Rehab?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Beccybean, thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. The part where you said, "If this does turn out to be the case, what then? Just carry on fuelling your addiction and let the lie get bigger and bigger until the s**t hits the fan?"
I know this will be the ultimate outcome, but a huge part of me is scared of the unknown and I will be doing it alone. My hubby is not on board. Excuses, excuses, I know.. But I really am terrified of either outcome.
I know this will be the ultimate outcome, but a huge part of me is scared of the unknown and I will be doing it alone. My hubby is not on board. Excuses, excuses, I know.. But I really am terrified of either outcome.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
My partner wasn't on board either. He still misses us drinking together - but not the arguments or the money problems or living in a hovel or me constantly being stressed about work or being unable to ever be straightforward about ANYthing. Lol. I had intentions to 'sort out my drinking' for many years before it happened - I had to get to the stage where I was thoroughly sick and tired or being sick and tired, and I had become the person that I disliked the most before my fear of living without alcohol was outweighed by my fear of carrying on the same way as I had been, and gradually losing more and more to it.
Tonight I joined him in the pub where I had a ginger beer (no alcohol) and an orange juice, then we went together to get Indian take-away. Both calm and happy. Me sober, him just slightly 'merry'. To the NOW me, this was a lovely evening. To the OLD me, this wouldn't have seemed much of a Friday night at all and I'd have been sat here sulking. I haven't just stopped drinking. I've changed a lot. I'm very happy now - but I know that some of my old drinking friends would much rather have the old Beccy back. Oh well.
Tonight I joined him in the pub where I had a ginger beer (no alcohol) and an orange juice, then we went together to get Indian take-away. Both calm and happy. Me sober, him just slightly 'merry'. To the NOW me, this was a lovely evening. To the OLD me, this wouldn't have seemed much of a Friday night at all and I'd have been sat here sulking. I haven't just stopped drinking. I've changed a lot. I'm very happy now - but I know that some of my old drinking friends would much rather have the old Beccy back. Oh well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
My hubby would give up alcohol if it meant I wouldnt drink again. And I dont have any friends, drinking or otherwise.
Im just terrified of the unknown. What will happen if don't go? What will happen if I do go? I've never done this before and I have no one in my corner.
I know I sound like a whiner and making up excuses but I truly am terrified of the unknown.
Im just terrified of the unknown. What will happen if don't go? What will happen if I do go? I've never done this before and I have no one in my corner.
I know I sound like a whiner and making up excuses but I truly am terrified of the unknown.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You don't sound like a whiner. And ff course you are terrified. And fear does 'feel' like it is physically stopping us at times. But at the end of the day it is 'just' a feeling - and you CAN do this. If you want to.
I didn't go to rehab, but I know plenty of people in AA for whom their rehab was a real turning point in their lives. When they came out the came to AA to continue the work that was started on their recovery in rehab - from what I understand many rehab centres use the 12-step approach.
What will happen if you go to rehab? Chances are you will stop drinking if you WANT to, and if you are willing to do continuing work of your sobriety. (You won't just come out cured - you will be taught new ways of thinking about things and ways of dealing with things - these will be your tools of sobriety and it will be up to YOU to use them.)
If you don't go to rehab, you can either carry on as you have been, and watch (or ignore it, as us alcoholics are good at doing) as things gradually get worse.
OR you could try some of the other options available. As I said before, my personal recovery method of choice was AA. Meetings; working with a sponsor; working the 12-steps. But again, this only works if you WANT it to, and if YOU are willing to keep working on sobriety and use the tools of recovery that are taught to you. One of the wonderful things for me about the AA option i knowing that I now do have people in my corner - my close AA friends and sponsor are like extended family to me. In fact, yesterday when I had exciting news it was my best AA buddy that I texted first, then mum, then my sponsor. If I'm struggling with a problem in the day, then I will text my AA best-buddy and sponsor. One of them will get back to me soon enough. And I do the same for them. We help each other. As someone who has always (since starting school at the age of 5) been very, very wary of forming close friendships with other females this is nothing short of miraculous. Yes, I have had friends, but I was always very cautious about how much of myself; my fears; my actions; etc. I exposed to them - NONE of my previous friends or partner knows me like either of those ladies. And they understand the alcohol and Ism stuff which my partner (as much as he would like to) can not understand, and do not judge me on things I have done in the past as they understand how alcoholism affects us, and that I am so much more than my actions.
As far as your job? Well, one thing that will definitely affect it in the end is if you keep drinking. Do they know that you had a history of alcoholism before entering that role (after the stated sobriety time)? Would it be possible to be signed off with stress while you go in for a set period of rehab without disclosing this to them? If not, perhaps the safest option re keeping the job you love is to give AA (or one of the alternatives - sorry - I don't mean to push the AA thing, it's just the obvious thing that springs to my mind because it's what I have experience of - but there are other options that you can try). BUT really do it.
I hate to say this as well - but do you honestly feel that you are giving your best to the people who are putting their trust in you at the moment? I know that when I was at breaking point, my teaching (and therefore my pupils experience of education, and day to day life in school with me) suffered for it if I'm completely honest - although it's a VERY painful thing for me to accept, even now that it is in the past.
There are also plenty of things that YOU can do for yourself to aid your recovery without going to either rehab OR AA. And you do have this forum as a support network. Have you devised a personal recovery plan yet? There are a number of threads about this on the forum - if you haven't made a plan yet that would be a good step.
Anyway - whatever you decide, doing nothing (ie continuing to drink) is likely to be the worst option! You'll notice that there is a lots of YOU having to take action in my post - I know that's one of the things I felt most scared by. I'd managed to make such a hash of pretty much everything over the years, that taking responsibility for my sobriety seemed pretty much like putting the kiss of death on it. But, as many others have found, this journey of recovery can be amazing. Through the step work I was able to figure out what it was about me that meant I kept repeating the same mistakes throughout my life - and that meant that I could start making changes. But the thing is, nobody can get sober for us. No matter how much they love us (as your husband loves you). As you as a counsellor know - we all have to get on our own sobriety bikes and find the balance for ourselves. And it can be painful at first, and scary. And if you fall, you won't want to get back on. But if you keep getting back on and trying and learning then you'll get your balance - and once you get the balance it all feels pretty wonderful.
Good luck with whatever path you choose to take. Hopefully people with experience of rehab will be able to share that with you soon.
I didn't go to rehab, but I know plenty of people in AA for whom their rehab was a real turning point in their lives. When they came out the came to AA to continue the work that was started on their recovery in rehab - from what I understand many rehab centres use the 12-step approach.
What will happen if you go to rehab? Chances are you will stop drinking if you WANT to, and if you are willing to do continuing work of your sobriety. (You won't just come out cured - you will be taught new ways of thinking about things and ways of dealing with things - these will be your tools of sobriety and it will be up to YOU to use them.)
If you don't go to rehab, you can either carry on as you have been, and watch (or ignore it, as us alcoholics are good at doing) as things gradually get worse.
OR you could try some of the other options available. As I said before, my personal recovery method of choice was AA. Meetings; working with a sponsor; working the 12-steps. But again, this only works if you WANT it to, and if YOU are willing to keep working on sobriety and use the tools of recovery that are taught to you. One of the wonderful things for me about the AA option i knowing that I now do have people in my corner - my close AA friends and sponsor are like extended family to me. In fact, yesterday when I had exciting news it was my best AA buddy that I texted first, then mum, then my sponsor. If I'm struggling with a problem in the day, then I will text my AA best-buddy and sponsor. One of them will get back to me soon enough. And I do the same for them. We help each other. As someone who has always (since starting school at the age of 5) been very, very wary of forming close friendships with other females this is nothing short of miraculous. Yes, I have had friends, but I was always very cautious about how much of myself; my fears; my actions; etc. I exposed to them - NONE of my previous friends or partner knows me like either of those ladies. And they understand the alcohol and Ism stuff which my partner (as much as he would like to) can not understand, and do not judge me on things I have done in the past as they understand how alcoholism affects us, and that I am so much more than my actions.
As far as your job? Well, one thing that will definitely affect it in the end is if you keep drinking. Do they know that you had a history of alcoholism before entering that role (after the stated sobriety time)? Would it be possible to be signed off with stress while you go in for a set period of rehab without disclosing this to them? If not, perhaps the safest option re keeping the job you love is to give AA (or one of the alternatives - sorry - I don't mean to push the AA thing, it's just the obvious thing that springs to my mind because it's what I have experience of - but there are other options that you can try). BUT really do it.
I hate to say this as well - but do you honestly feel that you are giving your best to the people who are putting their trust in you at the moment? I know that when I was at breaking point, my teaching (and therefore my pupils experience of education, and day to day life in school with me) suffered for it if I'm completely honest - although it's a VERY painful thing for me to accept, even now that it is in the past.
There are also plenty of things that YOU can do for yourself to aid your recovery without going to either rehab OR AA. And you do have this forum as a support network. Have you devised a personal recovery plan yet? There are a number of threads about this on the forum - if you haven't made a plan yet that would be a good step.
Anyway - whatever you decide, doing nothing (ie continuing to drink) is likely to be the worst option! You'll notice that there is a lots of YOU having to take action in my post - I know that's one of the things I felt most scared by. I'd managed to make such a hash of pretty much everything over the years, that taking responsibility for my sobriety seemed pretty much like putting the kiss of death on it. But, as many others have found, this journey of recovery can be amazing. Through the step work I was able to figure out what it was about me that meant I kept repeating the same mistakes throughout my life - and that meant that I could start making changes. But the thing is, nobody can get sober for us. No matter how much they love us (as your husband loves you). As you as a counsellor know - we all have to get on our own sobriety bikes and find the balance for ourselves. And it can be painful at first, and scary. And if you fall, you won't want to get back on. But if you keep getting back on and trying and learning then you'll get your balance - and once you get the balance it all feels pretty wonderful.
Good luck with whatever path you choose to take. Hopefully people with experience of rehab will be able to share that with you soon.
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