Rockplace

It is true AA ruins your drinking I went in a binge drinker thinking quitting would improve my life and left feeling failure, guilt and shame and came out with a worse habit, totally my own fault not AA I guess. I live in a rural place after 9 weeks I could not face another meeting, the dogmatic, catastrophic shame based approach , the "this is probably your only and last recovery" I was living in a constant state of fear, and living alone sober I found unbearable, but it is that or drink each day 100 units plus a week . During AA I developed even more of an obsession with booze.I'm sure the 12 steps work for some but with a dual diagnosis of social phobia and depression it just did not work, it's AA way or the highway no SMART recovery or other options available here. I met a handful of people that have suffered and they were kind and their stories were positive, but others I felt were dependent on meetings in an obsessional manner trotting out the same repetitive, unhappy stories. AA saved their lives but they seemed hooked on the AA rhetoric... I left after a short recovery, many alcoholics are high functioning I was not, and after 9 weeks nothing had improved, I did not want to wake up anymore. Drinking is imbedded in British culture, despite it being a poison. I attended 50 meetings plus, it has been drummed in, it is a fatal progressive disease "if you leave AA your drinking will worsen" now for some this is not true . Some people get sober through other groups, meds, etc. but AA tell you if you stop meetings then it's a downward spiral. Sure enough I now drink double, triple the amount I did. I do believe AA can help people, and there is some goodness to it, but I think some of it is very flawed psychology/religious fervour and old timers tend to really scaremonger. I should never have gone, maybe my drinking would have got worse without it..Anyway I just feel trapped. Trapped within alcohol addiction, or I can get trapped within AA. At the moment I am drinking very heavily, isolating, and I'm considering suicide. Can't drink -can't do AA. I'm sure it helps some, but I think it was the wrong thing for me, if you fail at AA and are not committed that is it. Massive undercurrent of self pity in this, I do apologise.

ScottFromWI

If you are truly considering suicide please call 911 immediately

AA is not the only recovery program out there for sure. Also remember that AA meetings are unique and distinct based on the people who attend, and every group is different.

Getting sober is not a cure for phobias/depression although it can help...most likely you'll need treatment for those conditions outside of your sobriety plan. But first things first...seek some emergency help now if you need it

biminiblue

Well, yeah. At least you understand and recognize the self-pity. I also had suicidal ideations when drinking.

Here's what I did. I went to AA for the first four months every day. I had some reservations, but there is a lot of good in AA. I think it's just a really tough place for people with social anxiety, past trauma, severe depression, etc. The people who are gung-ho in AA have recovered (in their minds.) They come from a totally different head-space than you are in right now. I agree that fear and control are not helpful ways to speak to newcomers, but they've seen a lot of death and destruction due to drinking. Don't base your future on the words of a few strangers.

Maybe spend more time here, and re-read the Big Book of AA. I believe it is applicable, regardless of the feelings you have right now. I don't go to meetings any more, but I think the 12 Steps are a good, common sense method for living life successfully. I also use scripture, self help books, meditation, exercise, healthy eating, and I lean heavily on this website.

AA isn't the only way.

Oh. I also quit and stayed quit. That's the first thing on which to concentrate. Everything gets better after that.

gonzo51511

sorry to hear of the place you are at rock.. that's really sad. I can relate to what you are saying about AA. I am an active member but it took me several go arounds with it in my life before anything began to hold. I am just under 90 days sober and I do owe a lot of that to AA. do u believe in a higher power? I ask because for me that I feel is what is really keeping me sober. I seem to have lost the obsession to drink and for that I am grateful. as far as the meetings go I am fortunate to get a lot out of the meetings I attend. sometimes they are a bit stale but I always seem to walk away with something positive. have u made a connection with anyone that u could possibly ask to be your sponsor? this is obviously a special kind of relationship and I got really lucky with mine and he has a good way of talking me through things. but I believe whichever way u decide to go about things u don't have to take a drink. that will solve nothing. I wish I had better advise to give you but im early on myself. keep up the good fight, they say it gets better

PennyLane76

Hope you have a good psych for your depression?

SMART does have online meetings, the website is not so user.friendly but they have text and voice meetings, maybe that is more for you.

I know there will be someone here who has felt the same as you, dont feel alone. I have no experience with AA .

Glad you are here, you will get support!

FreeOwl

I wonder - have you read the Big Book?

Because nowhere in the book or in the steps does it say if you quit going to meetings you're doomed.

In fact, meetings are not even mentioned.

I realize that people at meetings frequently do say these things, but the steps and the program don't require meetings.

I chose to view AA as one of many tools... I've done some of the steps fully, some partly, some I'm going to complete one day, some I revisit frequently. I went to AA a lot at first, now I go to meetings from time to time.

I make the program my own and when people give me the doom and gloom messages I brush those off because I know for me it isn't true.

Maybe a few read-throughs of the Big Book would be helpful for you.

Don't give up the possibility that AA could hold some value for you based on some opinions.

Dee74

Drinking is pretty imbued within Australian culture too rockplace - I had to change my life a lot but it was worth it

Don't let your grievances against AA impede your recovery - there is always hope

Like Scott said AA is not the only meeting based option out there.

Both SMART Recovery and Lifering have an online presence with online meetings - you could even find that one of them may have a meeting in a city not far from you.

UK SMART Recovery
LifeRing UK - LifeRing

There are also other counselling based avenues you might like to look into

Addaction | Drugs & Alcohol Addiction and Recovery: Support - Help - Advice - Treatment
Help and advice - Alcohol Concern

and phone lines

Rational Recovery is another option that has no meetings at all. It relies on books.

For more info on that methods you could google AVRT or visit our Secular Connections forum.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/

I'm not trying to bury you in links - I just want you to know there is help out there, and a variety of approaches available.

If you are feeling at all suicidal please consider ringing one of these numbers
There is hope rockplace - don't lose heart

D

Rockplace

Thank you so much -such helpful words and very kind, I think CALM might be for males only and I am female, but if I get very low I do ring the Samaritans. Just very scared because drinking is so out of control and the only option in UK is really AA and I found it the most nerve racking thing ever, but its that or facing some really nasty physical illness through heavy drinking, I have phoned drink line they just said stop on your own, which `I don't seem to be able to do. Just need to keep positive very grateful for the forums here and the informative, wise words thank you all for replying. Best wishes.

Dee74

I'm sorry if not all of the links are applicable

D

thomas11

Hi Rockplace, it saddens me to read you are in such a place. Please take scotty's advice if you are feeling suicidal. Its not the answer. I see you a relatively new to this site. Many people here have attributed their sobriety to this site all by itself. Maybe you can be one of those people.
In the past when things were grim I also had suicidal thoughts, but only while under the influence. I've never considered it sober. Therefore, I think the first thing on the priority list might be trying to get sobered up for a few days and then create your vision on how to proceed. I wish I could be more helpful, but the bottom line is I support you and wish you the best.

GravyTrain

Hi rockplace.
I'm in the UK.
I haven't been to AA. Doesn't quite sit right with me.
There are other options, one of which is right here.
Posting how you feel regularly will definately help, lots of people here will get where you come from, and understand the addiction.
Just writing down how you feel helps you think things through, and people will always give helpful advice.
some people will fill the void in their lives after giving up the booze with AA meetings instead. Perhaps this isn't entirely healthy but at least it won't kill them!
You need to find what works for you.
Alcohol and depression aren't a great combination, but I bet you've been told that a thousand times...
Hope you find SR helps.
Best of luck.

Anna

You've gotten lots of good advice here. I hope you stick around and read on our boards.

PennyLane76

I was on a voice online meeting with SMART and it was mainly Brits ! I loved it! Lots of people from UK on this forum too that were.helped by their physician. Can you see a doc soon?

Read here, the recovery stickies are helpful, and post, you are not alone.

Soberwolf

Hi RockPlace here are some numbers that might help

Suicide - Getting help - NHS Choices

And here is a link to getting help with mental health services in England

Accessing mental health services - NHS services - NHS Choices

Know your not alone were here stay posting & try ringing the numbers Dee74 has supplied

ladyboo

RockPlace- Welcome, & please hang in there! There are many other avenues than AA- I am also a woman & have been thru treatment twice, then mandated- more or less- to attend AA for a couple of years each time. I, too, after a while found AA to be depressing & less than helpful. But- that being said- I also worked the steps, & found out a lot about myself- before returning to drinking. When it comes to AA- take what you need & leave the rest. Maybe you need to try other meetings? I am currently reading Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey- & it is really "clicking" for me- has helped me a great deal- even while dealing with my son's nasty divorce with a granddaughter caught in the middle that we have always been very involved with. There are many very helpful people on this forum- don't give up! That being said- the drinking could be very much contributing to your depression, suicidal thoughts. I know alcohol makes me over-all depressed- which goes away when I am sober! Good luck- this site is very helpful too!

Hevyn

It's good to meet you, Rockplace. SR is a good place to be - I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting. You never have to feel alone.

esinger

Hello Rockplace,
I am not a Brit or a woman but I can relate. Step culture really brought me down and I was already pretty low. I guess some people respond better than others to that lifestyle. There are plenty that will swear that you must stay in the group or you are doomed. This is simply not true. Took me quite a while to get that out of my head.
I don't think my problems or yours really have anything to do with the program though. The problem (at least in my experience) is lack of self worth, fear of change and a constant fear of impending doom. I know it's all extremely overwhelming but at some point you have to make a decision. You can either wallow in alcohol and self pity and accept your demise, or you can show some self respect and take the difficult but necessary actions to turn it around. This does not require a program but moral support sure doesn't hurt.
You'll find plenty of support here. Search around there are plenty of alternative methods out there.
Wish you the best.

Rockplace

Thank you for all the helpful replies, what really scared me during the period of sobriety and meetings was the suicidal ideation increased but the fact is with alcohol it's more likely to be dangerous because behaviour can be more impulsive so yes depression and booze are a really bad combination, so I need to work towards getting sober again. Thanks for all the wise words really appreciate it.

biminiblue

Why not start today? The depression will lessen greatly after a few weeks sober. You're worth it. If meetings cause you that much anxiety, definitely look at some other options.

Throwing up the white flag of surrender is the best thing I've done in years. I'm glad you're still thinking about it seriously.

TurningLeaf

Hi Rock,

I can relate. Tried AA several times - when I was doing outpatient rehab, it was part of the program. People actually said things to me, like: "You're new, so just remember to sit down and shut up". I guess that is tough love but that kind of rhetoric made me feel like an outsider.

The thing of it, though, is this...when I was going to meetings, I knew I couldn't lie about my drinking, because everyone would see right through it, so that kept me away from alcohol. That was one of my longest runs of sobriety - two months - not very good, but better than the rest of my track record.

Less than a day without a drink here, and I am going to start going to meetings again. As they say, I will "fake it until I make it".

Oh, I can also relate to drinking being part of the culture. It is the same here in the States with all the delicious craft beers one can buy these days.

Glad we are both here.