congrats on 30 and reading about and wanting to be a more present parent and doing it, awesome. Did you express all this to your wife, bet she'd love to hear it

Dee74

Thats a really great post Chris - thank you - and congrats on 30

D

thomas11

I agree with others Chris, great post. Being free from the anxiety and obsessiveness that alcohol causes is a great feeling. I feel like we as people are a puzzle, and when alcohol controls our lives, there are pieces of the puzzle that are missing, we are incomplete. But when sober, clearheaded and strong, all the pieces are there and we are complete. If that makes any sense.

Soberwolf