herradura

I took six months away from this site to see how life would go. Tried a couple of antidepressants with some great success at first. Then with each of them I started drinking again. The last two months have not been very nice. Never before had I drank 4 to 6 times a week and that is what has been going on. Increasingly more and getting more erratic.
In the end I don't know if I will ever find a pill to make me normal, or social, but I do know one huge step I can take is to stop drinking again.

So here is to my day one. It will not be hard as I drank way too much yesterday and feel terrible, physically ok, but the self hate and mental aspect is not good. I have not been sober for more than three days in the last three months.

I get to a place where I glorify drinking and need something to balance it out and in the past this site has been very helpful. It is easy to glorify the drinking because it is fun at first, then not fun at all.

The plan is in place and I am going to work the plan. Wish me luck and I wish luck to all the people who are struggling.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back herradura, sorry to hear you are struggling again. One thing that stands out in your message to me is the statement you made below

"In the end I don't know if I will ever find a pill to make me normal, or social, but I do know one huge step I can take is to stop drinking again. "

I looked for the magic bullet/book/method that would make me "normal" too. I did it for years and every time I did it I always ended up binge drinking on a daily basis.

The key for me ( along with a lot of time here on SR and other support ) was to unconditionally/simply accept that I am not "normal" when it comes to alcohol. And I also accept that I will never, ever be a "normal" drinker, no matter what. That acceptance has allowed me to find other healthy ways to deal with life and the stresses that go along with it.

Since SR worked for you in the past, I hope you can stay around. Maybe you could explore some other avenues of recovery too?

Nonsensical

The bolt of lightening that would make me normal never hit me either.

The good news is that I can have a happy and productive life without it.

Welcome Back!

entropy1964

Welcome back Heradura

Quitting drinking in the long run will never make your depression worse. In the short run (first 90 days or so...different for everyone) is could be emotional, up and down. Anxiety too. But in order to dial in on what YOUR normal is, the alcohol has to be removed and your brain needs to heal. Don't give up if the going gets a little rough, ok? Stay close to SR, you can do this. I think also that most meds that deal with mental health are simply rendered ineffective if you drink at all while on them. So its really hard to tell what's the real issue. Alcohol could be causing a lot of the problems you're trying to fix with meds. Hang in there.

Soberwolf

Nice to see you again Herradura

Kallistia

I believe normal is an illusion anyway - it places the focus on others and how they behave and then internalizes that behavior as a model for how it should be. If it were that simple the world would be a much easier and happier place.

Normal is yourself - and it's okay if your normal isn't Fred's normal or Judy's normal, because it's still normal.

I wish you luck, great first step

ccam1973

Welcome back Herradura. Sorry things haven't worked out for you the past few months, but good job on not drinking today.

You can succeed at this!

Rar

Welcome back Herradura. I relapsed too when I strayed from this site. After a couple of months, I stopped reading as many posts and stopped checking in. It was and is now my main support system. I was too early in my sobriety to take such a chance. Unless you have other support systems, I recommend checking in with SR on a frequent basis. Also, I read (and heard) also that antidepressants are not very effective when one is drinking. I am glad you declared another Day 1. Good job!

Fly N Buy

Welcome back, friend!

If there were a pill to make me feel normal and the prescription called for once daily I'd start by taking two and probably 6-8 by bedtime. It's what I do.......

Glad your're here

Anna

It's good to see you back, an it's good that you recognize there is no magic bullet. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on recovery. I'm glad to hear you have a plan.

PurpleKnight

For me I needed to give up wishful thoughts of being able to drink normally, the cards have been dealt and we need to deal with the situation, we can't force a square peg into a round hole!!

Welcome back!!

Dee74

Welcome back Herra

I think a lot of people think if they take meds for their depression they might just go back to being a normal drinker.



I had to deal with depression - I got meds for that.
They didn't stop me drinking or do anything for my alcoholism tho - that's a separate fight, and needs another solution.

If you feel the meds are no longer working it may be that your drinking is screwing up their effectiveness?

do yourself a big favour and have several strands to your recovery - add as many different things you can

D

ZeldaFan

Welcome back! I took time away from SR myself after I started drinking again and finally found my way back once I decided to quit again. I have a new plan in place and have been adjusting it accordingly this time around. Today was very stressful at work but instead of drinking, I came home, had a nice meal, watched some movies and cleaned. My nightly routine now includes time on SR as well. Glad you're back!

Ultramarathoner

Glad to hear from you again!

herradura

Well I have a week under my belt. Everything is going good so far. A lot of habit breaking is happening. Funny how I am used to just hitting the bottle at certain times or events. Sort of like drying off after taking a shower, I don't think about it, I just do it.

Very happy this go around my Wife is supportive. That helps a lot as she is my biggest drinking buddy next to myself(I like to drink alone). Been a weird week, extremely tired and crave sugar like never before. Just going with it, taking a lot of naps and still wake up saying I need to stop drinking. Even though I did not drink? Again, habit breaking.

Thanks again for the support and I hope everyone is doing well. Congrats to all of those celebrating 30 60 90 day achievements.

FreeOwl

welcome back!!

I can tell you that I have made a lot of progress with my personal, inner life... emotions... maturity... growth.... allowing emotions to finally be dealt with... learning how to live... realizing I have anxiety and I have bouts of depression and I have vacillations in my levels of "Being OK" that for many years I 'treated' with alcohol and drugs.

Clearing that away has allowed me finally to start learning to "Be OK" just as I am. Taking away the drinking was the missing link....

Soberwolf

Congrats on a week #Awesome