I am scared and I am in trouble
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I've gone to meetings high or under the influence.
I had to want to stay stopped badly and that is when I worked those steps to change. Days 14 and 15 of sobriety I worked those steps quickly, for relief, and it came. Then I learned how to live sober again one day at a time. Today marks 4.5 years of sobriety, clean from all substances today. If I can do it, so can you.
Do you want sobriety badly enough? Do what is suggested, get phone numbers, call people, get to meetings, work those steps with someone.....
Keep coming back!
I had to want to stay stopped badly and that is when I worked those steps to change. Days 14 and 15 of sobriety I worked those steps quickly, for relief, and it came. Then I learned how to live sober again one day at a time. Today marks 4.5 years of sobriety, clean from all substances today. If I can do it, so can you.
Do you want sobriety badly enough? Do what is suggested, get phone numbers, call people, get to meetings, work those steps with someone.....
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
I drank after my AA meetings last week too! The weird thing is I was fine until I pulled in to the meeting, was a wreck during the meeting and left the meeting and immediately bought alcohol.
I have a friend who actually stopped going to meetings because she would only drink after meetings.
I don't get it? I'm honestly trying to figure it out myself...why they trigger me???
Don't beat yourself up. It's a waste of time & energy. You'll be ok. Just don't give up.
I have a friend who actually stopped going to meetings because she would only drink after meetings.
I don't get it? I'm honestly trying to figure it out myself...why they trigger me???
Don't beat yourself up. It's a waste of time & energy. You'll be ok. Just don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by KiKi0615 
I drank after my AA meetings last week too! The weird thing is I was fine until I pulled in to the meeting, was a wreck during the meeting and left the meeting and immediately bought alcohol.
I have a friend who actually stopped going to meetings because she would only drink after meetings.
I don't get it? I'm honestly trying to figure it out myself...why they trigger me???
Don't beat yourself up. It's a waste of time & energy. You'll be ok. Just don't give up.
I have a friend who actually stopped going to meetings because she would only drink after meetings.
I don't get it? I'm honestly trying to figure it out myself...why they trigger me???
Don't beat yourself up. It's a waste of time & energy. You'll be ok. Just don't give up.
SR works, I don't drink after hanging around here for some reason.
I guess whatever floats your sobriety boat xoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Keepnitreal
I'm here anytime! Many of us have so many secrets. If my husband knew how much I was drinking he would be amazed! (He thought I just couldn't hold my liquor and should never have more then 1-2 glasses of wine). I know friends and clients were starting to catch on. I don't think we are as "slick" as we think we are. They can hear it in our voice, our laugh etc... You'll be ok. Get the support you need. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you! 
I've drank and done blow with her, believe me, she can hold her liquor...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by BellJar7
First of all- CONGRATULATIONS for taking yourself to a meeting that wasn't court mandated. That's a HUGE accomplishment.
Ironically, I'm a counselor who has worked with addicts (and struggle with my own addiction). I've had clients come to group drunk. So drunk that we called that person a ride and sent her home to sleep it off, but made sure she came back the next day. And you know what? We were still happy to have her. I've had addicts show up to group high, reeking of pot. Still glad to have them.
Because if you went to AA and then went home and drank, then you were exactly at the right place in that meeting. If you have to drag yourself in because you've been drinking for days, then you're dragging yourself into the right place. That's important for you to realize. Baby steps. Going on your own is a HUGE step.
Also, I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I don't think God closes his ears off to anyone who is willing to talk. He can take your anger, he can take your grief, your regret, your shame, your guilt. He can handle it. Yell at him if you need to. Cry, scream, beg. I've done it. He just wants you to come to him at all, and he wants you to bring all of that ugly and hand it over.
Don't feel too ashamed to share on SR ever. Proud of you, and I'm glad to meet you!
Day by day, we're improving ourselves, and you made a step forward today.
BellJar
Ironically, I'm a counselor who has worked with addicts (and struggle with my own addiction). I've had clients come to group drunk. So drunk that we called that person a ride and sent her home to sleep it off, but made sure she came back the next day. And you know what? We were still happy to have her. I've had addicts show up to group high, reeking of pot. Still glad to have them.
Because if you went to AA and then went home and drank, then you were exactly at the right place in that meeting. If you have to drag yourself in because you've been drinking for days, then you're dragging yourself into the right place. That's important for you to realize. Baby steps. Going on your own is a HUGE step.
Also, I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I don't think God closes his ears off to anyone who is willing to talk. He can take your anger, he can take your grief, your regret, your shame, your guilt. He can handle it. Yell at him if you need to. Cry, scream, beg. I've done it. He just wants you to come to him at all, and he wants you to bring all of that ugly and hand it over.
Don't feel too ashamed to share on SR ever. Proud of you, and I'm glad to meet you!
Day by day, we're improving ourselves, and you made a step forward today.
BellJar
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
I do know how you feel, I also went a first and only aa meeting and went straight to the shop after to but wine.
The reason in my head for this was that I wasn't like the people in that room.... I function, like you I have a job, car, house, health as well as children. I wasn't as bad as them. The meeting actually gave me reassurance rather than change.
It didn't help that the meeting Was held somewhere I felt was stereotypical of aa, dark dingy run down place on a back street. I felt totally out of place.
You are not a failure, maybe you need to try something different like smart recovery or a different meeting. And as for crying ... don't be ashamed I'm sure noone would have judged xx
The reason in my head for this was that I wasn't like the people in that room.... I function, like you I have a job, car, house, health as well as children. I wasn't as bad as them. The meeting actually gave me reassurance rather than change.
It didn't help that the meeting Was held somewhere I felt was stereotypical of aa, dark dingy run down place on a back street. I felt totally out of place.
You are not a failure, maybe you need to try something different like smart recovery or a different meeting. And as for crying ... don't be ashamed I'm sure noone would have judged xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by adelina123
I do know how you feel, I also went a first and only aa meeting and went straight to the shop after to but wine.
The reason in my head for this was that I wasn't like the people in that room.... I function, like you I have a job, car, house, health as well as children. I wasn't as bad as them. The meeting actually gave me reassurance rather than change.
It didn't help that the meeting Was held somewhere I felt was stereotypical of aa, dark dingy run down place on a back street. I felt totally out of place.
You are not a failure, maybe you need to try something different like smart recovery or a different meeting. And as for crying ... don't be ashamed I'm sure noone would have judged xx
The reason in my head for this was that I wasn't like the people in that room.... I function, like you I have a job, car, house, health as well as children. I wasn't as bad as them. The meeting actually gave me reassurance rather than change.
It didn't help that the meeting Was held somewhere I felt was stereotypical of aa, dark dingy run down place on a back street. I felt totally out of place.
You are not a failure, maybe you need to try something different like smart recovery or a different meeting. And as for crying ... don't be ashamed I'm sure noone would have judged xx
i think a delusional thought that quite a few have is people in aa are a bunch of low bottom drunks who lost everything, ended up on the streets, in jail,etc.
completely false.
and this "stereo typical of aa" thing about location of meetings.
completely false.
yup theres meetings in not the nicest part if town. theres also meetings in the wealthiest cities in the world.
(go to a meeting in a bad part of town and im not going to see the doctors,lawyers, business owners, etc who didnt lose all- they used to function just like you, then got into aa and function even better.
and theres a heck of a lot of people in aa you woudnt know were low bottom drunks until ya got the chance to hear their story.
There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by adelina123
I do know how you feel, I also went a first and only aa meeting and went straight to the shop after to but wine.
The reason in my head for this was that I wasn't like the people in that room.... I function, like you I have a job, car, house, health as well as children. I wasn't as bad as them. The meeting actually gave me reassurance rather than change.
It didn't help that the meeting Was held somewhere I felt was stereotypical of aa, dark dingy run down place on a back street. I felt totally out of place.
You are not a failure, maybe you need to try something different like smart recovery or a different meeting. And as for crying ... don't be ashamed I'm sure noone would have judged xx
The reason in my head for this was that I wasn't like the people in that room.... I function, like you I have a job, car, house, health as well as children. I wasn't as bad as them. The meeting actually gave me reassurance rather than change.
It didn't help that the meeting Was held somewhere I felt was stereotypical of aa, dark dingy run down place on a back street. I felt totally out of place.
You are not a failure, maybe you need to try something different like smart recovery or a different meeting. And as for crying ... don't be ashamed I'm sure noone would have judged xx
Now, I'm a late stage alchie. Never been able to put together longer than 2 years. I still 'look' functional. I have all the trappings. But inside I'm no different than a homeless alcoholic. I know that now. I go to AA and think "boy these people are really tame". I don't attend AA anymore but there is a ton to be learned there. There's lots of stuff I don't relate to as well, but there's way more I do. I'm not pushing AA btw
Just my experience....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
What I suggest is that you go to another meeting and tell the group just what's been going on. If you cry a bit in doing that that' O,K. They'll understand. Ask them whether some of them would like to help giving you some support. Say you'll stay after the meeting and hope someone can talk with you, help you get into recovery and make some progress. It's wise to pick someone of your own gender. That is if you are a female, a female helper is best, etc. You can look for a sponsor now or later on. It's important to choose a sponsor with whom you feel friendly and comfortable. If one person does not work out then try another.
This is a very important time for you. What I sense from your post is that there is a very real possibility, I hope likelihood, of a whole window of happiness opening out for you but it will take time and determination on your part, and help from others. It sounds like you have taken or are ready to take the hardest step of all, the first step. I too was what was called a "high functioning" alcoholic, countless relapses, a long struggle of over 30 years. But eventually I too was able to take the first step. I got lots of help from others and it worked out for me. I'm happier than I ever was. Free from alcoholic slavery and restored to my old self. The greatest gift of all. Good luck and every good wish.
W.
This is a very important time for you. What I sense from your post is that there is a very real possibility, I hope likelihood, of a whole window of happiness opening out for you but it will take time and determination on your part, and help from others. It sounds like you have taken or are ready to take the hardest step of all, the first step. I too was what was called a "high functioning" alcoholic, countless relapses, a long struggle of over 30 years. But eventually I too was able to take the first step. I got lots of help from others and it worked out for me. I'm happier than I ever was. Free from alcoholic slavery and restored to my old self. The greatest gift of all. Good luck and every good wish.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
P.S. Don't be ashamed! You have a progressive illness. But, unlike some other illnesses recovery will take some real commitment, courage, stamina on your part and help from other persons in recovery. It will be like climbing a mountain. You have to make the climb yourself but you'll need a rope, tools and experienced climbers to lessen the risk of falling. Inexperienced people have climbed Mt. Everest that way.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
As Belljar was saying, they were just happy to have that drunk woman back in meeting the next time....no condemnation....non-judgmental....supportive....
For me it's important just to remind yourself that while there are many in this world who DO judge and condemn....there are also many who don't...and many who understand and can relate to what you are going through....THAT is SO helpful.
Speaking for myself, guilt and shame can sometimes spur a person on to change, but guilt and shame can also hinder if they are too ashamed to ask for help. Most addicts DO have guilt and shame residing with them....some have quite a lot....so most addicts will go to great lengths to hide their addictions.
While fellow recovering addicts are wonderful, understanding and supportive they will ALSO encourage honesty.
For me it's important just to remind yourself that while there are many in this world who DO judge and condemn....there are also many who don't...and many who understand and can relate to what you are going through....THAT is SO helpful.
Speaking for myself, guilt and shame can sometimes spur a person on to change, but guilt and shame can also hinder if they are too ashamed to ask for help. Most addicts DO have guilt and shame residing with them....some have quite a lot....so most addicts will go to great lengths to hide their addictions.
While fellow recovering addicts are wonderful, understanding and supportive they will ALSO encourage honesty.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Perhaps part of the problem is that the term "alcoholic" has come to be classified in our culture and historical traditions as meaning the same as "drunk". So persons just trying to get into recovery, or wanting to, have real problems about saying openly "I'm an alcoholic". Of course it might be possible to say "I can't drink alcohol". Very factual. Very accurate. But say "I'm an alcoholic" and pay strict attention to the way that is received by the group. Invariably the response is that the whole room lights up with smiles and shouts of welcome. Welcome to the group! Welcome home! We're here to help one another and we're here to help you! So you've said it, you've admitted to others, and most important to yourself, that you have an illness and that you're ready to do what it takes to enter recovery.. People want to shake hands with you. In no way should you be ashamed! You've managed to do something very courageous and admirable. Despite what some people think, alcoholics aren't "bad" any more than diabetics, except maybe for those diabetics who compulsively eat sugar and can't seem to give it up. And maybe even for them "bad" may be too judgmental. "Addicted" is a better word.
W.
W.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
