yellowhammer

So, a little background on my situation: I'm 36 years old and have been a heavy drinker since I was 14 or so. A couple of weeks ago I had a stomach bug and wasn't able to keep anything down for a few days (including booze). After about 18 hours my insides started to feel very painful and because I have a temporary colostomy I became concerned that my vomiting had ruptured something and went to the ER. Long story short, a few hours into the ER I started convulsing and went into a seizure (never had a seizure before). I was diagnosed with acute alcohol withdrawal. The DR recommended I stay for a week and detox but I just took a benzo prescription, went home and got back to drinking. So stupid of me.

Anyways, I was pouring my 9AM vodka and Crystal Light yesterday morning when I finally broke down and had that rock bottom moment. I called my wife and confessed how bad off I've become and told her about my day drinking. She already knew, of course. I asked if she would be OK with the kids for a little while while I checked into treatment and called around until I found a place that would take my crap military insurance.

Here it is 36 hours later and I'm still waiting on a bed to open. Hopefully I'll get in tomorrow morning. I can't stop drinking because my withdrawal symptoms start a few hours after I wake up and scare the hell out of me. Starts with profuse sweating, then shakes, and then my head starts swimming like I'm going to have another seizure. I can't take this anymore. I'm completely broken and the exact same example to my kids as my dad was to me. I talked to my mom yesterday and found out he had a seizure at the same age as me before he finally got clean.

I don't really know why I'm posting all this. I guess I just need to get these feelings about my self made hell out to somewhere. I am determined to put a stop to this for the first time in my life. I need that damn bed to open up at the detox center.

On a brighter note, I really look forward to updating this with news of my new life in a few months when I get out. Thanks to anybody that took the time to read this. The stories on this forum are really encouraging me.

SoberLife90

I hope a bed opens up soon. You can do it!

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, yellowhammer. It's great that you are going to a treatment; it can be the start of a better way to live.

GoldenSands

I think it's good to type this all out and hit submit. Thanks for sharing. I hope a bed opens up ASAP and be proud of yourself for finally taking that step to get help. at least that's my 2 cents but I'm a newbie here. Can't wait to see a post of how well you're doing in a few months.

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you're taking action to deal with your addiction. I hope you get into detox soon and please keep us posted when you have time.

Dee74

Hi and welcome yellowhammer - good to have you with us. SR really made a the difference to me, so I hope you stick around.

I hope they find you a bed soon too

D

least

I hope a bed becomes available soon for you.

yellowhammer

Thanks. I plan on it. This forum is about the only thing keeping me sane right now.

Dharma33

Hi, yellowhammer- Welcome to SR!

I'm so glad to hear you are taking the step to go to detox, and I hope you'll let us know how you are doing.

JD

Welcome yellowhammer. It will get better. Hang in there.

emme99

Hi & welcome yellowhammer
Hope you get a bed soon.

BixBees505

These boards have been support to a lot of us at such critical moments, Yellowhammer. You will get past this dark place and back to the life that awaits you...clear-eyed and sober to make the most of it.

Hang in there, get to detox...and use the time to work on skills to stay sober. God...we sure root for you.

Jsbodhi

Aw!!! (((((Big hug))))
You can beat this, you really can
Xoxo

KiKi0615

Hang in there Yellowhammer. I will pray a bed opens ASAP so you can begin your new, wonderful sober life. :-)

Frank14

I'm really impressed with your initiative on this. To actually call the wife, lay it out there, and act on this is so flipping scary and takes a lot of courage. Way to go!

By the way, I'm sure you're aware this thing we all have has strong hereditary links, so feel free to flush the father guilt thing.

We're really pulling for you, so please keep us updated.

yellowhammer

Thank you for this comment. It means a lot, seriously. Actually, all of the comments have been so helpful. Thank you everyone.

Berrybean

Well done on taking action - I hope you're in one of those beds soon!
Keep us posted.

Bellamiaa

Good for you!! I hope a bed opens for you asap. In the meantime stick around here and just read. That's what I did at first and I can't believe how much it helped me. I get lost sometimes and read for hours. I look forward to seeing your posts when you get out! Best of luck

tufty13

Hang in there Yellowhammer,

You've come to a great place for advice and support.

I'm rooting for you, you can do this!

yellowhammer

I want to add a detail I forgot for the benefit of anyone who might be reading this and considering quitting; when I was in convulsions, I shook so hard that I broke a healthy molar out of my mouth. That is where this crap can lead you.